Love is what ends it
by FanGirlNoLife
Summary: CHAPTERS ARE IN ORDER ANY NEW UPDATES WILL BE CONTINUING THE STORY AND NOT FIXING IT. Sam and Dean are set on saving Cas from Lucifer and Amara, no matter the consequences. Dean finally begins to realize what Sam knew all along. (WARNING: mentions of sucicidal thoughts/tactics, abuse, and LOTS of mostly Dean angst and lots of Lucifer angst too bc why not?)
1. Chapter 1

For the second time in Dean's life, he was in a burning house.

Not for the second time he was holding his brother.

And not for the second nor the third nor perhaps even the hundredth time, they were faced with death.

Sam's head lolled against Dean's shoulder as he tried desperately to maneuver through flaming curtains and furniture of all sorts, from exquisite couches to 50% off Walmart bookshelves. "No, no. Com'n Sammy, stay with me," Dean hissed, propping his half conscious brother up against him.

"Dean..M' head hurts," Sammy groaned.

Dean felt worry flood his stomach. "It's okay. I know, I know Sammy. Just...stay awake for a little while longer."

Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Go Dean, go!

Panic built up inside of Dean. They shouldn't have taken this case, should have let the local hunters deal with it. It was Dean's fault really, cabin fever from staying cooped up in the bunker with no news on Cas and Lucifer or Amara. When he had heard about the poltergeist, he had insisted on going. It had been a trap. Lucifer's demons had set it, trying to kill the brothers. Dean shook his head, trying to clear it out as smoke muddled his brain.

They reached a window and Dean glanced down. Damnit. Three story drop onto concrete- they'd never make it, Sam especially. Dean gasped as a flame licked his leg, catching the jeans on fire and he shook it out, wincing.

Sam blinked, struggling to push himself away from Dean as if he was weighing his brother down-which he was- but Dean grabbed him and pulled his arm over his shoulder, refusing to let Sam even stand on his own. "Dean," he croaked, smoke burning his lungs. "Dean go!"

Dean stared at him for a second. "No way in Hell, Sammy. Both of us or neither of us are walking out of this." He began to move again, sweat running from his face and neck.

"I'm too slow Dean, I'll just be a burden. Go now while you still can!" Sam had to half shout over the roar of fire.

Dean struggled on even faster. "You are slow and it would help if you would move your feet more! I am not leaving here without you."

Sam hurried along, every movement sending sparks of pain into his leg and up into his hip. "My leg is broken. I have a concussion! Dean! I won't be able to go further and no one is gonna call 911! We are in the middle of the woods for fucks sake!"

Dean swore and snapped, "I will carry you out of here if I have to! Move!" The floor began to fall away behind them, finally giving under the heat of fire.

 _Mom. Burning on the ceiling, screams staining the night red as fire._

 _Mom_

 _Mom I can't leave him. But I can't go on with him._

 _Mom help._

Dean's eyes watered like mad, burning and itching, but he kept moving, refusing to leave his brother. Sam would not die in a fire, not like Mom.

 _I carried you, out of that house, out of earshot of those screams._

 _I cried and fought everyone who tried to take you away from me._

 _I was only four and I wouldn't let them take you._

 _And this fire won't take you either._

They struggled on for a few minutes until Sam completely passed out, slumping limply against his brother. "Hey Sammy," Dean whispered, stopping. "No. No. Wake up Sammy, please. We need to get out of here." He felt a half sob lodge in his throat. This was his fault and looking at Sam, his cut and bleeding face and leg twisted at a strange angle, the bags and shadows under his eyes, he felt hopeless like there was no way to fix Sam.

 _I always tried to protect you. Keep you safe. It's like I had on job, and I screwed it up. I blew it, and for that, I'm sorry. How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy?_

Dean let out a choked breath. The image of his baby brother, so small and still on that mattress, chest unmoving, and of Sam lying on the floor of that old cabin, bullet in his gut and that dead, still, cold expression on his face, sent a wave of strength through Dean. Suddenly he knew what to do. "I'm sorry Sammy," he whispered, leaning against Sam, touching his forehead to his own. Dean yanked Sam up against his again and began to drag him towards the stairs. "Shit," he muttered.

The entire stairwell was ablaze. Flames licking up walls, at the old photographs and paintings, gobbling up the wall paper like a starving man would gobble down bread. There was no possible way they could get down there. Dean gnawed his lower lip. He had to find a way, he knew he did, but the smoke made his eyes so heavy, his thoughts streamed into his brain but he couldn't comprehend them. _Sam_ , his brain hissed at him. _Cas_.

Dean sunk to the floor as the images of the blue eyed angel flooded his vision. His rare smiles reserved solely for the Winchesters, his wild black hair, like bird feathers. And his eyes, blue, blue eyes. Dean could drown in that deep blue ocean. But the last time he had seen them, they had not belonged to the Angel, but to a different one. Lucifer. If Dean died, lay down and let the smoke over take him and Sam, who could help Cas? And Dean would be responsible for his own and Sam's deaths and condemning Cas to who knows how long stuck with Lucifer.

No. He couldn't do that.

Laying Sam down gently and checking his breathing, Dean raced across the house to the abandoned guns and grabbed one. It was filled with rock salt and Dean cursed, leaving it in search of something else. Fire licked at his heels as he jumped the barrier separating him from the kitchen. He twisted the tap but no water came out-the place was so old the plumbing had dried long cursed as he dug through the knife drawer. He selected a large one and prayed to whatever the hell was out there that the house was fragile enough that this would work. Then he bolted back to his brother who was stirring as Dean approached.

"Right," Dean whispered, plunging the knife into the walls and ripping through the mostly termite eaten wood, tearing out wires and insolation foam. "Come on."

When there was a hole big enough, and it only took moments, Dean grabbed Sam and pulled his brother through with him, dropping to the floor below. From there he half carried Sam through the burning house to the front door. But before he could reach it, the floor have a mighty Creak and gave way completely into the basement level.

It all happened in a moment. Dean felt the floor start to give out and shoved his brother through the door, not caring about the scrapes he would obtain falling onto the grassy dirt. As long as Sam was out, Dean knew he would die as peacefully as he could in his situation. And then Dean was falling. That was pretty much it, wood covered most his vision and he was breathing in fire and smoke. But Sam was out and Sam would save Cas, gank Amara, ice the devil, and maybe he would stop hunting and go back to Amelia or find someone else to start a family with. His heart ached imagining Sam bouncing a brown haired child on his knee or kissing the forehead of a blurry faced woman with a stomach swelled in pregnancy. And Cas...

Well Cas would return to Heaven, live for a millennia or more. Maybe even visit Dean if he got a ticket upstairs, but after everything the hunter had done...he doubted he deserved it.

Distantly, Dean though he heard someone shouting but it must have been his imagination, he thought, allowing the light to fade from his vision and the world turn into the never ending pit of darkness that he presumed was death.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Billie", Dean called into the darkness. "I'm here."_

 _"I see you boy." The chocolate skinned reaper appeared behind Dean and he whirled around to face her. "Hello Dean."_

 _Dean sighed, closing his eyes and drawing a deep breath. "I'm ready." He held out a hand._

 _"For what?" Billie asked, she raised her eyebrows in confusion. "Oh sweet Dean, it's not your time yet. You still have your part to play, a mark to make. Do you want to save your angel and your brother, or not?"_

 _His angel. His angel and his brother. "I need to go back," Dean whispered. He felt almost reluctant to jump back into the pain, the tears and sorrow. But at the same time there was the thrill of the chase, death coming at all angles. It was the fox, he was the hare, jumping through hoops and racing through burrows to avoid it. And there was love, the undying, pure emotion that kept him running for years. Love, what had started it all and love, what would finish it. "How?" he asked._

 _"I'll take you, but first promise me this: save your angel, take care of your brother, and when I come, accept my hand."_

 _Dean swallowed. "Promise."_

 _"We'll see each other again Dean." She walked off, curly hair bouncing behind her._

 _"I'm sure."_

"Hey Dean," Sam whispered, sitting beside his brother bed in the hospital. "So the doctors...they um...said that you wouldn't wake up. They said you inhaled too much smoke and your vitals were damaged." He raked a hand through Dean's dirty blonde hair, stiff with blood and let out a bitter laugh. "If only we had Cas with us." Sam swallowed, feeling tears prick his eyes. "I..if you don't...you know...wake up...I'll find him Dean, I'll kick Lucifer's ass back to the cage myself."

Dean's heart monitor beeped steadily. He was hooked up the several different machines though thankfully oxygen was not one of them. His body looked small and fragile on the hospital sheets and Sam's heart clenched in pain. Dean had been here for two days only but somehow, just seeing him like this made Sam realize how much Cas's loss had affected his older brother. Dean's eyes were sunken, even asleep he looked tired and he had lost a good fifteen pounds he did not have the luxury of loosing, making his cheekbones and collarbones more prominent than ever.

"Dean, please. You have to wake up," Sam's voice broke. "How could I go on without you? Please...jerk."

"Bitch," came a soft, hoarse response. Dean's green eyes, dull with exhaustion, blinked up at Sam. A small smirk twisted his features.

Sam stared at him. "Dean.." he breathed. "Oh God."

"Shh..come here little brother," Dean whispered, reaching up a shaky hand and brushing the thumb under Sam's eye. He hadn't even realized he was crying.

Sam threw himself forwards as Dean sat up to take in his surroundings, colliding with his older brother and causing him to exhale painfully. Dean gripped his brother tightly with his good arm, feeling him sobbing into his shoulder and returning the hug with as much vigor. "I thought..." Sam whispered. "Billie..."

"She said it wasn't time yet."

Sam couldn't hold back his sobs any longer and held his brother closely, as if he would slip away the second Sam removed his arms.

 _There ain't no me if there ain't no you!_

The doctor was a tall, thin woman with olive skin and large, intelligent almond eyes. She had black hair always pulled into a pony tail and a "my way or the high way" look on her face as she peered down at Dean. "It's a miracle Mr. Henshaw," the doctor said. "You had three broken ribs, a broken arm, severe head trauma, lots of smoke intake, several wounds that required stitches, and you were hardly breathing when we got to you but began to regulate when your brother was here. You're lucky.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Well," he said turning to Sam who had turned a concerning shade of grey upon hearing the list of injuries. "I don't know what to say. Thank you Doctor."

"Yes, thank you so much," Sam said breathlessly. "You saved his life."

The doctor shook her head. "It was his will to fight that saved him," she told Sam. "But honestly, you must have some guardian Angel on your shoulder."

Dean let out a humorless laugh. "Yeah," he said dryly, "not so much."

If the doctor heard him, she made no comment and smiled down at the brothers. "I'd best be going then," she said. "Mr. Henshaw, I think it's best if we keep you a few more days."

"Okay," Dean said, shooting her a smile. "Whatever you say."

Sam sighed and shook his head. "Thank you Doc."

She smiled at both of them again and left the room. Dean slumped back on his bed, groaning in pain.

"Hey," Sam whispered. "Dean, you okay?"

"I'm fine Sammy," Dean sighed. "Some burns, cuts and a broken arm. It's nothing compared to Hell Hounds or the Mark."

"Don't. Don't try and play this off as a joke. You could have died!"

"But I didn't." There was that smirk again.

Sam felt annoyance and anger bubble in his stomach. "But you almost did! Dean, I thought you were dead after I got you out! Couldn't find a pulse for a minute!"

Dean furrowed his brow and held up a hand. "Woah woah woah woah. You got me out? How? Dude, you were out cold went I pushed you out that door!"

Sam shrugged. "Rock hit my face," he said, pointing to the stitches on his left cheekbone. "I was dazed but kinda snapped out of it when I realized you weren't with me."

"So you went back in there?" Dean sounded incredulous.

"I mean, yeah. You were in there and I needed to get you out."

"Okay...wow, just...just give me the full story. What did you do?"

 _Sam felt the sharp rock cut into his flesh. He smelled the blood and smoke around him and rolled over, moaning as his burnt and cut back touched earth. He heard a great crash behind him and a strangled yell that could only belong to his brother. "Dean!" he tried to scream but the words were lodged in his throat. "Dean!" This time it rang out clearly and he fought to keep himself on his feet, tripping over himself in an effort to reach the collapsing house._

 _Sam looked down from the threshold at the gaping hole slowly being consumed by fire. In the centre he saw a shadowed shape. He squinted. "Dean!" he screamed but his older brother was unresponsive to his calls. "Shit." Sam ran a hand through his hair, concentrating on his breathing. He raced on shaky legs around to the basement door, yanking it open to leap over flames and furniture and unopened boxes that must have belonged to the long dead woman who lived there._

 _Dean was lying on his back, his eyes closed and blood dripping from his forehead and mouth. Sam dropped to his knees beside him, from the way he was positioned, Sam could tell Dean had broken at least one rib. Carrying his brother out of here fireman style would be too risky so instead he scooped an arm under Deans knees and snaked an arm around his back, pulling him up against him so that his head rested on Sam's collarbones. Then he ran._

 _By the time they got out, Sam's head was swimming from lack of oxygen. He gently set Dean down and pressed two fingers to his neck, praying. Nothing. "No..no..Dean please wake up," Sam whispered. "Please no...not now." He pulled Deans body up against him, cradling his big brother against him as if he could protect him from the cold night air. "NO."_

 _All he could think of was of the Hell hounds ripping at his brothers flesh, blood spurting as the invisible creatures tore him apart, and when Sam had gotten over to him...well... It had been nightmarish. Dean's green eyes staring at the ceiling, blank with the fog of death. All he saw was Metatron stabbing the angel blade into his brother and the blood running in rivets down his face. Those words he had whispered shakily before collapsing._

I'm proud of us.

 _All Sam could think about was that he would have to take Dean home. Drive his body back to the bunker and burn it because this time, this time it was forever. No angel would pull his brother out of Hell, no trickster would smile and say_ "it's not real." _No mark on his arm would bring him back, demon or otherwise_.

 _Then Dean coughed and Sam jumped as his warm breath misted the side of Sam's neck. "Oh thank God," he whispered, holding his brother tighter than he would ever admit to. "Thank God."_

 _It took five minutes for someone to appear, ten for an ambulance and another five for the doctors to coax Sam to release his brother. Then, mercifully, Sam passed out._


	3. Chapter 3

"Sammy?" Deans voice rang through the chasm of Sam's thoughts. "You good?"

"What?" Sam asked weakly. "I'm fine."

"You sure? You zoned out on me for a second there."

"Sorry...just thinking." Sam ran a hand through his shaggy hair.

"When I get out of here we are cutting that mop," Dean said, reaching over stiffly and tugging on Sam's brown locks. "Now tell me, how did you get me out?"

"Back door," Sam said. "I got in through the door leading from the back yard to the basement and I carried you out."

"Oh. You should have left me Sammy, you could have died. The world can't loose both of us, not with Amara and C..Lucifer." Deans face fell when he slipped up on Lucifer and Sam took note of it but didn't say anything.

"I told you to leave me there Dean, and you didn't. How could I have left you to die when you were only in that situation because you wouldn't leave me? You carried me out of a burning house once, and it was high time for me to pay you back for that."

Dean sighed heavily. "Thanks."

Sam blinked. He had expected his brother to lecture him or reprimand him more on what he had risked. This, a display of gratitude? This was the last thing he had expected. "Wow," he said. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Shaddup bitch."

"Jerk."

They released Dean three days later along with a large hospital bill and a suit case full of pills. Despite Sam not having to stay anymore, he refused to leave his brothers side. Too close, he had come far to close to loosing his brother again, and he wouldn't let him out of his sight for hours on end, even when Dean told him to get some shut eye or go to a motel and shower. The only time Sam ever even left the hospital when Dean and him had had a shouting match resulting in Sam taking a cab to the side of the woods to get the Impala, which was not broken into or towed as Dean had feared.

"Make sure he takes his pills, Mr. Henshaw," Tracy Mclya, the pretty Asian doctor who had been checking up on Dean, said to Sam as they left. "He's lucky to have such a good brother."

"I'll make sure. Thank you for everything," Sam said, smiling. He wrapped an arm around Deans waist to steady him.

"Thanks Tracy," Dean winked, shooting her a flirtatious smile.

She laughed. "You're cute but I have a girlfriend hon. I'm taken and in three months, I'l be married." She raised a tanned hand to show him a silver band around her finger.

"Oh," Deans eyebrows rose. "Congratulations! Wow, that's great!" He smiled again, his surprised demeanor switching back to flirty. "But if you ever change your mind..."

"She models for Vogue, sweetheart. I'm covered."

Sam sighed. "Congratulations on the engagement Tracy! We have to get going, visiting an old family friend soon." It wasn't a complete lie- Jody had texted Sam earlier and told him to come over- but Sam wanted to get out of the hospital and talk to his brother.

"Sure thing!" she said brightly. "Hope I never see you two around again."

"Back at ' cha," Dean laughed but Sam detected a note of longing and emptiness in his voice but not for the doctor.

Once they got out to Baby, Sam moved to take the drivers seat. "The hell do you think your doing?" Dean asked.

"You have three broken ribs and an arm, no driving." Sam shot his brother a cocky half grin.

"Fine," Dean grumbled, tossing Sam the keys. He slid into the passengers side and slumped back against this chairs, stroking the sides of the car. "Hey baby," he crooned. "Miss me?"

Sam raised his eyebrows. "Don't screw the car Dean."

"Shut it Sam."

They drove without speaking for a while, old songs filling the car with words Dean knew by heart. Both brothers seemed content to remain like that for a while longer until Sam said, "are we going to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Cas, Lucifer, Amara."

"Sure."

"That's not what I meant." Sam was nervous to approach the subject but he pressed on. "You aren't coping well. You have't been since you found out..."

"Well yeah, Sam, my friend is possessed by the frigging devil himself! Do you expect a guy to act normal after that?" Dean felt heat flood into his face. Sam didn't knew, did he?

Sam totally knew what Deans reaction to what he said next would be. Dean Winchester, King of Denial. "Friend? That's all Dean? Really?" His knuckled were clenched around the wheel so hard his knuckles where white and nerves settled in his stomach.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, stone still, eyes fixed on the curving road.

"You know what I mean," Sam said. "Those looks, the prayers, the way you shift so that your arms touch, when he was human you always grill up the third burger even if he didn't want any, the way your hand twitches when his collar or tie is messed up. Do you honesty mean to tell me it's just friendship?"

Dean was silent.

"Don't deny it Dean. You have that smile, the one you reserve only for him, the way you spend forever in your room, cleaning guns when he's not around, you're quieter. I've seen the looks you give him when you think nobody is looking. Dean, I recognize these movements, the watchfulness." Sam swallowed. "It's the way I used to move around Jess."

Dean let out a soft puff of air. "How long?" he whispered. "How long have you known?"

"Honestly Dean? Since Purgatory." Sam didn't dare glance over at his brother, fearful of Dean punching him. Then he heard the choked sob. "Dean?"

Dean was leaning against the window, his green eyes were full of tears, his freckles stood out against his suddenly pale skin. "That long?" he whispered. "I only figured it out after we found out about Naomi...I..." A tear dripped down his face. "God Sammy, I wish I had figured it out sooner."

"Why didn't you tell him?" Sam stopped the impala and turned to fully face his brother. "You had plenty of opportunities."

"I dunno." Dean wiped his eyes. "I think...dad."

Sam stiffened. "What did he have to do with anything?"

"'S stupid."

"Tell me."

Dean sighed. "He hated gays. Hated them Sam."

"Yeah?" Sam was curious as to where this was going.

"I was sixteen and it was during a hunt. You must have been thirteen at the most. Anyways," he cleared his throat. "It was small, a vengeful spirit was after the son, Noah Sinclair who was only a month older than me, because of something his dad did thirty years ago. Simple salt and burn case, but the kid nearly died and dad had to fix Baby up so...we stayed for a few days. Now the Sinclair's owned a line of hotels- and good ones too- so dad and I got separate rooms for free. The second night there, Noah came down to my room. It was just to thank me but things escalated. Nothing more intimate than a kiss," Dean added, seeing Sam's expression. "But dad walked in."

"Shit," Sam said, wincing. "And...?"

"He took Noah by the arm and threw him out and said, "son, we need to have a talk."

" _Son, we need to have a talk." John's voice was angry but that calm, cool anger, the type where Dean would rather him be yelling than use this voice, this disappointment._

 _"Dad, I...I can explain." Dean watched as Noah disappeared, shooting him one last, desperate look. He was beautiful. That had been Dean's first impression of him._

 _The boy had silky silver-blonde hair and huge orby blue eyes that were at stark contrast with his almost albino skin and thick, black lashes. He was tall too, tall and built like a willow with strong yet almost fragile limbs. A bit pale for Dean's tastes but still, beautiful._

 _"Damn right, you can. And you will." John prowled the room, looking anywhere but at his son. "Why Dean? What did I do wrong?"_

 _Dean froze, hearing the venom in his fathers voice. "I'm not gay," he blurted._

 _"Really? Cause that seemed pretty damn gay to me."_

 _"I'm bi."_

 _"That means?"_

 _Dean swallowed. "Girls and guys. I'm good with either."_

 _"Right..." John nodded slowly. "I've seen you with girls before though. Maybe it was just a phase. 'Bi' doesn't exist, just greedy."_

 _Dean felt his throat close. "I don't think so." He froze as John turned to him. "My first and third crushes were guys. Noah wasn't even the first guy I've kissed. This isn't a phase, but if it is, it's the longest damn one I've ever seen."_

 _John strode over to Dean and grabbed him. "Shirt off. Now."_

 _Dean knew what was coming then but didn't dare disobey orders. He hurried, slipping off his tee and clamping down on his tongue as he heard his father slipping a belt out off the drawer. There was a moments pause before the leather was brought down on Dean's back with such force that his tongue began to bleed from between his clenched teeth. He tried not to scream but he was sure a few yelps escaped him. "Dad no," he croaked. "Please!"_

 _John kept on going until Dean's back looked like a mess of meat. Blood ran down the chiseled muscles and into his hair and on the sheet under him, tears dripped off his straight nose and down his neck. When John came close to him, he flinched and shied away. John plopped down heavily next to him. "It's your fault," he said. "I didn't want to have to but you made me."_

 _"I know," Dean whispered, tears cascading down his face. "I'll try and be good. I'll stay away from any boys._ "

 _"I know you will. Don't want this to happen again. Now clean up and take care of those, don't want them to fester." John made to leave but turned. "If I find that boy, or any boy for that matter, kissing you, I will do the same thing to both you and him."_

 _Dean nodded. Even the small gesture made his back ache_.

"We left soon after. Never saw Noah again but he wasn't the last guy I was with." Dean sat heavily in his seat, wincing as the movement sent a sharp trill of pain to his ribs. The wince did not go unnoticed by Sam.

"Your ribs good?"

"Yeah."

They lapsed into silence for a while. Then Sam spoke up, "Dean, I'm sorry. If I had known I would have fought him."

"If you had tried he would have done the same to you. You've tried, remember?"

"Right. I was fourteen and dad was yelling at you and I was yelling at him to leave you alone. You pushed me out the door and locked me out. I was furious at first until I saw the bruises." Sam sighed. "You took the fall for me. Again. You didn't always have to protect me."

"I did Sammy. You were still my snot nosed baby brother and I couldn't let him hurt you. I would have run him over if he so much as scratched you." Dean blinked in a vain attempt to keep the tears inside his eyes.

"So you never told Cas...because of dad? Because of that?"

Dean nodded.

"It wasn't the only time dad caught you with a boy though, was it?"

A softly muttered 'no'.

Sam couldn't think of words that would make this okay. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"I'm sorry that you never told Cas, and I want you to get a chance to say it."

"He doesn't feel that way about me."

Sam slammed a hand down on the wheel. "You have to be joking." He sighed in response to Dean's blank look. "Dude. Dean, he loves you."

 _I'm hunted, I've rebelled. And I did it, all of it, for you._

 _I've been trying to stay one step ahead of then to. The .to keep them away from you._

 _I do everything you ask. I always come when you call_.

Dean stared at Sam before shifting his gaze to the blue sky overhead. The color matched Cas's eyes. "No," he whispered. "You're just saying that."

"Jesus Dean!" Sam said. "Everything that you do, he does. The glances, the shifting, always waiting for you. He broke through Lucifer's damn mind control and harnessed him to get you off that ship! He broke through Heavens control because, what? You said you needed him. All of these gestures! I know these things! I've done them!"

"How long?" Dean asked. "How long do you think Cas...had feelings for me?"

"Since you were yanked up from Hell, that was my guess. It wasn't love at first but it was emotion, something he wasn't used to. By the time Lucifer was out, he had all but literally fallen for you. Which, by the way, he also did."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

Dean glanced at the clock. "We should get to Jody's soon. It will be another hour or so before we get there, and that's if the traffics good."

Neither Sam nor Dean were strangers to long road trips having traveled for most of their lives, but after that conversation, neither had any interest in staying in the same car. Dean was moody and irritable and Sam was awkward the entire drive there.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time the impala rolled into the driveway at Jody's house, the sky had been turned a murky royal blue, littered with hundreds of appearing stars. Sam shook Dean awake. "We're here," he murmured as Dean stretched his stiff torso and neck, wincing again as his ribs gave a twinge.

"We're gonna have to tell Claire about Cas," Dean whispered. "You know that, right?"

"I know. I can do it if you want."

"It's fine. I think I'd rather." Dean was replying in short, sudden phrases which Sam knew meant Dean was falling into his Dark Pit Of Angst. He decided to throw his brother a proverbial rope.

"I promise we'll get him back Dean."

Dean only smiled wanly and walked unevenly up to the front door, Sam following close behind.

"Sam," Jody said, opening the door. "Dean. We were beginning to think you wouldn't make it."

Dean faked a smile. "What? Miss the chance to drop in?" He leaned down so Jody could gently hug him, seeing the bandages producing lumps under his shirt.

"Oh honey, what happened this time?" she asked sympathetically. "Heya Sam." She stretched up to hug him. "What sort of trouble did you land yourselves in now?" Dean could feel her eyes raking his forearms.

"The Marks gone Jody," he said. "But we've got a bigger problem. Could you call the girls down here?"

Jody's eyes darkened. "Claire! Alex! Company!" She turned to Sam and Dean. "You know I would die to help you two, but don't get my girls involved."

Dean nodded. "Give you my word."

"Nothing will happen," Sam added. "To you or them."

Claire appeared behind her 'mother'. She was cleaned up, the dark eye makeup had lightened to a liner and her blonde hair was clean and brushed, styled in a long side braid with strips of blue shooting through it. She wore a grey hoody and black yoga pants with purple sides.

Alex walked in beside her adopted sister. Her medium length dark brown hair was up in a bun held by a pencil. Her face seemed relatively clean of makeup but for the cat eye liner and some lip gloss. She looked happier, like she had an excellent nights sleep previously. She wore a jean jacket over a black shirt and black skinny jeans.

"Hey," Claire said. She cast her gaze around the room expectantly. "Where's Cas?"

Dean flinched and Sam opened his mouth to speak. "Claire. That's what we need to talk to you about."

Alex covered her mouth. "Is he-"

"-Dead?" Dean said harshly. "No."

"What happened to him?" Jody asked, beckoning the brothers inside.

Sam followed his brother, watching him closely. "Dean. Let me explain."

"I can do it Sammy."

"I know. It's jus-"

"It's fine Sam!"

Claire spoke up, her voice hard and determined. "Tell me what happened to him."

"Claire," Alex said softly. "Let them settle this."

Sam glanced over at them. "Sorry. Dean, go ahead."

Jody's eyes switched worriedly between Sam and Dean and Alex and Claire. "Sit down," she said. "I'll get you some coffee and we can talk." She offered coffee despite it being around eight thirty because it was obvious to see that they were exhausted. "But before you explain anything I want a full account of what happened to you two"

Sam half laughed. "It's not important."

"Don't make me use my mom voice," she said, her voice clearly demanding.

Dean cowered, grinning slightly. "Please don't! We'll tell you."

Alex threw Claire an exasperated look. "I can't believe their in their thirties," she stage whispered.

Claire smiled. "I know," she replied in the same tone. "Don't forget that they stopped the apocalypse a few times." She snickered but her face returned to a serious expression as she asked, "can you tell me what happened to Cas?"

"We will," Sam promised. "I don't want your mom to bite our heads off so we'll have to explain out last case first."

"Sam," Dean said. "She needs to know."

Jody sighed. "Come in. Tell us what happened in your last case. Then what happened to Cas."

The five of them sat in the living room. Claire and Alex on the two chairs, Sam and Dean on the couch parallel to the chairs, and Jody standing behind her girls. "Talk," she commanded.

"Okay," Sam began. "We were working case with a poltergeist-"

"-and well, you know, we had been cooped up for weeks inside and we, I, was itching to get out so when we caught wind of the case, our first reaction was "oh let's go find it" so we went," Dean finished.

"It turned out to be a trap." Alex and Claire were watching with such intense faces Sam had to fight the urge to smile. Jody nodded, queuing them to go on. "It was set by demons. And the house caught fire."

"It was an old house," Dean said. "Falling apart already and, well, there was actually a poltergeist there and it knocked Sam out. I got it but the house was started to fall into itself and so I dragged Sam out. Nearly got out the front door."

"Nearly?" Jody asked.

"I got out," Sam said. "Then..." He shook his head, a gesture for Dean to go on.

"Then the floor collapsed. I went down with it and I guess I got knocked out. Next thing I know, I wake up in a hospital with three broken ribs, burns, cuts, and an arm."

"Oh boys," Jody said tenderly. "It's a dangerous gig."

"Yeah," Sam said, nodding. "We're lucky we got this far."

"So Cas?" Claire asked, leaning forward. "What happened to him?"

Dean opened his mouth and, for a second, no words came out. "He..he-"

"I can tell them Dean," Sam offered, but Dean shook his head violently.

"Sam got taken to the cage," Dean said in a rush.

"Hold up," Jody said. "Lucifer's cage?"

"Lucifer's cage," Sam confirmed. Alex looked mildly horrified.

"And-?" Claire asked.

Dean closed his eyes for a second, as if reliving it. "So Cas and I went after him. Rowena, Crowley's mother sprung it and let us in." He shook his head. "Lucifer tried to kill us but Rowena got us out, almost in time."

Alex stared at Dean. "He's still in there? In the cage?"

"Worse," Sam said softly. "Just before he got out...he..."

"He said yes," Dean finished gruffly.

"No," Claire whispered, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry," Jody whispered.

"No!"

"Claire," Alex said soothingly. "We can get him back." She gently enveloped Claire in a half hug, glaring at Jody who was opening her mouth to say something. "We'll get him back."

"We're doing all we can," Sam said, his voice low and soft. "Cas is strong. Your father is strong."

"My father's dead." Claire turned her smudged face towards him. "He died years ago."

"Not necessarily true," Dean said slowly. "Jimmy left part of his essence in the vessel. The ability to..to..." He choked, unable to say the words.

"The ability to love," Sam finished, covering for his brother. "To think for his own. I mean, Cas already could do that, he was different, flawed in the view of Heaven. But I think Jimmy's presence fueled him to, you know, like maybe he encouraged Cas to do what he knew was right."

Claire nodded slowly, glancing at Jody who smiled back down at her. "Yeah," she said softly. "Dad did have a role in this."

"He's a hero," Dean said, not meeting her eyes. "Without him..."

"Yeah," Alex murmured. She raised her dark eyes to meet Sam's hazel pair. "I want to help get him back."

"No!" Jody half shouted at the same time Dean's head snapped up and Sam began to say, "defiantly not."

"Why?" Claire snapped. "He's wearing my dad as a meat suit! Cas has used me as a vessel before! I'm going to help."

"Absolutely not!" Jody said angrily. "It's dangerous."

Alex snorted. "Puh-lease! Monsters exist! Satan is loose and so is God's freaking sister! No matter where we are or what we're doing, Amara will find us because of our affiliation with the Winchesters. It's only a matter of how you want to go down and I'd rather be swinging, fighting."

Claire shot her 'sister' an appraising glance. "I'm going. You leave and I will follow you, I will find you. Or, I know, I'll sit here and watch Amara destroy the world, and when she comes to us, hoping for information on you, I won't tell her. I'll sit tight, twiddle my thumbs until they slit my throat. Another person dead for you. How many does that make now? Let's count. Mommy, daddy, Charlie, Balthazar, Gabriel, Cas...oh," she said quietly, the savage defiance in her voice rolling like thunder. "Cas. He's not dead yet. But he's worse off, I can help! You need everyone available to break Lucifer's hold!"

Dean, who had flinched closer to Sam when Claire had started to list off names, sighed. "People die Claire! This isn't a fairy tale- you won't get a happy ending, there's no cure for this!"

"Dean-" Sam began, but Dean spoke over him.

"You loose things, you loose people. And you care about those people, more than you ever wanted too. This poison that we fight goes for anyone you care about, and you can't save them! Somethings never get said because you even thought to say them, and it kills. This gig, it's dangerous, Sam and I've lost so many people. Friends, family, everyone."

Claire's eyes grew wide. "Oh," she said. "Oh:"

Alex nudged her. "Claire..?"

"Oh!" Claire felt a smile tugging at her lips. "I thought so...I just needed a little more."

"Claire!" Jody said sharply. "Mind filling us in?"

Claire leaned towards Dean. Her eyes searched his face and he felt hot and uncomfortable. She shook her head, a quizzical half smile on her face. "You're in love," she murmured. "You're in love with Castiel."

Dean felt his face flush. You're in love with Castiel. He knew his little 'rant' was a huge giveaway but he hadn't thought Claire would guess it so fast. Jody was gaping at them and Alex was staring angrily at Claire.

"You are," Claire continued. "I thought so! God, I'm so sorry."

Sam's hand brushed his brothers shoulder. "Dean. Do you want-"

Dean leaned forward, his and Claire's faces were hardly five inches apart. "Yes," he said quietly. "Is that what you wanted me to say? That I am in...you know...with a freaking Angel of the Lord? That I have been for who knows how long? I am, Claire, I am. You must be so proud of yourself." Dean tone had switched to sarcasm somewhere along the line.

"Dean," Sam said. "Calm down." His tone was light but commanding.

Dean was shaking. His hands were trembling, his legs and arms even. He felt himself wanting to cry but tried to blink tears away. "Dammit," he whispered. "I..I'm sorry Jody, Alex, Claire."

Jody walked over to Dean, standing behind him to run circles on the back of his neck. "Never," she said. "Never apologize for who you love. Never apologize for crying, it's what makes and keeps you human."

ATTENTION: **OVERDUE AUTHORS NOTE**

HI GUYS! Thanks for reading and favoriting my story! This is my first fanfic and I know I write worth crap but I find the story line rather interesting. If you find a mistake them pleasepleaseplease tell me! Hope you enjoy, let me know if you want me to bring other Angels *cough cough* Gabriel *cough cough* into the story or if you want me to do a chapter from Cas or Lucifer's POV or what you want to go down if they get Cas *tried to wink but fails*Thanks! 3 I am overly enthusiastic!


	5. Chapter 5

Dean had calmed down and was tiredly resisting the urge to lean against Sam. It wasn't late per say, but the day had started rough and the antibiotics Sam had practically shoved down Deans throat made his eye lids drop. His ribs ached, his arm was itchy inside the cast, and his chest ached with loss.

"We should continue this conversation in the morning," Sam said, seeing his brothers exhaustion. "Jody, thank you. We can sleep in the Impa-"

"Don't finish that sentence. A guest room with two beds downstairs all ready and prepared. Have you eaten?"

"No," Sam shook his head. "But you don't have to bother."

"We have leftovers," Claire piped up. "Spaghetti and meatballs."

Sam smiled. "That sounds wonderful. Thanks." He wrapped an arm around Dean who was slumping back against the couch. "I'm gonna take my brother downstairs." He nudged Dean. "Hey sleeping beauty," he teased.

"Shut up Sammy," Dean said. "I'm awake." He winced as his sat up. "Ribs," he said in response to Jody's worried noise.

"Okay. If they keep bothering you I can bring down some beers," she said.

Sam laughed. "He has to be sober for two months. Doctors orders."

Alex yawned. "Whatever. I'm going up to bed. G'Night."

Claire smiled and said, "Dean. I dunno what it's worth but you and Cas, it's fine with me. I mean, it's a little weird to have someone in love with an angel wearing your dad as a meat suit. But it's fine. Night." She followed Alex.

"You know what?" Sam said. "I think you should turn in Jody, you're exhausted. We aren't that hungry but thanks." Dean mutely shook his head but forced a smile that came out more like a grimace.

"Whatever you boys say," Jody said, clapping Sam on the back. "Make yourselves at home."

Five minutes later Sam had jumped in the shower and Dean lay on one of the beds. He was looking at the ceiling, no thoughts, no emotions, just a plain white ceiling with four walls and a window with blue drapes.

 _The same color as Cas' eyes._

Dean rolled over onto his stomach, huffing was his ribs protested, and buried his face into a pillow. He could still feel the blue curtains staring at him.

When Sam emerged, clad in a tee shirt and sweats, hair messy and toweled off, he found his brother sprawled out on the bed closest to the door. He froze for a second, reassuring himself Dean was, in fact, breathing. Sam had known his brother all his life, had looked up to him for years. He knew that Dean was scared. In the irregular pattern of his breathing and the way his hands clenched the pillow and how his right leg kept twitching, all of these plus more spelt out that Dean was having a nightmare. Sam sat down next to him, realizing his brother was muttering something.

Sam bent down to listen, at first only hearing unintelligible words. Then Dean started thrashing, his screams tore through the still house like a spear through a body, sharp and sudden. " _Amara_ no!" he screamed. "Cas! Sammy no don't! No!" His eyes were shut tightly, his limbs thrashing.

"Hey, hey. Dean, wake up. It's okay." Sam gathered his brother up against him, gently lying down with his big brother still in his arms, shaking and muttering. "Dean, you're okay," he soothed.

A light flipped on in the hallway and Jody appeared. "He okay?" she asked, her face soften the when she saw Dean resting against his brother. "Good," she whispered. "He's real lucky to have you Sam."

Sam only nodded, hoping she perceived the gesture as a thank you. He one handedly pulled the blankets up around they, snuggling close to Dean.

It took about a half hour for Dean to calm down enough for Sam to slip out and back into his own bed, only to be woken by another bout of screaming. At the end of the night, Sam's bed was not slept in once and Dean never once cried out in his sleep again that night.

 **AN: Hi guys! I didn't have a lot of time so this is really short sorry! I promise the next ones will be longer. Please review if you like and I'll update faster! Thanks!**

 **Update on Angst levels: gonna be a shit ton on Lucifer angst coming up bc I can**


	6. Chapter 6

Dean woke up with a soft but heavy weight pushing into his shoulder. He twisted, hissing as his ribs gave a painful gasp. The sight he saw made his smile. Sam's head was buried in Dean's jacket, his floppy hair spread out over the pillow and his arm thrown around Dean. His legs were scrunched up, this being the smaller of the two beds, to make room for the rest of his body plus Dean.

As a morning light was cast through the window, Dean could see his brother in full detail. He was so young but so old, a life of potential had been stolen from him. These sacrifices had left their marks. Up close, Dean could see the bags under his eyes and the softest of imprints of lines across his face. Dean felt his heart twist. "Hey," he whispered, nudging Sam. "Wake up."

Sam scooted closer to Dean, muttering something about 'warm' and 'tired.'

"Hey! I'm gonna cut your hair if you don't wake up." Dean gently pulled a lock of Sam's hair. "I'm gonna shave it all off."

Sam sleepy batted Deans hand away. "No," he grunted, blinking up at his brother. "If you do that I will kill you."

"Sure," Dean said, smirking. "So when did you crawl in here?" They hadn't slept in the same bed in years. The last time was when Dean was sixteen and they had lost a family to a werewolf pack. The whole family. They had had a little boy too, about Sam's age. Every time Dean had closed his eyes, he saw that poor kid being ripped to shreds by the pack alpha. Sam had heard him and slithered up next to him, reassuring him that he was alive and well.

"What do you remember?" Sam asked.

"I had a nightmare," Dean admitted. "About Amara, you, Cas."

"Yeah," he said. "I know. You were screaming so I slept here. It seemed to have helped."

Dean was silent, he remembered his dream vividly.

 _Amara was standing in the centre of a completely white room. Her black dress was as daringly low cut as ever, her sharp eyes seemed to undress Dean the second he entered the room. "Dean," she said, her voice a seductive and low rumble. "It's been too long."_

 _Dean opened his mouth and for a second no words came out. "I," he managed. "I know you have Lucifer and Cas. I need him back."_

 _Amara clicked her tongue. "Not even a hello." She strode over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "What's that angel worth to you?"_

 _What was Cas to him? Dean thought. A soldier, a soulless warrior. Angels couldn't love. Sam had been lying, Cas didn't love him. Amara's eyes consumed him, blaring into his soul, his being. She was the only thing left in this whole world. Then..._

I always come when you call.

We're family. We need you. I need you.

I did not leave you!

Hello Dean.

Dean and I do share a more profound bond.

 _"No," Dean ripped away from her. "Where's Cas?" he shouted._

 _"Do you really want to know?" she asked._

 _"You bitch. Where is the angel?" he demanded. "Tell me!"_

 _"Dead." She said it with such simplicity, and such finality. "He's gone. Dead."_

 _Dean felt his world begin to collapse around him. Cas, with his blue eyes and soft smiles. The furious devotion to the Winchester, his chosen family. "This is a dream," he hissed. "You're not real."_

 _Amara's smile was almost pitying. "Then this shouldn't hurt." She snapped her fingers and a door opened. In walked a bloody, bruised, and beaten Sam. His face was covered in blood and grime, his shirt ripped open to expose wounds across his abdominal._

 _"Sam!" Dean lurched forward but there were suddenly chains binding him. "Sammy!"_

 _Dream-Sam looked up at him. His hazel eyes were empty. "You chose her," he howled and spat 'her' out. "You chose her over me, your blood, and Cas! How could you?" His eyes filled with hate. "Cas is dead because of you! You deserve to rot in Hell, no angel can save you now."_

 _Amara flicked her wrist and Sam collapsed, his eyes staring at the ceiling, frozen with death. "Well then-" she began but Dean cut her off._

 _"Sammy no! You bitch," he snarled at Amara. "You sadistic bitch! How could you-?" Tears streaked down his face._

 _"Oh Dean," she whispered, stroking his cheek. "Sadness just doesn't suit you."_

 _The room began to grow lighter, blindingly white. And he woke up._

"Dean?"

"Huh?"

"You with me?"

Dean blinked, looked around. "Oh. Yeah, I'm good."

Sam nodded slowly. "Sure Dean, whatever you say." A pause. "It was Cas, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. But not just him. Sammy, I watched Amara kill you, and I know it was a dream but it was so...I don't know, real? And you said I chose her, I chose her over you and Cas and that," Dean stumbled over his words. "That I deserved to rot in hell because no angel would ever save me."

"Come here," Sam said, his eyes filled with pity and pain.

"Dude," Dean began but Sam pulled him against him. Dean blinked hard, letting himself get lost in Sam's warmth, the rhythm of his heartbeat.

"It wasn't real," Sam whispered. "You love Cas, you love me. I know you do, we're blood Dean. You're strong enough to resist her. Love makes you stronger."

"You're such a fucking girl Sammy," Dean said softly.

"At least I'm not so emotionally constipated I can't tell my own brother that I love him."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

Sam released Dean. For a second they stared at each other, then Sam said, in a voice filled with so many emotions Dean couldn't begin to name them, said, "we'll get him back."

"I know."

They slipped upstairs, careful not to disturb Jody or her girls. Sam looked around the kitchen, taking in the feel of a functional home. The clock read five forty seven am. He crossed the room and carefully opened a drawer, from there he pulled out a purple sticky note and pen.

 _Dear Jody,_

 _I cannot thank you enough for your hospitality, especially when Dean was injured like that. We will not be visiting again until we are certain that everything is wrapped up and shoved back in a cage- hey, maybe Cas will come along. If by chance, we or I die attempting to shove Amara down the hole she came from or taking care of Lucifer, please make sure Dean is okay, especially if he looses both me and Cas. I'm not asking you to adopt him or anything but call him and if he disconnects himself from the world, find him or call another hunter. Thank you again._

 _-Sam Winchester_

Sam handed Dean a separate sticky note and the pen. He then folded his up, meeting his brothers eye as they formed an unspoken understanding that neither could read the others note. Dean hesitated for a second, then began to write. His hands were shaking when he folded his note up and set it next to Sam's.

"Let's go," he whispered, turning to his brother who was making coffee. "Really?"

"She has one of the super quiet ones. Besides, it's all the thanks we can really give right now."

"Whatever Sammy, let's go."

Careful not to wake anyone, they slipped out the door, started the Impala, and drove off into a crisp morning light.


	7. Chapter 7

"Castiel."

Cas looked up from the ground. His residence with Lucifer was not comfortable, after attempting to break through and regain control of his vessel for the third time, Lucifer had locked his away in an all white room. He had fought, of course he had: he was an honorary Winchester, but to no avail. His bruised and bloodied skin stretched tightly over his knuckles as he clenched his hands into fists. "Lucifer," he said, mirroring the archangel's tone.

"Brother I am wounded," Lucifer said, standing perhaps two feet in front of Cas. "Physically and mentally. Amara's torment has revealed nothing. Father has not shown and Amara is dead set on her quest, we will not survive long unless He comes or Amara quits her efforts."

Cas nodded. Every physical or mental injury Lucifer abstained hit Cas just as hard, the scars on Lucifer's cheekbones had appeared on Cas'. "I know. Father will not come, Amara will not stop. Our hope lies with the Winchesters."

"The Winchesters?"

"They will find a way."

Lucifer threw back his blond head. He laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkled. "Please! Them? I assume we are both speaking of Sam and Dean?"

Cas glared. "They will find a way," he repeated.

"They cannot defeat Her, not without me or Father."

"Dean won't leave me here," Cas snapped.

Lucifer froze. "Dean has chosen things before you every time. What makes you the think now will be different?" He leaned in, Cas and his faces were less than two inches apart. "Why Cassie, why would he choose to save you? To risk so much?"

 _We're family. We need you. I need you._

 _Let me bottom line it for you: I'm not leaving here without you._

"I.." Cas faltered for a second. "I'm family."

"They need you to heal them, to save them. They need your powers, not you. Oh Cassie, they have hurt you so much," Lucifer crooned, seeing the hurt on Cas' face.

"I know, I cannot leave them. Dean is still my charge."

"Brother, Castiel, how far you have fallen," Lucifer said, disappearing. His voice still echoed around the room as Cas felt a bullet of pain lodge into his side and collapsed, consciousness fleeing him.

 _Fallen..._

 _fallen..._

 _fall..._

Lucifer felt agony race through his body as Amara's soft hands made contact with his face. He bit back a scream as she split apart every molecule in his body with a white hot toothpick. Deep inside his mind he heard a cry of agony. Cas, he thought. For some reason, the thought of his brother, one of his youngest brothers, in pain made his stone heart shiver.

"Well nephew," Amara purred. "I see now, what hurts you. It's family being hurt, your brothers and sisters." Her hands butterflied down his cheek. "But you had no problem killed Gabriel or any of the others."

"Gabriel," he rasped. "Gabriel I would have perhaps regretted most deeply had I succeeded. The others, their deaths were a battle sacrifice."

Amara frowned, evidently confused. "What do you mean?"

Lucifer snorted. "Some 'supreme power' you are. He's not dead dumbass." To his relief, Amara seemed to confused to notice the snide remark. "Gabriel is brilliant, I taught him myself. He knew what the risk was and how to bypass it and I only needed to slow him down. He didn't know that of course."

"How?" Amara whispered. "There's another archangel?"

"Raph is long dead. Michael's alive but still inhabiting some poor human in the cage. Gabe's hiding and I'm here. Three of the four are alive."

"How? " Amara repeated, her torture seemed forgotten.

"Gabriel felt the blade puncture his skin and teleported, casting an illusion of himself onto the blade. I knew immediately that it wasn't him, but I had to act the part. Gabriel and I were always close, nearly as close as him and Castiel. I cried, I acted as if mourning when I knew he was alive and okay." Inside Lucifer's head, Castiel gave a start.

Gabriel? he asked. He's alive?

Yes Cassie, he's alive.

"Brilliant," Amara said. "Do you know where he is?"

Lucifer snorted. "No, he's still a trickster. His skills are incredible, his palaces impenetrable, his hiding holes unfindable."

"I don't believe you." Amara raised her hand and placed it directly over his heart. "Tell me." She clenched her hand and Lucifer screamed.

"Brother," Castiel cried. "Make it stop!" His body was torn apart and being sew together, blood splattered the ground, dripping from his lips. From the outside came the sounds of Lucifer's equal if not greater agony.

"I don't know," Lucifer shrieked. "Amara, I don't know!"

"You have to know!"

"I don't!" The pain was raw in his older brothers voice.

Cas felt his heart skip a beat as a silence settled over and around them. Then, sharp as a blade, came Lucifer's voice.

"Cassie, I'm sorry." A hand reached into the room, pulling Castiel out.

It took a second to realize that Cas could move. His twitched his fingers, his vessels fingers. "Where's Lucifer?" he rasped as Amara's sharp far came into focus.

"He may have tipped me off," she said, raising a hand and brushing it down Cas' torso. "My brothers favorite. It's not Lucifer, it's you." She pressed a hand delicately against the Angels neck. White hot lightening poured from her hands and Cas began to shout.

Over one thousand miles away Dean Winchester woke in cold sweat.


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm telling you Sammy," Dean said angrily. "I felt it! He was in agony!"

"I know, I know," Sam replied quickly. "But it sounds kinda fishy. I mean, Amara could be planting the pain in you to make you come to her."

"But Cas might still be alive!" He put a hand on the wheel and served the Impala off the side of the road and leaned closer to Sam. "I could not live with myself if Cas is being tortured and we do nothing."

Sam slammed his hand on the wheel. "We can't go in there recklessly," he muttered, defeated

"Then make a damn plan! Here: I'll distract her and you get Cas."

Sam shuddered. "You're forgetting a key point. Lucifer."

"We can...dammit."

"Exactly."

"DAMMIT!"

Sam jumped. "Okay. Dean, calm down. You know I would do almost anything to get Cas back but you cannot ask me to go face to face with Lucifer."

"I would never make you do that, not for Cas, not for anyone." Deans face softened.

"I'm sorry but I can't. Not after..."

"Hey," Dean said. "You aren't going near him and I would die before he hurts you."

Sam smiled, reassured. "I know you would."

The smile gracing his little brothers features was more that enough thanks in Dean's book. "I know," he said quietly. "Which is how I know I can gank Amara."

"What?" Sam asked, evidently confused. "Dean what are you a planning to do?" He twisted in his seat to face Dean.

"Nothing," Dean said quickly. "I just know if I have to face her, I know how to gank the bitch."

"Can I ask how you plan on doing it?"

"No."

Sam didn't ask anymore questions, just pushed the gas and rolled back onto the empty road. He had seen it from both sides, Dean and him lying together or him being the one lied too. After so long Sam had never quite figured out if Dean was an exceptional liar to everyone but Sam or if he was actually a terrible liar but his 'male model' features charmed people out of noticing.

They drive in silence for a while, Dean picking at scabs on his broken arm until they bled and then swearing quietly at them and Sam gazing out the windows, concentrated on the road ahead. "Hey Dean," Sam asked. "Can I ask you question?"

"You just did." Dean didn't need to look up to know that Sam had just shot himself bitch face level 9 of 10.

"You know what I mean."

Dean raised his hand in mock defense. "Shoot."

"Don't hit me," Sam said. "But what are you gonna do?"

Dean hesitated, as if waiting for Sam to continue on. "Care to elaborate?"

"What will you do when you get Cas back? Are you finally gonna tell him?"

Dean was silent for a long moment. "I don't know."

"Please tell him."

"Sam! He's an Angel of the Lord! He doesn't have a soul even."

"He still has a heart," Sam said softly. "And he put it in your hands so if you don't tell him," his voice raised to almost a shout. "If you don't tell him, I will tell him for you!"

"You do that and I will shave you bald, hear that Sammy?"

"It would be worth it. Look, Dean, I want you to be happy. And don't tell me you are! You are tired, you are done! The only things keeping you going are me and Cas."

"The hell do you want me to say?" Dean stared at him. "I am tired! I am done! And at times, I do want to die! I've thought about it."

Sam stopped the car. His shaking hands were clenched to tightly that his knuckles were white. "Have you thought about how?" he whispered.

Dean didn't look at him. "No."

Sam felt his throat starting to close. "Don't lie to me." he choked.

"Yes," Dean managed. "I have thought about it." He couldn't find it in himself to lie to Sam, not when his wide puppy eyes were filled with tears like this.

"How?" Sam wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"Dammit Sammy, don't cry," Dean said, his tone pleading.

"How?"

Dean's throat closed up. His shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Pills. The other option was to slit my damn wrists but I can't die with my own blood on my hands." He opened his eyes; glancing over at Sam.

"If you do that," Sam said, tearing spilling out on his cheeks. "I swear to God I will do that same. Dean, you're my big brother and you've already died so many times. I've had to carry you, drive you home. Hell, I've stitched you up when the Hellhounds tore you to shreds. And every damn time I get just a little bit closer to lying down beside you and putting a bullet through my own head, and believe me, when you die and don't come back that is exactly what I will do." Sam dropped his gaze and blinked hard to stop more tears. "The world still needs you Dean."

"No. The world needs someone who sees the light, who won't let family weigh them down. It's you they need, not me." Dean turned away, hating that his little brother was seeing his breakdown.

"Me? I started Armageddon! I'm the boy king of Hell, Lucifer's vessel! Dean, you were chosen, by God, by Michael, and by Cas. You never hurt anyone you didn't have to! There was a damn reason you got dragged out of Hell! I only got out because Cas knew you needed me!"

"Do the words 'Mark of Cain' not ring a bell? It's my fault Charlie died! My fault Kevin died! I couldn't complete the Trials so you did them! I almost killed you!" he half shouted.

"You were the reason I was still alive in the first place!"

"Yeah, I sold my soul! And it was my fault in the first place, I should have been there," Dean's voice dropped. "When I should have been there, I wasn't."

Sam shook his head. "We are not turning this into a 'Let's-see-how-many-times-Dean-Winchester-failed-to-save-his-helpless-baby-brother-while-simonioisly-saving-the-world-but-we-don't-talk-about-that-part' session."

Dean gave his a strange look. "You aren't helpless," he said after a pause.

"And you're worth more than the worlds weight in diamonds."

"Shut up."

Sam smiled, relieved at the smile on Dean's face. "Jerk," he said.

"Bitch."

 **AN: bromantic angst! It's my favorite to write so you will get more of it! Btw that episode last night (11x22) wow...I was speechless**


	9. Chapter 9

Jody came down the stairs. She was dressed in a soft cream robe and his hair was messily sticking up all over the place. The clock read around seven thirty. She walked out the island in the centre of the kitchen to the coffee machine on the counter, pleased to find it full of hot, warm caffeine. "Thanks boys," she mumbled. Alex and Claire both hated coffee so they never learned how to make it.

She poured some into a mug, added cashew milk and a sugar, before she saw the purple notes. Crossing the small room, she could see that that had been folded up but there was a corner of writing peaking out. She picked it up and unfolded it.

Sam's note was more of an instruction book for what will happen if he died fighting Amara. Make sure Dean's okay. Dean this Dean that. Typical.

She reached for the other note, presumably Dean's which she expected to have the same information. Take care of Sammy. But to her surprise there was more to it.

 _Jody,_

 _Thank you for everything you have ever done for us. I don't have a way with words like Sam does but listen, I'm not expecting to survive this one. Amara has a hold on me and it's strong, I'm powerless against her. Please though, when or if I die, call Sammy once and awhile but never drag him back into the life. Tell him to get out, take the weapons. Hell, destroy the Impala, just make him get out. I once told him that my happy ending was him growing old, having a wife, children and grandchildren. Don't let him deny me of that._

 _On a different note, Cas. If we succeed in getting him back, we will drop by immediately but not for long. Jody, I do have feelings for him: it's terrifying but exhilarating. Sometimes I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. He's an angel, and a guy._

 _Okay, clear the water, I've known I was bi for years. I have scars on my back from my father when he found out, they're okay now but it's a reminder that dad hated me for it. I'm scared of this but I want it, I want Cas. If he dies, I don't know what I'd do, how I'd explain to Claire. She loves him Jody, like a father but you probably know that. They have a bond, not the strongest, but a bond none the less. He used her as a vessel when she was small, he might have left Grace inside her. I don't know if that's how it works but I think so. The only reason I can even write this is because I'm not expecting to ever see you again unless we meet in Hell, because that's where I'm headed. But I won't see you, because you deserve Heaven._

 _I'm off topic, told you I didn't have a way with words. Thank you again Jody._

 _-Dean Winchester_

"Oh God," she murmured. "Oh God." The boys were walking into a death machine, and neither of them gave a damn about what would happen to themselves.

"Jody?" Alex came walking down into the kitchen. "What's up?"

Wordlessly, Jody handed her the papers. Alex read them quickly, and when she finished she folded them back up.

"I'm telling Claire," she said.

"No. Alex-" Dean and Sam wouldn't want me to show either of you.

"Hey Jody, I don't know if you've realized but Cas is wearing her dad as a meat suit and these Winchesters, they've saved her, they've saved Cas. She loves them. She needs to know. You owe her it." Alex's eyes were slits, anger burned in them.

When did you decide to care this much about Claire? "Okay," Jody sighed. "Go ahead."

"Thanks," she said shortly. " _CLAIRE_!" she hollered.

There was a thud upstairs. "WHAT THE HELL ALEX?"

"Oh be quiet, both of you, you'll wake the dead," Jody said loudly.

"I'm sure that's already happened in the Winchesters case," Claire said, skidding down the stairs. Her blonde hair was mussed from sleep and the handle of a knife poked out of the waistline of her sweat paints.

"Here," Alex said, holding out the notes. "They left this morning."

Claire slowly took the sticky notes. Her eyes scanned the first one- Sam's- but trailed slowly down Dean's, taking in every word about Cas. "Shit," she swore.

"Claire!" Jody reprimanded. "Don't say that!"

"I can't believe it," Claire mumbled. "Dammit."

"Hey. It's alright," Alex said.

Claire glared at her before slumping against her 'sisters' shoulder. "I knew it. I knew he loved Cas."

"Really? That's it?" Jody snapped.

"Hell, the worlds ending. It's only a matter of time before either Michael gets out of Amara destroys us. There is no God! Dean can't hold her off, Sam won't approach Lucifer with a ten foot pole. Cas is rotting inside the Devil. The most I can do is get excited and upset about a tragic romance."

"The world isn't going to end."

Claire snorted. "Have a few beers and say the same thing. You know it's true."

Jody looked affronted. "Do not-"

"Don't tell me what to do, you might love me like one but you are not my mother."

Jody recoiled. "Young lady-" she started angrily.

" _SHUT UP_!" Alex screamed.

"Alex Annie-" Jody started.

"NO SERIOUSLY, I HEAR SOMETHING."

Everybody froze. A soft whistle had settled around them, it grew into a high-pitched noise, earsplittingly loud. It consumed the room, windows shattered, the TV and radio switched on and off, static adding to the noises. Jody dropped to her knees as the nearest window blew out. The picture frame exploded and Alex dropped to cover Clair, shielding her with her own body. Blood ran from Claire's ripped cheek and Alex's arms.

"It's okay, it's okay," Alex whispered as Jody crawled over to them, wrapping her arms around her girls. "It's okay." We're going to die.

Suddenly the noise stopped as a crash was heard outside. "What was that?" Claire whimpered against her will.

"Shh," Jody said. "I'm gonna check. Stay here, call the boys if I'm not back in ten minutes. Don't come outside no matter what and I come in and seem different you shoot to wound, do your tests and kill me if you need. You know where the holy water is?"

Alex nodded, her arms wrapped around Claire. "Good luck Jody," she whispered.

"Be safe," Claire added, moving closer to Alex as the cold air penetrated the rooms.

"Actually go together and salt the doors and windows, have your exorcism playing and be back in five to meet me."

"Alright," they said together. Claire stood up shakily and pulled out her phone. Sam's voice emitted from it, steady and strong.

"Exortimus omus te..."

"Be safe," Jody said, kissing Alex and Claire's foreheads. "In case I don't get back."

Claire wanted to shout. Don't say that, you have to come back. You will, I know it. But this was too dangerous a game for such petty words. "Let's go," she murmured in a low voice. She reset the recording and they went off.

Jody watched them go. She heart pounded as she stepped out the door, a flask of holy water and a rock salt gun she had by the door was all she had. "Hello?" she called.

In the dim morning light she saw a figure standing by a tree. He was lithe, shorter than Sam or Dean, maybe five eight. She crept out of the house, knowing full well that if this man was a demon she would be dead unless her reflexes were superhuman.

"Jody Mills," said the man in a humorous voice. He turned, eyes whiskey gold and gleaming.

She raised the gun. "Who are you?" Her finger tightened on the trigger.

As if sensing the oncoming attack, the man lazily waved his hand and the gun burst into flame. With a startled yelp, Jody dropped it. "The hell?" she said.

The man flicked his wrist again and a table laden with holy water, silver, anything imaginable was there. He opened his arms wide. "Go ahead. Do your tests."

Jody circled him, poked and splashed him with everything on the table. Nothing happened. When she injected him with holy water he didn't even flinch.

"Done?" he asked. "It's been, oh, five minutes. Might want to call your girls."

Jody stiffened. "If you so much as lay a finger on them-"

The man laughed, with a snap the table disappeared and a pile of rope took its place. "You'll kill me," he finished. "I know." He sat back against a tree. "Tie me up."

Jody inspected the rope. There were silver strands woven into it and tiny markings of Demon Traps. She reached for her flask and doused it in holy water. With definite finality, she bound the man and let out a call, "Claire, Alex! Its okay!"

Two faces appeared in the door way. Claire was clutching the rock salt gun and her phone which was still playing the recording. Alex had a half empty bag of salt and a liter of holy water. "Jody?" Claire called. "Who the hell is that?"

Jody snorted. "More like 'what the hell'."

"Not a demon?"

"Nope. Now come here, do your tests on me."

"Do the same on us after," Alex said.

When they reached Jody, Alex splashed her with Holy Water. Jody sighed, her hair plastered to her face.

"Sorry," Alex said, smirking.

Claire pulled the silver knife from her waist band. "Sorry Jody," she said apologetically. She ran the knife over Jody's forearm, carful not to cut deep.

"No, it's fine. You need to learn this," Jody replied. "Got the doors and windows?"

"Yup. Our turn," Claire said, handing Jody the knife.

Once she was sure that Alex and Claire were human (or as human as teenagers can be) she turned back to the creature tied to the tree. "What are you?" she said simply, not expecting an answer. "Please."

"Polite."

"Call the boys," she told Alex without turning around.

"Got it," Alex replied. "Claire, get your phone."

Claire took off towards the house. Jody watched her go before turning back. "What are you?" she repeated.

The creature smiled and wiggled his eyes brows. "I'm assuming these boys are the Winchesters? Could I speak to them?"

"You tell me who and what you are first," Alex said angrily.

Jody glanced at her sharply. "Stay out of this."

"No! I'm a part of this world too," Alex argued. "I lived with damn vamps! For years!"

Jody couldn't argue with that. Relief flooded her stomach as Claire came out, talking quietly on the phone. "They picked up?" Jody called.

"Yeah."

The creature squirmed. "The Winchesters know me, let me speak to them."

"Shut up," Alex and Jody said together.

"Give me the phone," Jody added. Claire handed it to her. "Hey Sam, Dean."

" _Hey Jody_ ," Sam said. He sounded tired.

"So we have something here. I don't know what he or it is but he said he knows you."

" _Put it on with us._ _Dean, C'mere._ "

" _Hey Jody_ ," came Dean's voice, echoing his brothers earlier statement. " _Hand us over on speaker._ "

"Done," Jody said. "Hey," she nudged the creature. "I'm holding it, talk."

The creature smiled charmingly. "Sam, Dean," it said. "Remember me?"

" _...did we kill your family_?" Dean asked.

"Well let's see. You have killed a number of them, one of my brothers is locked up in your half brother downstairs, another of my big brothers are out and about in my little brothers body because he felt like he needed to prove himself you idiots. Side note: if you still don't remember me, does the world ' _Tuesday_ ' ring a bell Sam?"

There was absolute silence on the other end. Not even the impala made noise. Then Sam's cautious voice came out of the speakers. " _Gabriel_?"

 **AN: Gabe's back! Chuck, I love him. Btw I don't think I'm gonna have a lot of Chuck/God in this fic bc I don't want to have to write such a powerful character. Sorry, he might come in eventually. Thanks for reading! I really appreciate it, please leave a review on what you want to happen later!**


	10. Chapter 10

Gabriel would never admit it, but he found the sound of the Winchesters voices to be rather comforting. They sounded alive if not to say well, in the least. He glanced up at the woman holding the phone. Jody Mills and her girls, Claire and Alex. "Hello," he said to her with a pleasant smile. "My name is Gabriel and I'm an archangel."

Jody froze. "Archangel," she said slowly. "I'm going insane."

"Not quite," he said. "I mean if Luci or Mike were here, then you'd be insane, and most likely dead," he added as an after thought.

" _Jody_ ," came Deans voice. " _Step away from him_."

Jody said nothing but obliged.

"Oh come on," Gabriel snapped. "What do you think I'd do? Dad said to love and not hurt humanity and I follow his orders." He snapped his fingers and the rope vanished. "I don't hurt them."

Jody jumped as Gabriel plucked the phone from her hand. She moved protectively towards her girls.

Sam let out a sour laugh. " _I guess that if the person only dies around a hundred times and always comes back to life, it doesn't count is hurting_."

" _Sammy_ ," Dean said loudly. " _Take us off speaker. Can you still zap_?"

"I'm an archangel, of course I can!" He clicked the speaker button. "You're off."

" _Great. Okay, we're in Pontiac, Illinois on 33rd by a church. Specific enough?_ " Sam said.

"See you a minute," Gabe replied. He ended the call and handed the phone back with a flourish. "Thank you young lady. See you around." He winked and disappeared.

The Church, it turned out, was a lovely little place. The garden was filled with wilting but colorful flowers and there was a play yard in the back. The black impala was parked on the left side of the street, voices floated out of it.

"Hey boys," Gabriel said, rapping on the window. "It's me."

Sam, who had been talking animatedly to Dean about something he had read about the crime around here, looked up startled. He opened the door and unfolded all six feet and four inches and too long hair of him. "Gabriel," he said bitterly. "You could punch you right now."

"Love ya too, sugar," Gabe said. "You're limping," he noticed.

"Run in with a poltergeist."

Dean got out of the passenger side, arm slung in a cast and eyes very, very tired. "Why you back?"

"Two of my favorite brothers are here and both are being tortured," he said. "Of course I'm back. I don't leave my family in Hell."

Dean glared at him. "How do we know this is legit?"

"Would you fool with your brothers life?"

"No," he said. "But I haven't been known for murdering the same fucking person one hundred times."

Gabriel raised his hands. "Fair point."

"Can you save Cas?" Sam asked. "Can you do it?"

"Well," Gabriel said. "I can help. Untimely, it won't be up to us. If he feels like he deserves to be saved he might cast Lucifer out but Amara's a whole different problem in general."

At the mention of Amara's name, Dean made a choked noise.

Sam turned to his brother. "Could you go up against her?"

"I don't know," Dean replied honestly. "I think I could."

"'Think' isn't good enough!" Gabriel said, raising his voice. "Unless you are absolutely certain I won't let you. This is my brothers life we're talking about! If you screwed up he might die! Or, I dunno, Amara might throw them in the cage! Cas is the angel that does the saving, it would take us maybe a year to get him out! And the last time we had someone in there that long.. Angel or not Lucifer is bound to be angry."

Sam flinched and Dean brushed his arm. "I can do it," Dean said confidentially. "One condition."

"That is...?"

"Sam doesn't go near Lucifer," Dean said. "I don't want him to even have to see him if we can avoid it. You and I do the fighting if we have to."

"Dean.." murmured Sam. "If I can't even see Lucifer, I can't fight. I'd just be a liability."

"No," Dean snapped. "I will lock you in Bobby's old panic room if I have too. This is not going to happen, I won't let it."

"I agree. I'm not going near Lucifer unless I need too. But you're going overboard. I can't fight, I can't be of service. It's stupid. Dean, I really want to help," he said, adopting the pleading tone and expression that always worked on Dean. "Cas is my friend too, he's family."

"Fine," Dean said. "Dammit Sam, don't give me that look. You're too old for puppy eyes. I said fine! Cut it out!"

Sam smirked at Dean. "Thanks big brother," he said, playing the voice and eyes a little longer just because he could. "You're the best."

"Shut it."

Gabriel piped up. "Sam, you should know, it's not as cute with the hair."

"Gabri-"

"He's right Sammy," Dean said. "The hair makes you look like a puppy hobo."

Sam glared at him.

"Now you look like a mass murdering hobo."

"Shut up Dean."

Dean chuckled. "Okay," he said, his expression turning serious. "We don't know where the hell Amara even is so we might want to, you know, figure it out."

"Don't you two have some bond?" Gabriel asked, putting emphasis on the word 'bond.'

"Amara and I? It's kinda one sided." Dean scratched the back of his head.

Gabriel sighed. "Not you and Amara. You and Cas! Don't you have a 'more profound bond' or something?"

Sam smirked, raising his eyebrows at Gabe from behind Dean's back. "They do," he said. "Believe me."

"Shut your face Sam," Dean snapped. "Yeah, we do but I don't know how to find him or anything."

Gabriel gave him a pitying look. "Pray Dean, you've done it before."

"Pray? That's it?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Do it."

"How will it work?" Dean asked.

Gabriel tapped his right arm. "When Cas pulled you out of hell, he left his mark on you. If you truly pray, with as much desperation as you can possibly muster, it should flash you an image of where he is."

Dean's hand automatically went to his upper arm. "The hand print's long gone."

"The Grace he left in your soul isn't."

Sam watched, confused. "Dean has Grace? In his soul?"

"Yep," Gabriel said brightly, then shook his head. "Damn Dean, you are one of the few humans who have achieved this: you have made an Angel fall in every single way possible for one."

"Enough," Dean growled. "I'll pray, just give me a second. Do I have to do anything fancy?"

"No, pray like you did in Purgatory. You needed him, not for his powers but because you were scared he was dead and you honest to dad missed him." Gabriel winked. "You can do it, Sam and I'll leave if it makes you feel better."

"Please do."

Sam rested a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay," he said. "I have faith in you."

Dean let out a wane smile. "Thanks Sammy."

Gabriel took Sam's arm and led him off to chat on a bench at the end of the street. Dean looked up at the blue sky above him. He cleared his throat.

"Hey Cas," he began. "Got your ears on?"


	11. Chapter 11

Cas heard the soft sound of Dean's voice in his head. Amara had given up trying to break him for now. He lay in the fetal position inside his head, allowing Lucifer full control of the body now.

"Hey Cas. Got your ears on? Listen, I uh, I don't know how to do this. We saw Gabriel. He's here with us. We're gonna get you back home, Gabe's helping and you know that I'm not really the praying type, but you know that. Cas, man, I need you here. Not because your a tool, a weapon, I miss you, your stupid coat, your obsession with bees. Please, send me an image of where you are, we're coming for you. It'll be okay, I promise."

Cas didn't know where he was exactly but he pushed all of his energy into forming an image of the rundown building. _Old hospital, she's in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Help me._ He pushed the images out to Dean. Where they really coming for him? he wondered.

"Wake up Nephew," came a soft, low voice.

Cas felt himself flood back into the body. He blinked, his entire body aching. Amara stood in front of him. "Let me go," he rasped. "God won't come."

Amara raked her fingernails down Cas's bare chest, they sliced through skin into Grace, peeling it, cutting it. Cas bit down a scream. "I'm not trying to lure in God right now," she said. "My goal is the Winchesters. Once Sam is dead, Dean can't hurt me. Then I can get my brother."

Cas froze. "You won't hurt Sam," he snarled. "I'll kill you, Dean will kill you."

 _I'll help,_ came Lucifer's voice from Cas's head.

"Dean is powerless against me," she said.

"Dean could kill the planet Earth if she tried to so much as hurt Sam."

Amara leaned in, smiling sweetly. "Well I'm stronger than this planet."

Cas looked her dead in the eye. "He's coming for me. You can't stop him, there's no way. Dean will murder the world, with or without a damn weapon if you come after his family."

"You think he considers you family?" Amara said with a terrible laugh. "You're a tool and when you aren't that, a liability."

"He's coming," Cas repeated, trying to convince himself more now. There was truth in Amara's words. He was a liability, a tool. But Dean said he needed me. He missed me.

"Fine," Amara said and raised her hand. "Then I want him to come and to see what a mess I've made of you." White lightening poured from his fingertips. It sliced into Cas's organs, his Grace and began to shred everything.

Cas didn't scream. He wouldn't scream, not this time.

 _Cas_ , came Lucifer's voice, weak and raw fm inside his mind.

 _Brother?_ Castiel asked. _Are you alright?_

 _I am broken. She_ _focused this pain on me,_ _not you. My Grace...Castiel,_ _it's all but gone._

Cas winced internally. _I am so sorry Lucifer._

 _Why? Do you not despise me? I killed Angel after Angel, I drove Sam Winchester to the madness that you then took upon yourself._

Castiel remembered the pain, the feeling of Sam's soul when he touched it. How it had been a raw thing, so twisted and toxic it hurt. But did he hate Lucifer for it? _No, I don't hate you. No matter what you have done, what you will do, I could never truly hate you. I could despise you as an archangel, as a murderer, but never as my brother._

Amara's hand began to chisel away at Castiel's Grace. He bit his lip so hard his tooth went clear through it.

 _Cas, listen to my voice. Concentrate on me little brother, block her out._

 _Lucifer! It..huRTS!_

 _I know. I know Castiel, it will hurt and your Grace will be forever damaged but it will heal, begin to repair though it will always hold scars. Talk to me, seal her out._

 _What will happen to you?_

Lucifer paused, confused. _What do you mean?_

 _Will you go back to the cage once this is over?_

The archangel was silent for a long moment. _I don't know. If the Winchesters send me back there._

 _Will you still try to start Armageddon?_ Cas could feel her claws inside him, he fought a whimper.

 _I'm not sure. Perhaps, if Michael takes root inside of Dean Winchester, I will do the same to Sam. If not then I plan on returning to Heaven, to cleanse my sins. Perhaps I can find Gabriel._

 _Sam and Dean are with him_. Cas was doing all he could to keep himself conscious as Amara began to beat at his being.

 _They are?_ Lucifer asked, hope flooding his weakening voice. _How do you know?_

Dean prayed to me. _He said he's coming for me...you...you had so little faith in them earlier. Why now?_

Lucifer gave a small sigh. _Because I am out of hope for anything else._

"Dammit Castiel," shrieked Amara, jerking Cas out of his conversation with Lucifer. Immediately he felt the pain he had muted take him. His wings were still fine, as far as he could tell, but his Grace was torn and shredded worse than Sam's soul had been.

Cas met her angry eyes with soft, sad, pained ones. He didn't speak.

"Scream Nephew, I need to hear it." She circled him. "I need to know I'm on the right tra..." Her voice trailed off and Cas felt fear flicker in his stomach. "Ahh, I know what to do."

"I know," she whispered, walking behind him and reaching out a hand for his wings.

 _NO!_ screamed Lucifer, slamming through Cas's head. _Cas! Let me take over!_

Cas did, he didn't have enough energy not too.


	12. Chapter 12

Lucifer plopped himself behind the wheel of the vessel. "Get away from him you bitch," he shouted.

"Oh Lucifer," Amara said. "My my. Standing up for siblings instead of terrorizing them. How you've changed."

"Get. The Hell. Away. From. My brother."

She tilted her head. "Why would I do that?"

"Two days max bitch, two damn days. Then the Winchesters will be here and an Archangel, they will destroy you."

"No Winchesters and one Archangel," she corrected. "I'd like to see them try. Sam's good as dead once he's in the building that, by the way, they don't know is, and Dean's a vegetable in my presence. One Archangel, the shell of a seraph and the shell of another Archangel."

Lucifer laughed. "Do you honest to dad think Dean will let Sam anywhere near me? I killed him, drove him insane. Sam's not dying, not with two archangel's and a brother to protect him."

"We'll see Nephew. I could smite you right now."

Lucifer cocked his head. "You could," he drawled. "But you won't."

Amara stepped up to him, his face inches from her own. "And why's that?"

"Because God," he whispered. "If I die Cassie dies. Then there's no way for you to lure dad down here if both of his favorite sons are dead."

"Then I can do so much worse than kill you," Amara replied in an equally quiet and low tone. Her eyes searched Lucifer for any fear but found none.

"Go ahead," he said loudly, startling her. "Leave Cas alone but do whatever you wish with me."

 _Lucifer no!_ Cas yelled, his voice weaker than ever before.

Lucifer gritted his teeth. _It will keep you safe._ He gave an empty laugh. _Maybe you can tell the other Angels and they won't try and kill me or worse, send me back to the cage._

 _Brother I will_ , Castiel promised. _The whole of Heaven will know of this. What you sacrificed._

Lucifer felt pain shoot through his back. He cried out as Amara ripped her claws through his tender wings. Great feathers fell and blood dripped, in the muted distance he could hear himself screaming. But the only thing in this world right now was the pain, the hot trickles of blood on his back, his glorious gold wings being torn from his body. Did he regret it? No. Cas was alive and safe inside of him, sheltered as Amara blocked the pain from going through to Castiel.

 _Lucifer_ , Cas said calmly, soothingly. _Concentrate on me, on my voice._

Lucifer realized Cas was doing the same thing he himself had done earlier, to distract from the pain. _Thank you Cassie. I...my wings._

 _Hold on brother. Gabriel, Sam and Dean will be here soon. It will be alright._

Outside of Lucifer's less painful section of the world, Amara was gouging away at Lucifer's great wings with blazing claws, a slow and cruel way to destroy such elegant things. "Damn you Lucifer," she hissed, ripping out a particularly tender piece of skin and scraping the delicate bone structure beneath.

Lucifer howled in agony. He looked at her, breathing heavily, involuntary tears on his cheeks, slicing through grime and blood. "I never though I'd say it," he said, his eyes lidded. "But Dean Winchester deserves better than you."

All the air in his body left him as Amara made a cutting motion with her hand. Lucifer struggled, the rope chaffing his wrists. "Do not speak to me that way!" He voice carried anger, hate, but also sadness.

Lucifer let out a crazed laugh. "Please! You know it to be true! The Righteous Man and The Darkness? It's like the beginning to a bad joke."

Amara dug an archangel blade into Lucifer's left wing. "Continue on this path and we'll see how much wing you have left."

He raised his eyebrows but said nothing. His body was aching, his wings screaming. More than anything Lucifer wished he was passed out, but he stayed awake. For Cas, for his younger brother.

"You need a break," Amara said. "I can't waste all my techniques immediately." She waved her hand and a circle of Holy Fire sprung up around him. "See you in...oh, a half hour."

Lucifer closed his eyes and sunk into unconsciousness.

"So Cedar Rapids," Sam said softly. It was later now. About two hours had passed since Dean had received the reply. The sun was high in the blue sky.

"Yeah. Should take us a day or two." Dean had been quiet, extremely quiet. Though these last hours he had stated the location and asked to drive (Gabe had healed them both) but that was it.

"Dean man, talk to me," Sam said, fiddling with his hands. "Look, you can't keep this in. It eats you up."

"I'm fine Sammy." He looked straight ahead, staring at some point in the distance that Sam couldn't see.

Sam sighed and drummed his finger on the leather of the seat. He leaned back, letting his body relax. He was exhausted, physically and mentally, his dreams had been of fires since the poltergeist incident which had robbed him of a good nights sleep for ages. Gabriel was back and alive, they were on a suicide mission to save Lucifer, and Dean was falling to pieces. Just as he began to drift off he heard the roar of fire in his ear, the sound of a crash and startled yell that meant the floor had caved in, taking Dean with it, nearly killing him. Sam could remember in great detail the weight of his brothers body against him and the soft cough that alerted him that Dean was, in fact, alive. Sam sat up, eyes wild.

"You okay?" Dean asked worriedly.

Sam rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm good. Keep your eyes on the road," he added, noticing a semi rumbling down the road towards them.

Dean pulled back into the correct lane and chuckled. "Wouldn't it just be great if, after surviving so much shit, we were killed cause I wasn't paying attention to the road?"

Sam glared at him. "Not funny."

Dean smirked. "Aww, it is a little."

"Not really."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

They rode for an hour or more, neither speaking out loud. Sam silently asked if Dean wanted to stop and Dean wordlessly said no. They conversed like that, like how they had done when they were little and about to be dropped off at Bobby's. Sam offered to drive and Dean rather forcefully declined. They bickered about small things like that until Dean doubled over, swerving the car off the road. He staggered out and dropped to his knees.

"Dean!" Sam shouted.

Dean retched, pain shot through his body like a missile. He staggered to his feet only to have Sam force him back down. "S'mmy," he coughed.

"I'm here," Sam whispered. "It's okay, breathe Dean. Just breathe." He was freaking out, his hands trembled. "I'm calling Gabriel." He pulled out his phone, scrolling through the contacts until he found 'Gabriel' in them. He picked up on the first ring.

" _Trickster here_ ," Gabe answered lazily.

"Gabe, somethings wrong with Dean. Get over here now." Sam fought to keep panic out of his voice as Dean began to cough up tiny red flecks. "Shit Dean," he murmured.

" _I'll be right over._ " He paused before saying, " _don't expect this to happen often. It's Cas's job to take care of you."_

"Right, right," Sam said. "Thanks Gabe." He dropped down besides Dean who appeared to be having trouble breathing.

"Sam," he said, "Amara she..."

In a flutter of wings Gabriel appeared beside them. "What did you see?" he asked, his voice urgent. "Tell me!"

Dean looked up, his eyes wide and tearful from pain. "It's Amara," he coughed.

"What did she do Dean?" Sam asked, fear threatening to choke him.

Dean looked faintly sick. "She d...destroyed Lucifer's wings."


	13. Chapter 13

Gabriel turned away. He swiped a hand over his eyes despite them being dry. Lucifer, he whispered through Angel radar, not knowing if he could reach his brother. Brother.

"I...I felt it," Dean said quietly behind him. "I felt Cas screaming inside my head. I heard what he said."

Sam shushed him, rubbing his neck and back.

"Dean. What did he say? Exact words if you can." Gabriel knelt down beside Dean who was collapse against Sam, his eyes fluttering.

"Gabe, not right now," Sam snapped.

"I need to know!"

"It's okay Sammy," Dean said softly. "I'm not helpless."

Sam smiled his trademark tight lipped smile that made dimples appear in his cheeks. "I know."

Dean turned to Gabriel. "He said help me. Help us, Dean, Amara ripped Lucifer's wings to shreds and will do the same to mine. I..I'm scared that she will take our Grace's, I'm sorry I took Lucifer, I'm sorry I didn't find another way to cure the Mark." Dean swallowed, swiping a hand across his eyes. "It was my fault, all of this, and if you don't want to save me, I couldn't blame you. I don't deserve it but you and Sam are the family I chose, above Heaven, above all the Angels, and above the world. So thank you for those years even if you leave me here."

Gabriel bit his lip. "What have you done Amara?" he hissed. "I can't zap you," he said. "I'm not fallen but I'm not at full power. I'm sorry. I used up too much already."

"Try," Dean snapped. "Try to get us there. Cedar Rapids, or at least a few hundred miles closer." Sam watched him pleadingly as Dean continued. "Your brother! Your baby brother, is being tortured and he's scared and he doesn't know what to do! He's praying to me because I'm the only thing he can pray too, because he counts on me to do this, to save him!" Dean was struggling to his feet now, leaning on both Sam and the Impala for support. "God isn't gonna save him, he gave up on that a long time ago, around the time he started believing in humans instead of the absent father. There was a time Gabriel, when I though we were similar, but now," he dropped his voice in disgust. "I could never leave my brother like you're leaving yours."

"Call Crowley," Gabriel snapped. "You think it doesn't hurt like all of Hell? To hear him in pain? I was the closest to Castiel for thousands of years, I was closest to Lucifer for millennia! When he went to Cage, I would only speak when Cas begged and cried for me to do so. I can't do it, I don't have enough in me to get two men and weapons to Cedar Rapids. Maybe your Demon friend can help." He disappeared, leaving the Winchesters staring at the spot he had vanished.

Dean collapsed against Sam, obviously exhausted. "Hey, hey," Sam said. "Stay with me now, okay? I'm calling Crowley." He opened his phone to the contacts and tapped on Crowley.

" _Hello_ ," answered the haughty British accent.

"Crowley. We have a lead on Amara, get your ass over here."

" _Moose_ ," Crowley said. " _I'm sorry but I'm off limits for Amara, I want to keep my innards inside thank you."_

Dean made a gesture for the phone and Sam handed it to him. "Crowley, he said, slurring slightly.

" _Squirrel, don't tell me your hammered_."

Dean chuckled dryly. "No, I know what's happened with Lucifer and Cas, we have a lead."

" _I heard but nothing in it for me._ "

"I won't hunt you down and slit your throat with my knife if you come," he snapped.

"Touché," came a voice from behind them.

Sam jumped as Crowley walked forewords, ending the call. "Good to see you," Sam said. "Can you transport humans?"

"Straight to the point I see," Crowley smirked. "Blunt as ever Moose. And yes," he said before Sam could open his mouth. "I can."

"Cedar Rapids, Iowa," Dean said, dragging himself off the hood of the car. "Old abandoned hospital. We need to get there, now."

"Easy Tiger," he replied. "I will get you there but it won't do your Angel any good, you know. You look like your about to keel over dead. One rest night, then go after Amara."

"Agreeable," Sam said, nodding. "We haven't slept well in a while."

Dean looked mutinous. "Fine," he said, too tired to disagree. "Drop us off by a motel and come back bright and early tomorrow."

Crowley nodded sharply. "Of course you two. Now that little Angel's gone you need someone else to carry out your wishes."

Dean flinched. "Tomorrow. Seven am, we will be expecting you," he said, refusing to talk about Cas to Crowley.

"Of course," Crowley said sarcastically. "Always happy to help." He put a hand on both Sam and Dean's shoulders and they disappeared.

It was like being squeezed through a tube, Sam thought. Tight, air hitting and chaffing your skin. He felt Dean and Crowley pushed up against him, heard his brothers breath and Crowley's suit fabric rubbing against the flannel of Sam's jacket. He imagined it was what apparition felt like.

Where they landed was the parking lot of a roadside inn called Granny's house. It was warm out, humid and the land around them stretched flat for miles and miles. Dean staggered, evidently still drained from the prayers and pain. Sam grabbed his arm to steady him. "You good?" he asked.

Dean grunted, his face a mask of pain.

"See you tomorrow," Crowley said. "Rest up. Can't have Amara kill my Kingdom because

you two idiots were too tired to deal with her."

"Wait," Sam said, supporting Dean even more. "Why? Why did the prayer drain him like this?"

Crowley cursed. "Angel prayer. It's a last resort, to pray to a human, even if they are the Sword of Michael. Cas must be in serious trouble. Angels sap the life out of the receivers of their prayers, other than God. If Cas prayed to Dean despite knowing this would happen, I can't bear to imagine what Amara must be doing. Now, I must go. Urgent business with mother dearest." He disappeared with a flap of his jacket.

Sam wrapped an arm around Dean, helping him to the double doors of the inn. "Can you walk?" he asked.

"Not by myself," Dean said, too exhausted to even formulate a lie.

While Sam checked in, Dean watched as Crowley reappeared, the Impala next to him. Of course, he wasn't processing it but rather thinking of Cas and Lucifer and Amara. He would face her tomorrow and he would have to choose. Sam and Cas or Amara, his "deepest" desire? Dean rubbed his nose. There was no competition. Family before lust, right? But it was hard, he was drawn to her like a moth to fire, a pair of magnets. "No," he muttered out loud. "No."

"Dean," Sam called. "Hey."

Dean looked up. "Heya Sam, got rooms?"

"Yeah," he said, sliding an arm around Dean's waist. "No," he said as Dean protested. "Just let me help you, okay? You look like your about to die."

Dean let out a dry laugh. "Been there, done that."

Sam was too tired to attempt humor. He stopped and glared at his brother. "Don't even joke like that. Not now, not with Amara looming over us, because if you die who has to carry you home? Drive you back to the bunker and burn you? Me Dean, me!"

Dean flinched at the pain in Sam's voice. "Hey," he whispered. "First off, I promise I won't leave you. Second, dude lower the volume."

"Sorry," Sam said. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, you don't have to apologize. If you had said that I would've slapped you." Dean stumbled sideways and Sam gripped him tighter.

They stumbled through the lobby, earning a few curious and concerned glances from the recipients by otherwise went unnoticed. Sam had made sure the room was on the first floor to ensure Dean would have to walk the least amount possible. Dean, who was barely conscious, was eternally grateful.

The second they reached the room, Dean sagged alarmingly against Sam. "Receiving that prayer took a lot out of you didn't it?" Sam murmured. "Come on, just a little bit further."

Dean muttered something that Sam could hardly make out. "D'you think Cas is okay?"

Sam swiped the card and the door beeped, signaling that it unlocked. He pushed it open, dragging his big brother in with him. "I don't know," he said, giving the raw truth for once. "For all we know he-"

Dean shook his head violently. "No. I would know about it Sam. He's alive."

"I'll take your word for it. Now come on, you need rest." Sam pushed Dean down so he was sitting on the bed.

"Go take a shower or something," Dean said. "I can take care of myself."

As much as Sam wanted to protest, to help his brother, he nodded and headed towards the door to get stuff from the Impala. "Try and stay awake until I get back," Sam called. "I'll bring clean clothes and food, sound good?"

"Defiantly," Dean said tiredly. He lay back, watching Sam until the door clicked behind him. Then he sighed and closed his eyes to think about the events of the day.

Cas was scared, really, truly scared. He was so terrified he would risk Dean's well being to get the message to him. He and Sam see the only people who could help him, Gabriel being nearly useless in this game. His powers were fading now that he had revealed himself to them, and they didn't know why. Great, he thought. Michael's in the cage, Lucifer is wingless, Gabriel is all but human, and Raphael's dead. Damn it, I should have said yes to Michael when I had the chance, then none of this would have happened. I could have taken Michael and Sam and I could have jumped in the cage together. Adam would be safe, the world would be safe. Damn it.

" _Dean_?" came Sam's voice, he sounded panicked. "Dean!"

Dean opened his eyes. "Yeah? What is it?" He felt by his belt for his knife.

Sam let out a relieved breath. "Sorry, I...its just for a second I...I couldn't see you breathing."

"I'm fine Sammy," Dean said, the phrase coming out sharper than he and meant for it to. His voice softened. "It's okay. After mom...yeah, we would get left at Bobby's and every night I would crawl into the crib with you because you were so, so small and I...I...was never sure if you were moving and all I could think was that I lost mom and I was loosing dad and I needed to make sure I kept you. That why I do everything I do for you, and I would do it again and again."

Sam blinked quickly. He turned away and in a choked voice he said, "how old were you?"

"I dunno. Four? Five? It's not a big deal Sammy. Take a shower, get some rest."

"Four?" Sam said incredulously. "God! Normal four year olds are building Legos with dad or letting their mom fawn over them, not trying to keep a baby alive."

"Yeah well, when have our lives ever been normal?"

"Good question." Sam tossed his some clothes. "Change and get some sleep. I'm taking a shower."

Dean nodded and waited for Sam to disappear and lock the door behind him before stripping off his shirt, soaked with grime and sweat. He tossed it by the closet door and caught a glimpse of himself in the full length mirror. It had been so long since he had really looked at himself but even just seeing the reflection made him notice several drastic changes.

He was thinner. The muscle outlines in his chest and arms were still finely carved but his ribs were quite a bit more visible as well as his collar and even chest bones, which he had never paid much attention to before. His eyes looked more tired, his posture was hunched as if in physical pain, and there were lines on his forehead. Small little lines, thin and almost invisible, but still there. There was also a load of darkness under his eyes, making the green look pale and sad. He looked almost like Sam while he was doing the Trials.

Dean shuddered and slipped on the grey t-shirt Sam had brought him, and the tattered jeans as they didn't have proper sleeping clothes packed. He opened the closet so that the mirror was no longer visible and lay down on the bed closest to the door. Within moments he had drifted off, praying on last time to Castiel. We're coming, okay? Hold on.

About an hour later it was Dean who woke up to Sam's tortured shouts. "Lucifer! No! Dean!"

Dean was on his feet in less that a second and by his brother side. "Hey Sammy," he whispered urgently. "It's alright. Lucifer won't hurt you, you're okay. I'm okay, everything's fine."

Sam opened his eyes blearily. "Dean..." he whispered.

"Yeah. What do you need?" Dean asked. "Anything you want?"

Sam gripes his arm tightly. "Stay. Please, I...I'm scared for tomorrow. What if Cas dies? What if you never get to tell him?"

Dean's heart twisted. Sam was having nightmares about Dean not getting to tell Cas how he felt? Wow, could you get more Winchester? "I'll stay," he said softly, unable to find it within himself to deny his brother anything, especially not when he was looking at him with those wide, exhausted and scared eyes.

"Thank you..." Sam closed his eyes as Dean settled down next to him, back pressed against Sam's, their breathing regulating.

"Anything for you Sammy."

 **AN: That was a little bit Wincesty. Sorry about that lol, I don't ship it btw**


	14. Chapter 14

Lucifer was exhausted.

Amara was relentless in her ways of torture, his wings, what he had prided himself on highly, were shreds on his back. Cas was still inside him, hardly conscious. Lucifer could hear his soft moans of agony and harsh breathing when he tried to move. Lucifer, he called out. You shouldn't have taken the hit for me. In the end, we are nearly as badly off.

Lucifer winced, remembered Cas's stoic face no matter how far Amara dug into his Grace, but she dared not touch his wings. " _For Dean,_ " she had said. " _I'm only doing this for Dean, keep your pathetic wings_."

Cas, please, Lucifer replied. It's alright. I couldn't have watched you go through this.

It hurt me to watch her tear through you. I would rather have been in your place than unable to do anything.

Amara appeared at the far end of the room. "Boys," she called. "How are you?"

Lucifer sank into the vessel. "I'm fine auntie, thanks for asking!" he said brightly, forcing an excessive smile.

"Attitude will get you nowhere Lucifer. How are those wings of yours?"

Lucifer flinched. "They've been better, I can tell you that much."

"At least you still have them. I could have cut them off completely and torn out your Grace. Imagine that; Lucifer, the Father of Sin, the Morningstar, the Dark Prince, a mortal. A powerless mortal. Of course, that is still an option."

Castiel growled inside of Lucifer.

"Oh shut up Cas," Lucifer said aloud. "She won't."

Amara's fine eyebrows shot up. "Oh?"

"Yeah, if I'm mortal I die of my wounds almost immediately. Then you can't use me to get daddy dearest."

"But I have Castiel still. God doesn't care about you as much as he does about the seraph."

Lucifer nodded. "True."

"True?" she asked. "That's all?"

Lucifer? What are you doing? Cas asked worriedly. Don't let her hurt you more!

Lucifer laughed out loud.

Amara's eyes widened. "What is it?" she asked angrily. "What is so amusing?"

"Oh, forgive me," Lucifer smiled. "But you won't kill me or turn me mortal. Your threats are empty."

Amara stepped up into his face. "How would you know, pray tell?"

"I already stated that I would die but you made it clear you think dad doesn't care and I confirmed it. But believe me, Michael and Gabriel will."

"Michael's in the cage, he can't touch me here." Her eyes flickered everywhere but his Jimmy's blue ones

Lucifer sighed. "You know why the Archangel's are bad news. They can give the Mark, same with Reapers. They hand one of the Winchesters Cain's curse and you get your ass slammed back behind bars."

Amara's eyes were wide and full of ill-disguised fear. "I should throw you back into the cage."

Lucifer knew she could and felt nerves rise in his stomach. He didn't want to go back. Lucifer put on a snarky expression, deciding that if she was to lock him up, he could at least go down being a jackass. "Really? I've escaped the cage twice now. That's one time more that you. And guess what? Michael's in there! You open that door long enough for me to be dragged in and he gets out. One Archangel for another. The soldier or the rebel, take your pick. Looking at Dean, solider seems to be more your type."

Castiel flinched at the mention of Dean.

"Do not speak to me like that!" Amara hissed, her hand on his neck at heat and knives flooding through his body.

Lucifer screamed as he felt his blood begin to boil inside of him, his Grace was being skinned alive. All he could think was " _is this what it felt like for Sam?_ "

"Oh nephew," Amara said, raising his chin with a long, sold hand. "Everything so far has been child's play."

Lucifer! Castiel's voice was hard and commanding. _Let me take over! She won't kill me or touch my wings or slam me in the cage again._

Lucifer felt himself ascending, passing Cas as the seraph made his way into the vessel. Cas no! he shrieked.

Outside he could vaguely hear Amara speaking to Castiel. He could only catch bits and pieces of their conversation. "The coward shows...won't touch your wings...Dean Winchester...hopeless...fallen."

Not once did he hear Cas speak out loud to Amara, however he spoke to Lucifer constantly. Lucifer, she is going to kill Gabriel. It's a trap, she knew they would come and she knew they'd know where we'd be. There's Holy Oil all across the floor.

Lucifer's breath caught. _Pray Cassie, pray to Dean. Tell him about it, tell them to leave us. As long as she's occupied with us and God she can't inflict damage on the world._

 _I can't. He's already weak from my earlier prayers, I cannot weaken him further. It will become dangerous._

 _It's his strength or his brother and our brother's life!_ _Amara will destroy him too, you know that!_

Cas was silent.

 _You know I am right brother._

Silence.

 _I know you love him Cas, I've been in your head. If he died what would become of you? You would whither away or, I know, rip out you Grace in a fit of madness and die._

 _Fine_.

Lucifer was stunned. What?

 _I will pray to him. It will sap him of energy but he will come anyways, you know. At least he will be aware it is a trap._ Cas's voice practically dripped with hate for what he was about to do.

Lucifer relaxed, allowing blackness to seep into his vision before he felt himself being ripped from the vessel and slammed into a different one, his first, the blond man whose name was Nick. Then he heard Castiel's scream of utter anguish. Cas! he shrieked back. Castiel! No! There was no reply and suddenly Lucifer felt the heat of Cas's Grace fade. Fear smothered him. "AMARA! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

The lithe woman appeared beside him. "Take it easy darling nephew."

"What have you done?" he whispered, voice low and dangerous as a raging storm. "Is he alive?"

Amara flashed a quick smile. "I needed to stop him from warning Dean. See, I need both Sam and Gabriel dead and it wouldn't work if they knew." She examined her nails.

"Is he alive?" Lucifer snarled.

Amara glanced up, her sharp eyes finding the Archangel's. "No."

 **AN: I'm sorry**


	15. Chapter 15

Dean woke up with a sick, heavy feeling in his gut, like someone had dropped a weight inside of him. Something was horribly wrong. He looked around, trying to grasp his surroundings. Motel with ugly-ass wall paper, an old clock reading 5:34am. Sam was pushed up against him, curled into Dean as if he was using Dean as a shield.

Dean felt something empty inside him, a toy you know you've forgotten but can't do anything about feeling. It felt like when he had lost his father only more intense, different somehow. He blinked around confusedly, trying to pinpoint exactly what it was. Then, like the weight of the Mark of Cain, it hit him. Dean felt a scream building in his throat but he bit it back. "Sammy," he whispered, tears beginning to race down his face in earnest. "Sammy!"

Sam shot up, his hair sticking up in all directions like windblown grass. "Dean? What is it?"

Dean shook his head, tears rose in his throat, choking him. He buried his face in his arms. "Cas," he whispered. "It's Cas."

Sam's eyes were wide and alert now. "Did he pray to you again?"

Dean shook his head.

"Nightmare?"

Another shake.

"What?"

Dean stumbled over the words. "I felt it...Sammy, he's..." Dean couldn't form the rest of the sentence but he didn't have to- understanding bloomed across Sam's face.

"Oh, oh God." Sam blinked quickly, turning his head away to swipe a hand across his eyes. "Oh God, Dean I'm so, so sorry. But how do you know?" he asked, his voice calm and soft. "Maybe he's still-"

"He's not," Dean whispered. "As much as I desperately want to believe he is, I know he's not."

Sam looked sick. "Oh God, Cas, no, no."

"No, no." Dean buried his face in his calloused hands. "No. I...I can't..."

Sam was utterly helpless. Dean was in pain, crying because of the one person he would even consider putting above Sam was dead. And he had died alone and, if it was Amara, most defiantly painfully. Sam wanted to hug Dean and tell him it was alright but the disbelief and pain brought him back to a time years ago when Jess and died. He knew there was nothing that could lessen it.

Dean stood up, swinging his legs out of the bed. His eyes burned with a vengeance brighter than Michael's sword. "I'm leaving," he said softly, pulling on his jacket. "Stay here."

"What?" Sam asked.

"I'm finding Amara," he replied. "And I'm kicking her ass. Then I'll kill everything out there that had a hand in this." His pain and grief has morphed into blind rage, he was seeing red.

"Dean!" Sam hurried to stand up and grabbed Dean's shoulder. "Look at me. No, this is what dad did. He destroyed himself for something that was beyond his control. Dean, it's hard but Cas is dead! He's not coming back and running out there with no plan, no backup, in the early morning after you had been completely drained, it's a suicide mission! You have a zero percent chance of getting out of this!"

Dean whipped around. "I don't care!" he snapped. "Yeah, I'll die but, you know what, I'm done! I don't care anymore! He's dead Sam, I can't even begin to say how much I cared about him, and he's gone! It doesn't matter if I die because I don't have anything left!"

Sam recoiled is if burned. "You have me," he said, hurt clear in his wide, sad eyes.

"Shit, no. I...I don't know anymore. I know I have you and I always will but I just...Cas is different, was different."

"Hey," Sam whispered. "Sit down. Listen to me, I lost Jess and even all these years later I remember all of it and every detail, every feeling of her. I still dream about her sometimes. Do you know why? Because I loved her. It wasn't like those chicks you date for a month and then dump, I _love_ Jessica. Still. And you love Cas and you will for years to come. It's gonna hurt like all of hell and worse most of the time until you accept it. Take it from me, exacting revenge won't do anything. We watched the thirst for revenge drive dad into near instantly, you watched it almost destroy me, you should know." He rubbed his eyes. "But we need Amara dead so, when the time comes, you can kill her. I won't stop you."

Dean looked up from the floor at which he had been staring at for the past few minutes. "We need to tell Gabriel," he whispered. "He deserves to know. Also Sam, spit it out, you're practically choking on a question."

"You won't like it."

"I don't like anything right now." Dean pressed a hand to his chest as if it would plug up the hole he felt. "Go right ahead."

"What did it feel like?" Sam asked hesitantly. "I'm sorry, don't answer that."

Dean paused. "When Cas...?"

"Yeah."

"It felt like...like this great big hole in my chest, you know, like when you know you're missing something but you don't know what. And I felt it spread through my body and I started to realize and I tried to pray but it was gone. Our bond or whatever, just disappeared. And I knew." Dean closed his eyes, letting grief wash over him. He was drowning in his sorrow, his horror and disbelief. Sure, he had lost Cas before but this was so final, so closing. He didn't know what to do. Cas had died alone, maybe Lucifer as there, and suddenly he felt all the pain he was sure Lucifer felt at least some variation of.

The pain of loosing a little brother.

Sam's arms wrapped around him and Dean didn't protest, burying his face in Sam's shoulder. "It's gonna be okay," Sam soothed. "You're gonna be okay."

Dean gripped Sam tighter. "I never told him," he choked. "I wanted to tell him. He needed to know."

"I know," Sam said. "You love him and he died and that's one of the worst types of pain there is. I'm so sorry."

"Call Gabe," Dean said, pulling away but keeping a hand on Sam's arm and gripping tightly as if his brother was the only thing keeping him sane. "He needs to know, Sam."

"We can call him later. If you want to be in any state to fight Amara you need sleep."

"Call him." Deans voice was hard and steady.

"Why? Why now?"

Dean swallowed. "Because if you died I'd want to know immediately, not 'in the morning', not 'after you rest' not 'later'. Sammy I swear if you don't call him..."

Sam sighed and pulled out him phone, knowing Dean was right. He tapped the screen several times before raising it to his ear. "Hey Gabe."

 _"Sam? Why so early?"_

Sam stumbled over his words as he body threatened to cry. "It's about Cas."

You could practically hear Gabriel freeze. _"What about him?"_ he said, voice dangerous.

"Dean would prefer to tell you. In person," Sam said, glancing at Dean who nodded. "We are at a roadside inn called Granny's house. Cedar Rapids, room 23."

The phone call ended and within seconds Gabriel, looking flustered and scared, appeared. "My brother?" he asked. "What about him?" He looked around, seeing Sam with an arm wrapped around Dean who wore a tear stained mask of pain. "No..." he whispered, his legs failing him as he understood. "Oh no. When?"

"Fifteen minutes," Dean said softly.

"How can be you be sure?" Gabe asked, clinging on to a desperate hope.

Dean pressed on his chest. "I can feel it. It's like a great hole in my heart, in my head. It's where our bond was. I...Gabriel I am so sorry."

"Is Lucifer...?" He could bring himself to say 'dead'.

"I don't know. But Cas...oh God, I can't believe it. I never got to tell him..."Dean wasn't even sure if he was thinking the words or saying them, the world had muddled into a blob of noises and sounds and pain.

Gabriel stared at Dean with an expression of profound realization. "You loved him," he whispered. "The Righteous Man in love with an Angel of the Lord. You were in love with my brother."

Dean nodded. "What do you want me to say? I am."

Sam glanced between the two. "Listen, Crowley's transporting us to the hospital where Amara and Lucifer are. He arrives at seven sharp. Are you staying Gabe?"

"Am I going to miss the chance to kick Amara's ass? In your dreams! I'm going to kill her for what she did to Cassie." His voice broke on the last word. "Who gets to kill her?" Sam was surprised the Archangel didn't protest on working with the king of Hell.

"Me," Dean said quickly.

Gabriel looked unhappy at this arrangement but nodded. "Of course."

"Good," Sam said, clapping his hands together. "Dean, rest." He pointed towards the beds. "If your gonna kill her, you'd better sleep first. No use if you're half dead before we even get out there."

"No," Dean replied. "I doubt I could even if I tried." He rubbed the bridge of his nose and wished he could do something to fill the emptiness inside of him.

"Dean," Sam said sternly. "Rest."

Dean opened his mouth to protest again but Gabriel was in front of him, quick as a flash, with two fingers to his forehead. Dean collapsed and Sam moved to grab him and set him on the bed. "Thanks," he said, pulling a blanket around Dean's prone form.

"No problem," Gabriel replied. "Now I can do the same to you. You'll wake up at six forty five sharp, enough time to get out and be ready for Crowley. I'll be there too."

"Thanks," Sam said graciously. He settled down next to Dean and said in response to Gabriel's raised eyebrow, "I can't let him wake up alone, not after...God Gabe, I am so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"If we had made him feel worth saving..."

"Sam, listen, I'm not mad at you or Dean. Hell, I don't know if I'm even mad at Amara right now. I'm just tired. You couldn't have known."

"Thanks. Really, it means a lot." Sam smiled tiredly and Gabe put two fingers to his forehead, allowing him to sink away from the pain of loosing Cas.

Gabriel smiled down at the brothers, sleeping next to each other. Even in sleep Dean's forehead was creased and there were stark bags under Sam's eyes. "Sleep," he whispered. "And may both of you survive what tomorrow brings."

He zapped outside, feeling the cold wind whip against his face. "How could you?" he called into the night. " _Father_! We loved you! Castiel was a good Angel, he loved Humanity to the point where he fell for it in every way possible! He loved a human, Dean Winchester! You monster, you sadistic creature!" His voice rose, tearing his throat as he screamed the words up to the Heavens. "Cas followed your order to love man-kind! He loved it more than you, he did more for it that you!" Gabriel fell to his knees, feeling the vessels skin split on the sharp stones but he didn't care.

If anyone were to look out the window just then, they would see a man collapsed on the ground, his head thrust back to look at the dark night sky, his body heaving with silent sobs of complete and utter anguish. But nobody stirred that night in the Inn, nobody saw the weeping Angel rise to his feet and scream loud and long to a Father who could not hear him.

 **AN: this is one of the top saddest chapters to write. Sorry guys**


	16. Chapter 16

Lucifer let out a scream of both anger and agony. "Cas!" he shouted. "You turned him human before you killed him, didn't you?" He turned to Amara, realizing he was no longer bound. "That's why the heat of his Grace disappeared."

Amara glanced up then went back to examining her nails. "It was very human and very painful. And Angel wings would have ruined the decor." She flicked her wrist and Lucifer felt the ropes bind his hands and yank him so that he hung painfully by his wrists from a high beam on the ceiling.

Lucifer let out another agonized cry as he saw the trench-coated body, turned on its side, blood pooling from underneath it. "No! Cassie!" He struggled, trying to break free and reach his brother. "Cassie!"

"Oh shut up," she snapped. "He's gone, your baby brother is gone. Accept it."

Lucifer raised his head, locking eyes. "Amara," he said slowly. "They're coming, Cas prayed earlier. They know the location of where we are, and despite their flaws, the Winchester's are far from being stupid. It's going to be too easy, they'll realize. Especially if Gabe's there."

For a split second fear seemed to flash in Amara's eyes. "Let them come," she said. "I will slaughter them, all but Dean, and he will watch his brother die."

"I'd like to see you try," Lucifer snarled. "There's no strength like that being driven by loss and love."

Sam groaned and rolled over, bumping against something warm and soft which he recognized to be his brother. Slowly, he pried open his eyes to a soft light coming through the open window. The clock on the bedside table read 6:45am.

Cas... Memories flooded in to Sam's head, Dean's terrified, grief strikes face, Gabriel sinking to his knees, Cas dead. He had hoped so desperately it had just been a dream.

Dean groaned in his sleep, it sounded pained.

"Dean," Sam whispered, nudging his brother. "Hey, wake up."

Dean blinked, green slivers of his eyes just visible as he squinted around. "Sam," he said. "Please tell me last night was a dream." He was hardly awake but begging, Sam realized painfully. Begging for Sam to tell him Cas was still alive, a lie Sam could not bear tell.

"I was hoping you could tell me that," Sam sighed. "God I'm sorry."

Dean fell silent. He blinked harshly and sat up. "Do we have any food?" he asked.

"Crowley gets us in thirteen minutes, we wouldn't have time. I have a granola bar for each of us though, and some jerky." Sam knew Dean was trying to steer the conversation away from Cas and feelings and was more than happy to oblige. "Here," he said, standing and digging through the pockets of his jacket and pulling out a granola and a packet of jerky.

Dean unwrapped his and sat there staring at it. He made no move to eat until Sam found the second one and began to chow down. "Do you think Crowley will show?" Dean asked, taking a bite.

"Yeah," Sam said. "He'd be an idiot not to."

"Yeah."

They sat in silence, finishing the meager supply of food they had, ignoring the blatantly obvious question: after this, then what? Sam spared a glance at the clock, seeing it was 6:57am, and said softly, "let's go."

They stood, walking down the long, quiet hallway and quickly checking out of the room they had reserved under the names Jacob and Nathan Snow. The attractive young man at the front desk bid them a good day and winked at Dean who forced himself to smile back. Sam put a hand on his brothers back and pushed him along. "You good?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Dean replied, his voice cracking. He looked down at his phone. "Seven. Crowley should be here any second."

"Hello Moose, Squirrel. How's everything?" Crowley appeared behind them. "Oh," he said, seeing their faces, Dean's grieving eyes. "I take it things aren't well."

"Hello Crowley," said Gabriel's voice behind Crowley. "I'll be joining you, I take it that the Winchesters did not inform you."

"No, they did neglect to mention that. Hello Gabriel, thought you were dead."

"You and most of Heaven," Gabriel replied cooly. "Take them, I'll meet you. I don't have enough mojo to do loads of stuff but I can transport."

"Right," Sam said, clapping his hands. "Abandoned hospital, I asked the hotel staff about it when I was checking in." Dean shot him a sharp look. "Sorry I didn't tell you Dean," Sam added. "But it's only thirty miles from here, closed in 1845 due to medical experiments performed by doctors. You know, it's perfect for a haunting and for a hiding place."

"Great," Dean said. "Get us there."

Crowley nodded. He grabbed both of their arms, turned to Gabriel and said, "see you there."

Dean had the familiar notion of being squeezed through a tube, his body pressed against Crowley's and Sam's, sandwiched in between. The breath was squeezed out of his lungs and the second he hit solid ground he let out a gasping cough. "Never again," he swore.

"You're welcome," Crowley said. "Now, do you want me to stay and fight or leave?"

"Fighting would be preferable," Sam told him. "Most likely this is a trap. Gabriel," he said, turning to the angel who had just appeared behind them. "Who else in Heaven knew you were alive?"

Gabriel's eyes widened. "Lucifer," he said. "Lucifer knew I was alive."

"You are giving us both a run through of all of this when and if we get out," Dean said, throwing his hands us. "Cause I'm lost. We thought Lucifer killed you, how does he know you're alive?

"We're getting out of here," Sam said. "All of us, don't you dare say 'if'."

"Not all of us," Gabriel whispered sadly.

Crowley seemed catch on. "Oh." He looked around. "We'd better move. Start going in before she bloody sees us."

"Wait," Sam said. "Gabe, Lucifer could have told her that you were alive, this is most likely a trap set specifically for you."

Gabriel nodded. "Luci would have used my existence to scare her with the prospect of another Archangel. It's very likely she knows."

"Okay..." Sam said. "Then stay outside till I text you, let you know it's safe."

Gabriel look unhappy with this arrangement but nodded. "It's for the best," he muttered. "I can get Amara down with Lucifer's help."

Crowley raised his hand. "Where do I come in?" he asked.

Dean glared at him. "We should have discussed this before," he said. "Crowley, you take down as many demons you can if she has them while Sam and I go looking for her and Lucifer." He couldn't bring himself to mention the third member of the party. "Sam, once we see her, you stay outside the room or whatever, no going near Lucifer. Text Gabe and tell him to come, then he releases Lucifer and you two work on getting her down so I can kill her."

Sam nodded, glancing around at Gabe and Crowley, both of whom looked slightly resentful of their part to play. "But Dean," Sam said. "If she's hurting you, I am going in there. Screw Lucifer."

Gabriel coughed. "Keep in mind that's my big brother Sam, and if you kill him, I'll kill yours."

Sam glared at him. "Because you never have before?"

"Shut it Sasquatch."

"Hate to alarm you," Crowley interrupted. "But we haven't got all day."

"Right," Dean said, tucking the pistol into his belt along with the Ruby's knife and an Angel blade. "Ready or not, here we fucking come Amara."


	17. Chapter 17

Dean crept into the parameter of the hospital. It was quiet, too quiet to be clean of traps. He heard Sam's sharp intake of breath as he stepped in something wet. "What is it Sammy?" he asked, voice low.

"Holy Oil," Sam replied. "They dosed the place in it. To get Gabe."

"Shit."

Crowley followed behind Dean, eyes flickering to the tall, dark windows several stories up. "There are demons here," he informed them. "Tons."

"That's your job to take care of," Dean said, tossing the knife over his shoulder at the demon. "Have fun and don't die, we might still need you."

"How sweet," Crowley hissed malevolently, moving out of the way of the blade. "Touches me right were my bathing suit goes."

"Shut it," Sam snapped. "We have bigger problems than Dean being a jerk."

"Bitch," Dean said back, out of habit.

Sam rolled his eyes, and froze. A soft moan dragged out of the highest floor of the building, carried down on a breeze to the ears of the trio. Dean shivered, it was a terrible, broken sound.

Quietly, they neared the single door. Dean crouched down by it, twisting the handle. "Locked," he whispered, pulling out a bobby pin and inserting it. "Got it. Crowley, watch for demon traps."

Crowley nodded once and disappeared into thin air.

"Ready?" Sam asked.

"As long as she dies," Dean said as the locked popped under his nimble fingered insertion.

The brothers crept into the still hall. It was freezing, Dean could see his breath and he shuddered, dropping the gun to wrap his jacket around him. Sam did the same. His face was apprehensive and nervous. Dean sped up to draw even with him. "You good?" he asked.

Sam swallowed, his lips pressed together in a tight line. "It just reminds me of Lucifer, the whole place."

Dean stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You can go back."

"I won't leave you to fight her alone," Sam said. "End of discussion."

Dean smiled and clapped Sam on the shoulder, secretly relieved he wouldn't have to go in solo. "Good."

They scaled the first flight of stairs before they heard a scream. Dean froze. "Demons, Crowley's got them."

The second scream was followed by a heavy thud and a burst of furious profanity in a British accent. "That what you get for plotting against me!" Crowley said, his voice echoing throughout the voluminous rooms.

There were several more shout and thuds before Crowley appeared behind them, covered in blood. "Not mine," he said in response to a questioning look from Sam.

"You did good," Dean grinned. "Can you tell if there are more?"

"No," Crowley said. "I could sense it."

"Scan the upper areas," Sam directed. "Report to us if you find anything even remotely fishy."

"Aye aye captain," Crowley said before disappearing again.

Dean grimaced at Sam and began to head up the stairs again. "If Amara doesn't know we're in here by now..."

"Yeah," Sam exhaled.

Dean tested the stair ahead of him, it was rusted and creaky and fell through when he put even a little weight on it. Raising his eyebrows, he stepped over it, making sure Sam saw it as well.

It took around ten minutes for them to get up the first three flights of stairs and another five to brave the rusted, falling, dilapidated ladders leading up the what they could only presume was the attic. Dean peaked around the corner, drawing in a sharp intake of breath.

Lucifer, clad in his old vessel, was hanging by his hands, bloody and bruised, torn up back facing Dean. Off to his right, a body lay. It was wearing a tan trench coat Dean found all too familiar as he had carried it around for ages after the owner had been presumed dead. "Cas," he breathed, resisting the urge to sprint over to the body and demand what had happened. "Dammit."

Sam let out a soft gasp when he saw Lucifer, his eyes scanning over Cas. His hands began to shake and fear was prominent in his hazel eyes, he doubled back. "This is as far as I'll go," he whispered. "I'm sorry but I can't."

Dean turned away, facing his brother. "I couldn't ask you to do more." He put a hand on his brother's shoulder and squeezed. "You know there's a chance I'm not coming out of this."

"Don't say that.."

"It's true, I'll fight Sammy, with everything in me but it might not be enough. I always put you first but it's getting harder and harder to resist her. She's one of the reason I fight day after day after day. I need to kill her but it almost feels like I need _her_."

"The other reasons?" Sam asked. He was certain he knew the answers but he needed to hear them from Dean's mouth.

"You, I fight for you Sam, to keep you safe no matter the consequences. Then," Dean's gruff voice broke. "Then Cas, he would always be second to you, even with how much I care about him, he would always come second."

"Promise you'll try and get out of this," he begged. "Don't use this as an excuse to die, I know you want too."

Dean wrapped his little brother up in his arms. "I promise. No matter how much I'll want to give in, I'll keep fighting for my baby brother, I promise you Sammy."

Sam buried his face in Dean's shoulder, breathing in the familiar sent of sweat, jerky, and the lingering tang of old blood. He blinked back against tears filling his eyes.

"Shh," Dean whispered. "Don't cry Sammy. Don't cry."

"You aren't going to come back this time Dean, if you die you're gone for good. I...I don't know what I'd do."

"I promised you I'd try and get out Sammy, and that's a promise I fully intend to keep. But in the event I do die, get out. That's all I'm gonna say, get out, settle down, get married and have ten kids, join a strip club, I don't fucking care. Just get out. Promise."

Sam swallowed. "I promise."

Dean visibly relaxed. "I...I love you little brother. And I've never said that to you before, but I do."

"I know Dean," Sam choked. "You never have to say that, not to me, but I love you too, you're my big brother, how could I not? Now go, be safe, come back."

Dean pulled away, looking up at Sam, memorizing his face. "We're family," he whispered. "And family's what keeps me sane against Amara. As long as I remember that I should be fine." He took a deep breath and steeled himself before walking into the tall, shadowy room.


	18. Chapter 18

Dean's footsteps echoed loudly in the large, dark room, he resisted the urge to run to the still body on the floor. As he entered Lucifer stirred, looking up. His eyes widened and he shook his head, mouthing something.

 _It's a trap, it's a trap_.

Dean had suspected but never realized it until a second too late. It had seemed too easy from the start but the pieces had never been fully put together. A shimmering light covered the door, trapping Dean in. And backup out. Dean felt horrible nervous butterflies rise in his gut. From a dark corner of the room Amara appeared with a flourish, striding across the dirty, bloodied floor into the centre of the room. "Dean," she said.

"Amara," he replied coldly. Her eyes narrowed, confusion evident in them, as if she did not understand his hostility.

She was wearing her low cut black dress, hair pulled off to one side, her cheekbones sharp and angular as knives. She flicked her fingers and the room turned all white. Dean felt dread weigh him down as he remembered his dream. "It's much prettier like this," she stated. "You won't believe what it does to those eyes of yours."

 _Amara was standing in the centre of a completely white room. Her black dress was as daringly low cut as ever, her sharp eyes seemed to undress Dean the second he entered the room._

"It's been too long," she said in a low, seductive manner.

"Get away," Dean snapped as she took a step towards him. Normally at this point he would feel the urge to go to her but now, now all he could see was Sam with his neck broken, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling in his dream and Cas, in the moment, body twisted and drowning in a pool of blood. "Is he dead?" Dean asked, pulling out the gun, his heart twisting at the sight of his angel.

"You won't shoot," Amara said calmly though her eyes shine with an uncertainty that betrayed her.

"Don't be so sure." Dean calmly kept the gun trained on her forehead. "Is he dead?"

Amara sighed and snapped her fingers, Lucifer, who had been mouthing something frantically at Dean, fell unconscious. "Yes," she confirmed. "He's dead and he died a very human death."

"You took his Grace?" Dean said, forcing calm into his voice. "You took it and then killed him?" Every word he said was like a stake to the chest, like having his heart ripped out.

"Yes," said Amara, looking bored. "Going to kill me Dean? You can't hurt me, you don't want to."

Dean felt hot anger burn through his muscles, hate filled his body. "How _dare_ you?" he screamed. "Why Amara? What was the product of murdering him?"

Amara's eyes widened. "Why would you care?" she yelled. "He's a soldier, he doesn't have a soul, he fed you lies about how you two are his family when all you are is an excuse for his behavior! He didn't care about you.

"Don't say that," Dean said. "Don't you dare say that." His voice was low and dangerous.

Amara squinted at Dean, both fascinated and confused. "How are you doing that?" she asked. "How are you defying me? _Resisting_ me?

Gabriel huddled by the doorway where he, Crowley, and Sam all waited, watching Dean and Amara. When Gabe had first appeared Sam had to put him in a headlock to stop him from running to Lucifer and Castiel. His eyes were still wet from when Amara had indeed confirmed that Cas was dead.

Sam watched with horrified awe as Amara began to speak in a strangely controlling voice to Dean, certain his older brother wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. Dean's eyes fluttered and he swayed in his feet, the gun wavering. Sam stood ready and alert, on the verge of running out catch Dean should he fall, and he did fall but Gabe, despite being smaller, held Sam back.

Dean didn't just crumple as if knocked unconscious with the butt of a gun, but rather collapsed in slow motion. His entire body wavered before his head lolled back, his arms dropped, and his body hit the floor. Sam breathed heavily, trying to control the rage he felt for Amara and the worry for Dean. He watched her walk over to him and kneel beside Dean's almost still body, his soft breathing the only thing informing the younger Winchester he was alive.

"Dean," Amara murmmered. "Oh Dean, why can you resist me?" She ran a hand down his face to his chest, stopping above his stomach.

"Amara!" Lucifer shouted, coming to. "Leave him alone!"

Both Sam and Amara looked up in confusion. Why was _Lucifer_ defending The _Righteous Man?_

"Why would you care nephew?" Amara questioned, not moving from Dean's side. "It's not like he'll die, I only need to find out why he can resist me."

"So you'll touch his soul," Lucifer said loudly, glancing at where the three were hiding behind the door.

Sam froze as Lucifer's eyes skimmed over him. He knows we're here.

Amara repeated her question. "Why do you care? You're destined to fight him to the death!"

"Not him," Lucifer snapped. "I'm destined to fight Michael, Dean is only involved as a meat suit, it doesn't matter what I think of Dean, don't hurt him!"

Sam's eyes widened. "Why is he defending Dean?" he hissed.

Gabriel looked up, a smile on his face. "He knows how much he meant to Cas."

Amara glared at Lucifer. Then she gently pushed Dean over on to his back, and began moving her hand into his soul, light enveloping her hand as she seemed to pull Dean apart at the seams, searching for an answer.

Dean screamed, it was unlike any sound Sam had ever headed before, animalistic and grotesque. He wanted to run to Dean and...and he didn't know what else. He couldn't hurt Amara and he couldn't kill her because he promised Dean that he could. Sighing and waiting in suppressed agony, he stayed still.

Amara withdrew her hand as if burned. She stumbled to her feet, staring at Dean, who had begun to stir, with both fear and shock. "I don't understand," she whispered. "There's no name, no brand. Just...love?"

Behind her, Lucifer began to cackle, his voice filling the room and echoing off the walls. "Oh Amara," he said, tears of laughter trickling down his face. "You really don't know."

"And you do?" she asked.

"I can believe you don't," Lucifer chortled. "You absolute idiot!"

Amara raised her hand and Lucifer cried out. Sam grabbed Gabriel's arm. "Stay here," he hissed. "Not yet."

Lucifer screamed in pain and Gabe wretched his arm out of Sam's grasp. "Do you enjoy seeing him in pain?" he snapped. "Because he's my big brother Sam, and I hate it, just as you hate seeing Dean in pain."

"Shut it, both of you," Crowley said angrily, keeping his voice low. "Do you want her to hear?"

In the white room, Lucifer looked up, lips bloody. "Oh look, he's waking up," the devil said with a lofty air of boredom. "Ask him now."

Dean was struggling to his feet, looking dazed. "Amara," he said softly. "Did you like what you found?"

Amara crossed the room in two strides. "How?" she asked. "How is there a claim upon your soul? How have I never felt it before?"

Dean grimaced as her hands trailed down his shoulders to his abdominal. "Maybe it's because I never accepted it until only days ago."

"Accepted what?" Amara asked, more interest in her voice than annoyance and anger.

"Who I cared for. I mean, I care about my brother and the world, and to some degree I care about you. But this person left a mark on my soul long before you did."

Amara stepped in closer and Dean, despite being extremely uncomfortable, stood his ground. "Who is this person?" she hissed, leaning up to his ear. "A name."

Dean stepped back. "It doesn't matter," he growled, low and sensually. "I want you, not them." He brushed a stray stand of her hair behind her ear.

Sam's breath caught in his throat, Gabriel looked at Crowley and Sam in shock. "What's he doing?" he whispered angrily. "This wasn't part of the plan."

"Bollocks," Crowley swore. "He gave in."

"No. Shut up, watch," Sam said softly. Dean hand twitched towards Lucifer, signaling Gabe to enter and free the Archangel. "He's distracting her."

Dean's lips were bitter as he pressed them against Amara's. He moved with her, pressing her body up against a wall, feeling himself starting to get lost in her. Sammy, Cas, the world. He repeated the words over and over to himself, the words keeping him from being consumed by her. He also prayed Sam wasn't watching him make out with God's sister and had gotten his signal.

Amara gasped as he gently parted her lips with his tongue, pressing it into her mouth, tasting her. He slammed her against the wall, hoisting her up onto him and she wrapped her soft legs around him, her breasts pressing into his chest. She felt so good but also so wrong. Amara's hands gripped his hair and for a second he felt remorse before pushing her off of him. For a second she looked confused then her expression turned to one of understanding and pain as Gabriel and Lucifer, newly freed, joined hands and beams of blue and gold light began shooting out of their open palms.

Gabriel began to chant in some distant tongue and Lucifer joined him, the last remaining Archangel's seemed to pour all of their power into performing this act. Amara was hit with the fire stream in the chest, and when she screamed, and ,oh, did she scream, light poured from her eyes and mouth, so bright Dean turned away, his back facing her as to not blind himself.

" _Dean_!" Sam shouted suddenly, fear in his voice as his footsteps pounded closer to his brother. "Behind-"

A burning, ripping heat sliced through Dean's body, the world wavered and began to cloud over. He fell forwards but never hit the ground


	19. Chapter 19

When Sam saw Amara raise her hand against the light bombarding her, he had though it would just be a half-ass shield she tried to conjure to protect herself. He never thought this is what would happen.

The light had changed courses mid direction, swinging at Dean instead of her. Sam had screamed, tried to alert his brother of the danger behind him but it had been too late. The fire had struck the small of Dean's back where blood had exploded from. Light shot through his whole body before he began to fall.

Thats when Sam's whole world went black and white and someone had shoved cotton in his ears. Everything was muted, everything but Dean and his blood. The seconds it took for him to reach Dean seemed like minutes which felt like hours which felt years. And when he finally caught him, seconds before he would have collided face first with the floor, time was faster and the world was a blazing canvas of thoughts and motions and colors.

"Dean," Sam whispered, pressing on the puncture wound in his brothers back. "Dean, stay with me."

Gabriel paused his flow of light and Amara lunged forward but was hit back with a cloud of red smoke that Sam knew to be Crowley. "Dean?" Gabe called.

Dean turned his head, spitting out blood. "Finish her Sammy," he whispered. "I can't." Then louder, he called. "Keep going Gabe! Leave me."

"I can't," Sam said, his voice angst ridden. "You have too."

"I can't do that Sammy, I'll be dead within minutes. Dean's voice cracked on 'dead.' He gripped the lapels of Sam's jacket. "I'm not coming back this time, Sam," he said.

"Don't talk," Sam whispered. "You won't die." He knew the words were in vain, there was blood, oh so much blood, Dean's life force trailing away, staining the white stone with red.

Dean weakly smiled and put his hand on Sam's shoulder. Beside them, Amara collapsed. Her eyes were half closed and her breath coming in heaving gasps. "Finish it," she hissed. "But know this Angels, your power cannot heal Dean. Nothing can, I doubt even God could. The amount of hate and anger in that fire, it's incredible."

Sam drew in a deep breath. "Dean, you're going to kill her." He gently supported Dean as he got up and walked slowly over to where Amara lay, Sam's hand still pressed to his back, trying in vain to stop the blood flow.

Crowley silently handed Dean the Angel blade. Just as he shakily raised it, Amara asked, "so answer me this, who was it? Who left that claim on your soul?"

Dean laughed weakly. "The Angel you killed, Cas, the one you deemed unimportant, irrelevant, and the one who was your downfall."

"Castiel," she said, the name sounding bitter. "At least you'll see him again soon. Do it." She spread her arms. "Go ahead. Free me from this body, as long as I never return to my cage I will embrace the sweet release this blade will bring me."

Dean wiped his eyes. "Goodbye Amara," he said. "See you in Hell." He paused. "I almost wish there was another way." He gave her a look of momentary sadness and regret before plunging the blade into her heart, or where it should be. Amara's body flickered with black for a moment before her eyes slid shut and she went still.

And the Darkness was dead.

He was done, utterly, utterly spent. Dean let himself fall limply backwards, knowing Sam would be there to catch him. Sure enough, he felt his brothers solid body shift forward to ensure Dean would not hit the cold stone. He felt hot blood seeping through his jacket, covering his skin.

"Dean!" Sam's panicked voice rant through Dean's head. "Please man, please stay here, stay with me."

Dean smiled up at Sam, his baby brother, the family he had chosen over the world so many times over. He felt pride in himself, a rare feeling. The terrible dream he had had hadn't came to pass, he had twisted it, created his own version. Sam was alive but his angel was still dead. His gaze slid to Cas's body, lying still and cold on the floor. He coughed, choking on his own blood but managing the three letter word. "Cas." Then he looked up at Sam. "I'll tell him hello for you Sammy." Then Dean fell silent, his green eyes staring unseeingly up at his brother, a tiny smile twisting his lips.

"No," Sam whispered. " _No_!" His voice rose to a shout. He pressed his forehead against Dean's, feeling the cruel stone already leeching the warmth from his brother.

It felt like seconds and it felt like years, Sam was simply in a state of being. Time did not matter, nothing mattered because Dean was dead, again. And this time, he was not coming back. Sam sat there for years, months, days, seconds, minutes an undefined amount of time in which only Dean existed, not Lucifer, not Gabriel, not Amara's corpse in the corner. Only Dean, with his sightless eyes, the tiny smudge of lipstick on the corner of his mouth from when he kissed Amara, and the blood spilling out of him, the slow pulse of life gone from it.

"Sam," Gabriel said gently. "Hey."

Sam didn't move.

"Sam, we need to get out of here."

No.

Gabriel knelt. "Sam, he's gone. We've both lost a brother in the past days, hundreds of my family have been murdered. I know Dean was the only family you had left but-"

"Don't," Sam said. "Don't say 'was' and 'have'. It makes it too real. I can't handle that right now." He was surprised at how steady his voice was.

Gabriel fell silent and, to everyone's surprise, Lucifer was the one to speak. "Sam Winchester," he said. "I'm going to return to Heaven and I'm going to make things right with the Angels. I'm also going to ensure my brother has his Heaven in order and by that I mean that gonna see if he and Dean share one."

Sam froze. Chills crept up his skin, memories of that calm voice while Sam screamed in the cage, echoed through his mind. He didn't answer.

Lucifer sighed. "Still mad about the hell thing? Of course." He threw up his hands. "Crowley, you talk to him. I was just informing you, I mean, I don't have too."

"No," Sam said, looking up at the blonde devil. "Please make sure they're together."

Lucifer nodded. "Gabe, I'm not sure how well I can fly. I might need help."

"Of course," Gabriel said, he winced as he took in the air that Sam assumed was where Lucifer's wings are. "They will heal over time. All wounds do."

 _Not all of them._

 **AN: Sorry :( it was hard to write but fear not! I have some tricks up my sleeve. Lol**


	20. Chapter 20

"Jody," Sam said when she opened the door. He half collapsed into the house, staggering up to a wall to lean on. "Jody..."

It was only about seven in the afternoon but Sam was exhausted and torn apart. He had driven from a forested area that Crowley had dropped him off at to Jody's, all the while resisting the urge to drive off a cliff and end the pain. Gabe and Lucifer had taken Dean to the bunker where they would be holding a burial (Sam couldn't bring himself to burn the body) in a days time.

"Sam," Jody said, alarmed. "Sam honey, sit down."

That was the final straw for Sam, this unexpected show of kindness when he had come barging bloody and dirty into her house, was the straw that broke the camels back. He sank to his knees, tears overpowering him.

"They're gone Jody," he sobbed. "Dean and Cas. They're gone."

"Oh," she whispered. "Oh God no." She loved the Winchesters dearly, as if they were her sons and to hear this, to see this much pain on Sam's face, it was heart shattering. "No."

"Amara," Sam choked out. "Amara killed Cas last night, D..Dean felt it. Then we went after her and...the Archangel's, Gabe and Lucifer, they hit her with some sort of light and she deflected a beam and it...it hit Dean." He touched the small of his back. "Here. God, I tried, I tried to save him but he accepted it, that h-he was going to..." Sam couldn't continue.

A pair of footsteps thundered through the house. _"Jody!"_ Claire's voice called. "Sam?"

"Claire, don't come in here," Jody snapped, venom in her voice. "Alex, that goes for you too."

"Is it Sam and Dean?" Alex called, there was a stagger, as if she had thrown and arm out to stop Claire.

Sam couldn't breathe at the sound of Dean's name so easily on her lips. "Let them come in, Jody, they deserve to know."

Jody looked unhappy at this but nodded, finding it impossible to deny Sam anything after what he'd gone through. "Alex," she called. "Make one cup of tea, extra strength. Afterwards you can come in here." She turned back to Sam, wiping her eyes and the mascara running beneath them. "She makes the best herbal tea."

Sam nodded and muttered something illegible. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Thanks Jody, you don't need to."

Typical. After all this kid had been through he still couldn't just accept that she wanted to help him. "Sam," she said. "Once you explain what happened, I have to show you something."

Five minutes later Alex ran into the room, holding a mug of steaming liquid which Sam accepted graciously. It really was the best herbal tea he had tasted, musky and bitter but with a sweetness that took a while to realize was there. It reminded him of Dean and he set it down.

"Sam," Claire asked cautiously. "Dean? C-Cas? Did they-?"

Sam put his face in his hands. "Cas, we couldn't do anything about. Dean...he was my fault."

Alex put a hand on her sisters shoulder as she made an involuntary choking noise. "Shh," she soothed.

Jody leaned forward. "How was it your fault?" she asked gently.

Sam shook his head as if the memories were too painful to tell again. "I stayed outside the room, he-D..Dean, wouldn't let me in with Lucifer. Gabe and Lucifer did go in, and Crowley, and they fought Amara. She deflected a beam of light at him and..." He trailed off, looking at Jody for support.

Jody took over. "It hit Dean in the back, hit something vital" she said. "Sam's already told me this. Dean had accepted his wouldn't make it out of this, there was nothing you could have done." She addressed this last part to Sam who stifled a sob.

"How is that your fault?" Claire asked softly.

"I should have been in there to cover him, or take the fall. God, I would rather it be me," Sam whispered, his voice breaking like a China cup. "I couldn't get there fast enough."

"But if Dean accepted it, if he knew he was going to and maybe even wanted a little to...die...I mean, it's Dean. You couldn't have done anything about it. And Cas, you know why he said yes, why he did everything he did?" Claire asked.

"Yeah," Sam said quietly. "Cas knew only God and/or Lucifer could destroy or lock the Darkness away. He wanted to help, that was partially our fault." He still said 'our' as if Dean were still here. "We never said thank you, never let him know how much we appreciated and loved him. He felt useless and I think it was the brotherly part of him, the part that still loved Lucifer after all he'd done. Lucifer had been in that cage for years now, the mere prospect of being back in there was enough to scare him. I've been in his head, he's been in mine, I know this. Cas didn't care what he had done, he was family. I'd have done the same for...Dean." His voice dropped mournfully.

"But Amara?" Alex asked. "She's gone?"

"Dean killed her, just before he...you know...I carried him over so he could kill her." Sam pinched the bridge of his nose.

"So the major Big Bad's gone now," Claire stated flatly. "What now?"

"Hunting, I guess," Sam replied. "I can team up with some others now that...that it's just me. There are still vengeful spirits and such."

Jody stood up. "I can't let you do that."

Sam looked at her in surprise. "What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

"I mean the last thing Dean told me was this." She pulled the purple sticky note from her pocket and cleared her throat. "Call Sammy once and awhile," she read, "but never drag him back into the life. Tell him to get out, take the weapons. Hell, destroy the Impala, just make him get out. I once told him that my happy ending was him growing old, having a wife, children and grandchildren. Don't let him deny me of that." She stopped talking, eyes glistening with tears. "Sam, please."

Sam dropped his face in his hands, shoulders heaving in silent sobs. "I can't," he whispered. "I can't leave, not now, not after these years."

Jody glared at him. "You will. You can. Stop hunting, settle down, live your life."

Sam half chuckled. "Easier said than done. Jody, Dean was practically my life. I mean, I can't remember a time I didn't have him and I can't imagine a forever without him. I don't want too." He voice rose at the end of the sentence.

"Try," Jody said acidly. "You have to try."

Sam looked around at them. Claire and Alex standing close together both of their eyes filled with tears and Alex's protective arm wrapped around Claire who seemed quite distraught. Then Jody with that determined look in her eyes and tears on her cheeks. "I can try," he said wearily. "I don't know how but I can try. After the burial," he added, voice cracking with pain.

"Burial?" Alex asked. "No hunters funeral?"

Sam shook his head. "I...I just can't do it."

Jody smiled bitterly. "I don't blame you. We'll head out tomorrow, how 'bout that? You can sleep...somewhere. Take your pick of the guest rooms. We have three."

Sam nodded and stood up, leaving the tea Alex made hardly touched.


	21. Chapter 21

Lucifer staggered through the pearly gates- well not gates, per say, more like those automatic circle doors at airports. His wings ached and at this point he leaned heavily on Gabriel. Neither of them had spoken while cleaning up the messes left in the hospital. Demon corpses, blood everywhere, Amara. They had burned and salted the demons but Amara had been left untouched until they found a proper way to deal with her. Cas and Dean had been brought to the bunker and laid on the beds in one of the guest rooms with a spell over than to preserve the bodies until burial.

"So," Gabe said, breaking the silence. "That happened."

Lucifer laughed softly. "Dean," he pondered. "That could have easily been one of us, you know." He shuddered at the thought of loosing Gabe, one of his closest brothers.

"Poor Sam," Gabe said. "We have to keep an eye on him."

"Don't think I'd be so welcome."

"For all you've done these past weeks he has to at least agree you have canceled out some of the bad."

Lucifer shook his head. "You don't know the half of what I did."

"Enlighten me."

"I'd prefer not to. You do realize Michael was also in there, the cage was not a happy place for me. Not only Sam was tortured."

"Oh. I'm sorry Lucifer."

They stepped through the spinning doors. Lucifer caught his breath. Hundred of remaining Angels stood there, dressed in sharp looking vessels and grey clothes. Gabriel smiled and nudged him. "Ready to redeem yourself brother?" he asked.

Lucifer limped forward, thanking everything he knew of that Gabe was there to help support him. "Sisters," he called. "Brothers, long time no see."

There was a glimmer of silver as hundreds of Angel blades were dropped from sleeves. "Why," said an Angel in the front. "Why should we trust you not to turn on us? Why do you deserve redemption?"

"Firstly, how could I turn on you? The last time I did anything to threaten God's power I ended up in a cage. For millennia. Second, if anyone needs to redeem themselves it's our old man Himself."

A collective gasp rose from the Angels. An Angel with a pretty young woman as a vessel asked, "how could you say that?"

"How can you not?" Lucifer asked. "He has been gone for years. When was the last time you even saw him? Heard word of him being in Heaven? Castiel looked for him and he never found anything."

"Do not speak to us of that traitor," snarled an Angel with a stunningly grey eyed man. "You wore him here once. Heavens most wanted in the visage of Heavens most hated." He stopped, looked around. "Castiel isn't here?"

Lucifer's throat closed up. "Amara killed him while he was trying to warn the Winchesters it was a trap. She tore out his Grace, ensured a very human, very painful death."

Silence fell like a wet blanket. Lucifer could feel Gabriel shaking from grief. The Angels bowed their heads in unison and then raised the to look at the Archangel's standing in front of them.

"There was a time," a tall African American woman said, her voice soft and sorry. "There was a time when Cas commanded us, when it was Heaven and then the Winchesters. Did he tell you why he turned? And Gabriel, we need an explanation. Why aren't you dead?"

Lucifer didn't speak for a while, thinking about his dead brother. "He didn't turn," he said slowly. "He simply followed God's will. It spoke of loving humanity and he did just that, he didn't want to see it hurt. And he loved it and fell for it in every way I can think of, but it wasn't all of humanity he loved. He still saw the pain and destruction they caused to one another. Sam Winchester, my vessel, the boy with the demon blood, Cas loved him like a brother because Sam was more of one to him than any of you have been. And Cas loved Dean, truly, truly loved him. I didn't know Angel's could love like that until I saw Castiel's heart."

"Love," said a tall man. "Love as in romantic? Not family?"

Lucifer nodded.

"He truly had fallen."

Lucifer stiffened. "I'm going now," he said. "I want to make sure he is acquainted with his Heaven."

"Lucifer, wait," said a soft voice from the back. A tall, handsome man parted the crowd. The vessel was young and darkly beautiful. His eyes were green, nearly as green as Dean's had been. Lucifer couldn't breathe.

"Asmodei," he whispered, voice catching.

"It's been awhile, has it not?"

"You've kept the same vessel," Lucifer noted. "Suits you."

"I've missed you Lucifer," Asmodei said softly. "You promised me you wouldn't leave, that the Mark wouldn't change you."

Lucifer ignored the confused noise Gabe made and pushed off of the shorter Archangel, staggering. "We can't keep all promises," he told Asmodei. "And I regretted it, every day for over one million years, I regretted defying God. I regretted it but, you know what? Someone had to tell Him that His blind love for mankind was wrong. If they hadn't been created, so many Angels could have been spared. Michael would sit among us, Raphael, Castiel. Now, I'm not saying His love was completely wrong but it did come without reason. We Angels proved ourselves, all mankind did was exist."

"But not all bad came from it."

Lucifer shook his head. The gesture jostled his wings painfully. "No. They have free will, they have love in the purest form, music beyond all of the Heavenly Host, they have masterful hand to create and destroy. Despite everything bad they have done, they've also created."

"And the Winchesters?"

"Dean Winchester is dead. Sam is not probably grieving for him and Cas." That question reminded him once again of his purpose. "I must check on Castiel, make sure he is suited to his Heaven."

"I'll go with you," Asmodei said. "We have a lot of catching up."

Lucifer nodded. "My wings," he said. "Amara ripped them."

"Show me."

Lucifer felt the bone snapping pain in his wings, jostling his entire Grace. They unfolded, huge and gold, dripping with blood and the pearly arches of bones peeking through. He could see the shock on the faces of his family.

Gabriel shuddered. He felt sick seeing the wings in full, taking in the severity of the wounds for the first time. His brothers beautiful wings were mangled, the gold feathers matted down with blood. He saw sinewy muscle on the bones and blood dripping down. The right wing was half destroyed and the left one more so. "I'm not sure how to heal this," he said sadly.

"I know. I had little hope you could." Lucifer folded them again. "Assist me to Cas's Heaven?"

"Go to Dean's first," Gabriel instructed. "They probably share one anyways and I need to tell Sam his brother is safe as soon as possible."

"Of course," Lucifer agreed.

Gabriel and Asmodei both took one of Lucifer's arms. "We will answer any questions you have when we return," Gabriel promised. In a whirl they were off.

The Heaven that they saw in front of them was a field in a soft black night. There was a road leading through it, and a house on the side of the road which was graveled and bumpy. The Impala sat parked in the centre of the field, a figure sat on top of it, eyes skywArd. "Dean," called Lucifer.

The man swung his legs down, dropping a glass beer bottle as he ran to meet the Angels. "Gabriel!" he said loudly, slowing to a stop a few feet in front of said Angel.

"Dean? Where's Cas?" Gabe asked at the same time as Dean blurted out, "how's Sammy?"

"Sam's fine," Lucifer said. "He's a mess but that's predictable. He'll heal. Now Cas?"

Dean shrugged and Gabe noticed his eyes were slightly red. "I dunno," Dean said. "Not here."

"What do you mean?" Asmodei asked. "How can you not share a Heaven?"

"Who are you?" Dean asked snappishly, looking the Angel up and down. "I don't know where he is. Sam was wrong, he doesn't have feelings for me."

"Are you freaking joking?" Lucifer shouted. "I've been in his head, his heart! Dean, he loves you. He might have fallen for humanity but he loved you. Nothing was more important that you, not Sam, not his family, not the world."

"Then why isn't he here?" Dean shouted back. "Why didn't he choose to be here, with me? If I mattered so much then why?" His voice ended on a whispered. "Why isn't he here?"

"I don't know," Asmodei said. "I am Asmodei by the way, pleasure Dean Winchester."

"It's all mine," Dean said rudely, ignoring the hand Asmodei had held out. "Look, I just want to know he's here, in Heaven."

"We can travel," Lucifer said. "Between Heavens. I will need my brothers for this but we can take you, help you find him."

"Please," Dean whispered. "Oh Go-Yes please," he said, hurriedly fixing his mistake.

"You can say 'God' Dean," Asmodei told him. "Our Father is absent and the Angels won't punish you."

"Just-just please take me to see him," Dean said, waving off the comment.

Lucifer smiled. "If my brothers would help me, of course."

Gabriel nodded. "I will help, we owe you Dean. You killed Amara, you saved the world so many times and you have saved Heaven too."

Dean bowed his head. "Don't say that," he murmured. "I've done more damage than I've done good."

Asmodei put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Winchesters," he said. "You father was the same way, watching you and your brother. He cursed himself for raising you to be hunters, he screamed for everything you went through."

"Dad?" Dean asked, breathing catching in his throat. "He...he's here, he watched us?"

Asmodei nodded. "Shall we take you to him?"

"Cas," Dean said firmly. "Cas first. I...there's something I need to tell him."

Asmodei gave him a knowing smile. "Of course." He lay his free hand on Lucifer's arm. "Ready?"

Dean exhaled. "As I'll ever be."

The Angels moved in sync and there was a notion of flight, freedom, and wind hitting your face. It was nothing like demon travel, that harsh tube that you were squeezed into. It was over entirely too fast.

Dean looked around. It was a calm afternoon, beautiful and sunny. It looked almost like a garden, with its multiple trimmed bushes and rows of flowers. A fountain sat in the middle, stone unfolding from the pole in the centre like petals from a lotus.

"This is Cas's heaven?" he asked.

"No..." Asmodei replied slowly. "When he was an Angel, he visited this place often. It an autistic man's eternal Tuesday afternoon."

"So did you get the room number wrong?" Dean asked.

"That's impossible," Lucifer said slowly. "Something wrong."

"He's not in Heaven," Gabriel realized.

Dean felt ice pour through his veins. "What? How...where is he?" he asked, slightly panicked. "How is he not here?"

"I don't know," Lucifer said in an agonized voice. "CAS!" he shouted, knowing it wouldn't work. "CAS!"

"Shut up!" shouted Dean. "If he's not here that gives us two other options. Hell, or Purgatory. I know he's dead, I felt it in my heart, there's no way he survived. So Hell, or Purgatory, which one?"

"Amara killed him, she might have tethered him down to Earth. Spirit type thing." Gabriel ran a hand through his hair.

"No, no. With the level of energy in that room, we'd have known if there were any spirits." Dean felt himself beginning to panic, fearful of there being a place, an Empty that Cas was lost too. Then an idea struck him. "Call a Reaper. Billie, preferably."

"Billie the Reaper," Gabe said softly. "She can't come to Heaven and she will only answer for you."

"Why only me?"

"You're her charge, Sam, Cas, and you. All three of you have died over and over again and she was the one to reap you, her connection to you is unbreakable and dark."

Then take me down to Earth!" Dean snapped. "If I'm alive, she's showing. She wants my ass dead, the only reason I'm not in the Empty is because I have Angels on my side! She told me that when I was dying."

"It's true," Lucifer said. "He's alive, she will come. Then we can ask her about Cas."

Asmodei made a disagreeing noise. "We can just summon her. We can't keep bringing them back to life, brother. We can ask Sam."

"Shut up, Sam isn't coming into this. He just lost Dean, we can't tell him that we're trying to bring back Cas but not Dean," Gabe said loudly. "Asmodei has a point, they can't keeping coming back. But, regardless, Dean's bond with Cas can prove useful. If we are searching for him, Dean can connect and perhaps get an idea of where he is."

"Excuse us," Lucifer said with an exaggerated sigh. He grabbed his brothers arms and pulled them across the grass. "We need to talk," he told them when they were far enough away from Dean.

"Fine," Gabe snapped. "I'll go first."

"Actually, I'm the oldest," Lucifer said with a wink. "I'll go first."

Asmodei sighed. "I'm the one who hasn't been trapped in a cage or pretending to be dead for years, I should go first."

"No!" Lucifer and Gabe said violently in unison.

Asmodei sighed and rolled his eyes.

Lucifer turned away and called across the field to Dean. "Dean! Does the oldest get to speak first?"

"Always," Dean called back.

Both Asmodei and Gabe glared at them. "Right," Gabe said. "Go on then."

Lucifer grinned, pleased to be getting his way. "So," he began. "We should take him back. Why? Because we owe Sam and Dean it, they stopped Armageddon, which I did want to happen but come on. They saved the world and Heaven so many times, Sam needs his brother, Dean needs Sam. The world might still have reasons to keep them."

"But if Dean goes back the Reapers would be furious, Heaven would be furious," Asmodei said. "We would be outcasts, more Angels who picked humanity over Heaven."

"I'm game for bringing him back," Gabe said. "How do we smuggle him back down?"

Asmodei did not look pleased with the arrangement. "But the Reapers," he said.

"Billie's done her job, she reaped Dean because, honestly, she didn't care about Sam as much. He hasn't evaded her as many times. Billie is a trapped being, lost between worlds. She will have retired as much as she can, perhaps walk around, enjoy humanity before it's inevitable decrease whenever that might be. She reaped Cas and Dean, Sam's someone else's, she won't answer to calls unless the souls she worked so hard to take are free. Dean's an obvious choice. Besides," Lucifer added. "As Gabe said earlier, we can use Dean's bond with Cas to find him. I don't know about you but I want my brother to have his resting place if not alive again."

"Asmodei, it's up to you," Lucifer said softly. "Does he live or does he stay dead? Throw the stone."

Dean waited anxiously as the three Angels talked. He paced across the bright green grass, breathing in the smell of cherry blossoms. Part of him wanted to stay here, this was his Paradise, he could see Ellen and Jo, Ash, Bobby, his parents, Charlie, Kevin. Dean's heart twisted painfully. God, did he miss them.

A hush fell over the field. Dean looked up, realizing the Angels had fallen silent. Asmodei walked over, Lucifer and Gabe flanking him. "We've come to a decision."

"And?" Dean said.

"And we've thought about it," Gabe said, obviously enjoyed the anxiety he was inflicting. "What do you think Sam's reaction would be? I'll bet he attacks you but Luciferthinks he'll be too stunned to do anything, you know, when he sees you."

 **AN: so he isn't gonna stay dead as long as I hoped but oh well. Also, I will explain the relation between Asmodei and Luci soon so don't worry about that. This story is lasting far longer than I thought it would but I'll keep going until the end if you want me to. Thanks you reveiwing and reading!**


	22. Chapter 22

Dean gaped at them. His head was spinning. "You're letting me go back," he stated, his voice surprisingly calm and steady. "And your betting on what Sammy'll do."

"Yes," Lucifer said. "We want out brother back, we can't get him without you and we owe Sam it. For, you know, stopping the Apocalypse."

Dean couldn't breathe. I get to see Sammy. Oh God, I miss him.

Gabe winked. "Want to go right away, wait until the funeral, or wait until Sam's at the Bunker?"

I'm leaving Heaven... He drew a deep breath, trying to rationalize the thoughts swarming his head. "Could I...could I visit a few people first?"

"Your parents," Asmodei said with a deep understanding. "Yes, I can give you maybe ten minutes before we have to leave. Time is different here, you will have been dead a few days and buried if I give you much more time. Currently you've been dead for nearly a day and a half."

"Why weren't they in my Heaven?" Dean asked, ignoring the fact his body was still on Earth. "My perfect life would be us all together."

"Heaven isn't really a perfect life, per say, but a twisted mass of memories. You never got to truly know your mother so she isn't in yours and you loved your father but hated him, the conflict between you wouldn't have been Heaven. They reside together in a jointed paradise with Bobby."

A lump formed in Dean's throat. "Do they know I'm...dead?"

"No," Gabriel said quietly, his tone for once was completely solemn. "You should visit them before we take you back."

In unison, the Angels put their hands on Dean's arm and whirled him off. This time Dean didn't care about the notion of flying but rather the fact he would see the people he loved so much.

When they landed, he was momentarily disoriented. Then a soft voice called out to him, "Dean?"

Dean's eyes focused on the woman in front of him. She was wearing a white sundress, her blonde hair shone like the sun, her face permanently youthful and pretty. But it was her eyes that took his breathe away. Green, not quite as bright as his own, but light and loving and oh so just...indescribable. "Mom?" he whispered.

Mary hurled herself at him, almost like a lost child. She gripped the back of his jacket tightly, pulling herself on him so that their faces were the same height. "Dean," she choked, her voice full of tears not yet shed. "Oh baby. I heard the rumors, I...oh baby boy."

Dean buried his face in her shoulder, breathing in the sent of cookies and flowers and warmth. He felt like a child needing his mom, and he supposed that was not far off from what he actually was. Mary pulled away. "Why are you here?" she asked. Even with a blotchy, tearful face she was gorgeous.

"The same reason everyone else is here," Dean said, wiping his eyes. "I'm dead."

"No," she snapped, voice fierce. "You are NOT dead! You can't be, not yet."

Dean laughed. "God," he murmmered. "You and Sammy are so similar."

"Is he here too?" Mary asked worriedly. "What happened to you?"

"Oh no! No, don't worry about him. He's alive."

She looked at him sympathetically. "He must be a wreck. Even at a few months old he loved you so much, probably more than he loved your dad or me."

Dean grinned at the floor. "Yeah. Listen Mom, I don't have long. Uh, long story," he said in explanation to her confused look. "Angel's still need me, I'm going back to Earth, they're bringing me back."

"Why-" she was cut off by a door slamming and a conversation stopping mid-sentence.

Bobby and John stood at the doorway, each holding a bottle of beer. "Dean," breathed Bobby.

"Hey," Dean said, smiling at them. "Long time."

John set his beer down on the coffee table in the middle of the room. It was the first time Dean even noticed where they were. The old house, the one Mary and burned in. "Dean," John said. "What did you in?"

"God's big sister," Dean said calmly, as if it was normal. "Angel mojo to the back, yeah, it wasn't fun."

"God's sister?" Bobby said disbelievingly. "How?"

John let out a low whistle.

Mary looked stunned. "John!" she snapped. "What have you done to my babies?"

John looked confused. "Wait, what?"

"Why couldn't you let them have a normal life? You gave them so much responsibility, Dean was four when I died! Sam only six months!"

"Mary we've been over this!"

"You and your excuses," she said acidly. "They were babies still and you made them feel like the only thing they could do in the world was kill!"

"If-"

"SHUT UP!" Dean roared. Everyone fell silent, looking at him. "I have five minutes left. Want to know what happened or not?"

Everyone backed off, Dean took it as a yes. "Sam and I may have accidentally released the biggest bad the world has ever known, her name was Amara. Um, we also may have released Lucifer, I mean it wasn't actually us, more like Cas. You know who he is right?" Dean's voice broke on 'Cas.' They really needed to find him. Dean needed him.

"The Angel who pulled you of of Hell," John said. "Bobby told us."

"Thanks Bobby," Dean said. "Cas knew Lucifer was probably the only thing in the world who could stop Amara other than the absent Father, God Himself, who was nowhere to be found. Anyways, Cas said yes to become Lucifer's vessel and we never knew until weeks after it had happened. Sam found out first. Then Amara captured him, tortured him and months later, in a small hotel, I felt her start to hurt Cas, and I felt her kill him. That happened what, two nights ago? Night before I died. Yeah, so I was angry and I wanted to kill her, I was furious. Sam had to physically stop me from going after her then and there."

"Why were you so upset?" John asked, interrupting Dean as he took a breath.

Dean turned to him slowly. "What?" he asked, voice a forced, terrifying calm.

"Everyone dies eventually in this gig, why were you upset if an Angel died? They don't have souls, they're in it for the power."

Bobby and Mary froze, sensing John had hit a sore spot on Dean who replied icily, "Cas wasn't in it for the power. He loved humanity, all of it. He chose Sam and me over Heaven time and time again, even when we were stripped of out 'greater good' he chose us, me. Sure, he made mistakes, some bigger than others but when we needed him, he was there, he chose us over Heaven and Earth. He spent a year running in Purgatory to keep me safe, he stayed behind so I could get out, he's died for us a few times before. And why was I upset? Why did I want revenge? Those were your questions?" John stared at him, trying to force him to back down.

"What's your reason boy?" he said softly and rudely.

Dean smirked. "Why'd you want revenge on what killed mom? What drove you to get it no matter what you did to anyone else? Think, you know why."

John eyes widened. "Oh," he said. "You think you loved him, you think you loved the Angel."

Dean moved closer to John, they were almost even in height. "Seven years," he hissed. "Seven damn years. It's not 'think' anymore. It's 'know.' Accept that Dad." The scars on his back tingled with distant yet sharp memories of sharp pain.

Mary stepped in between them. "John, Dean," she said. "Calm down."

Dean stepped back. "Screw you John Winchester."

"Dean," Bobby reprimanded. "I've always taken you as the brother most like Mary, calm yourself ya Idjit."

Dean closed his eyes, focusing on calming himself with memories of Sam and Cas. "I'm good," he said. "I'm good." He glanced over, Mary was still speaking softly to John in a tone low enough that Dean couldn't hear her. "Good," she said louder. "Continue Dean, please."

Dean nodded. "But Mom, you...you're good with..."

"If you love him, I wouldn't dream of saying anything negative."

Dean gave an uneven, shaky exhale. "Thank you."

Mary crossed the room and hugged him gently. "I'm just happy that you found something to love and hold on to."

Dean blinked back tears. "Anyways, we called Gabriel and told him. He joined the fight and we went after Amara. It was just me, Sam, Gabe, and Crowley, but Lucifer joined us."

Bobby made a sharp noise in the back of his throat, like a chunk of food was lodged there.

"Lucifer isn't actually half bad when we're on the same team," Dean said softly. "He's not going near Sammy as long as I can stop him though, not after the soul incident. We got to Amara and, okay so this is a fairly important part. She touched my soul because I had resisted her, something I could never do before because of how we bound through the Mark of Cain."

"Mark of what now?" Bobby asked.

"Long story short," Dean said. "We needed to kill something with the First Blade and you needed the Mark to wield it correctly. I took it, it killed me, it brought me back, Sam removed it and it released the Darkness."

Mary looked sick. "How many times have you died?" she asked.

"A hundred or so," Dean said, shrugging. "Courteously of Gabriel. Sam's only at six or seven."

John let out a low whistle.

"When she touched my soul," Dean continued. "She discovered a brand on it, a claim, a mark. It was Cas's Grace. Then I tricked her, I distracted her..." The memory of her body pressed up against his, her rapid heartbeat against his chest made him shiver. "And Gabe freed Lucifer. They shot at her with some Archangel thing, light from their palms. It weakened her but...but she deflected some of it. My back was turned and it hit me, I dunno if it was on purpose or not. God, it felt like my veins were on fire, I couldn't do anything and I heard Sammy yelling. He...he tried to stop the bleeding. He wanted me to survive so desperately and he wanted me to be able to kill Amara like he had promised me I could, because of what she had done to Cas." Dean thought of the bloody, still body lying on its side off from the fight, Cas still wore the tattered trench coat when he died. His heart twisted. "Sam carried me over to her and before I could stab her she asked me how I resisted her. I told her why, I told her who had left a claim. Then I killed her and then I died." He looked straight at John. "If I didn't love Cas, if I didn't love Sam, the world would have been destroyed." The word loved tasted strange but beautiful on his tongue. "My love for them ended it Dad, and your love for mom started it. Now I'm going back, the Angels want me to help get their brother because they love him."

As if on queue, Asmodei, Gabriel, and Lucifer appeared. "Dean," Asmodei said softly. "It is nearly time."

"One second," Dean said. He walked over to Bobby and hugged him tightly. "If you see Ellen and Jo please tell them I'm sorry and I miss them."

"Sue thing Idjit," Bobby whispered into Dean's shoulder.

Mary came next. "Hey Mom," he said softly and he hugged her. "I'll tell Sammy I saw you. Also, you might want to find a Charlie Bradbury, you might like her, she's really sweet. Also a Kevin Tran, he's brilliant, like you. If you do find them, tell them I miss them and I'm so sorry for everything."

"I will. Remember Dean, we all love you. No matter who you love or what Apocalyptic events you and your brother start, we will always love you. Tell him that too."

John came last but not least. For a second they stood a few feet apart, not looking each other in the eyes. Then John pulled Dean into a quick hug and murmmered, "find your Angel, okay son?"

Dean felt tears burn in his eyes. "I will," he promised. "Thanks."

Just as he turned to the Angels the door opened again. A tall, thin, pretty blonde walked in. "Dean," Jessica said softly. "I'm late I see."

"Jess..."

"I heard you were here. Is Sam...?"

"No," Dean told her. His throat closed up. "Jess, if I hadn't gotten Sam that night...I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay," she said kindly. "Thank you for taking care of him. Tell him I love him and I'm not mad, it's an honor to have assisted him into becoming the amazing man he is now."

Dean felt like crying even more. "I will." He turned to Gabriel. "Answer me this, will Sam get up here too?"

"Of course," Lucifer answered, cutting Gabe off. "You and he share one."

Okay," Dean said, relieved. "Take me back." The Angels put a hand on his shoulders and instead of the calm sensation of flight he normally felt, he began to fall down

down

down.


	23. Chapter 23

Sam stopped the Impala in front of the Bunker. He climbed out, numb with exhaustion despite the full nights sleep he had gotten at Jody's. His mind was still reeling, still not processing the fact that when he opened the door to the Bunker he would have to face the two bodies in Dean's room, that he would dig the graves by hand for hours on end and then Jody and her girls would come tomorrow to see Cas and Dean off on their finale voyage to Heaven. Perhaps Lucifer and Gabriel would come to bid a final farewell. He shuddered inwardly at the thought of facing Lucifer alone.

Slowly, Sam opened the door, walking inside after slipping his shoes off. He flicked on the lights. The room seemed inappropriately bright and cheery, with the florescent bulbs and reddish decor. Sam's heart clenched, remembering him and Dean, months back, Sam yelling and chasing Dean with a knife for ironing his shirts with beer, an empty threat. What had gone wrong? Why had this had to happen? When would all the grief end? He thought back to what he had said to Dean an eternity ago about lying down next to him and putting a bullet through his brain. Sam pulled the pistol from his pocket, not quite knowing what he planned to do with it.

It was a pretty gun, in all honesty. Dean had spent ages obsessively polishing the intricate designs on the handle after he hand found in the the Bunker a month back. Sam caressed the trigger, seriously considering what he had told Dean he would do. But...the thoughts became rushing through his mind. What would he tell Dean?

 _Yeah I know you died telling me to get out of hunting but ya know what? Nah, I couldn't live without you and Cas so I left for good._

How could he explain his actions?

 _So I had a clear shot at getting out and finding a wife and all that good shit but I threw it away for something completely beyond my control that I will blame myself for for years to come._

What would Dean think of him?

 _Idiot, coward, disgrace._

Sam set the gun down and wiped his eyes, not having even realized he was crying until a tear fell on the pistol. He turned away and began towards the dreaded room. Sam knew he'd have to face it eventually, it was inevitable, and better sooner than later.

"Why was it you?" Sam asked the nothingness around him as if Dean could hear him. "Why couldn't it have been me?" The door was slightly opened when Sam arrived, and the room was dark. Sam took a deep, steady breath, and flicked on the light.

Cas lay covered in his own blood, the trench coat was thrown on a chair beside him. His dark hair was stiff with dried blood and pushed back. His face was slightly twisted with a frozen look of pain. From where he stood, Sam couldn't see what the fatal wound had been. "Cas," he murmmered. "All you've ever tried to do was help. The only reason you were in this was because you loved Dean, I'm so sorry. I wish I could trade my life for yours, I can't apologize enough."

He turned his gaze to Dean. One of the Angels had closed his eyes, forever covering the bright green gaze Sam knew all too well from years spent fighting and hunting and playing together. He didn't like the idea of Lucifer or Gabriel touching his brother all too much- especially Lucifer. Dean's lips were still twisted in that smile he had died with, a serene expression for such a horrific death. His own blood was hardly noticeable from the front but he was certain the back looked horrific. Sam couldn't suppress a grin when he noticed that Cas and Dean's hands were touching gently. His heart ached for the love they never got to share.

Sam choked down a sob. He took one last long look at Cas and Dean's still bodies before walking out of the room to take a shower or get drunk. The kitchen was closer so the latter was much more likely, maybe distract himself from the fact he was now alone.

Dean opened his eyes just in time to hear Sam's footsteps fading away. It took a moment to process where he was. A bed, next to Cas. In his room. Dean's newly beating heart broke looking at the stone cold Angel, his blood smeared all across his body. Dean gently touched his face as if it was something akin to glass, running his shaking hand along the cold, bloodied cheek. Against his better judgment, he pressed a soft kiss to the once-Angel's forehead, feeling the rough skin and tasting the metallic tang of blood on his lips. "We'll get you back," he murmured into Cas's skin. Dean stood back, shaking with grief. Now to find Sammy.

Dean stood on shaky legs, as if he was a newborn colt. He stumbled towards the door and clung to the frame weakly before entering the hall. Faintly he heard the sounds of cabinets being slammed shut and a chair screeching. So this is how Sam decided to deal, by getting drunk. Can't say I blame him, Dean thought. I'd have done the same.

Forcing his legs to move forward, he made his way down the length of the hall before turning into the kitchen where I saw Sam with an entire bottle of what looked like a strong vodka sat in front of him. The lights in the room were dimmed. It was honestly one of the saddest sights Dean had ever seen.

Just as Sam opened the bottle and raised it to his lips, Dean made his move. "Can't let you go drink yourself into a coma Sammy."

Sam looked up. His mouth dropped open and hundreds of emotions flashed across his face with seconds. Love, disbelief, recognition, anger, fear, horror. He stood up, knocking the chair backward. The bottle fell from his hand and shattered.

"Aw," Dean said. "What a waste."

He was standing there, wearing that typical half smile Sam knew so well. He was leaning against the frame as if he couldn't stand on his own, his face was paler than usual but more flushed than it had been in death. Sam put a hand on the knife on his belt, stood, and began towards Dean. "You were dead," he said slowly. "You died, I saw you. I..is this some trick Lucifer's playing?"

"Sammy," Dean stepped forward. "It's me."

"Bullshit," Sam said, voice beginning to tremble. "That's impossible. Billie took you for the last time. You're dead."

Dean-not Dean froze, understanding what Sam thought was happening. "Ok," he told his brother. "How do you get rid of hallucinating? I taught you this."

Sam's hand trailed up to a day and a half old cut on his upper arm, it was deep and hardly scabbed over. He pressed hard on it, feeling the pain of the tender skin breaking. He kept pressing, counting to ten. When he stopped and looked up, Dean was still there. "Ok," he began. "You're a stronger one, that doesn't change the fact you aren't real." Sam desperately wanted him to be real, perhaps more than he had ever wanted something in his entire life, to have his brother back.

Dean- not Dean's eyes were sad and soft. "Ask me something, something only I-Dean would know." He stepped forward slowly, raising his hands when Sam flinched back. "I can tell you everything." It was worth a shot, Dean had decided, to get Sam to trust him again.

Sam said nothing for a long moment. "How about...when did you fall in love with Cas? And when did I figure it out?" The questions served two purposes. One if Dean could actually answer, two if Cas's name would hurt this Dean-not Dean as much as it had hurt before. Sure enough, Dean violently flinched.

"Years, I only realized after Naomi. You realized after Purgatory." Dean blinked harshly as if his eyes were wet. "And if I had realized sooner I might have stopped him from taking Lucifer."

Sam took out the knife. "If you want me to believe you hold out your arm."

Dean obliged, holding out his left arm for Sam to run the silver blade over. "Believe me now?"

"Maybe," Sam admitted, feeling his heart lift with the prospect of this actually being Dean. "I want to believe it's you." He took a flash of Holy Water from a nearby cabinet and splashed on Dean's face.

With a resigned sigh, Dean spit out the water. "Not a demon," he confirmed.

Sam let out a sob. His body trembled and he sank to his knees, all his strength drained from his body, letting himself fall because he knew his brother would catch him. Dean rushed forward, pulling Sam against him as they both sank to their knees.


	24. Chapter 24

Castiel lay on his side, breathing shallowly. His mind formed pictures of the men, the brothers. He sorted through his mind, trying to remember their names, their faces, their voices. It had been and estimated nearly three hours since the first Phase, the destruction of strength, and Cas had felt his will to fight fading rapidly. He didn't know what was happening or what was going to become of him, however he did know that these two men he loved were safe. That was all that mattered.

 _Who are they?_ he wondered. _What have they done to make me love them? Did they love me?_

Cas let out a broken sob. These men he couldn't even remember...he felt them missing from his being, a hole in his chest, an empty void he couldn't fill with simple memories. "Where am I?" he screamed into the emptiness around him. "What's happening to me?"

As expected he received no answer other than an shallow whistle of wind through what sounded like the skeletons of trees. Not for the first time Cas wondered if this was some Purgatory-like place. He sat up, looking around in the utter blackness, waiting and listening for something to indicate where he might possibly be.

"Phase two," rang out from seemingly nowhere, startling Cas. "Beginning now "

Cas waited, waited for the monsters to rip him apart, it would be a mercy to do so. He sat there in the darkness, imagining the fanged, blood driven beast behind him, ready to chomp it's fangs down through Cas's throat. But he saw and felt nothing. Instead he heard.

The voice was smooth but sounded like a car driving over gravel. It had a lazy drawl to it almost and a gentle underlying layer of threat. "Cas," the voice said.

Cas felt a sob lodge in his throat. It seemed like years since someone had said his name like that, with such an emotional, loving, understanding, and calming tone. He knew the voice. It belonged to one of the brothers. The blonde one. Suddenly the man's name was on the tip of his tongue.

" _Dean_ ," he breathed, feeling the four letters roll of his lips softly and brokenly.

"Castiel, you useless son of a bitch." The tone turned bitter and harsh.

Cas was confused. "What? Dean I..."

Dean's voice came closer. "You idiot! You always try and fix things but in the end you fuck up more that you fix, can't you just stay dead for once?"

The other man's voice, Sam's voice joined his jeering brother. "You were never family Cas," he snarled. "We never cared about you. We never liked you, we played you for your power and you were so whipped with Dean you never noticed."

Cas felt hands on his shoulder, large, study ones he presumed to be Sam's. Then the slightly smaller hands he knew to be Dean's. "You think I loved you?" Dean laughed. "You? A soulless creation made to yank me from Hell. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful but you. You were so naive and so stupid that you believed me. You've been useful before but now, now we don't need you."

Cas felt Dean breath on his face. "This isn't real," he whispered. "This is a test."

Dean spat in his face. "But it's true, emotions taken from the real Sam and Dean. It's all real and it's all one of your greatest fears. To not be loved, to not be accepted even after every thing you've done for them."

Sam's hand brushed his neck, ending chills down Cas's spine. He leaned down to whisper something into Cas's ear. "We never even liked you. It's better if you rot here."

"You screw up everything."

"You don't have a family."

"Who could ever even like you?"

"It's your fault the Angels fell," Sam sneered.

"I wish you had left me in Hell," Dean snarled.

 _I wish you had left me in Hell._ Those eight words hit him hard. Out of everything he had done for the two, for Dean, he had never thought he'd here those words to form an insult. He had though they would speak of the Leviathans, of the Angels, perhaps of Purgatory, but no. This was so much worse, Dean, the very reason he had been created had been to save him was telling him that he would have rather stayed in the Inferno from which Cas had saved him.

"Tired of us yet?" Sam laughed cruelly. "Weak."

"I meant what I said, nobody cares that you're broken Cas!"

Cas tried to cover his ears but the voices sounded in his head as clear as day.

"Can't you die already?" Sam snarled. "It would be easier if you just left us, we'd only call you when we need to."

"I mean," Dean began. "It's your fault anyways."

"What is?" Cas asked, scared of the answer.

He could almost picture his colorless eyes widen. "You don't know?" he asked. "I'm dead."

Cas froze. A cry ripped from his throat. _"No!"_ he cried. _"No!"_

The sneer was practically heard in Dean's voice. "I am. We went to get you from Amara- despite all your flaws I have to admit you are a decent soldier when you aren't fucking up the world. She killed me Castiel, when I was celebrating your death she stabbed me."

"You made me loose my brother," Sam said. "The only thing I had left to hold on to. We should have let you rot in that place."

Cas picked the blade up, fury rushing through his veins, he didn't think about anything other than needing to stop the relentless stream of agony pouring from the two creations he loved most in the worlds lips. "Stop!" he shouted.

"Why?" Dean teased. "I never loved you and I never could, a Righteous man love a soulless beast created to fight and obey order? How could that be?"

Cas stroked the ground blindly until his hands brushed something sharp. His blade. He lifted it, feeling the expert balance as whispers of hatred and fears slithered like a serpent around him. "Then I'm sorry," Cas whispered. "I won't hurt anyone any more." He drove the blade into his chest as the last words floated into his ears.

 _You don't deserve to be saved._


	25. Chapter 25

Dean's legs were unstable as he stood, pulling Sam up with him. His little brothers face was streaked with tears and grime and even some blood, Dean supposed it was his own from his back wound.

Sam looked terrible. His eyes were red and hollow looking, tired. His body was shaking and felt weak against Dean's side, his hands and face were filthy. When he spoke his voice trembled like he had tried to keep it strong for too long. "How?" he whispered. "I saw you die, I felt your heart stop."

Dean blinked heavily, his body was exhausted but he stood upright, bearing the majority of Sam's weight, staying strong for his crumbling brother. "Call Gabe," he said. "Let him, Lucifer, and Asmodei explain."

"Asmodei?"

"Other Angel," Dean explained quickly. "He helped bring me back down."

Sam shook his head. "I'll call him," he said. "God Dean, I though I was never gonna see you again. It was horrible." Dean noticed his death grip on his sleeve hadn't loosened.

Dean wrapped an arm around him. "Hey. It's okay, I'm not going anywhere again. Neither are you."

Sam patted his back and opened his phone. Lifting it to his ear, he began to talk. "Hey Gabe."

"Sam! What a surprise. I'm sure you want to know what dearly departed Dean is doing back in the land of the living, yes?"

"How fast can you get here?"

"Bunker, I presume?"

"Right," Sam said, sparing Dean a glance and furrowing his brow at how tired he looked. "Hurry."

"Hello Sam," came the voice behind them. Gabriel strolled into Sam's line of vision accompanied by two other Angels. Lucifer and a darkly handsome vessel with Indian heritage he guessed must be Asmodei. "Dean, how's everything working?"

Lucifer passed Sam, he felt the blonde mans arm brush him and flinched. "Gabriel," he said, trying to ignore the Devil. "I need an explanation. Now."

"Of course," Gabe replied. "I'd be more than happy to grant you that...if you stop looking at my brother like he's, well, Satan."

Lucifer froze, processing his brothers words. "I am Satan," he pointed out, averting his gaze from Sam. He knew where this was going and he wanted to avoid it.

"I know but shush," Gabe said, waving a hand absently. "Listen Sam, you know what I mean. I know what he did to you, he's told me some and I'm smart enough to figure a bit out on my own, and I know you'll never fully forgive him but please Sam, please try to at least treat him like you treat me."

Lucifer closed his eyes and raised his head to the ceiling. "Gabriel," he began, forcing his voice to stay steady.

"Lucifer," Gabe said, mirroring his tone. "Shut up."

Across from the three Angels Dean put a hand of Sam's shoulder, watching the Angels with suspicion. "Why?" he questioned. "Why can we trust you? How?"

Lucifer's devious and competitive nature refused to let him not answer. "Okay," he said. "I didn't hurt Cas when I was inside of him, I haven't hurt Sam despite having every opportunity to. I defended you Dean, I brought you back! Why couldn't you trust me?"

Dean moved away from Sam to bring himself only a foot from Lucifer. "Family," he told Lucifer. "You did everything for Cas. You didn't hurt him because you care about him, you haven't killed us because you know he cares about us. You defended me because you knew Cas's heart inside and out, you brought me back to get him for you! What's stopping you from killing me the second we find Cas? What's stopping you from destroying his memories of us and killing Sam and me?"

It was Lucifer's to move to Dean, glaring at the taller mans face with a stubborn expression the mirrored his own he said, "you answered the question already. Cas is in love with you, God Dean, if you could see what it's done to him...it's something I could never take from him."

"I don't believe you."

"You don't know what I've done!" Lucifer snapped. "You don't know what I've sacrificed, all that happened in the cage. Dean Winchester if you think Cassie's the broken on then listen to what happened to me! In that forsaken place where you two locked me up I endured the most agony ever inflicted upon Angel, worse than Sam's pain, so much worse for it was inflicted on my not by an enemy but by a brother."

"What do you mean?" Gabriel asked, his voice filled with worry. "Lucifer..."

" _Lucifer," Michael said, his voice low and agonizingly soft._

 _"Michael," Lucifer said in the exact tone, looking out from the bars of the cage. He turned to half face his oldest brother. "Perhaps we could talk this out."_

 _"You killed your own brother! Lucifer, you loved Cassie, why?"_

 _Lucifer turned fully. "I don't know," he whispered. "I don't know. I was angry, frustrated and so close to winning."_

 _In the farthest corner of the cage Sam stirred. His eyes widened as he took in the Angels and the scenery around them. In the opposite corner Adam lay, still unconscious. He scrambled away from Lucifer with fear in his eyes._

 _"Brother," Michael said. "I do believe you now having what humans call a 'punching bag. Take out your anger on him and I will let our conversation slide."_

 _Lucifer grinned and started_ _towards Sam._

 _For several Hell years he ripped and cut at Sam's soul, and not once did the man ever scream until Lucifer began to taunt him, speaking of Dean, speaking of killing him. That was the first time Lucifer heard him speak in the cage._

 _"Dean..." It was a small sound, weak and pathetic but somehow it struck Lucifer hard. Sam was looking up at him with huge, agonized and slightly crazed eyes. "Do what you must to me," he said, voice trembling. "Don't touch him."_

 _Lucifer staggered backwards, his Fall flashing in front of his eyes. Those words, those ten small words had broken the dam he had built to block out the pain. Michael stopped his dissection of the younger one, Adam, and looked up._

 _"Brother," he said. "What is it?"_

 _"I can't," Lucifer whispered, staring at Sam in shock. "Michael, I can't."_

 _"Of course you can," he said, annoyed now. "My powers have influenced you before to do this. Go on. He put us in here, destroy him."_

 _Lucifer looked up and over at his brother. "You...you used your powers to control me? I have taken you for many things but a torturer to the very beings Dad wanted us to protect? Never."_

 _Michael picked up and Angel blade and handed it to Lucifer. "There are many thing you don't know brother. Kill him again and again, destroy his soul. The blade is sharper than that knife, it's cuts are lethal."_

 _Lucifer felt sick. "No," he snapped. "I won't hurt him any more." He handed the blade back to Michael._

 _Michael leered at him. "Really?" he said softly. "You haven't figured it out yet?" Lucifer looked confusedly at him. "Oh for Dads sake! You're not the one Earth should fear."_

 _"Michael," he said slowly. "What do you mean?"_

 _The Archangel moved into his face, forcing him to look away. "I'm still your big brother. I can still beat the shit out of you, of anyone but Dad. And I've decided Humanity's a waste of time, they kill, they soiled Earth, they have dug themselves a clear path to Hell, beyond redemption."_

 _Lucifer felt sick rise in his throat as Sam watched on, staring in a confused half conscious state. "This isn't how it was supposed to be," Lucifer whispered. "You were supposed to fight for Humanity, not destroy it. That's my job!"_

" _It was," Michael hissed. "If only Heaven could see us now. The Soldier and the Rebel have switched. You can't even hurt the human who caged us and I can destroy the planet once I get out."_

 _Lucifer looked back and saw the younger boy, Adam, scrambling towards Sam who grabbed him and pulled him close, shielding his half brother from anything that might happen. "I won't hurt him," Lucifer said calmly. "But I don't love Humanity, not like you were supposed to."_

 _"Fine." Michael flicked a hand and caused Adam to fly from Sam's grasp and hit the wall of the cage, were he stayed, pinned by an invisible force. Michael then started to move towards Sam, holding an Angel blade._

 _It took Lucifer a second to realize what Michael had planned to do. Then, without a second though, he threw himself in front of Sam. "Michael no!" he shouted._

 _The angel blade stopped centimeters from his chest. Adam slid down the wall and crawled weakly to Sam who once again pulled him into a protective embrace._

 _Sam shook behind him. "Why?" he croaked. "Why are you defending me?"_

 _"I don't know," Lucifer whispered, not taking his eyes off Michael who still towered over them. "Michael, I hate most of Humanity. I hate Dean, and Bobby, and I hated their parents so much. But Sam, Sam I can't hurt because...I don't know but he reminds me of myself."_

 _Sam drew a shaky breath from behind him. "What?"_

 _"You fell for a family who you love so much, I fell for loving my Father above all else. You have been rejected by blood, as have I. We have been tried with unfair causes."_

 _Michael stepped forward. "No more games Lucifer darling brother." He grabbed Adam's arm and yanked him up. Sam let out a hoarse cry._

 _"Adam no!" He moved to get up but Lucifer stopped him._

 _"Take me!" Lucifer cried. "Leave them and take me! Michael, I know you are angry but you cannot hurt Sam and Adam is innocent, he wanted a normal life, he had nothing to do with this until Heaven made it so! If you kill Adam I will rise from here in Sam and I will kill Dean then my own vessel. If the Winchesters die then Cas's following will rally against you, even if he's dead, besides, if they all die then you have no vessel, no claim to a body that is suitable to fight in."_

 _Michael's grip on Adam weakened. "Fine." Quick as a flash he reached down and yanked Lucifer up. With a wave of his hand he threw the Archangel against a wall, grinning manically as he heard the hiss of pain as his head collided solidly with a book hanging down._

 _Lucifer could hardly see Sam and Adam through the blood in his eyes but they were safe, and that's what he had fought for. "Brother," he whispered. "What has become of you?"_

 _Michael's eyes were crazed with lust for bloodshed. "I could ask you the same. Shall we begin?" He picked up a large meat hook made of the material used in angel blades. "Ah, this looks fun."_

 **AN: I completely forgot to upload this chapter! Oops! Hopefully things make more sense now**


	26. Chapter 27

Gabriel stared in astonishment at Lucifer. When his brother said he had been tortured this was not at all what he had expected. "Brother," he whispered. "Oh Lucifer, I am so, so sorry."

Lucifer sighed, looking weary and drawn. "Don't be, I made my chose. I protected Sam because he and I, we are bound." Sam made a choked noise.

"How?" his eyes were mistrustful still, his words hesitant.

"We are bound through past and present, not a strong bond like Castiel and Dean share but a bond none the less. My fate is your future and we both want to avoid it and we will both try to. Don't get me wrong Sam, I absolutely despise you but I can't hurt you, for the same way Dean couldn't hurt Amara- minus the weird-ass romance. Unless you killed someone I loved, truly loved, I couldn't hurt you anymore than I did out of anger and Michael's control in the cage."

"So Michael will bring about the Apocalypse?" Dean asked. "Really?"

Lucifer nodded gravely. "Yes. I fear you will have harsh times ahead of you Dean Winchester."

Sam sidestepped closer. "And you will stop it?" He sounded confused, tired, shocked.

"I don't know. Humanity itself is a broken and dreadful thing but I don't think I have it in me any longer to not fight on the side of Earth and her children. My Father wanted this to go down and so it will be. I don't think He or anyone else ever imagined Michael and I would switch."

Gabriel let out a low whistle. "But you and Sam paralleled, both of you rebelled against your Fathers, wanted something different, both of you are highly intelligent and I do suppose family still remains for you Lucifer, but it is not the first thing. Sam mirrors that when Dean was in Purgatory when everyday you missed him but never looked for him. Both of you also chose the right thing at the end of all, Lucifer chose to stop trying to destroy Humanity and Sam, you prove that by just being here. And Sam, I know you wanted the power Lucifer held way back when he was released, I know you were tempted. Sam, I've been in your mind even if you didn't know, you could have taken him and let him battle Michael but you chose Human kind."

Sam grimaced.

"You were tempted by Lucifer?" Dean asked, appalled.

"Look okay, when I went cold turkey from Demon blood I had visions...people telling me Lucifer would make me stronger, that I was already the strongest man on the planet. And yeah, I wanted it, just like you loved and hated the Mark for what it made you. I wanted more power and I knew only Lucifer could provide me with that."

An awkward silence descended.

"Okay," Dean said, shattering the quiet. "Okay that's...that's okay." He cleared his throat. "How would I parallel Michael?"

Asmodei ticked off his fingers as he began to list. "Loyal to an absent Father, family before everything but the whole entire planet, brave, steadfast loyalty, strong..."

"...dick," Gabe interrupted.

"Hey!" said Dean. "Right but how will it affect my future? I'm sure as Hell not taking Michael."

Lucifer sighed and rubbed his eyes with one shaking hand. "I don't know. From what happened in the cage between me and him, I can only guess Cain was right and even without the Mark you will kill or torture your brother."

"No," Dean whispered. "Never."

"Dean-" Sam began.

"No!" Dean interrupted. "You must have guessed wrong Lucifer. You have to had guessed wrong. Everything the Marks ever had on me is gone."

"Not everything. It has a permanent almost poison that leeches into the human body, only human. It spreads and lies dormant until it's around the Blade, you still have it even if it's no longer on your arm."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" Dean asked suspiciously.

Lucifer growled deep in his throat. "You've forgotten that I saved your brother."

"I haven't forgotten Lucifer," Dean replied. "But I'm still not sure if its true or not."

Asmodei moved towards Dean. "Remember Winchester," he defended. "That's my brother you speak of. Would you lie about this?"

"Maybe. What even is it?" Dean asked, changing the subject. "What is it with you and Lucifer anyways? Who are you?"

Asmodei looked surprised. "You want my story?"

"I'll consider trusting Satan over here if I know your history with him." Dean stepped back. "Sam, you good?"

The younger Winchester was shaky and pale, the bags under his eyes stood out starkly from his death white skin. "I'm good," he whispered.

"Bullshit."

"I'm fine Dean," Sam insisted.

Dean gave an exaggerated nod. "Sure you are. Now go sit down before you pass out."

Sam sank into the chair Dean had pulled out for him, secretly relieved to have an excuse to get off his feet. "Thanks," he told Dean who responded by laying a hand on Sam's shoulder.

Asmodei sighed. "Alright. You want my story? Okay then, it's not a pretty one."

"Has there even been a happy backstory for Angels?" Gabriel asked. "Asmodei, leave out the hardest bits if you need."

Asmodei shuddered. "I might have to."

"That's perfectly okay little brother," Lucifer said gently. "Both Gabe and I know about it, don't mention anything that's too hard."

Dean watched them talk. Lucifer gently speaking to his baby brother, Gabriel cracking a suck-ass joke and earning a small smile, Asmodei staring at his brother like they were God come back to redeem all of them. He glanced at Sam, pale faced, eyes staring straight ahead, eyes worried. Dean squeezed his arm. "It's okay Sammy," Dean whispered. "Relax. I won't let him do anything to you."

Sam gave him a tight lipped smile. "I know."

Dean turned his attention back to the Angels once he saw that Sam had relaxed. They were still talking and he cleared his throat, drawing their attention. "Think we could get on with the story?"

Asmodei glared briefly at Dean, his eyes burning through Dean's soul. "Of course. I was one of the earlier Seraph Angels created. The third actually. Lucifer and I, we spoke, we shared a common opinion- Angels would always be the highest creatures, above all else God created. So when we heard of Mankind coming and how we would worship and love them, Lucifer and I were angry. Inferior beings they were, so much less than Heaven, and we devised a plan. Gadreel helped us for he loved us as all brothers do."

"You were in it with Gadreel?" Dean exclaimed, taking note of the way Sam stiffened, his hand twitching as if he remembered laying that palm on Kevin Tran's forehead.

"Doing such was one of my greatest regrets," Asmodei said softly. "We bribed him to let us in the Garden of Eden, after Lucifer had taken the Mark." Dean shuddered as Asmodei continued. "He tempted Eve to disobey God and I watched him swear on his Grace that it was only Gadreel and him, that nobody else had been helping them. I watched Gadreel get locked away in that prison, I heard his screams. I saw Lucifer, bright as the Morning Star for which he is called, fall from the sky, saw the Earth open her lips to swallow him into the bowels of Hell."

"Graphic image there brother," Lucifer muttered.

"Lucifer," he said sternly. "Shut up."

Gabriel hid a smile that faded the second he saw the hollowness in Asmodei's eyes.

"Okay," Asmodei recovered himself and began to speak again. "Years after the Fall, millions of years during the Golden Ages of the Earth, I took my first human vessel. A man by the name of Augustus, he was from Southeast Asia, an orphan, no family. He thought letting me in was a blessing but he cast me out, screaming in agony. I told him Heavens Angel deserved a better vessel anyways and I killed him." His voice broke. "My first human kill. A single year later I came back and took on a young man whose name I cannot remember but I still wear him, his body is long dead, like Jimmy Novak he now resides in his own Heaven."

Sam glanced over and Lucifer whose eyes were filled with sorrow. "Brother," the Archangel said. "Asmodei, I know this next part. I can say it. Don't torture yourself."

"It's fine Lucifer. I took this man and I walked the Earth in his shell. I traveled across oceans to Greece where I met a young woman. Her name was Esmerelda, the daughter of a middle class family." His voice shook and he paused. "Castiel wasn't the only Angel to fall in love with a human."

Dean knuckles were white as he clenched the back of Sam's chair. He felt the wood digging into his hands, slowly cutting at the skin. "You..." Dean heard his voice shaking. He closed his eyes. "You loved a human?"

"I do still," Asmodei said softly. "Esmerelda was the most beautiful mortal I had ever laid eyes on. Her hair was blonde and coppery, her eyes were a soft green and blue, like where the Nile meets the Mediterranean Sea. She had freckles dancing up soft white arms like fireflies to a hill. For many months we met in secret by the ruins of an ancient temple. She told me how much she loved me and I told her it back. We did many human...things...together but one day she didn't come. I snuck to her house and asked to see her. Turns up, she was engaged to a man called Julius Richards. They were to be wed in three days time. She had just learned of the arrangement. Anyways, I came back from Heaven months afterward to discover her pregnant, with my child."

Sam's eyes widened. "Nephilim?"

"Quite. I introduced myself as an old friend and got to know what had happened to them over the time I had been absent. Two days later, she went into labor. In all of my life I had never not been able to heal someone but the powers of the Nephilim were too strong and blocked my powers. She died, the horrendous creatures eating her from the inside out." He closed his eyes for a long moment. "I killed them. Two and I slaughtered them. My children. I returned to Heaven where I have stayed ever since, unable to look down upon the cruel and beautiful works of the Earth without thinking of her."

Dean felt chilled, almost violated. This Angel was unmistakably telling the truth and it reminded him of everything that had happened with him and Cas. His heart ached. "You really loved her didn't you?" he asked.

"I would have fallen for her, I'd have pulled the stars down." Asmodei looked soulfully down, his eyes sparkling.

Dean thought back to Cas, his raggedy trench coat and blue eyes.

 _I do everything you ask. I always come when you call._

 _I'm hunted. I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you._

 _Dean..._

 _I'll find a way to redeem myself to you._

He rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Right. I think I believe you now."

Asmodei relaxed. "You and Castiel? What happened?"

Dean shook his head, not wanting to speak of it. Asmodei thankful took the queue.

"Thank you. Sam? Do you believe me?"

Sam glanced up from his hands. "Fine. I believe you, and I'm grateful to Lucifer if what he said is true. I don't know how much if it is, I can't remember that part of the cage."

Lucifer gave him a tight smile. "Thank you Sam," he said. "I would bring those memories back but I fear they would break you again. With my brother and perhaps more at stake I will not risk loosing a strong warrior. I know you will never fully forgive me and I'm absolutely fine with that, just know I did try and help you to the point I nearly broke under Michael's hand."

Sam nodded, still awkward but more comfortable around the Archangel, knowing what he knew now. Finally he asked the question that had been plaguing him:"How do you plan on getting Cas?"

 **AN: Sorry I haven't updated in a while! We had tons of school work but summer break begins today so I'll update more often! Enjoy!**


	27. Chapter 26

Cas opened his eyes into blackness. He gasped in cool air, groaning as he moved from the ground slightly. His human body ached and screamed as he tried to stand, his hands moved to his chest, feeling for the hole where he had impaled himself with the blade, wondering how he had survived. He felt nothing, no dry stickiness of old blood, no gaping hole from where the blade had entered, just the cloth of his shirt and the patter of his heart beat.

He felt anger flood his sore muscles as he remembered the earlier events. Sam and Dean, how they hated him so much, how he didn't deserve to be saved. Hate filled him like fire. He had given everything- everything- for them and they showed no gratitude whatsoever. How could he had ever loved them? He questioned himself. How had he been so naive and stupid to think they loved him?

How could he have loved them?

He looked around, listening in the darkness and hearing the sad rustle of skeletal trees and dried bushes in a cold wind coming from nowhere. Not for the first time he wondered where he was. Shivering, Cas pulled his trench coat tighter around him. The absence of the warmth of his Grace was still something he was getting used to, as was the huge range of human emotions and the intensity of them.

Love was powerful but hate was more so and Cas knew this right now was absolute hatred, strong than Lucifer, strong than Amara.

He hated Dean Winchester, he wanted to make him pay for all he'd done. And Sam Winchester, he would throughly enjoy causing that one the pain he had caused him. But Dean, Dean was his top priority, first thing to destroy when he could. Cas knew his anger was irrationally strong and vivid shut he didn't care, in moments he was no longer 'Cas', the man in the ratty trench coat. He was 'Castiel', the Angel, despite lack of Grace, the stone soldier, the soulless beast. He could kill and ruin as he pleased- there were no chains of compassion holding him back any more.

 _"Phase two. Complete."_

Billie stood in the middle of Central Park. Her keen eyes were fixed on a blue car speeding down the road. She watched, unmoving and unfeeling as a biker drove in front of it. Blood splattered, a woman screamed and a man shouted, children were being grabbed by parents, adults were running out to the street and the driver of that blue car stared in horror at the mangled yet breathing body under the wheel.

In a flick of her wrist, Billie appeared next to the biker. A man named Bradley Morgan, fit, attractive, healthy, a ring in a shinny box in his pocket and a boyfriend at home. "It's your lucky day," she murmured as she turned and walked away. "See you in sixty years." Then visit was unnecessary but still, Billie did not kill as much anymore and loved to watch the ways of life, watch people recover from past wounds.

It wasn't that her job was unpleasant, Billie thought. It was necessity. Everyone needed to die at some point, everyone had an expiration date. Everybody except those damn Winchesters it would seem. Dean, back and alive once again, walking and breathing. She smiled to herself, having secretly grown quite fond of the boys. Reaping Dean was hard, leaving Castiel where she had was harder but it was her job after all, and it had to be done.

Billie decided to pay Dean a visit, perhaps see how he had managed to evade death once again. In an instant she was at the bunker. "Dean Winchester," she called from the staircase.'"My oh my, boy how did you manage it this time?"

She heard the faint talking the other room come to a compete stop as chairs were pushed back and footsteps headed towards where Billie was. Dean appeared first, Sam second, shaky and pale. Then came the Angels, Gabriel, Asmodei, and Lucifer. She wanted to hit herself. With Angels there was always a price for life. What had Sam and Dean bargained with this time?

"Billie," Dean called up. "Took you a while."

Billie gave him a small smile. "Back from dead once again, I see. You promised me Dean, that this next time you would come."

Sam looked sharply at Dean. "When did you promise her this?"

"When I was comatose back at the hospital. She told me to go back as long as I could accept her coming the next time and go with her." He turned back to Billie. "But I didn't evade you this time. You let me be brought back. You told me to save Cas, I haven't done that yet."

Billie gave a mysterious smile. "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. How did you manage it this time? I knew you were coming back but I didn't know how."

"Angels," Dean said. "Come down and I'll tell you if you can tell me something I need to know, agreed?"

Billie gave a sharp nod. "Agreed."

Five minutes later they were gathered around the table, everyone listening as Dean finished up his story.

Billie sighed. "Angels," she murmured. "Damn them."

Lucifer looked affronted. "Hey, we had reason to bring him back!"

"Castiel," she said. "You want to know where he is, correct?"

"And you know where, correct?" Dean replied, mimicking her tone.

"I do know. Oh it's a dark and dangerous place, unheard of to all but a few Reapers. This was the first time someone was so damned we actually have put them there." She looked across that the Angels mournfully. "Even if you try and get him, I fear it may be to late:"

"How do you mean?" Dean asked, his green eyes filled with worry and fear, his hands doing a poor job of hiding their shaking. Sam put a hand on Dean's own.

"Hey," he whispered. "I promised you we'd get him back and that's what I fully plan to keep that promise."

Dean smiled down at him. "I know Sammy." He turned his attention back to Billie. "How is this place to dark and dangerous? How could we be to late?"

Billie rubbed her neck. "Well, this place, it turns people. Make monsters out of men, destroys the humanity in them. Imagine what it would do to an Angel, especially one that has feelings so profound as Castiel."

"But he didn't die an Angel," Gabriel said.

"But in life," Billie told them. "He was an Angel, a flawed one, but an Angel none the less. He has Grace in this world, or he's getting it back with every trial that makes him less human."

"So what is this place?" Dean asked, leaning forward, eyes fixed upon her, drinking in every word.

Billie met his eyes. "The Garden of Eden."


	28. Chapter 28

"Wait, wait, the what now?" Dean asked.

"The Garden of Eden?" Sam asked. "The Garden of Eden? As in the literal Garden where Eve ate the apple?"

"The literal Garden," Billie confirmed.

Lucifer buried his head in his hands. "Dammit," he muttered. "God freaking dammit."

"Hey," Asmodei said. He placed a hand on Lucifer's shoulder slightly awkwardly. "Hey, it's alright. We're getting him back."

"It's the actual Garden," Gabriel said to no one in particular. Then he turned to Billie. "How is it dangerous? Dark? How does it have the power to destroy?"

"After Eve and the apple, the Garden fell into chaos, it wilted, destroyed itself. All that is left now are the ghostly skeletons of trees and dead bushes."

Dean threw up his hands. "Great! Fan- freakin- tastic! How the actual Hell are we supposed to get there?"

Billie sighed. "It's nearly impossible. I can, however, pull a few strings, maybe call up a ride. It's gonna be tough."

"Please," Sam said. "Billie, we need him back. We'll do just about anything you need. Just, try please."

"Oh Sam," she murmured, stepping forward. Sam leaned back and Dean tensed, watching her fingers delicately touch his shoulder. "Anything?"

Sam watched her warily. His eyes were narrowed. "Anything you need, anything you want that is within our power to give."

"Just make me this promise, the same one that Dean here made."

"And that is?"

"Save the angel, take care of you brother, and when I come, accept my hand." The same words she had used at the hospital cut through Dean like a steel knife.

Sam swallowed. "You have my word."

"Good." Billie turned a at from him to face Dean and the three Angels. "You want to hitch a ride to the Garden. That's going to be difficult as, standardly, you have to be dead. I can kill you but there is a good chance you won't be coming back."

Gabriel cut in. "Is there any chance of getting him without dying?"

"There may be another way. Riskier than you might like but it may work out. I have to remove your souls from your body."

Sam visibly flinched and Dean put a hand on his arm. "No other way?" he asked.

"None." Billie met his green gaze with her own dark brown one then it slowly shifted to Sam. "I know it's uncomfortable for you Sam, to have me talk about souls and removing them. You boys have been through a lot of shit but I promise on my duty to reap you that it's nothing like what you went through. It will be...unpleasant, but in the end you will be fine."

Sam nodded. "We just need Cas back, no matter the consequences."

"And us?" Lucifer said. "Angels don't have souls and we can't just fly to the Garden of Eden. I'm not going to stay here."

Billie turned to him slowly. "Then prepare for one of the biggest temporary sacrifices you'll ever make."

"And that is?" Asmodei asked. His face was hard with worry but tenderness for his brother was prominent in his deep eyes.

"Grace," Dean answered before Billie could. "That's what you want to ask of them, isn't it? Give up your Grace for a while, fester and begin to rot in the corpse of a vessel. Pray you'll get back in time."

"Strongly worded," Billie said. "But absolutely correct. I need you to give up your Grace, for a bit only. I'll give it back but you need to be human to get there."

Sam looked pleadingly at Gabriel whose solid affection for Cas faltered when he heard of the sacrifice he must make. "Gabriel, Asmodei...Lucifer," he said softly. "We need you guys to be there. He might not come back just for me and Dean, he might need you to be there."

"I know," Lucifer said softly. "Believe me Sam, I want to help him. Every part of me needs him to be safe, to have him here physically and where I can touch him to know its real, that I'm not mad. Dean," he said, shifting his gaze. "You know what I mean."

All eyes turned to Dean who stood next to Sam, hand still on his arm. He closed his eyes and have a heavy exhale. "Of course I know what you mean Lucifer."

Lucifer, surprisingly, seemed to visibly relax. "Thank you."

Dean looked puzzled. "You're...welcome?"

Sam, seeing how uncomfortable Dean was, dove in. "So will you do this for Cas," he asked. "Or not?"

Asmodei, Gabriel, and Lucifer shared glances. Silently they conversed, sharing nods and raised eyebrows until Asmodei cleared his throat and his brother, having come to a decision stopped fidgeting.

"What will it be?" Billie asked. "The longer you wait the farther gone Castiel may be."

Asmodei stared her in the eye. For a moment it looked like he had wings, big and beautiful, a true warrior with the fire of Michael in his eyes. Then he seemed to shrink, to collapse into himself as a mortal man needing his brother. "Yes," he said, voice suddenly weary. "Take it."

Billie's expression didn't change. "Of course. Family is always first, isn't it?"

"Always," Lucifer whispered. "Before anyone or anything."

"Good. I knew you would say that." Billie smiled softly. "I'll arrive here at...say eight fifteen. All of you need your rest, Angels included. Regenerate yourselves, try and heal any wound, internal or external on your vessel or you will die immediately when you Grace leaves. Winchesters," she said, turning sharply towards Sam and Dean. "Bad things are leaking from Eden, it's cracked open, nightmares, thoughts, terrible things are leaving through. Cas opened a door that hadn't been opened in millennia. These thoughts make the already unstable and brilliant do bad things, targets people who have lost loved ones recently. Watch yourselves."

"Great," Dean said sarcastically. "Could have told us earlier."

"I forgot," she said, flipping her hair and beginning to fade away. "Take care. Eight fifteen, remember."

Sam turned away from the spot his eyes had been fixed on, the spot where Billie had disappeared. "What do you think she meant?"

Dean gestured wearily. "I dunno man, let's turn in. I'm exhausted."

"We should head out," Gabriel said awkwardly, interrupting the conversation. "We will come back at eight tomorrow."

Dean watched them disappear. "Right," he said, the last of his composure slipping. He threw himself into a chair. "This just couldn't get any better could it?"

"Hey man," Sam said, kneeling beside Dean. "Keep it together Dean, please." He felt his heart speed up, fearful that if Dean fell apart Sam would follow.

Dean looked sideways at his brother. "Sorry Sammy. I...its just. God Sam, I'm scared. Tomorrow, I just...if he isn't human, if Eden destroyed his humanity..."

"...Then you'll rebuild it," Sam finished cutting him off. "I know you will."

Dean looked slightly guilty. "Sorry Sam," he apologized. "Just kinda stressed about this. Thanks." God, he was so thankful to have Sam.

Sam gripped his brothers arm and pulled him to his feet. "Go to your room, take a shower, get to bed. Don't worry, okay? It's gonna be fine."

Dean nodded, not protesting at Sam's mother-hen behaviors, it was just his way of coping. For a second he almost beloved everything would be okay.

Sam followed his brother up until Dean turned into his room. Sam kept walking, following the hallway to his room three doors down. He hoped Dean had believed that it would be alright when really, Sam doubted Cas would even recognize them.


	29. Chapter 29

Dean stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom. The shower pounded a watered melody in the background.

Dark thoughts crept into his mind, thoughts he knew were spawned by Eden, or were just made more pronounced.

Useless.

Worthless.

Weak.

Coward.

His hand moved almost unconsciously to the nearly full bottle of melatonin he kept in his cabinet, only used for the worst of nightmares, or when Sam insisted. He shook around twenty out on his hand, wondering now many it would take to kill a person. "No," Dean murmured out loud. "No." He shoved them back in the bottle and closed it, setting it with a soft chink on the shelf.

He stepped in the shower, letting the towel around his waist fall to the floor, feeling the strong stream of water pound against his aching back and the tender spot on the small of his back. And somewhere, somewhere dark, he heard a voice whisper:

 _You couldn't even save Sam, what makes you think Cas will be different?_

 _You hurt everything, everyone you touch._

 _Cas is gone Dean, he's gone._

Dean stepped out. He reached for the pills and dumped a handful out, staring at them, wondering if this was cowardliness or nobility. His death, his permanent death would eliminate lots of chances of Armageddon and any use he could have at being a weapon.

The small white pills stared up at him.

Sam lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and contemplating tomorrow. Would Cas come back to them? If it took him nearly killing Dean to snap out of Heavens control, what would it be this time? Heaven, despite being the kingdom it was, could not hold a match to the power of Eden. And these dark thoughts Billie had warned them about? Why has she warned them? His thoughts trailed on like this for half an hour at least before the pieces started to fit together, combining with what Dean had confessed in the Impala, about wanting to die.

Sam sat bolt upright. He listened. The entire Bunker was silent, showers turned off, no footsteps in the halls. His breath caught in his throat as he threw himself out of bed, rushing into the hallway where he slowed to a stop, listening to the silence.

"Dean?" he called out softly.

Nothing answered.

Sam didn't want to wake Dean up should he be fine and simply asleep so he pushed open the door to Dean's room, praying his brother was alright.

Dean lay on his side on the bed. His chest rose and fell with a shudder and a jerky motion. His breathing was ragged and seemed to come in pained gasps. "Dean?" Sam whispered, crossing the room. He set a gentle hand down on Dean's arm, careful not to rouse him.

Ok. So far he seemed to be alright, simply having a nightmare. The fear in his stomach dissipated a little. Sam nudged him as Dean jerked in his sleep. "Hey!" he called, louder this time.

Dean sat up suddenly. "What?" he said, voice slightly panicked, eyes wide.

Sam exhaled, relieved. "Hey. I just...I heard you having a nightmare. Just wanted to check in to make sure you were okay." Under his brothers bright, calmed gaze he felt rather foolish.

"Thanks," Dean murmured. "Having problems sleeping?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah," he admitted. "Worried about tomorrow I guess."

"Me too," Dean said softly. "Do you really think he'll be fine, like I could restore his humanity?"

"Dean," Sam said seriously, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Listen to me. You are the very embodiment of 'Humanity'. All the Angels, all the Demons, and most monsters in between know that, that's why they fear you so much. You are every single thing they aren't. So if anyone on this whole planet, maybe even this whole universe, could restore humanity to someone, it's you."

Dean blinked. "Thanks, but Sam, I'm still scared of this." Goddamn it, he hated Sam seeing him like this, weak, breaking, scared. It had happened far to often in these last few days. "Never mind. It's stupid." He shook his head.

Sam rolled his eyes. "How many years has it been Dean? I don't even know anymore, but more than half of my life, probably over three quarters of it actually, you've been teaching me, taking care of me, quite literally choosing me over anything or anyone, even if it's the world. If there's anything- anything- I can do for you, no matter how stupid it is, just tell me. I will do it."

Dean felt his heart swell with love for his little brother, looking at him, that stupid puppy smile on his face, his big sad eyes. "Thank you Sammy," he murmured. "But it's nothing. You need to rest."

"You do too."

"I will." Dean glanced at his clock. It read 12:34pm. "Go back to your room. Rest, we have a shit load of stuff to do tomorrow."

Sam squeezed an arm around Dean's shoulders, a half hug they would never mention again, and left, casting one last shadowed look at Dean who lay back, staring up at the ceiling. "Be careful," he whispered, knowing he wouldn't hear him.

Dean lay trembling on his sheets, listening to Sam leave. Every part of him wanted to call, to beg Sam to stay with him. He needed something to hold on to right now, to help him force the darkness of the corrupt Eden from his mind. It hissed and tugged at him still, bringing up memories of the hospital, that terrible time when he had through the werewolves had killed Sam. Dean had been ready to kill himself then, and the voices were telling him it was just as easy now as it had been then. He remembered something Cas had said what seemed like eons ago; _I'm afraid I might kill myself._

Dean was afraid of that, he felt the calls of death, icy tendrils telling him how much better off everyone would be without him. Dean buried his face in his pillow, forcing the darkness from his mind and replacing it with the feeling of Cas's body pressed against his when they hugged in Purgatory, of Sam as a baby, all fat fists and smiles and drool, innocently staring up at Dean. Sam giggling as he took his first steps- a memory that Dean had cherished and kept for as long as he could remember- and he walked towards Dean. In spite of himself, Dean cracked a genuine smile, knowing he couldn't leave neither Cas nor Sam. He simply had too big a heart that loved them far too much.

 **AN: I'm gonna be gone for a while so no updates for a while. Sorry :(**


	30. Chapter 30

Sam blearily opened an eye. He heard the sounds of movement in the kitchen, smelled the greasiness of bacon and the sharp sent of coffee. Stretching his long frame, he yawned widely and checked the clock. Seven forty five. Fifteen minutes until the Angels come and thirty minutes until Billie. Sam swung his legs out of bed, running a hand through the mop of his hair. Last night had not been easy for him, terrible thoughts, memories, sent from Eden in its current darkness, had plagued him throughout the night. He knew that compared to Dean's thoughts Sam's must have been nothing, little dark spells maybe but nothing more. He decided not to mention this to Dean, as to make sure he didn't start mother-henning, something Dean insisted he didn't do.

"Dean!" Sam called out, sure to put on a light and calmed tone as to not alarm his brother. "You're up?"

"Yeah," Dean called back. "Couldn't sleep."

Sam's heart sank. He walked out to the kitchen to stand next to his brother. "Nightmares?" he asked.

"Not quite," he said, the tone of his voice shifting so slightly that most people wouldn't notice but Sam, having known Dean all of his life, caught the tone change.

"Eden," Sam said softly. It wasn't a question, nor was it a comment, just a simply, unquestionable, fact.

"Yeah."

"I had them to." Sam could see Dean tense. "They weren't bad," Sam finished quickly. "Just memories."

Dean relaxed, flipping one of the eggs over in the pan. "Ok," he breathed. Clearing his throat, he pointed at the second own full of bacon. "Could you take care of those for a sec?"

"Oh, oh yeah, sure." Sam awkwardly tried to fit beside his brother without elbowing him several times. He failed.

"God Sammy," Dean said, rubbing his ribs. "That hurts, you bitch."

"Jerk," Sam shot back, not even looking up.

Five minutes later Dean had two plates out and was depositing two eggs, a buttered piece of toast, and several slices of bacon, onto each plate. "Here," he said, shoving one at Sam. "Coffees in the machine. Get me a cup, will you?"

Sam rolled his eyes, feeling the levels of anxiety in the room drop as they eased back into older habits, cooking together, ordering one another around. He poured two mugs of coffee, making one with milk and a tiny bit of cream and leaving his own black. "Here," he said, setting Dean's down beside him. "You're welcome."

Dean muttered something and held up a hand, his eyes fixed on the laptop he had opened up in front of him. "Sammy," he said, voice choked. "Read this."

Sam spun the computer to face him. "Shit," he whispered, scanning the page. "Five suicides in the last twenty-four hours?" He paused for a second. "All these kids had bad pasts, looks like. This girl here, names Adeline Summer, sixteen, her single dad was abusive. She took razors to her wrists. Timothy Golwin, twenty, girlfriend was in a car crash. Died in the hospital. He drove off a cliff. Jonathan Mills, fourteen, mom was killed by the dad who is still in prison, he used a gun. Madison Brooks, nineteen, she was struggling with her sexuality apparently, highly religious family, she hung herself. Lastly, Nico Vawter, seventeen, lived with a brother who beat him, OD'd it looks like." Sam cast an uneasy glance at Dean, who fidgeted.

"Those poor kids," Dean murmured. "We need to close up Eden for good. Before anyone else dies."

Sam nodded. "Definitely." He didn't press Dean to speak anymore, instead the brothers sat and ate in silence, the only noise coming from the munch and slurp of food and drink. Neither of them wanted to address the subject, neither wanted to think about it but the tension lingered still.

Cas. They would be getting Cas, and despite the road to recovery he would be on, Cas, the Angel who loved them, would be home, in the Bunker. Dean was visibly nervous about it, only in small motions however, hard to be noticed by anyone else but Sam, who had know his brother since the day he had been born. Sam resisted the urge to lean over and squeeze Dean's arm.

A flap interrupted the anxiety induced silence. Gabriel, Asmodei, and Lucifer stood shoulder to shoulder. "Boys," Gabriel said softly. "How's everything?"

Dean gave a quick smile and nodded. "Everything's good so far."

"A question. When Cas comes back," Sam did say when, refusing to acknowledge the other side of things, if 'if'. "When we get him back, will he go home with us or to Heaven with you?"

Asmodei sighed. "I would prefer him to come with us but his heart belongs with you two. He can stay here unless Heaven has need of him."

Lucifer nodded in agreement, carefully avoiding letting his gaze linger on Sam long enough to scare him. "I've been in his head, remember. And does he love you boys, so much, more than I've ever seen an Angel love in the long history of the world. The only Angel coming close to that amount of affection is Asmodei." Asmodei flinched a little. "I am sorry brother," Lucifer told him."It is true."

Dean cleared his throat. "Uh thanks Lucifer. Sam and I had better change and get weapons ready."

"Of course," Lucifer answered. "And remember, Eden is a dangerous place and my little brother is there. He may not be quite right when we get him out. Prepare yourself."

Dean met his eyes with a strong determination. "I know. I'm not giving up on him." He turned and beckoned to Sam and together they left the room.

Gabriel cracked a smile. The older Winchester unquestionably loved his Angel, didn't he? He glanced at Asmodei who raised his dark eyebrows, a soft grin on his lips. _I am happy that Cassie has found someone to hold dear,_ he said through Angel radio.

 _Loving a human is a risky game, brother, one must play very carefully._

 _I know_ , Gabriel assured him. _Cassie knows too._

 _I pray they finally tell each other how they feel,_ Lucifer added, butting into their conversation _. I was in Cas's head for months. If i have to put up with them pining even more then I swear I will run myself through with an Angel blade._

Gabriel laughed out loud. "Lucifer!" he scolded. "Shut up. They need to make the decision themselves!"

"What decision?" came Dean's voice from the door way.

Gabriel turned to see the brother, clad in clean clothes and with weapon bags slung over their shoulder, standing in the doorway. "On whether or not you're going to finally tell Cas that you're in love with him."

Dean glared at him, setting the weapons down and walking over to the Archangel. Sam glanced nervously between them. "Don't mention that," Dean snarled. "I don't freakin' know if I'm going to tell him or not, okay?"

Sam walked over to him and set a gentle hand on his arm. "Dean, come on, it's alright that you don't know what to do. Gabriel," he said, fixing him with an stare that could freeze fire. "Leave him alone."

For a second Gabriel saw into that soul, that blue fire burning so brightly, a mirror of Lucifer's Grace. Ice blue and burning cold, the similarities in life force scared the crap out of him. Even more so than their past actions.

 _Most people think I burn hot. Actually it's rather the opposite._

 **AN: I got wifi outside a restaurant so I could update and I wrote several chapters ahead so I can update more frequently. Hope you enjoy this one. Promise the next will be MUCH more interesting (and much more gay)! What do you want to happen at the Destiel reunion? Please tell me! Thanks for reading!**


	31. Chapter 31

Billie arrived ten minutes later. She was grave looking, solemn, her voice sounded like rain on a day predicted to be sunny. "Eden," she said. "It is an accursed place. Dangers lurk around every corner. Bring your demon knife, a small gun, and flashlights, as many as you can. There is no light in a place damned by God."

Sam felt shivers run down his spine and skeletal butterflies dancing in his stomach. Swallowing, he stuffed another flashlight in his jacket pocket where two already lay nestled in the fabric. He glanced at Dean whose sharp jaw was clenched like a steel trap. Gently, he brushed his arm. "You gonna be okay?"

Dean nodded, tearing his eyes away from Billie and fixing them on Sam instead. "How about you?" he asked and Sam sighed inwardly.

"I'm good."

Billie cleared her throat. "Then I hope you boys are ready. Angels!" She snapped her fingers. "That means you too."

Lucifer cautiously stepped forward. "You do not have to come," he told Gabriel and Asmodei.

"I love Cassie," Gabriel said, moving next to his brother. "And I love you. I'm not letting you go alone."

Asmodei nodded. "We were always close Lucifer. I'm not staying behind."

"Ready?" Billie said loudly.

Dean looked faintly sick. Sam had a hard but nervous look on his face. "Ready," they said together.

"Take each other's hands."

Dean took both Sam and Gabriel's hands. Sam gripped Dean's hand tighter than he would have ever liked to admit and gently held on to Asmodei's. Dean squeezed Sam's hand back.

"Three...two...one." Light erupted from Billie's hands, swirling through her hands to Lucifer who passed it around the circle of men and Angels. When the light came to Dean he felt a horrible yank on his heart, causing him to almost double over in pain. Sam made a worried noise but Dean shook his head, seeing the light travel to Sam and his brother gasp and tremble.

"Your Grace and souls are gone. You still are human, Sam, nothing like after you got out of the cage," she added, sensing fear radiating off the younger Winchester.

"Hey Sammy," Dean said softly. "Look at me."

Sam who had been doubled over, hands on his knees, looked up through a mop of brown hair. "Is this real?" he asked.

Dean bent down until his head was even with Sam's. "Look at me," he repeated. "Does this feel real?"

"I don't know."

Dean's heart sank. He hesitated for a moment. "Sammy, what do you feel?"

"In general? I'm scared...I remember being soulless."

Dean thought for a second. "Towards me," he said finally. "What do you feel towards me?" He felt all the Angels and Billie's eyes on him and shook them off, Sam was the only thing that matters here.

Sam reached out a put a hand on Dean's arm, slowly, as if he was expecting it to pass right through. "I...I'm scared for you," he whispered so quietly that Dean could hardly hear it. "I'm scared that you'll loose Cas, I'm scared that I'll loose you if Cas dies. I feel..." his voice trailed away and he cleared his throat. "I love you," he said. "The same as always, you're my big brother and I love you for raising me, for making sure I survived Jess and Dad and everything else. And I'm thankful for you."

Dean blinked back tears. "It's all fine then, nothing to worry about. Believe me Sammy, if you were the same as when you got out of the cage I would know." He turned back to Billie who gave him a soft, sad smile.

"Ready?" she asked. "We have to leave soon."

Dean glanced at Sam who straightened up and nodded. "We're ready," he said.

"Take each other's hands. You'll feel as if you are flying but if you let go, if you even open your eyes you will die, don't believe me Lucifer?" Lucifer glanced at her sharply, eyes wide at being caught. "Don't risk it. Your brothers might need you. Anyways we will land in the Garden. Do not scream, do not speak until we are all grouped. Whatever's in there is less likely to attack if there's a group instead of one man on his own. I won't be there when you arrive but turn this three times in your middle finger and I'll come." She handed Sam a thick banded silver ring.

Sam slipped it on his finger, surprised to see the metal reworking itself as to fit properly on him. "Thanks," he said softly. "And it won't come off?"

"Reaper ring, no possible way for it to be lost. Hurry," she hissed. "Take each other's hands."

Dean grabbed Sam and Asmodei's hands. Billie took Sam's free hand. "You good?" Sam asked, turning to look at Dean.

Dean nodded, unable to form coherent sentences.

Billie began to chant in some old language, white light poured from her lips, fire snaked around their arms, binding them together. "Close you eyes!" Billie shouted. "And whatever you do, don't ever, ever scream or you will die!" she added before continuing the chant.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, gripping Sam's hand tightly and feeling it squeeze back in response. And they were flying.

Dean felt nothingness on all sides of him, a wall of wind hitting his face as some invisible force propelled them forward. He wanted to open his eyes but knew he would die if he did, keeping them shut, he turned his face to the side. Suddenly they dropped straight down. Dean heard Sam gasp and bit back a yell. His stomach flew into his throat, dangerously close to vomiting, he clamped his jaw down. With an almighty crash they hit the ground, plunged into a suffocating black world.

 **AN: I should start updating regularly now just to let you know. Thanks for the AMAZING reviews I have received and thanks for even taking the time to read my mildly shitty work. It means a lot! Thanks and enjoy!**


	32. Chapter 32

Castiel felt the disturbance in Eden the second it happened. Familiar energy crashed over him as he recognized his brothers, Lucifer, Gabriel, and Asmodei. Two more waves hit him with such strength they almost knocked him off his feet. The color's of these were blue, ice blue, and the other was fire, burning brightly in the blackness.

Sam and Dean Winchester were here.

Sam staggered to his feet, searching for Dean in the pitch black. He wanted to call to his brother, to make sure he was there, to be sure this was real. He felt a hand reach out an grab his wrist. With a startled gasp, Sam whispered, "Dean?"

"Nope," Gabriel said in an equally quiet tone, getting up from the floor. "Human bodies," he mused. "So...weak, confining. Ugh."

"Gabriel?" came a voice from Sam's right.

"Luci?" Gabe called quietly.

"Where Asmodei and Dean?" Lucifer whispered.

Sam froze. "Dean?" he whispered-shouted. Fear made its way into his gut.

A hand on his back caused him to jump. "Heya Sammy. I'm here."

Relief flooded Sam as he turned around, reaching for his brother and grabbing onto his shirt. "Hey, yeah, okay. Where's Asmodei? He's not with you?"

"Nope," Dean answered.

"I'm here," came Asmodei's soft drawl. "Brothers?"

"All here," Gabriel said. "Turn on a light, would ya?"

A beam of light flickered on, Dean held the small torch in his hand, aiming it as to see his surroundings better. Skeletons of old trees looked above them, arching inward to dome above them. Sam drew in a deep breath. "Beware ye weary traveler," he said softly.

"Damn right," Dean replied. "Where's Cas?"

A branch cracked to their left, everybody but Dean turned. He kept his eyes fixed on the right side.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Gabriel said. "But I think something's over there."

"Wrong. Anything in here's too skilled to make noise in shrubs, any monster has been here since the dawn of time, they know their way around. No other souls, human or otherwise have entered Eden for millennia. This one has to be new so Cas is an option. But Cas wouldn't hide and he's too skilled to make noise on shrubbery anyhow. Other option, something's trying to distract us from this side so they could attack from the right, where we are unaware of them being."

"Nice going Sherlock," Sam muttered, slightly embarrassed at having missed the tiny details.

Dean flashed him a smile. "I'm going over, Sam get a flashlight, scan the area and I tell you to get back, get back. If I tell you leave, leave with or without me." He clapped his brother on the shoulder. "Stay safe Sammy."

Sam's hand pinned Dean's down. "Don't you dare," he whispered, anger leeching into his voice. "Don't you dare treat this like goodbye. You're coming back. Say you're coming back!."

Dean nodded and swallowed with difficulty. "I will come back," he confirmed, an unspoken promise in the words.

Castiel watched them from the shadows. He wasn't standing to the left nor the right, simply behind a tree in front of the group, the knife in his hand. In the dim light that scalded his eyes from so long in the dark, Castiel could make out the broad but slim form of the older Winchester coming to his right. Dean, he was alive. How? he wondered briefly, refusing to let himself feel the relief stirring in his chest. The light from the flashlight caught Dean's eyes.

Castiel froze. Green. Beautiful, beautiful green eyes. He had once loved that color, and even in the beginning of his stay here he knew it was importance but now he looked upon but jumbled hatred and anger. How dare such a beautiful color belong to such a terrible person?

Maybe, came that voice of reason inside Castiel's head. Maybe they were lying. They came here to look for you, why would they do that if they hated you?

Or maybe, came the cruel voice. Maybe they just need something.

The latter was more likely, Castiel knew. He refused to get his hopes up only to risk them being crushed by mere words. He refused to let Dean hurt him again because no matter how many times Castiel told himself he hated the man, deep down, he knew it wasn't true, knew that somewhere, in a forsaken piece of his heart that he loved the Winchesters, Sam was a brother, Dean was...well, more than that. He peered out from behind the tree. Dean was nowhere to be seen. Castiel listened, head cocked to the side. Again, he heard nothing.

A hand shot out and covered his mouth, dragging him out from behind the tree. He blinked through the light been shone on his face. Dean Winchester, green eyes and freckles and all, stared down at him, a knife against his throat, an Angel blade. "Cas?" he whispered, almost surprised.

Castiel felt hatred rushing through his veins. He shoved the man off him, using all the strength he didn't know he even had. The knife had fallen from his hand and Cas picked it up and nearby he heard noise, running footsteps. He turned, a snarl ripping from his throat, an animalistic instinct kicking in. Baring his teeth at the Angels and Sam, he turned and ran, head low and legs swift, trying to outrun the family that didn't even follow him.

Dean was certain his mental stability was poor. He knew his eyes played tricks on him in such dim lighting. He also knew he wasn't certain about many things. However he could swear that the man he had tackled was Cas and he could also swear that he had red eyes. Not simply the iris, he meant the entire eye, whites and all.

"Dean!" came Sam's voice, slightly panicked from above him. "Hey!"

Dean groaned and sat up, feeling Sam's hands on his chest. "Sam," Dean gasped. "Sammy, it was Cas!"

"I know," Sam whispered. His eyes were large and sad. "I'm sorry Dean."

Dean's eyes felt wet. "God," he murmured. "Oh God Sam, what do we do? He's an animal."

Sam gripped his shoulders. "Then it's up to you to make sure he get his humanity back."


	33. Chapter 33

Lucifer wanted to scream. He wanted to scream loud and long because he couldn't get Cas back. Because there was an animalistic instinct possessing his younger brother who he loved. He stood in the darkness as the trees cried out, singing a song of mourning and of pain.

He dropped to knees. "Gabe," he whispered as he brother moved next to him.

"Lucifer."

"He's gone," Lucifer said numbly. "Gabriel, he's gone."

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get him back."

"You don't know that."

"But I know you, and Dean. And I know that you won't sit idly by while Cas is here and I know that Dean will never stop looking if he loves Cas even half as much as I think he does."

Lucifer nodded. "But it may be impossible to restore his humanity."

"We will find away. Don't doubt us."

"Not for a second. Is Dean alright?"

"He's shaken but alright. Sam's with him," Gabe said.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Lucifer relaxed and another voice came from nearby. "We have to go," Asmodei said. "We must search for him."

"Asmodei," Lucifer said. "Are you not worried for him?"

Gabe made a noise as if to defend Asmodei but Asmodei shushed him. "I'm terrified," he said. "Don't think I'm not."

"Hey," came Sam's voice. "Come on." He switched on a flashlight, flooding the area with bright yellow light. Lucifer could see Dean, a single shining tear track on his cheek, his face pale.

"Dean," he said. "How are you?"

Dean furrowed his brow at this unexpected show of concern. "I'm fine," he told him. The disbelief was etched across the Archangel's face.

"Right." Lucifer nodded, not believing a word Dean said. "The fastest way to find him is to split up. But that's also the most dangerous way, what with what ever the Hells lurking out here. Stay together."

Gabriel nodded. "A wise decision my brother. We need people watching from all directions. Everyone takes a light."

Dean took three more from his pocket, handing one to each Angel. "Be careful with them," he warned. "If the light flickers or goes out we're dead." He moved uncertainly and nervously around. Asmodei approached him.

"You realized something," he said slowly. "Or at least saw something. What aren't you telling us?"

Dean shivered as he remembered the once blue eyes staring down at him, now blood red. He hesitated, not wanting to speak of it. But these Angels were Cas's brothers and if Sam was where Cas was, Dean would want to know. "He had red eyes," Dean said, forcing the words out from behind gritted teeth. "His entire eye, whites and all, and it looked...chunky? Like blood almost."

Asmodei swore in Enochcian. "That's not good," he said. "I do not know what that means but I do know it is bad."

"No shit," Sam muttered, throwing a glance at Dean. "Nothing here's good."

Dean was pale. "Yeah. Um, let's go that way." He pointed to his left, where Cas had run off. "He took my knife."

"Be careful then," Sam warned. "Stay behind me. Without a weapon whatever's out there is more likely to go after you."

Dean shook his head. "That's not happening. You Sam, you are staying behind the Angels. Safest place."

Sam threw up his hands in exasperation. "We're in freaking Eden, Dean! We are not arguing about this! None of us are safe, you might be a better hunter but I have a weapon and I'm physically bigger than you. We also know that if Cas turned, if his humanity's gone then you're the prime target."

"How do you know?" Dean asked, genuinely curious. "I didn't know that."

"You idiot!" Lucifer exclaimed. "It's obvious! He's in love with you, or he was before, but Eden twists and distorts. You are a threat to his stone hearted facade, you alone could break through to him because you also love him. He might not know that much but he is aware of his feelings for you and he knows you pose a threat because he- in some twisted, animalistic part of him- likes the power. He's nearly invincible but you, Dean, you are his Achilles Heal."

Dean swallowed, cast his eyes to the ground. "You're sure?"

"I am."

Silence descended. All eyes, all lights were trained on Dean, waiting for him to speak and when he finally did Sam felt his heart sign in relief.

"Fine," Dean said. "If I'm his weak spot then you told me I have to stay safe and I will. One condition; something's happening out there that can potentially threaten a mortal life, Sam and I change places."

"No!" Sam protested. "You're Cas's only chance."

Dean raised his eyes to Sam's. "It comes down to you or him, it's always going to be you."

Gabriel sarcastically applauded. "Touching you two, real touching. Can we please focus on finding my brother now? Sam just agree."

Sam didn't argue again. "Fine," he agreed unhappily, sending a sharp glance at Gabriel.

Asmodei nudged Gabriel and smiled at him. He lowered his voice to barely a whisper "They remind me of you and Cas back before everything..."

"Before everything went to shit?" Gabriel finished, tone equal.

Asmodei nodded. "Right," he said loudly. "Let's go find Cas."

 **AN: Okay guys, we're close to a reunion- a proper one! Hope you like this chapter!**


	34. Chapter 34

Castiel tore at his own skin, trying to rip it off. He wanted to scream, he needed to scream. But if he did _they_ would find him. His brothers and the Winchesters couldn't see him, they had to leave. Blood pooled under Castiel's nails, slipping down his skin, he felt the thick, hot liquid running down his cheeks. Blood from his eyes.

"No," he hissed. If he was loosing that, it meant he was weakening. He didn't know how he knew but he did, he wouldn't be vulnerable again.

Castiel heard the sounds of the forest branches brokenly grating on one another, mocking his rasping breath. He heard the trickle of some black river, a laugh bubbling from its depth. The ex Angel lashed out with anything and everything inside him. There was an explosion and the trees caught fire. Grace, whatever bits of it were left in him, had thrown themselves out of his now human body, destroying, and Cas could see it was no longer the blue of sky but red, red as the dawn. Red as blood.

He looked up at the sky were smoke was pouring into, a clear beacon to the Winchesters and his brothers. At first he was angry at blowing his cover but then a slow, heartless smile crept over his face. This might not be a bad thing, he realized. This was a way to lure them here and then, well, then he could kill them.

Asmodei stood in front of Dean, Lucifer to the left, Gabriel to the right, and Sam directly behind him. The position they were in directly insured that Dean was shielded from all sides, he needed to be, being the key to getting Cas back after all.

Dean stopped suddenly, causing a jostle in the ring around him. "What?" growled Lucifer.

Dean held up a hand, silencing them. He raised his head to the sky and inhaled through his nose deeply. "Smoke," he said softly. "Fire."

Gabriel's eyes widened. "Do you think it's Cas?"

"Who else would it be?" Dean asked.

Sam raked a hand through his long hair. "Billie did mention that there were things here, dangerous things. It could be them."

"No," Lucifer said, his voice partly in awe. "That's Grace right there, that's the energy it puts out when the Angel is mad." His shrugged as eyes turned to him. "I may not be an Archangel anymore but I knew that power when I was..." He trailed off, seeing Dean shoot him a glare as Sam fidgeted behind him. Lucifer cleared his throat. "Okay then, we'll head that way."

"You good?" Dean asked softly, nudging Sam.

"Yeah," Sam replied. "You?"

"Fine." Sam could tell Dean was lying but he knew it was for Sam's sake, to keeping him from worrying too much. Nodding, he accepted the false answer.

"Good."

Castiel waited, crouched behind a hedge. He had been there for a good fifteen minutes before he first heard hints of the voices. They spoke quietly, trying to avoid being overheard by anything. Castiel felt a smile twist his lips. Not quiet enough.

"You sure you're up for this?" came Sam's voice.

A pause.

Dean. "Yeah," he said. "I'm sure. We need him back, don't we?"

Yeah, Castiel thought. Sure you do. How do I need to bleed for you this time? He thought the words with venom but he knew, deep, deep inside that no matter the risk, the cost, the simple absurdness of whatever they were doing, Cas- that horrible soft and human part of him- would be happy to bleed to save them. Castiel shook him away. He wasn't 'Cas' anymore.

The voices faded. Castiel froze. He listened, hearing quiet footsteps drawing nearer and nearer to the burning trees. He gripped the knife in his right hand even tighter and crept to the left slowly, away from the flashlights prying gaze. He hissed softly as the light grazed his trench coat tail but thankfully none of them seemed to notice.

Lucifer emerged into Castiel's line of sight. "Do you think he's here?" he asked softly.

"I'll bet," Gabriel said, following Lucifer. "It seems to have Grace written all over it and there have been no other Angels who have ever gone in here."

"Stop rationalizing things," Lucifer said teasingly. "It's bugs the shit out of me."

Castiel felt a stake go through his heart as he remembered his brothers bantering with good humor when all was right. A long time ago, long before even Mary or John were born. He shook off the nostalgia and adjusted his positioning, waiting.

"Ok," a voice he hadn't heard in ages said. "What's the plan?"

Asmodei. He and the Angel were never the closest but he owed him his life. Those events had occurred long ago when Eden was beautiful, before Eve ate the apple. He crept forward again, the toe of his shoe catching a stray pebble and sending it downhill.

Dean turned quickly, heart in his throat, his light trained on the gentle slope of the hill where the pebble had come from. At first he saw nothing, then he shone the light upwards, tracing the curves of the hill, then there was undeniable movement. He caught his breath and readied his voice, it was a risk, what he was about to do. There was a chance it was not Cas who had made the noise, perhaps an accompaniment but Cas was definitely there. Dean could feel him, just feet away. "Cas," he called, voice hard as an rock. "Castiel."

Castiel cursed internally. One wrong move, one, and he had given himself away. He stayed still but could feel all eyes on him. He stood up, giving in, shrugging his trench coat off to gain more freedom of movement, the blade in hand. As he emerged from behind the tree he heard the sharp intake of breath from Gabriel.

"Cassie..."

The nickname spiked a sharp feeling of anger. He was not 'Cassie' or 'Cas' but 'Castiel', the twisted soldier, the cold blooded killer. He was not weak like 'Cas' had been, nor was he naive as 'Cassie' was. He knew the pain of love, or caring, and he swore to never know it again. "Don't call me that." Castiel's voice came out sharp and ragged.

"Cas?" tried Sam. "Hey, it's us."

Castiel snarled. "Don't call me that either. I know it's you Sam Winchester."

Sam flinched at the hardness in his voice.

"Castiel," Lucifer said. "What has Eden done to you?"

Eden. Ah, so that is what this place is, Castiel thought. Good to know. "Eden hadn't done anything to me," he said softly. "Rather it's what they did." He raised an accusing finger at the Winchesters.

Dean looked shocked. "What did we do?"

Castiel threw back his head, letting out a beast-like scream of laughter. "You don't think I know? I was never family, I was never important to you- not like Charlie or Kevin were- I was a tool! You never cared about me."

Every word Cas said pierced Dean's heart like a knife. He wanted to run to him, shake the Angel until he realized just how much he meant. Sam looked stricken, horrified at what he was hearing.

"That's not true," Dean heard himself saying through what seemed to be water in his ears. "Cas-Castiel- that was never true."

"Don't lie to me Dean!" Cas shouted. There was so much raw emotion in his words, so much pain.

"Dammit Castiel!" Dean yelled, careful to use his full name despite how unnatural it felt on his lips. "No! Eden is twisting you, it's using us against you!"

Cas stared at him for a moment. Then he lunged, angel blade poised right above Dean's heart.

 **AN: I hope you didn't think this would go smoothly! Hope you enjoy because , OMFG, I am so excited to post these next few chapters!**


	35. Chapter 35

Dean moved without thinking. As the knife descended he rolled, seizing as he hit the floor and rolled away. He felt the whoosh of the blade going past his ear, felt the dirt it disturbed as it hit ground. Cas...his Angel was trying to kill him. "Castiel," he said slowly, feeling Sam pull him up. "Cas, Cas come on. This isn't you."

"No," snarled Cas, a crazed look in his eyes. "But it's what you've done to me."

Sam stepped forward, shielding his brother. Cas was dangerous and he couldn't loose Dean again. "Sam get back," Dean murmured.

"No." Hard determination rolled into his voice.

"Sammy..."

"Dean no." Lucifer and Gabriel grabbed his arms and pulled him away. "No! Stop!" he hissed, twisting, trying to break free but the Archangel's were stronger than him. He stopped struggling, waiting for their grips to loosen but they didn't.

"Sam," Lucifer said quietly. "This is Dean's fight, not yours."

Sam felt irritation and fear rise in his stomach. "Let me go," he said softly, forcing calm into his voice. "I swear to God that if he gets hurt because you wouldn't let me go I will run an Angel blade through your chest."

Gabriel sighed, watching as Cas began to circle Dean like a wolf to a sheep. His eyes felt an impossible amount of pain. "I know you want to help him, believe me, my brother's also out there. If things get deadly we will intervene."

Sam relaxed slightly, praying to anyone listening to let his brother be alright. He knew Dean would never be able to live with himself if he had to kill Cas and he knew, or was certain he thought he knew, that Cas, however far gone be seemed, would never be able to forgive himself should he kill Dean.

"Dean," Cas whispered. "I look forward to killing you." There was a sadistic smile on his face.

"You can't," Dean said, faking a confident air. "You wouldn't."

"If you're so sure then why are you scared?"

Dean froze for a second. "I'm not," he said.

Castiel chucked. "But you are, you're scared I'll kill you. But that's not all is it? You're scared I'm lost, or at least 'Cas' is. He's gone Dean, you've destroyed him."

Dean's hands trembled. "I don't believe you."

Castiel shrugged. "You should." He lunged forward, placing a blow with the hilt of the blade across Dean's face. "Stay," he commanded, seeing Sam make to move forward. "I have remaining Grace Samuel." With a flick of his wrist the three ex Angels and Sam froze.

He turned back to Dean, blood stained his dirty blonde hair red. The skin at the top of his head had split open from when the hilt had hit. "Cas," Dean said. "Castiel. Come back."

Castiel snarled again, pushing Dean down, running the blade down his skin and relishing in seeing it split. He laughed softly as Dean gasped from the pain. "This is just the beginning Winchester."

Dean didn't know what to do. Cas was gone, anything Cas had felt for him was gone, the weapon he relied most on- love- was useless in this battle."Cas," he whispered. "Cas come on, I know you're in there. Please."

The scene unfolding reminded him painfully of something else, years ago, with the Tablet. He struggled, trying to remember what he had said to make this stop, to break Heavens control. "Dean," Castiel said. "In another life I might be sorry." He raised the blade, positioned it over Dean's heart again, but this time there was no way for him to miss.

Dean placed a rough, scraped hand over the Angel's, clinging onto the hope with desperation. "Cas," he whispered. "I...Cas, I need you."

Castiel felt a knife jam itself into his heart as the words reached him, a painful reminder of how much he loved the man beneath him. He growled, staring down at the Dean. He leaned down towards his ear. "I," he whispered. "I don't care."

Dean seemingly went limp beneath him, all fight gone from his body. "You don't mean that," he choked.

"Try me," he snapped, shoving Dean's hand off his own.

Dean met his eyes fully. "If you hate me that much," he said. "Why am I still alive? Kill me." Castiel blinked. "Kill me you coward."

"I am not a coward!" Castiel said, fighting to keep up his iron face.

"You're scared," Dean whispered, green eyes searching Castiel's face. "You're scared emotions are going to make you weak, you've become addicted to feeling like this, like you can't be killed, being invincible. You're a coward, you hide behind these masks of not caring like a king in his fortress because you can't bear be seen as weak when really," he sighed out the last words. "You are one of the weakest. At least Castiel is, Cas however, he is one of the bravest men I have ever known."

Castiel was shattered by those words. He stared down at Dean, trying to rebuild the mask he had lost. "No," he whispered. "You're lying, I am no coward." But he was and it was undeniably, irrevocably true.

"Then kill me," Dean spit. "Prove it."

Castiel raised the blade, his heart breaking, but somewhere along the line he must have shifted, just enough, because Dean shoved him off of him and grabbed him by the lapels of the white dress shirt he wore under the discarded trench coat, and he kissed him.

And Castiel knew what falling truly felt like.

He didn't know what had made him do it. All Dean knew was that he could feel Cas's gasp of shock and the tremor that went through his whole body. He tasted blood and dirt and Cas under his lips and it was better than anything he had ever felt before. Better than dreams of a normal Apple-pie life, better than any hook up at a bar.

Cas started to kiss back and fireworks exploded inside Dean's eyelids. It was a dangerous dance, a flirtation to death and adrenaline seemed to pump through Dean's blood and he craved it. Craved Cas, wanted to breath him in forever.

Something snapped inside of Castiel.

Something snapped because Dean was kissing him with so much desperation, so much love. Castiel couldn't help but kiss back, wind his hands into that dirty blonde hair that was longer than it had ever been in the time he had been with them, to roughly part the man's lips to create an entrance for tongues.

It was desperate and it was hot and it was cold and, Hell and Heaven, it was it better than Castiel had ever dared to dream. He couldn't get enough. And he realized something.

From the second Dean had looked at him with those beautiful green eyes and had whispered, "I need you," the ex Angel had become 'Cas', no longer 'Castiel', the emotionless warrior of Heaven or a heartless soldier. He had become the weaker, softer man who loved and wanted just as much as anyone else, maybe even more.

Dean moaned against his lips but broke the kiss. Both men stared at each other. "Cas?" Dean whispered, his eyes uncertain. Blood still ran from his forehead from where Cas had slammed the hilt of the blade.

"Dean," Cas said softly. "Dean, it's me." He felt hot tears slipping down his face. "Oh God, Dean, I am so, so, sorry."

Dean pressed his forehead against the Angel's. "I know. It's alright Cas, it's going to be okay. Just relax, it's alright." He tried to soothe the Angel, whispering words into his ear that held almost no meaning because what Cas had done could never be forgotten, could never be forgiven.

But for some reason Cas believed those soft, cruel words.

 **AN: You're welcome ;) took them long enough, huh?**

 **On a different note it seems that I have skipped several chapters somehow so I'm going back to try and change that and add more chapters in so if you were like 'is this missing a big chunk?' Yeah it probably was missing parts. I apologize if I screw up the order and for any problems it may have caused while you were reading. I hope you enjoyed this chapter but don't get too cozy in the happiness- it might not last.**


	36. Chapter 36

Sam couldn't tear his eyes away from his brother and Cas. Not just because of the spell Cas had put on them for it still enabled their eyes to move. No, he couldn't look away because after years of pining and tension it had happened. Dean had made his move, finally.

Looking to the side, he saw Lucifer looking on with a soft love in his eyes. Gabriel's eyes looked slightly wet as he watched Cas completely break down, sobbing into Dean's shoulder, oblivious to the Angles and Sam watching him. Asmodei had a similar reaction to Lucifer's. His eyes were warm as if lit by some internal fire, his lips in a slight grin. Sam felt his eyes begin to water as Dean pressed a kiss to Cas's forehead, a movement so tender that Sam had never though he would see his brother preform it.

Cas was drowning. Drowning in Dean's arms, tears fell down his face, dripped onto Dean's neck and shirt. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry for taking Lucifer, I'm sorry for the Mark, for Amara, for being so useless."

Dean pressed him closer. "Don't be," he said, lifting up Cas's chin so that his eyes looked straight into Dean's. "It wasn't your fault. You're not useless."

"I could have fought harder."

"There was nothing you could have done," Dean assured.

"Promise?" Cas whispered, looking small and scared.

The first thing Dean noticed when they broke apart were that Cas's eyes were blue again. That perfect, perfect blue that had haunted his dreams for all the time he wasn't with them. That blue he would have killed to see again.

Gazing into them now, he became suddenly, horribly aware that Sam and the other three Angels were there, Cas's brothers. He pushed the realization away and pressed his lips against Cas's again.

It was short and sweet, gentle. Cas seemed to be in shock for most of it before he realized he was expected to kiss back, as if he had expected the first kiss to be an act, not a truth. Dean broke the kiss again, years of pent up love coming dangerously close to spilling out. "I promise," he whispered.

Cas leaned against him, obviously spent from whatever the Hell he'd been going through. "I should probably free our brothers now," he said softly, flicking a gaze behind them.

"Probably."

Cas tiredly raised an arm and flicked his wrist. Immediately the four stumbled forward, released from some invisible force.

Sam stumbled, grounding himself, picking up the discarded flashlight and shoving it in his pocket before running to Dean and Cas as his brother stood up, pulling Cas with him. "Cas," Sam choked, embracing the Angel, surprised to feel Cas respond with a tight hug and muffled sob. "Oh man, Cas, it's good to have you back."

Cas didn't say anything at first, just gripped Sam tighter. "I'm sorry about Lucifer, releasing him," he said softly.

"Don't apologize." He and Cas broke apart and Sam threw himself towards Dean.

"Whoa Sam," Dean exhaled as Sam slammed into him. "That kinda hurts."

"Sorry," Sam said, not meaning it at all. "Oh God Dean, you did it. You actually did it." He felt Dean's laugher going through his whole body.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I did."

"I'm happy for you."

Lucifer cautiously approached Cas. "Hello Cassie," he said softly.

Cas looked away from Sam and Dean. "Lucifer."

Lucifer opened his arms invitingly and Cas walked into them, embracing his older brother tightly. Lucifer felt Cas's ragged breaths against his shoulder, felt him tremble. "It's alright Cassie," he crooned.

Cas shook his head. "What I've done...it will never be alright. Never."

"Dean loves you Cas, Sam loves you, we all do. We've all forgiven you for everything." Lucifer loosened his grip. "It's up to you to forgive yourself now."

Cas pulled away. "Your wings?"

Lucifer sighed. "Nearly ruined. But they will heal, don't worry."

Cas just visibly relaxed just as a scream rang out through Eden.

Asmodei stared. "What?" he asked, voice catching as fear rose inside him. He skirted closely to Gabriel. "What was that?"

"I don't know," Sam responded, pulling out a flashlight and casting the beam around. "We have to get out of here." He reached for the ring on his middle finger but stopped. "Dean," he called warily.

"Sammy?"

"It's gone." The ring, it had vaporized it seemed. "Dean..."

"She said it wouldn't come off," Dean said as all eyes turned towards his brother. "She told us specifically that it changed to fit the finger of the wearer."

Asmodei spoke up. "I might know a little about Reaper rings."

"Yeah," Dean asked, his eyes narrowing.

"They disappear when...when the Reaper dies."

"Billie's dead?" Another scream, closer this time.

"I would assume so."

Sam felt vague panic building inside of him. "We're stuck here."

"No," Asmodei whispered. "This is not happening." He shuddered, imagining living out the rest of his very mortal life in a place with no life, with no food or water and where only nightmares come true.

Lucifer's hands shook. "No." His eyes grew wide, as if this reminded him of being trapped in the cage. "No."

Lucifer wanted to scream. Darkness was falling, the fire from the trees was fading. Soon they would be plunged into absolute darkness save the flashlights that would soon run out of battery. Memories of the cage rushed back to him in a torrent of horror. "I..." he choked. "Oh God."

"Don't say that!" Gabriel snapped. "To even use Fathers name here is disrespectful to Eden! He left us here, He could get us out but He won't. You know why? Because He's not here! He's let Michael hurt you and Sam in the cage, He let Cas and Dean die, let Esmerelda die! Why would he save us now?"

Asmodei flinched and turned away.

"So," Sam said awkwardly, ignoring the part about him and Lucifer. "Great, we're trapped here. Nobody has any Grace left? Cas?"

Cas shook his head. "I didn't have enough to begin with. I am fully human now. I'm sorry Sam, Dean. You should have left me here."

Dean was next to him in two strides. "What?" he said. "No Cas, never. Leaving you here was never an option. I'd have died to save you, Hell, I did."

"Amara?" Cas asked.

"Yeah. But she's dead now."

"Good." Unconsciously he leaned against Dean, relishing in the soft best of his heart and the warmth of his living body. "Why did you come?"

Dean sighed. "Is it not obvious?"

Cas gave him a puzzled look.

"By Dad! Cas, was the kiss not enough?" Gabriel said incredulously. "Seriously? Or, I dunno, the whole 'Purgatory thing' a few years ago? The fact that you are the single person...Angel...whatever, that he would even think about putting above Sam?"

Cas didn't dare to breathe, much less hope. He met Dean's eyes, warm and beautiful and filled with...love.

"If we're both about to die anyways," Dean said softly as the scream came again, closer. "Then I guess I'd better say it, especially if you don't know. I..." He choked. "I...I love you Cas."

Cas couldn't believe the words he was hearing.

Dean couldn't form the words at first. "I...I love you Cas."

He saw Sam who stood off to the side, a tearful smile on his face, nod his approval. Dean gave a quick nod back. His eyes then went to Lucifer, Asmodei, and Gabriel all of whom nodded and flashed quick smiles. He could swear Asmodei was crying just a tiny bit, perhaps this made him think of that Greek woman he had loved so long ago.

"Dean..." came Cas's gravely whisper, shock making his voice hoarse.

Dean flicked his eyes to Sam once more who nodded, wiping under his eyes. "I mean it Cas, I do. I don't know how long I have but..." he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's been forever it seems."

Cas stared at him and Dean felt the awkwardness forming, fear that Cas didn't feel the same way. "I mean," Dean started. "If you don't-"

Cas cut him off by pressing their lips together. "Don't ever say that," he mumbled clumsily. "And if we're going to die let us all die together."

Dean didn't move to break away. He wound his hands into Cas's hair, letting go of worry as he was swept away in a torrent of love stronger than he had felt for Cassie and for Lisa combined. He could stay like that forever, wound into Cas, feeling his body pressing against him, letting years worth of repressed want and love pour out into a hot, messy, beautiful kiss.

Cas was content to stay like that forever but he could tell that whatever had made that first terrible sound was drawing nearer. If they were to die he didn't see it fit for them to die in each other's arms, not with Sam here. With deep regret, Cas broke the kiss. "Go to Sam," he whispered. "If we're going to be ripped apart then you should be with Sam."

"How can we even die here?" Dean asked, stepping back and casting a glance at his little brother who had his back turned.

"Once they kill you," Cas began, hearing the fear in his voice. "Billie told me, when you die here you go to the Empty."


	37. Chapter 37

"Shit." That was the only thing Dean could think to say. They had come so close to getting out, so incredibly close to escaping the lingering threat of the Empty for good, for earning Heaven. Billie's death eliminated all possibilities of that.

Another scream echoed around them, the creature staying out of the light but incredibly close to their spot and instinctively Dean glanced and beckoned at Sam, placing himself in front of him and Cas so that his body would act as shield against whatever was threatening them.

"Dean," Sam said softly. "Nothing's going to help."

"I don't care," Dean snapped. "I'm not letting you die without a fight."

"Damn this," Lucifer said angrily. "We're stuck here."

Gabriel, a soft smile on his face, gazed up at the canopy above them as if he was seeing God himself. Okay, that might not be a good comparison, Dean thought. Maybe a 'Savior' would be more accurate.

"Gabe?" Asmodei asked tentatively. "What is it?"

"Grace," Gabriel replied softly. "It's our Grace."

Four soul-like balls of blue light, fiery blue, seemed to dance down into the clearing. Asmodei laughed aloud, it was the first time Dean had heard the Angel laugh and he smiled at that. Nudging Cas, he said softly, "I think one of them's yours. Go get it."

When Cas turned to look at him his eyes seemed to be on fire with passion and excitement. He ran forward, raising his arms to the sky where the brightest Grace, blue on the outside, almost violet in the centre, descended into his hands. His hands shook and he breathed in the fire.

The flare erupting from Cas's body was so bright Sam needed to cover his eyes. He pulled Dean with him as he stumbled back, steering clear of waves of celestial energy shooting across the clearing.

The ground under his feet seemed to shake, he tripped, Dean steadied him. "You good?" he heard his older brother ask from somewhere near him.

"I'm fine," he heard himself say.

Dean gasped next to him. "Oh my- Cas?" Sam's eyes shot open, worry for his friend overpowering the urge to save his eyesight.

Cas was collapsed against a tree where as the other Angels were upright for the most part, Lucifer leaning against Asmodei. Cas's shoulders were shaking, his legs trembling. "Cas?" Sam called, worry infecting his voice. "Hey!"

Dean was by his side hardly an instant before Sam. "Hey," Dean whispered, voice low and terrified. "Cas? You okay?"

Sam put a hand on Dean's back, trying to calm him. "Cas?"

Cas looked up. His eyes blazed blue as he looked up at them. Cast on the forest behind them the ginormous shadow of his wings stained the trees such a deep black that it took Sam's breath away. He heard Dean's soft intake of breath beside him, and faintly wondered what it was like for Dean to see those wings when they were attached to the man he loved. Then Cas stumbled forward again, half collapsing into Dean who grabbed his Angel, holding him to his chest.

"Hey! Cas?" Dean said, alarmed. Sam grabbed one of Cas's arms.

"Cas!" Sam glanced wildly around at the three Angels standing around, Lucifer still using his brothers as support, with their returned Grace. "What's happening to him?"

"Amara," Lucifer said softly. "Her touch, Darkness, remains. It taints mine too, weakens it slowly until it's really bad; at the peak of pain, then...well, it goes away, the Grace returns to normal."

"You didn't think of mentioning that earlier?" Dean snapped, concern for Cas making him angry. He knelt and lay the half conscious Angel across his lap, stroking his hair. "Sammy, hand me the coat."

Sam did so quickly. "Is he alright?" he asked anxiously.

"He'll be fine," Dean said, voice wavering as he slipped the coat on the Angel.

"I took the brunt of the damage she inflicted," Lucifer said softly, watching Dean grip Cas's hand. "I knew it would happen to me but I needed to see if it would happen to Cassie. I can handle it without anyone being too worried. No one would have noticed or cared."

Gabriel made a disgruntled sound at the statement and Asmodei shot him a look that Sam knew quite well; the "my brother is a fucking idiot who can't accept the fact people care about him" look.

Cas felt like he was burning from the inside out. Faintly he could hear Dean's voice, worried and almost frantic sounding, calling to him. He waved a hand and blearily mumbled, "I'm okay."

"No," he heard Dean say. "You're really not. Come here." He enveloped Cas into his strong arms. He felt the Earth shaking-scream rip through the skies again, louder and closer than ever before. Icy terror flooded down his spine.

Asmodei couldn't be more content with the way he would die. It was a weird thing to say but he really was okay with it. He was with his brothers, his friends, and he would see Esmerelda again. He could remain in her Heaven, find it finally. His only regret was Cas and the Winchesters. Cas and Dean had so much ahead of them, Sam had so much knowledge in that brilliant brain, so much potential in that life ahead of him.

An idea struck him. "Brothers, Sam, Dean," he called. "I have an idea."

"Yeah?" Gabriel was beside him in an instant. "What?"

Dean looked up, face hopeful. Cas's half closed eyes widened. Sam moved closer. Asmodei's voice almost failed him. "I can fight the monster, whatever it is. Lucifer, Gabriel, fly them up as far as you possibly can. It sounds impossible but just...just trust me if nothing else."

Lucifer's eyes widened. "But you won't get out," he said softly. His eyes turned sad as he realized the unspoken truth behind the words. "You don't want to."

Asmodei shook his head sadly. "No. I'm sorry."

Gabriel nodded. "Okay," he said. "I'm not going to press you to come. But we can only take one person each and Cas is too weak to fly."

"I'll stay," said the soft but firm voice in the back. Dean was staring directly at them. "If it means Sammy and Cas get out, I'll stay."

"No!" Sam and Cas said at the same time.

"No," Sam snapped. "You promised you wouldn't leave me! You promised me Dean! I'll stay, okay? You're the better hunter, you're the better brother! You've got Cas! I'm not letting you throw that away."

"No," Cas whispered, staring up at him. He pushed away from Dean angrily. "Dean Winchester, you and your pathetic self-loathing, self destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for everyone you love! It's my fault we're here in the first place. I stay."

Lucifer spoke up softly. "I can-"

"No!" Gabriel, Asmodei and Cas all shouted.

Lucifer raised his hands in defeat. "I'll take that as a compliment."

The light from the fire on the tree faded suddenly and they were plunged into absolute darkness.


	38. Chapter 38

It moved, slowly, slowly, slowly. It sniffed the air, smelled stake blood and weakness. It smelled dark thoughts of death and felt it's mouth watering. It crept forward on skinny, reptilian legs, readying to pounce.

"Dean?" came the voice of the tall human. He flicked on a light and the creature screamed angrily at the hiss of sizzling flesh as the light grazed it's leg.

Soon, soon it would kill them all. And they would scream.

At first Dean couldn't breath in the crushing darkness, he clung onto Cas, feeling the Angel's breath coming in short gasps. Sam called for him distantly, his voice carrying concern and maybe just a tiny bit of fear. He heard the thing scream as a light flickered on and Sam was staring at him clutching at Cas's trench coat.

"You okay?"

Dean nodded. "I'm good." The flashlight flickered. "These won't last forever. Gabe, Lucifer, get Cas and Sam out of here."

"I'm staying if you're staying," Sam said stubbornly, jaw clenched. "Both of us or neither of us are walking out of this."

Dean realized Sam was echoing the words he himself had said in that burning house what seemed like one billion years ago. So much had happened in these last days. "Sammy," he said softly. "I've made my peace with this."

"Dean-"

"Sam," Cas said softly, surprising Dean. "Let him go."

Not surprisingly, the words stung. Cas was going to let him die here, alone, forsaken, fighting an unbeatable enemy. But these words also flooded Dean was warmth. Cas knew Dean couldn't go on without Sammy or Cas, would let himself die to keep them safe. Dean nodded, a choked sound coming from his lips. "Thanks Cas."

Sam was staring at Cas like he had just suggested that they arrange a tea party with Hitler. "What? Cas, are you insane?"

The light flickered out and the scream moved in closer. "Go!" Dean said loudly. "Come on Sammy, please go."

Sam flicked on another light, casting the thin beam onto his brother's worn face. The Angels didn't dare interfere as they stood behind the brothers. "Dean," Sam said slowly. "No. I have lost you to Amara, I nearly lost you to that fire. You did die! Your heart stopped in that ambulance! I will not loose you again."

"And if you stayed behind? Or Cas? Sammy, you two are the only people- Angels- in the world I have left!"

"You honestly think that's not true for me either?" Sam felt his heart twist. "Why do you have to make the sacrifice? Why can't I save you?" Grief and hurt and anger poured into his words.

"I'm still your big brother," Dean said softly. "And it's still my job to protect you." He turned around before Sam could stop him. "Go," he told Lucifer and Gabriel. "Go and don't stop until Cas and Sam are safe."

"No!" Sam shouted. "No, please, Dean."

Dean looked at him sadly. "I'll miss you little brother." And he began to run off towards Asmodei.

"Dean!" Sam screamed, raw desperation in his voice, his heart aching and crying out for his brother. "No..."

Gabriel grabbed him, held him back. "Sam." His voice came muffled through layers and layers of foam. "Sam don't."

Suddenly Lucifer was in front of Dean and grabbed him around the waist, holding him tightly and the pieces came together. Sam's eyes widened as he turned to Cas who smiled sadly at him before walking quickly to Dean.

Dean couldn't process it for a moment but then Cas came forward and it fell into place. "Cas no," he whispered.

"I'm not letting you die," Cas murmured. "Dean, I love you, okay? I want you to know that."

"I know," Dean said softly. "Don't do this." He was begging, pleading.

"I have to. It's my fault we're all here in the first place." Cas's rough fingers trailed over Dean's face. He gently placed a butterfly light kiss on Dean's lips, so light and so quick Dean didn't have the chance to kiss back. Cas shrugged off the coat and draping it over Dean's shoulders.

Cas turned away and smiled softly. "Keep it. This is forever Dean, don't try and bring me back."

"What will happen...after?" Dean heard himself asking, he mentally berated himself for the question.

Cas glanced over and said, "that's a question I'll just have to find out, isn't it?"

And Lucifer placed one hand on Dean's forehead and Dean collapsed.

Lucifer felt his heart break as Cas and Asmodei turned, walking to their deaths. Dean was writhing and screaming and making it impossible to fly, screaming for Cas.

 _Brother, why?_ he thought to Cas. _Why couldn't you let it be me?_

 _Because I am selfish,_ Cas answered. _And I could not live if you or Dean or Sam died._

Dean thrashed, trying to break free so Lucifer placed to fingers on his forehead, rendering him unconscious. "Gabriel," Lucifer said. "We must go."

Sam looked alarmed as Dean stilled in Lucifer's grasp, glaring at the Devil with mistrust. "What did you do Lucifer?"

"Relax Samuel," Lucifer said softly, unable to bring himself to even tease the you eat Winchester. "He's alright. Unconscious but alright."

Sam's gaze was filled with mistrust but he nodded and suddenly they disappeared as Gabriel and Lucifer fought their way to the Earth.

Asmodei and Cas waited in the dark. The screams were loudest now, only feet from the Angels. Asmodei gripped his blade tighter, feeling a gentle stir of breeze whisk past his face, he almost felt Esmerelda in that breeze, her plump, soft arms and gentle fingers. Her lips as soft as snow on his. Yes, this was the love that he knew would carry him to his death.

Cas didn't think of anything but Sam and Dean as he felt something move past him. He didn't even try to fight when he felt it's teeth dig into his leg, didn't even flinch because he had fulfilled his sole purpose in life. The one thing he was created for.

He saved Dean Winchester.

To save Dean Winchester. That was your goal right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of Heaven but ultimately it was about one human.

Dean was safe. Sam was safe. Cas's own fate didn't matter anymore because as long as they were safe all was right in the world. Cas could die knowing that much he didn't screw up. And that's what he planned to do.

 **AN: Bet you thought I was done hurting people! NOPE! Idk why but I love causing my boys angst and heartbreak, sorry.**


	39. Chapter 39

Sam was shaking with grief as the Angels left but he still managed to half carry Dean inside the Bunker. His brother, much to his dismay, was not faring well, but that was to be expected what with the man he loved sacrificing himself. Again.

"Sammy," Dean whispered suddenly, clutching the coat around him.

"I'm here," Sam said soothingly.

"Don't leave me," Dean said, his eyes bright. "I can't loose you."

He felt his heart clench and shatter. "I won't," he promised. "Dean, I won't. But you have to stay with me."

Dean nodded like a small child, gazing up at Sam with an expression of absolute grief. Sam could tell Dean was angry at himself for allowing himself to do this, to become rendered useless in front of his brother. "God Sammy," Dean whispered. "We've killed the Biggest Bad, we've closed Eden." His voice cracked. "Are we done?"

Sam felt tears forming against his will. "I don't know," he whispered, letting them slide down his face. "I can't see anything else but hunting for us and I want to get out, I want you to get out. I want a normal life, I want to maybe settle down maybe with a hunter maybe now and be safe. For a once in my life that I can remember I want to be so safe I crave danger."

"I'll keep you safe, Sammy. I always try and I will until I die." Dean hated himself for making Sam cry like this. "Come here," he said softly, forcing his overworked, underfed and exhausted body up to embrace his brother. He felt Sam shaking against him as his brother hugged Dean in a way that he hadn't been hugged in a very long time, like he was the taller one, the steadier, sturdier one.

"I know you will," Sam whispered. "But I can't keep you safe, I could keep Charlie safe, oI couldn't even keep Kevin safe."

Dean pulled back and placed both hands on Sam's shoulders. "Hey," he said, angry that his brother was blaming himself. "Charlie and Kevin were my fault." He paused. "And you don't need to keep me safe- I'm invincible."

It was a feeble attempt at a joke but Sam smiled sadly and shook his head so it was worth it. It was the game they used to play where Dean would come back from a hunt sore, bruised, and covered in slime or blood or whatever and Sam would ask if he was alright. 'Of course,' Dean would laugh, no matter how much he was hurting because Sam didn't have to know, because Sam was Dean's responsibility and not the other way around. So he's smile and force back grimaces and ruffle Sam's hair saying, "it's not your job to be worried about me; I'm invincible!"

"It's okay," Dean whispered, casting out a fishing line in his mind, searching for distractions, any distraction from the pain he felt. "I'm going to get us some food." He got up and stumbled, nearly falling onto Sam's lap in the process.

Sam looked at him kindly. "How 'bout I get something? You can't even stand properly."

"M'kay."

"What do you want?"

"I don't care. Whatever's easiest."

Sam stumbled out of the room, feeling rather light-headed himself. He cast one small glance back at Dean, wishing he hadn't when he saw Dean's face crumple and new tears to roll down his face. His heart ached as he turned away again, wiping his own eyes. He had to block out his pain, he had to breathe and calm down and take care of Dean because Sam knew what this felt like, he had learned how to live with the constant ache where Jess had been and he hoped Dean could do the same.

After all, Cas was gone now, not coming back.

Asmodei swung his blade in a fruitless effort to slice at the things surrounding him. Despite knowing death was inevitable he did want to go down fighting. He heard Cas gasp as one of them but at him. In the darkness he saw nothing, heard only snarls and felt teeth and claws tearing at his clothing and flesh.

"Regretting this yet?" Asmodei said with a huff of laughter that turned pained as a creature wrapped snarling jaws around his leg.

"Sam and Dean are out." That was all he said but somehow it carried so much more meaning than just 'Sam and Dean are out'. Asmodei felt his heart grow heavy as he realized just how utterly in love with all of Humanity Cas was.

"They will never forgive themselves," Asmodei told him, cutting a creature who leaped away with a howl of misery.

"But they will be alive," Cas said. "And maybe they will understand why I had to." A grunt was heard as Cas cleanly cut the head off of one of the beasts. "Gabriel and Lucifer will always mourn you."

"As will they mourn you."

"Heaven will never forgive me."

Asmodei hissed as a creature dragged its stinging class across his legs, ducking to drive the blade up and under its chin. He yanked it out, feeling blood drip down the handle. "Heaven is stupid," Asmodei said. "It is. Heaven believes in a God who has abandoned us."

"You don't?" Cas asked, surprised.

"I've decided humanity is a more solid thing it out my faith in."

"I am glad." Asmodei heard a gasp from Cas and then a sick snapping noise. "These are disgusting aren't they Asmodei?"

"They are."

Cas laughed almost bitterly. "We'll be dead soon enough."

Asmodei nodded though he knew his brother couldn't be seen in the utter blackness. "We will."

Dean was oblivious to hunger buffeting the inside of his stomach, the all consuming grief blocked it. Cas. His mind was in a state of numb oblivion, tiny thoughts squeezing through his brain, reminding him of the looming fact that Cas was gone.

"Why?" Dean said softly, asking the empty room around him. "Why did it have to be you Cas?"

He thought he heard a soft whisper, a gravely tone saying something but he couldn't make out the words. _Dean_ , he told himself. _You need food and water and sleep. You won't do Sam any good if your like this._

On queue Sam entered, carrying a bowl of soup and a sandwich. "Eat the soup first," he instructed. "You haven't eaten in a while and dry foods bound to make you sick."

"Did you make yourself some?" Dean asked, gratefully taking the plate and bowl.

"Mine's in the kitchen. I'll bring it out if you don't want to be alone."

He didn't want to be alone but he knew that he had to stay strong for Sammy so he shrugged. "If you want to."

"I will," Sam confirmed. "Be back in a second." He briefly put a hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezed.

Dean said nothing, just splashed his spoon in the creamy chicken broth until Sam came back, his mind crying out for the Angel he loved.

 **AN: thanks for all the feedback I've gotten on this so far, I appreciate it soooo much! Btw I updated past chapters 23-27 (I think those were the numbers) so they make more sense cos I fucked up originally. Please enjoy this chapter and the chapters to come. We're almost to the end guys (meh we have several more chapters, I'm surprised your not sick of my hurting these babies btw I haven't said anything on the finale so I know it's late but imma do it now.) I was kinda disappointed with the 'you're important Cas' scene like BROTHER REALLY?! No but honestly want more Cassie in this, I miss my Angel and Sam and Dean need to learn to appreciate him more (that might just be the bitter Cas-girl talking). Anyways THANKS! I have had four coffees and two caffeinated teas soo...**


	40. Chapter 40

Cas lay on his back, body covered in blood. He heard Asmodei's breathing getting shallower and shallower and extended a hand to grip his brothers. The creatures were gathering around the bloodied Angels, readying one last attack.

"Cassie..."

"Don't talk," Cas whispered, his fast heart clenching painfully. "Don't move. It'll be over soon, I promise." He felt his pulse pounding in his head, as if it knew how little time he had left and wanted the exhaust its beats before the inevitable end.

"...are you scared?" Asmodei asked, voice ragged.

Cas coughed, feeling sticky blood on his lips. "A little," he admitted. "Are you?" It hurt to talk, it hurt to breathe, to do anything but he just needed to ride it out. It wouldn't be long now. The creatures had torn at him until entrails were hanging out, limbs ripped from body, blood bubbling at lips, and yet he had not died. These creatures, powerful and horrible they may be, could not easily kill an Angel. It took effort and this was to be the last wave.

Asmodei gave a hoarse laugh. "No," he said, coughing horribly. He gripped Cas's hand feebly. "I'll see her again."

Cas could help but feel just a tiny bit jealous. At least his brother would have someone after death. "You saved us," he said softly. "You know that right?"

Asmodei huffed. "I wasn't even supposed to be in this story."

"We make it up as we go along," he whispered.

"My only role in this was to be the Hidden. To be spared from punishment regarding Eve and her Apple."

"I only had one role too. Save Dean."

"We all know how that turned out," Asmodei whispered in a vaguely joking tone. "All of Heaven knows what you were supposed to do."

"What will they say about us now?"

Cas felt the grip on his hand tighten as Asmodei's ruined body spasmed. "I do not know," he said through gritted teeth.

"What happens to Angels when they die?" Cas asked, wincing as his voice came out thin and rattling.

"Heaven, Cas, Heaven. One full of Angels, and in that Heaven you have everything. I'll have Esmerelda." His voice had a tone of underlying wistfulness. "You will be able to watch Sam and Dean, perhaps even visit dreams."

Cas closed his eyes, an emptiness that came from missing someone so much filled up his body. A scream shook the blackness and Cas cursed softly. "I thought they had gone," he murmured. Asmodei never answered because a beast landed on top of him, ripping at his body, tearing at his throat. Destroying the voice box, almost severing his entire neck.

And Cas was left listening to the gurgling, gasping, final breaths of his brother as they slowly faded into nothingness. Cas watched as Asmodei momentarily glowed, wings scorching the ground, scaring it's flesh as a permanent reminder of the Angel who died there. He gathered all of his remaining strength and forced himself to move over until he was nearly on top of Asmodei. Pressing their foreheads together, Cas murmmered one last goodbye.

"Under Heaven may you rest brother, and may Father find you and guide you." He slid the dark eyes shut, it just didn't seem right to leave them open in such a place.

Cas lay back, entwining their fingers as he felt the creature bear down on him once more. Pain ricocheted through his skull and the creature slammed what seemed to be a rock down on his head. He felt snarling jaws at his throat, felt his oxygen cut off, blood bubbling at his throat and his thoughts turned to Dean.

He remembered the time he had stood, just watching unseen as Dean raked leaves, his heart aching. He remembered the acute longing he felt in Purgatory, he felt when he was falling. He thought of Dean in Hell, of his beautiful soul simply burning so brightly, of the tears streaming down his face when he began to torture the soul of a twenty year old woman, of his screams for Sam. He thought of Dean's lips on his.

Hot and cold and perfect in every way there was. Cas craved Dean as he lay dying alone in Eden, both sad he wasn't with him and overjoyed at having saved him and Sam. He began to think to the youngest Winchester.

Sam was sweet when Dean was gruff, head smart when Dean was heart smart. A kind, caring, compassionate person who deserved more than the shit life Angels had given him. Sam deserved to go to college, to be raised with a mother and a loving father and a brother who teased him instead of raising him. He deserved to get married to Jess, to pass on amazing genetics to their children who would visit Dean on holidays because they would still be brothers and they would still love each other. The brothers, particularly Sam in some parts, just deserved Heaven on Earth for all they've done. Sam, who jumped into Hell to save his brother, who fought through Lucifer time and time again, who did the Trials. Sam, who knew that the world was worth more than family sometimes and, therefore, had to be put first. Sam, who released Amara because he loved Dean.

And of course, Dean. Dean, who lived everyday with the guilt of dragging Sam back into the life, who raised Sam, who stole for Sam, who suffered for Sam, went cut and bleeding and dying for his loved ones. Dean, who loved so deeply and so profoundly that he could cut through all of Heaven,Hell, and Purgatory, who took the Mark of Cain to kill a threat to Humanity, who had died for everyone he loves and would do so for years on end, who sold his soul to save the last of his family. Dean, who deserved so much more than this life, deserved so much more than to have his heart broken by a fallen Angel.

Cas felt tears running down his cheeks. Or maybe it was blood. His thoughts were getting fuzzy, blood ran down his face and torso and arms. One last breath lingered on his lips, four words which he was utterly content at being his very last.

 _"Dean, I love you."_

 **AN: what if I told you this was the final chapter? It's not, thankfully! I'm very sorry for killing our Angel...** ** _again_** **. Please don't kill me and enjoy the pain and suffering! Thanks for all the reviews I have gotten throughout the story so far, I don't deserve them. Thanks again and i hope you enjoy.**


	41. Chapter 41

This time when the emptiness hit him, Dean knew it was coming. It didn't make it any less painful however, it was like the world was muted. Everything was dull, cold, black and white. He faintly heard Sam shouting for him before he felt tile under his cheek and realized he had fallen from his chair.

"Dean!" Sam's scared face swam blearily in front of him. "Hey Dean, listen to me okay? Listen to my voice."

"Sammy," Dean managed. "He's gone." The pain was so much more profound, so much more intense this time around. He didn't know why, maybe it was the agony Cas had died in. He shook his head weakly, he didn't want to think of that.

Sam closed his eyes and bowed his head. He had expected it. "Cas..." he whispered. "Damn it."

Dean curled into himself, feeling Sam's hands on his shoulders and waist, trying to right him. It took a second before he allowed his brother to pull him up against his solid torso. "Dean, I'm sorry," Sam whispered, his body shaking. "Let's try and stand okay? Get you somewhere else."

Dean felt his legs trembling with such vigor beneath him he could swear that he must be jolting the entire bunker. He stumbled but righted himself again, feeling Sam grab his arm to steady him. He tried to move again and fell forward, clutching at Sam in an attempt to right himself. Sam said something that Dean could make out and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Can stand S'mmy," he mumbled.

"Oh yeah sure Dean," Sam said, letting go for a second and grabbing Dean before he hit the table and knocked over his half eaten soup. "Let me help."

Dean didn't fight him as Sam half carried his brother to the beginning of the hallway. With his arm wrapped around his older brother, Sam could feel his heart beat fluctuating and he furrowed his brow in worry.

After a few moments Sam nudged Dean to keep moving, continuing to half carry him to the nearest of the row of unused rooms. "Sam," Dean whispered. "Cas..." Sam wiped his eyes, hoping Dean wouldn't see the tears.

"Yeah," Sam said softly. "I'm here. It's alright." Sam had seldom seen Dean like this, so broken, so volatile. Usually it was Sam like this- durning the Trials, with Lucifer, even when he went cold turkey from Demon blood. Dean was always the one doing the caring, even when he was hurting. He hated seeing his big brother like this, no matter how many times he saw Dean cry he could never get used to it.

"I know." Dean gripped his hand, a gesture both of them knew they would never mention again.

"Dean, you need anything?" Sam asked, ready to serve his brothers beck and call.

"Just..." Dean struggled to form the words. "Can you stay? It helped last time."

Man, just how fucked up were they that there was a last time? "Of course." Sam switched out the light. "That okay?"

"Yeah. Sam, I might be...slightly incapacitated but I'm not five. I'm not scared of the dark."

Sam felt his lips pull into a small smile against his better will. The words were so _Dean_ that Sam thought for a second that his brother would be alright sooner than anticipated. "I know."

He pulled back the covers and slid in next to his brother who kicked him gently. "Let's not make a habit of this."

"Fine by me."

Dean turned away, his back pressing against Sam's who stayed awake as the night ticked away, gently running a hand over Dean's arm when he heard his breathing speed up, chasing away his brothers nightmares. Around two in the morning Dean's breathing was slow and even, clearly not having nightmares and clearly alright. Then and only then did Sam shut his eyes and allow sleep to take him.

Lucifer leaned back, resting his back against the wall of the bunker. The clock read 2:25am on it. Sam and Dean were sharing a bed and somewhere along the line Sam had rolled over so than he was squished into Dean's side like a puppy. Lucifer glanced over at Gabriel who was leaning against the wall next to him. "You do realize this is stalking?"

Gabe shrugged. "We can't exactly go up to Heaven, can we? They want us skinned alive. We broke a Winchester out of Heaven, we defied and corrupted. Not to mention broke into frigging Eden!"

"I know," Lucifer said, grateful that the Winchesters couldn't see them. "We'd have to explain about..." His voice trailed off.

"I can't believe it. Cas was the only reason we were in that mess. He should have survived it. Our entire journey was fruitless."

Lucifer shook his head. "Not entirely. Dean has some closure now."

Silence fell as the Angels stared into the darkness around them. When Gabriel spoke his voice was small. "I should have stayed instead."

"Don't say that," Lucifer snapped. "We need you, I need you, Gabe. You and me, we're the last Archangel's capable of doing stuff right now, what with Michael incapacitated and in the cage and Raphael dead."

"Do you think Michael will ever come out?"

"Dunno. Even if he does it's not like Dean will ever say yes."

Gabriel shrugged. "Right. But what about you? Will you take Sam?"

"If he takes me," Lucifer answered, choosing his words carefully. "If Dean breaks and Michael is wreaking havoc and Sam says yes then I will fight but I will do so on the side of Humanity."

"You've taken Michael's place as guardian of Earth. You and him have switched places." Gabriel smiled sadly and shook his head, grief for his brother still heavy in his heart. "I honestly still cannot process that."

"So much faith," Lucifer shot playfully, then his voice lowered into a more serious tone. "The only wrinkle would be Michael might target Sam, you know, boy king of Hell deal and all. Dean's still slightly corrupt from the Mark which directly ties him to me as I was the first to bear it. He would be a suitable vessel for either of us."

"But he won't say yes," Gabriel said, confused. "Why would that be a problem?"

"Michael and Dean share many personality traits, love for family being one of them. Michael must be aware of that so if he targets someone Dean loves, the only living thing on this Earth being Sam currently, then Dean will have nearly no choice other than to accept. You know he can't loose Sam too."

Gabriel shook his head. "These boys," he said, gazing soulfully at the sleeping brothers. "When will their pain end?"

"I don't know."

"They deserve more."

Lucifer shook his head and sighed, honestly wishing he could change things for them. "Dean deserves to love without fear that it will be taken, Sam deserved to be happy and know that for once, he and his brother are completely safe."

His mind dug out a mental image of Castiel, his true form, towering above Humanity, eyes like small suns, wings stretching out to shield Earth. Then he shook the image away, replacing it with the human form, his messy black hair, ugly-ass coat, and blue eyes that lit up every time he saw Dean. That was the form he chose, to remain with his charge, the one he had vowed to protect at all costs, the only Angel who loved Humanity to the extent that only God could challenge. When he said the words his voice trembled. "Cas deserved to be saved."


	42. Chapter 42

White light.

Burning, brazen, whiteness all around. It flooded every corner of the seemingly infinite space surrounding him, clawing brightly into every nook and cranny. Castiel opened his eyes to the light slowly, allowing bit by bit to deep into his eyeballs. He had absolutely no clue where he was.

"Asmodei?" Cas hissed, his voice coming out broken and slowly. _Is this where Angels go when we die?_

"Cas." Asmodei stood up shakily, emerging from beyond Cas's line of sight. "Are you alright?" he asked, stumbling towards his brother who quickly stood to steady him.

"I am...well." He pressed hands to his chest, abdominal. The blood previously staining his clothes and skin was gone, all tears in his flesh and corruption in his Grace had disappeared. "What is this place?"

Asmodei shrugged. "No idea."

Cas sighed. "I can't believe I died. Again. The Winchesters and you, Gabe, and Lucifer were only there to save me. It was meaningless."

"Pretty much," Asmodei agreed. "It wasn't a good choice to stay and die with me, waste all of their efforts."

"I could have killed Dean."

"Ah, Dean. So brother, how was the kiss?" He grinned, feeling joyful and elated for the first time since he had met Esmerelda.

Cas averted his eyes. "Uh," he stuttered. "Uh, it was...it was pretty good."

"Only 'pretty good'?"

"Shut up. That doesn't matter right now. I won't see him for hopeful fifty or more years."

Asmodei nodded. "I am sorry. It hurts, doesn't it? To love a human."

Cas glanced down. "It does. Especially Dean, for I love Sam but as a brother. Dean, he is...indescribable. I pulled him from Hell and I carried his broken, pulsing soul to safety and I stitched it together. I sat by when Mary kissed him for the first time, I cried when she told him 'Angels are watching over you' for the very last time. I begged and screamed into Heaven for Father to change his fate. I cried when John hit him for the first time and I wrapped my wings around him the first time he saw the Supernatural, comforted him in his darkest nightmares." He paused. "But you do not wish to hear this. You will want to find Esmerelda."

Asmodei looked shamefaced at his brother realizing how little he wanted to hear about Dean. "What will you do?" he asked. "While I search for Esmerelda?"

"I will... I do not know. Sit here, I suppose. Ask to see John and Mary."

Suddenly a white light filled the air, pressing down on Cas and Asmodei like an anvil. Cas let out a low gasp as the light beamed down in front of them. He felt his heart race, his Grace pull at him, eager for something Cas did not know. Beside him Asmodei gripped his arm, shock radiating off of him.

"Cas," Asmodei whispered, clearly thunderstruck. "It's...its God."

Sam wasn't lying when he said Dean looked like shit. His brothers eyes were red and blood shot, the clear green looked blurry and unfocused. His skin had an odd taint of grey to it and the morning after their 'expedition' to Eden, he shoved the eggs Sam had made around on his plate, not eating anything.

"Dean," Sam said halfway through the second day.

Dean looked up from the untouched cheese burger Sam had made that sat in front of him. His eyebrows furrowed at Sam's look of concern. "Yeah?" he said in a quiet, doleful voice.

"Dean, man you need to eat. Look at you! You've hardly eaten before you killed Amara and since Eden you've had soup and that's it!" Sam took special care to not mention Cas's name at all.

"Look Sammy," Dean said. "I'm fine. Just not hungry." He made to stand up but Sam slapped a hand on the table.

"No! After Jess died you made me take care of myself. Let me do the same for you!"

Dean glared at him but made no move to get up further. "That's different!" he snapped. "It's my job to take care of you."

"What do think my job is? I'm not letting you waste the fuck away because you're grieving! I get it, okay? You lost someone you love and you feel guilty. It's normal."

Dean leaned down so he was level with Sam. "No, okay? None of this is normal! We have been through so much damn shit in our lives. We've lost so many damn people that we care about. You didn't fucking know that leaving would lead to Jess dying. I knew that he wouldn't make it, I wanted to stay and he wouldn't let me. It could have been me, I could have died in his place, I _would_ have!"

"Dean Winchester, you are a selfish bastard! How would Cas have coped if you'd died? How could _I_ have coped? Cas was right, you and you're self destructive, self loathing desire to sacrifice yourself. Dean, I can't do this without you. I need you to be here because I swear to God if you had stayed I'd have taken a gun to my head." Sam wasn't aware of the tears until one landed on the table top. "I can't do this Dean, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep trying to be strong, I've tried to prove myself, I've tried to be like you, Hell, I've tried to be stronger than you!"

Dean stared at him in shock. "What?" He stood and moved over to stand beside Sam. "Sammy, you're stronger than me, you're better than me in every way. Smarter, stronger, kinder, I don't even know what else. The list is too long. I wish I could be as strong as you! There is nothing you can't do that I can."

Sam shook his head, wiping his eyes but to no avail. They just spilled over again. "That's not true," he whispered. "But we aren't having this argument right now. Just eat your burger Dean!"

Dean let out a choked laugh. "I'm not hungry," he said softly.

Sam stood up, letting himself unfold to stand over his brother. "Eat the damn burger or your gonna pass out or die of malnutrition."

"I'm not gonna die Sam," Dean snapped, exasperated.

"Eat it or I'm going to knock you out, drive you to the hospital and tell them you haven't eaten in two and a half, three days and passed out."

"You wouldn't," Dean said testily.

"Try me." Sam felt his blood boiling with grief turned to annoyance.

Dean raised his eyebrows, grabbed his burger and took a small bite out of it. "Happy?"

"It's better," Sam said. "Look, I just don't want to you to go all John Winchester about what happened in Eden. Like I said, you took care of me when Jess died. Let me return the favor."

Dean set down the burger. "You can say 'Cas dying'." He voice wavered. "It's not like it's a secret or a taboo." He blinked quickly, turning away from Sam who immediately regretted even bringing up Eden again.

"Dean, shit. Please don't do this," Sam pleaded, walking over to his brother and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "I can't have you break down right now." It was a vain reason but Sam knew if anything could help Dean it was hearing that his little brother needed him.

Sure enough Dean straightened up and said, "sorry Sammy. Just, God, it's been a crap week."

"No shit." Sam gently turned Dean to face him. "It's gonna be alright," he whispered, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders, embracing him. They had hugged possibly more times in these last days than ever before in their lives. Sam didn't mind and despite Dean's griping he knew his brother didn't mind either.

For once however, Dean didn't complain but rather let himself sink into the embrace, let himself be weak for a moment, let himself put him before Sam. Then he pulled away, wiping his eyes. "Nothing's ever gonna be alright," he whispered.

 **AN: So God might be back, where's this leading to? Hope you enjoyed this chapter and in case you didn't know, I have put all the chapters in order as some of the past ones skipped out or needed to be moved. I updated 28-40, I don't know how I managed to screw up so badly but now it's fixed! I hope you enjoy this chapter and the next!**


	43. Chapter 43

"It's...its God."

Cas strained his eyes trying to make out the face of the figure standing in the beam of light. His Grace beat around like the wings of a butterfly or bird. He felt it's best burning at him, as if trying to burst through his chest to reach this high power. He felt Asmodei try and shove him down to his knees as the light faded but he refused to bow down.

"Cas," hissed his brother. "What are you-?"

"I will not bow to him," Cas murmured testily. He stared hard into the fading light until it completely disappeared. What he saw then made his breath catch. "Chuck?"

The prophet, the dirty, unorganized, drunken, prophet whom Cas had stood against an Archangel for, was _God?_ Cas couldn't believe his eyes. Chuck, erm, God, looked the same as He had years ago. Bags under His eyes, half beard, even the tired look to His face. He looked so...human, so normal.

"Ah, Asmodei," He greeted, ignoring Cas. "My child, how are you?"

Cas would have laughed at the expression on his brothers face had he not been so mad at his Father. Asmodei looked absolutely star struck. "Father," he managed. "I...I am well."

"Good to hear, good to hear," God said good-naturedly. "Please, my son, rise."

Asmodei clambered to his feet. Cas suppressed a grin. "Father..." he began. "I am sorry for all of my sins. May I be forgiven?"

"My son," God said softly, pressing a hand to the taller vessels cheek. "Of course. You were forgiven the moment you agreed to help save Dean Winchester."

"Thank you Father."

God turned to Cas. "Nothing to say to me then?"

Cas's lips pursed in a tight white line. "I have nothing to say to the monster who slaughtered millions endlessly."

"You have questions son," God said, his eyes soft. "Please, ask away."

Cas didn't seem to have a choice in the matter, the words seemed to explode from his lips. "Okay God, answer me this. Why Sam and Dean?" he asked angrily. "When will their suffering end?"

"Please," God said, averting his eyes. "Call me Chuck, Castiel."

"Of course Chuck. And call me Cas."

"Alright Cas. Your question about Sam and Dean, why I chose them to be vessels. The answer is simple. They were there and it had to be brothers with a father or mother who knew about what's out there. They simply fit the template. There was nothing special about them when I chose them, it's what they have done that make them special. And look at them now, Dean's the best Hunter on the planet, Sam's the fuel, the reason Dean fights, the second best."

"And me?" Cas asked, oblivious to Asmodei's silent watching. "Why did I come in? Am I flawed like the Angels say I am?"

Chuck laughed. "Oh son, oh no. I built you specially, I loved Michael, Lucifer, Raphael, and Gabriel, believe me, I do. But you, Cas, you I made for two purposes. One, to love Humanity, two, to pull Dean Winchester out of Hell. I dunno entirely what happened but I know you blew away all my expectations. You fell in love with Humanity, you have been touched as no other Angel has been by the beauty of Humanity. And Asmodei, you loved Esmerelda, I know that but you too where essential. The first Angel to know love and loss."

Cas felt his throat close up. "So I'm not broken?"

"Oh," Chuck said, putting a hand on Cas's cheek. "Oh make no mistake, you are completely and utterly broken but not in the way the Angels think you are. You are a creature of broken beauty because you love so much, because you are so human."

"That doesn't matter now," Cas whispered, closing his eyes. "I'm dead."

Chuck arched an eyebrow. "Are you? Well, I planned on giving you one wish. I owe you it, it can be anything you want."

Can I go back? was the first question Cas thought of but his heart protested. If he went back he would surely cause the Winchesters more pain. "Is it possible," he began unsurely. "To go back in time and have a different Angel pull Dean out of Hell?"

Asmodei let out a hitched breath. "Cassie," he whispered. "Why would you want that?"

"No me means no letting Sam out when he detoxed from Demon blood, it means so Purgatory, no leviathan, Bobby survives, not much happens. They're safer." The words pulled and ripped at his heart but Cas knew them to be true.

Chuck sighed. "I knew I should never have invented self hatred. Look, I'm gonna show you Dean right now. It's been almost three days since you died." He snapped his fingers.

 _Cas was standing in a room he recognized as Dean's bedroom in the bunker. The Hunter was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking pale and worn and thin. He was holding something but from the angle that Cas stood at he couldn't see what._

 _"Dean?" came Sam's voice from outside the door. "I made some food, I'm coming in."_

 _Cas felt an odd feeling of relief mixed with almost selfishness. Sam was taking care of Dean, making sure that he would be alright and Cas was grateful for that but he couldn't shake the irrational selfishness because Cas was always there, it was Cas's job to keep Dean safe, to keep him human. He shook off the feeling with difficulty and focused his attention on the brothers._

 _Sam didn't look well either, he seemed tired, his movements almost sluggish, eyes dark and heavy. In his left hand he was holding a plate with some eggs and toast, which he set on the nightstand. "Hey Dean," he murmmered. "How are you?"_

 _Dean turned to face him. Cas could now see that the thing he had held in his arms was the trench coat, bloodied, ratty, but still his trench coat. "I'm good Sammy," he said softly. "How are you?"_

 _Sam narrowed his eyes, detecting bullshit. "I'm fine, I just..."_

 _"What?" Dean asked. "You just...what? Do you need something?"_

 _Sam sighed and shook his head. "Nothing Dean."_

 _"What?" Dean persisted, and Cas, having witnessed this mother-henning first hand on multiple occasions, knew it was Dean distracting himself from his problems with others._

 _Sam seemed to deflate. "I mean, we haven't told Jodie, Alex, or Claire yet. We will need too."_

 _"Can we wait a little?" Dean asked and when Sam nodded he said, "now tell me what you were gonna say. Now Sammy."_

 _Defeated, Sam looked away. "I just need...I dunno. I just need you to keep it together, okay? I mean, I get what's happening, I know grief, and I know it's selfish of me to ask this of you but can you please hold it together Dean? I don't know what I'd do if you break."_

 _Cas turned away, running a hand over his face, wanting to run to Sam and Dean to tell them he was alright, tell them not to mourn him. He wanted to go back but after everything bed done, did he really deserve that luxury? But then again, after all he'd done did he really have a right to deny a chance to help the Winchesters? He sighed and turned back to them._

 _"I will," Dean was promising. "It hard Sammy, but if it helps you, I swear on my life I will. I'm alright."_

 _Sam shook his head. "Can we cut the bull crap Dean? You aren't alright but you can't do anything stupid, don't make a deal, don't leave me, don't shut yourself away...don't," his voice was suddenly small and childlike. "Don't kill yourself." Cas felt his breath hitch. Had Dean thought of killing himself before?_

"I told you," Chuck said.

Cas looked around, startled. He was standing in the white light again, Asmodei and Chuck watching him. Chuck with an expression of pity, Asmodei with one of sadness. "Oh Cas," his brother murmured. "Go back."

Cas's heart ached to go back, to just stand in their presence now would be more than of an honor to be handpicked by God Himself. But he shook his head. "I want them to be done," he whispered, forcing the words out. "Amara was the last thing they killed, the last Big Bad, maybe they can have a few little cases here and there, but there's nothing else coming. No Apocalypse, no new evil, Dean has a home, Sam becomes a Man of Letters. That's my one wish."

"They will miss you still," Chuck said softly. "That is something I will not take away."

Cas wanted to protest, beg Chuck to erase their memories of him, but he didn't. "Thank you Father," he whispered.

 **AN: Oh my Chuck I wanted a God/Cas talk so much! Cas needs to have that, imagine how much it would help his self-hatred. Oh well, hope you enjoy thanks for reading**


	44. Chapter 44

Sam put an arm around Dean's shoulders and leaned against him. "I'm so tired," he murmured. He was, terribly, terribly tired. Tired of loosing everyone he loved, tired of Dean hurting, of being weak, tired of being so fucking tired.

"I know," Dean said softly. "Go rest. I'm okay, you need to take care of yourself too. Have you eaten yet?"

Sam sighed. "Yeah." He moved to get up but Dean grabbed his wrist, reflexes apparently not dulled despite days of grieving. Sam jerked his hand but Dean held his wrist down.

"Sam, take care of yourself. Promise me?" He didn't look at Sam, not until he heard hesitation in his voice. "Sammy."

"I will," he promised. Anything for Dean right now.

Dean released him, gazing up at Sam with sad green eyes. He gave a tight lipped smile. "Thank you," he said. "Go rest."

Dean watched as Sam shuffled out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Then he lay sighed, pushing the eggs around the plate before forcing a few forkfuls down his throat. For Sam, he thought as he swallowed dryly. I'm doing this for Sammy.

He set the plate down and lay back, the trench coat pressed against his chest. It smelled like dirt and blood with an underlying scent of swear and musk that was Cas. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, grief consuming him and he knew that if he hadn't promised Sam he wouldn't kill himself he would be standing in the bathroom with pill in his hands and his hands at his lips.

He lay there, clutching the trench coat, letting sadness wash over him for another ten minutes. Then he sat up, pushing his sore, tired muscles to cooperate with him. He opened the door and silently padded down the hallway to Sam's room, pushing the door open and standing at the threshold for a minute, just watching Sam sleep.

Sam's body was still save the rise and fall of his chest. His arms were slack at his side and his gigantic legs were folded into his chest, curled up. Dean walked over, trying not to disturb his little brother, glad Sam was taking the well deserved rest. He leaned down and pulling the blanket up around his shoulders, brushing his too long hair out of his eyes and letting his hand linger for a moment.

Dean turned to leave but stopped three steps from the door to double back and ever so gently press his lips to his brothers forehead, an action he hadn't done since they were children. "G'night Sammy," he murmured into his hair. Sam stirred but did not wake.

Dean turned and left, sighing heavily and stewing in self-hatred. He shouldn't lay his grief on Sam. He knew Sam would be sad- that was to be expected, Cas was their friend- but to lay the grief of loosing a...lover didn't seem like the right word- but those two kinds of sadness were almost entirely different and Dean's reaction had resurfaced an old wound in Sam, the pain of Jess, maybe even of Ruby dying. Dean had no right to do that to Sam, none at all.

Up in Heaven Cas was pacing. "I told you!" he snapped at Chuck. "They're done, that's it! They live a good, long life. A few small cases- salt and burns- here and there to keep them in practice but let them be done! I'm tired of seeing them hurt, especially when it's my job to watch both of them!"

"Cas!" Asmodei said angrily. "Listen you idiot, He's offering a chance for you to go back! Take the damn chance!"

"I don't want that," Cas snapped. "I want them to be done- that's it!"

"But you want to go back," Asmodei countered.

Cas didn't answer.

"You do," Asmodei pressed. "So why not?"

"I hurt them!" Cas yelled, finally at his breaking point. "I screw up everything, I always hurt them, I could have killed them multiple times!"

"But they forgive you!" Asmodei yelled back. "Dean might have been mad about the Sam Lucifer thing when he got his soul back but in the end, you have him one of the things he couldn't live without! He loves you, Sam loves you! Can't you accept that you are like Sam's brother and Dean's...fucking boyfriend?"

Cas snorted, a mental image of him and Dean sitting across from each other at a fancy restaurant or in a theater. Fo some reason the thoughts awoke a strange feeling of sadness and want. "They don't need me," he insisted. "They have each other."

"Just go back Cassie," Asmodei said sadly. "Please."

"I can't have both and their wellbeing before what I want is always how I've done it."

"Father," Asmodei turned to Chuck beseechingly. "Let him have one more, please."

Chuck shook His head. "I can't. One wish for each of you."

"What do you mean, you can't? You're God, the all powerful! Give him another!"

"I can't," Chuck said more firmly. "One wish, that's all."

"Why?" Asmodei said, raising his eyebrows. Cas stifled a snort, he had never seen Asmodei like that, he followed orders without a question since Eve and now he was talking back to God Himself.

"Why?" Asmodei repeated. "You owe him this much! He's saved Heaven, he's righted any wrong he's made, he stopped Armageddon, he the only Angel who's given it all for Humanity! So answer me this, why?"

"It wasn't only me," Cas muttered.

Chuck sighed. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

"You've been gone for millennia! You have some explaining to do!" Cas snapped, anger running his mouth, clouding better judgement.

"Castiel." The word was soft and simple but both Asmodei and Cas fell silent as Chuck spoke again. "I am sorry, I have my reasons as to why I cannot give you a second wish. I can, however, grant you safe passage to John and Mary's Heaven as well as end hunting for the Winchesters, save a few milk runs." He walked over so He could place a hand on His sons shoulder. "You were always my favorite Castiel. You and Lucifer, my Chosen. I am sorry it ended this way." He turned to Asmodei. "For both of you."

Cas felt like crying, felt like jumping into non existence. "May I ask you something?" His voice came out choked.

"Of course," Chuck said softly, stepping back.

"Lucifer, is he going to redeem himself?"

Chuck nodded and beside Cas, Asmodei sunk to the floor in relief.

"Thank Heaven," he whispered. "Thank Heaven."

Chuck smiled down at him. "I am happy too," He said, extending a hand to pull Asmodei to his feet. Asmodei graciously took it.

Cas cleared his throat, drawing attention. "And Sam and Dean?" he asked. "When-" his voice caught and he took a deep breath. "When they die, they're coming up here, right?"

Chuck smiled, His eyes twinkled. "Of course," he said. "We owe them everything."

Cas sighed, a smile on his lips but a heavy weight in his heart as he Hahn the next words. "You know my wish," he said. "They're out, make it happen."

Chuck snapped his fingers, there was a short burst of white light. "It is done. I can transport you to John and Mary and Bobby's Heaven if you wish."

Cas looked at Asmodei, his eyes were sad, his body still, staring at him. "I can't let you do this," he said softly.

"What?" Cas asked, confused. "Asmodei, what?"

The other Angel raised his head, staring directly at Chuck. "My wish is for Cas to go back."

 **AN: I'm so sorry I haven't updated recently. I've been having a hard time with anxiety and panic attacks and I've been relying a fuck ton on my books and Jared Padalecki's wonderful _Always Keep Fighting_ campaign to keep me functioning. I know I'm totally over sharing so sorry about that. I'll try and update more often as I'm on meds now so this should happen less frequently. Thank you for your patience and for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll be back again soon.**


	45. Chapter 45

Dean couldn't sleep. The minutes passed by but he didn't realize it. His mind was occupied with Cas, unbidden images of the Angel's mangled form pressed against his eyelids, imagination taking control of what he saw, thought. It made him want to scream.

He buried his face in his pillow, trying to block out everything, the world, the pain, everything. It didn't work. "Goddamn it," he muttered. "I need a fucking drink."

Sam woke up to the sound of a cabinet closing. Immediately, he recognized the sound of soft footsteps as his brother walked towards the kitchen table and felt his heart sink. "Dean," he said loudly, not bothering to get up, Dean would come if he called.

Sure enough, only moments later, Dean appeared in the doorway. "Sammy? You alright?"

"I heard you."

Dean shook his head, caught red-handed. "I'm not gonna be able to sleep if I don't get a drink Sam."

"Try." Anger rose in his throat. This was dangerous, Sam highly doubted Dean had eaten the food he had prepared and not enough food and too much alcohol wouldn't bode well.

"I've been trying for the past hour."

"Try harder." Sam heard his voice tremble and cursed himself internally, closing his eyes and taking a steadying breath.

He heard Dean plop down next to him. "Sammy, no- don't, don't get upset- Sam."

Sam turned his head away so Dean couldn't see him blinking back tears. He felt Dean hand on his shoulder, thumb gently rubbing his shoulder blade. "Sorry," Sam whispered. "It's been...a hard few days."

He heard his brother give a dry laugh. "Yeah, no shit."

"Sorry," Sam said again, hearing Dean laugh break into a dry sob. "God Dean, I don't even know anymore."

He felt the bed creak and move as Dean lay next to him. "It's fine Sammy. I know, it just feels so surreal...I keep thinking he's going to come back, you know, walk through the door and just... _be okay_. I want to tell him so much, I want to be able to show him how much he means to me."

Sam rolled over to face his brother. "I know," he murmured. "It hurts."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

For a long moment no body said anything. Then Sam, who had spent a minute gathering up the courage to ask, said, "hey Dean?"

"Mhm?"

"When...when you...died, what happened? You were gone a while."

"I was just up in Heaven."

"...did you see Mom?"

Sam felt Dean tense and immediately wondered if he had overstepped. "Sorry," he said. "You don't have to tell me."

"No, no, it's okay Sam. I did, I saw her, Dad, Bobby, and..." Sam could have sworn he heard Dean's voice crack.

"And?"

"...Jess."

Sam felt his breath leave him. "Jess," he whispered, closing his eyes, letting it sink in. "You saw Jess...in your Heaven?"

That roused a soft chuckle from Dean. "Nah. The Angels took me to see Mom and Dad cause something about how Dad and I never got along so he wasn't in my Heaven and I never knew Mom well enough. Well, it was a second before I left and she came in."

"Did...did she say anything about me?" Sam hardly dared to hope, even after all these years he loved her so much.

"Yeah. I...I didn't get a chance to tell you, what with all the shit happening in our lives. She said..she said she loves you still, she's not mad about, well, anything. She said it was an honor to assist you in becoming who you are now."

Sam closed his eyes, feeling a tear drip down his face. "Thanks for telling me." It was a fight to keep his voice steady. He felt Dean hand squeeze his shoulder.

"Mom also says she'll always love you, no matter what. Also, she completely lost it with Dad when I told her what did me in." Sam could hear the smile in Dean's voice.

Sam let out a small laugh. "I'd have liked to see that."

"That would have meant you'd be dead so I'm glad you didn't see it."

"Are you ever going to stop being so overprotective?"

"No."

"You can't keep trying to die for me, I can handle things by myself."

"I know you can. But that's not gonna ever stop me."

Something about the conversation felt off, Sam was grateful that this seemed to be distracting Dean from whatever inner turmoil was going on but something still felt wrong. Dean sounded off, too tense. Then it hit him. "What did you do?" Sam asked, his voice turning hard.

"Huh?" If Dean knew what Sam was about to bring up, he didn't show it.

"When I got shot, with the werewolves. You wouldn't have left me there if there was even the slightest chance I wasn't dead. So what did you do?" There was an accusatory tone in his voice now but Sam didn't care, looking at it in retrospect, nothing about it seemed right.

Dean closed his eyes. There was no way in Hell he was telling Sam the truth, that he had almost killed himself to talk to Billie, and he had only a second to think of a suitable lie. "Fine, I did think you were dead. We ran into a cop and he tasered me when I tried to go back to get you. Nothing happened."

"Promise me you didn't do anything stupid?"

Dean's heart twisted as he pushed the lie out from in between his teeth. "I promise, Sammy."

"Thank you."

He didn't say anything for a minute. Then added, "I asked the Angels about what will happen to us when we die. We share a Heaven, just so you know."

"I'm not going to Hell?"

The disbelief in Sam's voice made Dean's heart clench painfully. "Not on my watch," he whispered.

They lay there as the clock ticked minute after minute until around 4:30am Sam realized Dean had fallen asleep. He grinned, happy that his brother was finally resting after such a horrible event. Slowly, as to not wake him, Sam rolled off the bed and fiddled around his nightstand for the notepad and pen he kept there.

 _Dean_ , he wrote. _You fell asleep so I went to your room to sleep so don't worry if I'm not there. Also, sleep as long as you can, I'll take care of everything, you need the rest more than me but if something happens I will get you. -Sam_.

 _That should satisfy him_ , Sam thought. He left the note where he knew Dean would see it first thing and walked to Dean's room where he flipped off the lamp and stopped. On the right side of the bed, neatly folded, lay the trench coat.

Sam picked it up, stared at it for a moment, lost in grief for his friend and his brother. He closed his eyes, feeling sick rise in his throat when he saw a spot of blood on the coat, most likely from running around Eden so long. Either way it was unsettling and he set the coat down on the nightstand and lay down in the bed.

Sam closed his eyes and prayed, for the first time since Cas died, he really prayed. _Please God, please make things right. Make my brother okay, make us both okay._ He swallowed back a rising sob. _Heal him, make Dean better. I know...I know we've screwed up so much but please, he doesn't deserve this._

Sam pulled the blankets around him, trying to make himself as comfortable as possible despite the ache in his chest. He prayed harder, wondering if anyone- anything- would even hear him.


	46. Chapter 46

Chuck felt those prayers deep inside His chest, touching Him. Sam, clever, kind, selfless, brave, Sam was so deeply hurt by Cas's death that he reached out to an entity he was no longer sure there even was. He shuddered internally, knowing that despite Sam loving Cas like a brother, Dean was so much worse off, having lost his best friend and lover. What that boy must be going through, the horrible inner turmoil made Him want to grab Castiel by his shoulders and shake him until he decided, _"hey! They need me, they love me. I should accept Asmodei's offer and go back!"_

Meanwhile, His sons were arguing about Asmodei's choice.

"I can't take that!" Cas shouted.

"I can't let you stay here!" Asmodei snapped. "Cas, just take it! Go back to Dean!"

"Then you can't get to Esmerelda," Cas said angrily.

"Dammit Castiel," Asmodei insisted. "Stop being such a martyr! You saw what Dean was like, what Sam was like! Please, just go!"

That was it, Chuck decided to intervene. "Children," He shouted, annoyed by Cas's complete, point blank, refusal to accept help. "Castiel! Sam is praying to me, he's asking me to make Dean okay, to make him better. I can do many things but I cannot heal a broken heart. If you don't do something, it will eventually kill him. This was Asmodei's wish, it will come to pass. You will not stop that no matter what you do."

Cas fell silent. His eyes widened at Chuck saying Cas's death would kill Dean.

"Listen," Asmodei murmured, moving closer to him. "Take what I'm giving, they need you Cassie. Add what you want to the wish, what will become of you when you go down."

"But Esmerelda..." Cas whispered. "I can't let you sacrifice that."

Asmodei put a hand on each of his shoulders. "Hey," he said firmly. "I'll find my way to her just as you and Dean have found your ways to each other countless times."

"You're sure?"

"Completely."

Cas couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You really want me to go back," he said, disbelief clouding his mind.

"I do," Asmodei said softly.

Cas blinked and shook his head. "Then...I don't know how to thank you... I owe you everything."

"How about this, go back, be with your family- real family- don't mourn me, be happy with what is happening, stay with Dean. Be happy, Cas, that's how you can repay me."

"Thank you."

Chuck cleared His throat. "Cas, is there anything you want to add to that wish? Anything at all?"

"Actually," Cas said slowly, almost hesitantly. "If it's alright with You, I would like to age as a human would but maintain my powers of healing and being able to visit Heaven, to bring people with me to Heaven despite them not being dead."

"You will grow and age and eventually die," Chuck noted.

"As long as I do all those things with Dean, I could not think of anything better."

"It will be done. Say goodbye and I will send you back."

Cas felt a very human sob lodge in his throat as he embraced Asmodei. "Thank you brother," he whispered, trying very hard to keep hot tears at bay. "I can never thank you enough and I will visit you."

"I know." Asmodei returned the hug with just as much vigor. "Say hello to Luci and Gabe for me."

"I promise I will."

Cas turned away, facing God. "Before I go back I want to ask if I can see Mary and John Winchester." Chuck looked mildly surprised. "I just want to tell them that their sons will be alright," he added quickly. "Please Father."

"I will give you a bit." Chuck raised a hand and everything disappeared.

When he opened his eyes, Cas found himself outside a door. He could hear voices coming from inside. Slowly, cautiously, he pushed it open to find himself in a little room with a coffee table in the centre. Six people sat around it. He recognized them all; Bobby and John, both with beers in hand, Mary and Jess chatting animatedly and Charlie and Kevin, both on smiles their faces, pointing at graphs lying on the table. Everyone stopped and looked up when the door shit behind him.

"Cas?" Charlie asked, eyes widening.

Cas felt his throat close. "Charlie," he whispered. He had always liked the little red-head and had been sad when she died.

"Cas," Kevin said, surprised. "What-"

He was cut off by a gasp from Mary. "Castiel?" The blonde woman stood up and Cas almost flinched at the physical similarities between her and Dean, her eyes the most prominent of all her physical traits.

"Mary," he said softly. "I have wanted to meet you for so long."

She covered her mouth with her hands. "You're the Angel my boy's in love with."

Cas looked around uncomfortably. "I suppose that is me," he said. "John, Mary, your children are great men. Earth and Heaven are lucky to have them."

Charlie stood up. "How are they?" she asked fervently. "How are they doing?"

Cas hesitated for a second. "They are...alive," he settled on, running through his choices of words.

"What's that supposed to mean?" John asked, watching Cas mistrustfully.

"First off, John, I have sacrificed everything I had for your sons, do not look at me like that. Secondly, I do not know how they are," Cas explained. "I am currently dead."

"What?" Kevin said. "How? Bobby told me they had gone to bring you back!"

Cas ran a hand through his hair, a habit he had picked up from the brothers. "They did. Dean...broke through the spell Eden had me under-"

"- _Eden_?" Jess asked, finally speaking up. "The Garden?"

"The Garden," Cas confirmed. "And-"

"How'd he break it?" John interrupted.

Cas felt his face grow hot. "Uh..." he said, trying to think of something to say but his brain had turned to mush.

"Oh," Charlie said softly. " _Oh_!"

Kevin gave her a confused glance. "What?" Then his face cleared as he saw the expression of pure delight on Charlie's face. "Oh, _okay_."

Cas felt slightly like he was drowning in awkwardness. He cleared his throat, trying to shake off John's stunned eyes. "Anyways, we were about to leave when we realized that out only method of getting back was destroyed but we found another way." He didn't bother going into detail, didn't want to. "There were four Angels, including me. I couldn't fly, Amara had damaged my Grace and one of us had to stay and fight off the beasts while the others got out. My brother, Asmodei stayed to fight. Dean tried to stay with him to help but I...I tricked him and got both of them out. I stayed and I died." He shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal. "I'm going back as soon as I finish up here."

"How many times have you died?" Charlie burst out. "Sorry," she added quickly.

"Five or six times." Cas answered the question as if it was completely normal. "Um, Mary, John, could I talk to you?"

Mary looked startled. "Oh, of course." John said nothing but followed her nonetheless.

Outside of the room Cas sighed and leaned against a wall. "So," he said softly. "You're their parents."

"Yeah," John answered, eyes still mistrustful. "What do you care?"

" _John_!" Mary snapped.

Cas leaned forward, ignoring Mary to stare John straight in the face. "What do I care?" he asked. "Why did you care when Mary died? What drove you to seek revenge on Azazel? To force your children into a life they never should have had? I love Sam and Dean! I have done everything, everything, for them! I fell from Grace, I killed my brothers and sisters, I've died for them, I've chosen them over Heaven so many times and I would do it, all of it, again and again. Don't you _dare_ even imply that I don't love them!"

 **AN: Spoiler Alert! We are about two chapters from a reunion! I'm already writing it so I have no excuse to not upload any pre-written chapters. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and, as we are nearing the end of this, I want to thank everyone who has left a review or even bothered to read this. I know it's not the best writing but thank you! We might have five or so chapters left, I don't know how to do endings as a fair warning. Thanks again!**


	47. Chapter 47

The Angel scared her a little, Mary decided, especially now, defending his love for her boys. But it made her so happy to see that they had someone who would give anything to keep them safe. "John," she said, pushing him back gently. "One moment."

She knew protest was on the tip of his tongue but he kept quiet as she approached the Angel. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you so much for everything you've done for them, I can't thank you enough. You helped save them and the world."

Castiel shook his head. "No," he said. "No, it wasn't me who save the world. I was a pawn, a player in helping but when it comes down to it, Sam and Dean, they are the real heroes."

"Now I don't believe that for a second. If they love you how Charlie says they do and how Dean's told me he does, you must be more than that. Dean's always loved easily but never deeply...outside of family." In the short time she knew her oldest son and from what she'd heard, she had figured out that much.

Castiel was still shaking his head. "Mary," he began. "It might be because you never really got to know him, and I do not mean to be at all rude, but Dean, the Dean I have seen for years loves so easily and so deeply that he's always hidden it away because everyone he loves dies. He loved Ben and Lisa, they don't remember him. He loved you and John, he lost you both when he was a child- both, John, because you changed, you were 'Dad' anymore, you were 'Sir'. He loves Sam and he's lost Sam before. He loved Charlie and Kevin and Bobby and he lost all of them. Not to mention every man, woman, and child he couldn't save. That's his problem, he's been trained since he was a child that there is one thing he can do other than save and hunt, that's protect. He was never taught love, he almost had it forced on him, everything he and Sam have is because he had no other choice, because he couldn't loose anything else. All his nightmares, all his fears, they are all about loosing someone he loves because that's what he's known all his life, he loves easily and looses everything. He doesn't love shallowly, he's never done that, he just never knew how to express it."

Mary closed her eyes, feeling a tear on his cheek. "But you've taken care of them. Bobby told me you pulled them both out of Hell." She had mixed feeling towards the Angel. On one hand she was grateful but on the other she was almost jealous that he had gotten to know her children better than she did.

Cas snorted. "I didn't do a very good job with Sam," he admitted. "I could have destroyed him."

John looked startled. "The soulless thing?" he asked. "Bobby told me."

"Yes, the soulless thing."

"Alright," John said. "Listen...Castiel? Yeah, I don't like you but I am obligated to thank you for doing everything you've done and...and if you make Dean happy, go ahead, be with him."

"I do not need your permission for that," Castiel stated calmly.

Mary bit back a laugh. "If it's worth anything to you, you have my permission as well."

"Thank you."

John looked comically offended. "Her permission matters but not mine? You like her better or something?"

Mary wasn't sure but it looked to her like Cas was biting down a smile as he replied, "she reminds me of Dean."

John was conflicted, confused. The Angel didn't seem _bad_ but deep down there was still that fatherly instinct that didn't like the idea of Castiel and Dean together, didn't want to see Dean get hurt. "You said you're going back?" he asked, changing the subject. "How?"

Cas hesitated. "Got lucky," he said after a momentary pause. John had the feeling the Angel wasn't telling him everything. "It doesn't matter now, I've made sure that Sam and Dean are done hunting for the most part- nothing big, no Apocalypse, no Godlike deities. No more fighting."

John wrapped an arm around Mary, pressing a kiss to her forehead when he heard her muffle a sob. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for taking care of them."

He might have imagined it but John could have sworn he saw the Angel's eyes tear up. "It was my pleasure," he murmmered. "I...I have to go now. It was an honor meeting you both."

John cleared his throat, summoned his courage and said, "thank you. I am...sorry for everything rude I said. I can't express how grateful I am to know that you're taking care of my boys."

"Once again," Castiel said, opening the door back into the Winchesters old house. "It was my pleasure, you are forgiven. It's only natural to want the best for people you love. I suspect I will see you again shortly."

John didn't know what that meant but nodded and followed Mary into the room. When he turned back around the door was closed and the Angel, gone.

Cas hugged Asmodei one last time, whispering his thanks and receiving a soft, "don't you dare mention it."

He turned to Chuck then, gazing one last time upon his Father's aura. Chuck walked over to him, put a hand on Cas's shoulder. "Thank you Castiel," he said. "If you never loved Humanity, Amara would have destroyed us all."

"It wasn't me, praise Dean instead." Cas turned his head away, unable to meet God's eyes. "He killed her."

Cas felt warm arms envelope him. Surprise overwhelming him, he stood stock still until he heard Chuck quietly whisper in his ear, "you were always my favorite."

He let himself relax in his Father's embrace, let himself hug back, let tears prick his eyes because finally, finally, he knew he was needed, he was special. Maybe he was truly a hero.

"I'm ready now," Cas whispered. "To go back."

"I know," He said, releasing His son. "I don't believe I'll see you for a while now."

Cas didn't protest when Chuck put two fingers to his forehead and sent him falling, falling down.

Down.

 _Down._

 **AN: So this might count as tomorrow's chapter as I'm going to be busy most of tomorrow and might not have time to upload. I need some questions answered for a future chapter 1) Destiel smut or not? (Not that good at writing smut so I'm thinking nothing graphic) 2) How would you feel about top!Cas? ? No guarantee of smut yet however. Please enjoy! Thanks for the awesome comments and thanks again for reading!**


	48. Chapter 48

Dean looked down at the pills in his hand for the second time that hour, debating on whether he should take the easy way out. He pressed one onto his tongue, not swallowing yet, but tempted, wondering. It would be simple, just write a note, swallow and lie down to sleep. And then never wake up.

He would see his mother, his father, Bobby, maybe Charlie and Kevin and everybody else he had lost over the years. Dean closed his eyes; knowing that no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't swallow those pills, take the easy way out because Sam. Sammy was his anchor, his railing, the only thing keeping him from falling off that tall, dark ledge into mourning and suicide. He couldn't leave Sam, it was his job, his job, to take care of his brother. Sam had told him one million years or a few days ago- time didn't matter now- that if Dean killed himself he could follow suit. Dean would be responsible for that, he would have not only his own blood on his hands but the blood of the one person currently alive that he loved. He poured the twenty or so pills back into the bottle and set it back on the shelf.

Sam heard the sound of the cabinet opening again, the pitter of pills falling back into a bottle and the cabinet closing. He leaned his head against the wall, hearing the shower start to run, and let out a broken sigh. Dean was hurting, Dean was breaking, and Sam didn't know how to fix him, and that was one of his worst fears.

Sam closed his eyes, wishing once again that maybe, just maybe, God could do one favor for him. _After all the shit You put us through,_ he thought angrily, _could you just fucking fix my brother?_

Cas jerked awake in a forested area. He groaned, pushing himself up from the dirt and staggering to a nearby tree, using it to support his weight as his head stopped spinning. He looked around, slowly but surely recognizing his surroundings. He was near the Bunker but his sense of direction was poor and he was unsure of which way to go.

Then he heard voices arguing. Cas felt his heart flip flop as he heard Dean's voice, low and annoyed and so, so tired and absolutely done. He couldn't make out everything he was saying but he caught his name in the mix.

"Dammit Dean," Sam swore angrily. "You know what? I heard you, I know what you were thinking about doing!"

"But I didn't do it!" Dean retaliated. "Okay, Sam, I'm okay."

"You really aren't," Sam said, wishing his brother would be a little less stupid. "And you haven't been since you found out Cas had said yes!"

"No shit Sam, I care about Cas! But I'm okay, I'm not going to kill myself, promise." Dean's voice trembled. "I promise," he repeated.

"I don't know if I can trust that." Sam passed a hand over his eyes, feeling them burning with tears.

Cas vaguely heard the words " _kill myself_ " and his heart missed a beat. He didn't know what context the words were used in but it scared him to think of either of the brothers doing that. He cleared his throat, it felt dry and warm.

"Dean," he tried but his voice was hoarse and broken. "Dean!" Stronger this time, louder. The voices stopped.

Dean could have sworn that he heard Cas's voice. Maybe he was just going crazy but Sam's eyes were wide and he was still. "You hear that?" Sam asked, eyes never leaving the trees.

Dean wordlessly nodded and began to walk over, hardly breathing, hardly daring to think. It couldn't be Cas, there was no possible way he survived those things tearing at him, Dean had felt it, the pain, the emptiness. He knew, possibly better than anyone, that Cas had died. He wasn't coming back this time, was he?

"Dean-" Sam made to grab Dean's hand and pull him back but Dean narrowly avoided it. "Dean, it could be something dangerous."

Dean shook his head. He didn't care at this point. "Who said that?" he shouted into the trees.

"Dean," came a soft voice. "Dean, it's me."

Dean felt his heart stop when the raggedy, dirty, haggard, figure emerged from the forest. He was leaning on the trees for support but Dean knew it was him. Cas's perfect blue eyes flicked up to Dean's face and almost immediately Dean felt the gaping hole inside him, the part of himself he had lost when Cas had died, start to fill in.

" _Cas_ ," he whispered, not believing his eyes but his heart, newly repaired. "Cas..."

"How can you be sure?" Sam asked, suddenly beside Dean.

Dean's eyes never left Cas. "I know Sammy."

"How?"

Dean didn't answer that, instead he rushed up to the Angel on shaky legs, stopping feet from him. "Cas," he whispered. "How?"

Cas didn't answer. Instead he said, voice suddenly stronger, "it doesn't matter right now." And pushed himself up enough to wrap his arms around Dean's neck and kiss him hard and passionately.

Fireworks exploded under Dean's eyelids. He felt the Angel's beating heart under his clothes, felt the warmth of Cas's body pressed against him. He let his hands rest on the small of Cas's back, let his body relax against Cas's. He kissed back, roughly and with so much love.

Cas felt a rush of strength fill him and he pushed Dean against a tree, desperate for more contact, pressed his body up against the taller mans, completely oblivious to Sam's half smile and the picture he sent to Crowley, titled, ' _you owe me ten dollars, it finally happened.'_

He felt Dean gasp as Cas gently bit at his lip, pleading entrance into his mouth, but thankfully, allowed.

Somewhere down in Hell Crowley checked his messages, swearing as he saw the image Sam had texted him. "Bollocks," he muttered.

"What happened?" Rowena asked from her seat across from her son, sipping her tea.

Wordlessly, Crowley passed her the phone. Rowena's face lit up, she tossed her long red hair over her shoulder. "Guess you owe me money too Fergus."

Crowley sighed, shaking his head.

Sam coughed loudly, watching with glee as the two jumped apart, looking very awkward. "Hate to break that up," he said, letting a smile overtake his face. "But I want to welcome back my friend too, Dean."

Dean nodded, flustered. "Oh yeah, sure. Sorry."

Cas grinned, walking into Sam's hunched embrace and returning it with a vigor that filled Sam's heart with compassion for his friend. "It's good to have you back," he whispered into Cas's shoulder.

"I missed you," Cas said softly. "You and Dean."

"We missed you too. Thank God you came back when you did, I'm not sure how much longer he could have held out."

Cas stepped back but left one hand on Sam's shoulder. "Thank you for making sure he kept going."

"I was kinda obligated to do that," Sam smiled. "Welcome back man."

"Thanks."

"So," Dean appeared beside Sam. "I don't mean to be rude or break anything up but how the Hell did you get back man? I felt you die."

"God does work in mysterious ways, I can tell you that much," Cas replied. Then, seeing the exasperated looks on the brothers faces, he smiled and added, "I saw Him, He brought me back."

"You saw _God_?" Sam asked incredulously. "W-what did He look like? What did He say?"

"Sam," Dean said. "Calm down. He can't reply if you don't let him talk."

Cas shot him a grateful look. "He was Chuck, the Prophet. The one who wrote the Supernatural books."

"Chuck?" Both Sam and Dean almost shouted.

"Wait," Dean said. "Messy, alcoholic, crap writer, Chuck?"

"That's the one," Cas said gravely. "I couldn't believe it."

"Yeah," Sam muttered. "Dammit! Why didn't he ever do anything about...anything?"

"He must have had a plan," Cas replied. "After we...talked is too civil a word...after I raged at him, he gave both Asmodei and I one wish."

"You wished to come back?" Dean asked.

Cas cast his eyes towards the dirt and shook his head.

"Then what did you wish for?" Sam pressed. "Cas, come on, you can tell us anything."

"I wished for it to be over," Cas said in a barely audible voice. "I wished for hunting to be over, for you both to live your life's without the constant threat of death. I wished that you were done, that you could settle down, maybe a salt and burn here and there, but nothing more, no Armageddon, no more Demons to kill. I just wanted you to be safe."

Dean felt his heart contract painfully. Slowly, painfully tenderly, he took Cas's hand and squeezed it, not caring about Sam seeing it because he knew his brother wouldn't judge. "Thanks," he murmmered. "But how are you back then?"

"Asmodei gave me his wish," Cas explained, forcing his voice to go louder. "He told me to go back because he just wanted me to be happy. I told Chuck that I wanted to keep my Angel abilities but I wanted to be mortal, to age, and, eventually, to die. I also can return to Heaven, and bring people with me even if they are alive. I saw...I saw your parents."

"You did?" Dean asked, nervously awaiting what was next. "And-?"

"They wished us their best, John didn't like me much. Mary reminded me of you."

Dean closed his eyes. "So we can see them?"

"As soon as Amara's damage fully leaves me, my Grace is still weak at the moment. Chuck could not cure that."

"And Jess?" Sam asked, his voice trembling. "She's there?"

"Yes," Cas answered with a soft smile. "I'll take you to her as soon as I can."

"Thank you," Sam said softly, trying to steady his voice.

"And in the meantime, you need to rest," Dean said, squeezing Cas's hand. "Get your strength back."

"I'm fine Dean," Cas insisted. "I'm well enough. It's only using my Grace that weakens me. As long as I stick to human activities I should be fine."

"Right," Sam said innocently, a smile on his face. "Do you want me to leave or..."

Dean stiffened at the question then relaxed as Cas gently pressed into his side. "Yeah," he said. "That might be a good idea."


	49. Chapter 49

The second Sam got into the Impala and drove off Dean dragged Cas into the Bunker, already pulling off his jacket and tossing it on the floor. And everything was a blur because suddenly Cas had him pinned up against wall and was kissing him, biting at his lips, pressing against him, grinding their bodies together.

"My room," Dean murmured. "Now."

They pulled apart long enough to stumble down the stairs and hallway, throwing open the door to Dean's bedroom. Cas almost immediately pushed Dean down, frantically unbuttoning his shirt, running his hands over his carved ab muscles. Dean let him pull the shirt off, allowing Cas to take all control of the situation, to press a kiss just above his racing heart. It felt wrong but it felt good and, Hell, they were just getting started.

Dean felt heat flood his body as Cas kissed down his neck, nipping and sucking and gently moving his hands over Dean's chest, pressing his abs, gripping his waist and massaging small circles in the skin just above the top of his jeans.

Cas shed his shirt next, and slowly moved above Dean, beginning to unbuckle Dean's tightening pants. The light from a lamp sent shadows over Cas, obscuring his face and deepening the divots in his arm muscles. Dean couldn't breathe for a moment because the man- Angel- on top of him was so beautiful. He spent a minute like that, taking in Cas, his hard, lean body, gorgeous arms and, oh, his hips bones, which he had never found very attractive on women. They were prominent, chiseled, pressing against Dean as Cas straddled him, kissing down his neck.

Dean was underneath him. Their eyes connected as Cas fumbled with the buttons on his jeans. Once again Cas felt his breath stolen by the sharp, piercing green that was filled with love and want and some other indescribable emotion. He bent down, running his lips down Dean's torso, nipping and kissing and hearing Dean's gasps as he did so.

"Is this okay?" Cas whispered as he moved farther down Dean's abdominal, letting his hands slide below the jeans.

"You know its a yes," Dean said softly, moaning as Cas pushed Dean's arms above his head and moved downward.

A good fifteen miles away Sam sat at a bar, three empty shot glasses in front of him and a beer in hand. Sitting across from him was Crowley with a margarita.

"So Moose," Crowley said. "It finally happened."

"Took them long enough," Sam answered, taking a swig of his beer. "Fifty dollars Crowley, I said it would happen after we got him back and you said-"

"-I said you wouldn't get him back," Crowley muttered. "I know." He slid a two twenties and a ten over to Sam. "Now are they at the Bunker moving furniture around?"

"Hopefully," Sam said. "The sexual tension is pretty much palpable."

"Ugh, I know. The airs so thick with it I could have cut it with a knife." Crowley sipped his drink. "So who do you think tops?"

Sam ground his forehead into his hand. "Don't make my picture that!" he exclaimed. "Crowley, I swear... I am not going to start imagining my brothers sex-life."

"Understandable."

Sam downed another shot and almost all his beer before Crowley said, "I'll bet Dean's under."

"OH MY-" Sam cut himself off as heads turned. "Shut up Crowley," he hissed. "I do not want to imagine that."

"It's true," Crowley said, somehow maintaining the straight face. "I'm sure he is and I'll bet you twenty dollars."

"Not taking the bet," Sam answered. "I'm not going to freaking ask Dean that! What the Hell makes you think that anyways?"

"Looks the type."

"What does that even mean? Never mind, don't answer that," Sam backtracked as Crowley, an evil gleam in his eye, opened his mouth. Disgruntled, he closed it.

"You think the tension will lesson?"

"I hope."

"Will they move out?" Crowley asked and, for some reason, the question drove a nail into Sam's heart. He didn't want Dean to leave. He had always had Dean beside him since Stanford, even when Dean left after their disagreements Sam would call, text, or just miss his brother.

"I dunno," he answered uncertainly. "The Bunker has plenty of space."

"True. Depends on if they're loud or not though. You don't want to have to listen to them, do you?"

"Oh my God! Crowley shut the fuck up!"

Cas collapsed on top of Dean, drained of energy. Both of them were hot and sticky and flushed and, quite frankly, exhausted. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, holding him close to his chest, pressing kisses to his cheeks and forehead. "That," he whispered into Cas's wild black hair, "was amazing."

"I've never done that before," Cas murmured.

"Me neither."

Dean rolled over, facing Cas so that their noses almost touched. "I almost lost you," he murmmered. "No more of that, okay?"

"I'll stay with you," Cas said softly. "Come Hell or high water."

"Hell or high water," Dean repeated. "Cas, I love you so much."

Cas looked at him tenderly. "I know," he said softly.

"Woah," Dean said, feigning annoyance. "Did you just fucking Han Solo me?"

"I suppose I did." Cas smiled, his face lighting up. "I love you too."

"I'm glad."

"We might want to get dressed."

Dean nodded in agreement. "You can borrow some of my clothes if you need."

"Thank you," Cas murmured.

"No problem."

A few minutes later they were both clothes and back in the bed. Dean's back as facing Cas who was nestled up against him, taking pleasure in the warmth the human put off.

"You know," Cas said quietly. "I've watched you grow up. I watched your mother kiss you for the first time, watched her tell you Angels were watching over you for the last time and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her it was true, that at least one Angel was going to make sure you were safe. And I cried when she died, I honestly cried and I screamed. I screamed to my Father, begged him to stop this. I knew everything that would happen to you up to the Apocalypse, everything was planned, thought through. Mary had to die, John had to disappear, Jessica had to burn, Sam had to die, you had to sell your soul, meet Ruby, go to Hell, break the first seal. I watched, helplessly, as Hell rained down on you. I watched you meet that pale boy- Noah- I watched John bring his belt down on your back again and again and I screamed as loudly to my Father and I prayed to him and I begged the other Angels to stop this." He lifted up Dean's shirt slightly, tracing light fingers over the long since faded scars. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

Dean shifted but didn't move away. He allowed Cas to slip the shirt over his head and gently trace his hands over the strong muscles in his back where somewhere under his skin, lay the emotional scars of his beatings. "It's alright," Dean said. "Nothing was your fault."

"Does it scare you?" Cas asked. "Being in love with me? Do you worry about what Jon would say and think of it?"

"It does," Dean admitted. "A lot, especially when I first realized it."

Cas said nothing, his only continued his repetitious hand motions, as if he could see the scars.

"I don't know if he's completely okay with it. When I died...when Amara killed me I...I asked him when I was in Heaven. He wasn't alright with it at first but I think Mom helped him see reason."

"He gave me his blessings," Cas said, gently kissing down Dean's back, along the skin that was once marred with scars and blood.

"He did?"

"He did, and Mary as well."

"Thank you."

"For what?" Cas asked, confused.

"I don't know. Just thank you."

"You are welcome."

Dean cleared his throat, feeling tears pool in his eyes. "You said you knew about the plans for me and Sam?"

"I learned them only days before I went to pull you out of Hell and I was blinded by your soul. It was like seeing Michael standing in front of me, such hope, strength, love, spilling into such a corrupt place. I stitched you back up, breathed life into you, I brought you back only because I didn't know the true and horrible extent of what would happen."

"But the other Angels did?" Dean asked, his voice sounding oddly choked.

"The majority did. I begged them to stop, told them it was wrong, that you would stop it. But in the end it I know I should have left it alone, should have left you for Heaven. Nothing, not Amara, not Leviathans, nothing would have happened if I hadn't interfered with a destiny that wasn't mine."

Dean squeezed his hand, sensing how hard this must be for the Angel. "Like I've said," he whispered. "We make our own destiny."

Cas smiled. "I suppose we do. I was lost to you, I was yours the second I touched you in Hell. I've said it before, long ago, I watched Humanity for a long time. I've had my doubts, I've had my fears. I'm not like the other Angels in most areas. Chuck- God- told me that."

"But Hester was right then?" Dean asked. "When she said the touch of me corrupts, that when you first laid a hand on me in Hell you were lost?"

"There is nothing corrupt about you Dean, you are the Righteous Man, even after all these years. Your soul is blindingly bright, blindingly pure and beautiful. As for my being 'lost' i suppose it depends on how you look at it. Where the Angels thought I was lost, I felt like I had been found."

Dean didn't reply, he didn't have to. Cas was lying in beside him. They were together and they were safe. Instead he gently kissed the crown of Cas's head, letting the Angel move closer, taking comfort in the feeling of being safe, of knowing Cas wouldn't leave him.

It took a little under an hour for Dean to drift off to sleep, Cas's hand rested on Deans arm, where the Angel had gripped and pulled him from Hell, leaving the burn and just listening to Dean's breathing and thanking God it was still going after all he had been through.

"Until death do us part," he whispered into Dean's back, despite knowing the man wouldn't hear him. "I will stay with you until death do us part and after. I promise."

 **AN: Sorry to anyone who expected smut but I can't write it if my life depended on it so here's a load of kinda fluff instead! I have some more chapters coming up (I can't stop writing this cause there seems to be no good place to wrap it off yet and I'm sure that's getting annoying for some of you). Thanks for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to me so thanks again!**


	50. Chapter 50

Sam walked in to the Bunker around five thirty in the morning. He was quiet as he entered, not wanting to wake Dean who needed to catch up on sleep. It had been a weird ass night, he'd gone out drinking with the King of Hell and banged the waitress in the storage room of the shitty bar they had been at.

He grabbed himself some coffee to hopefully relieve the aching hangover last night had left him and walked through the hall, stopping to slowly open the door to Dean's room on the way to his own. The sight made his heart expand.

Dean, was topless and wearing a pair of old sweats, was asleep with his head on Cas's lap. Cas was wearing a baggy shirt and pants that Sam knew belonged to his brother. The Angel was awake and running a hand absentmindedly though Dean's hair.

"Sam," Cas said softly, looking up. "You were out a while."

Sam nodded. "Can I come in?"

"Of course."

Sam silently walked into the room to sit on a chair by Dean's bed. "So how is he?"

"He's doing better," Cas said quietly and contently. "This last week has drained him emotionally and physically. It will take time but he should fully recover."

Sam knew this to be true, having seen Dean's panic and pain first hand day after day. "He was desperate to get you back. I mean it, Cas. He was up night after night trying to find a spell, a ritual, anything, to save you."

"Thank you." Cas glanced down at Dean. "You know," he said, and Sam felt strangely emotional seeing all the love in the world in the Angel's blue eyes. "I've watched you both growing up, I entered your lives when Dean was first born. My charge, that was all he was at first but I started to like him, grow fond of you both. The Angels insisted I was flawed, broken, an abomination."

"But you aren't," Sam said. "You were the only Angel to love us, Humanity. We wouldn't have been able to do it without you."

"Thank you," Cas said again. He paused for a moment before saying, "you know I love Dean, right? That everything I've ever done was for him?"

"Oh I know," Sam said, falling silent as Dean groaned as shifted a little.

"Then you know I'd never do anything to ever harm you or him?"

"I do," Sam said, curious as to where this was going. "Cas, you know I know that, why are you even asking?"

Cas didn't answer for a moment. "I talked to your parents when I was in Heaven."

"Really? What did you say?"

"I told them their sons grew to be great men, the greatest. I told them that I would protect you both no matter what. I received permission from both of your parents to be with Dean. I need to ask yours now. Is it all right for me to be with your brother?" Cas looked so serious as he met Sam's eyes. His gaze seemed to challenge Sam, asking, _'if you have a problem I am ready to hear it, however if it is a 'no' that will not change my course of action.'_

Sam leaned forwards. "Of course you have my permission. But I'm telling you, if you hurt him, emotionally, physically, whatever, I swear I will kill you."

Cas leaned forward, mimicking Sam's movements. With a dead serious expression on his face and determination in his eyes, he said, "if I ever hurt him you have every right as well as my permission to do so."

Dean woke up half hour later, surprised and pleased to feel Cas underneath his head and his hands tangled in his hair, combing it out. "Hey," he murmured, slowly opening his eyes, smiling up at the beautiful Angel above him.

"Good morning," Cas replied, hands pausing.

"What time is it?"

"Six."

"Mmh, really? That early?" Dean rubbed his eyes, blinking up and the Angel. "Sam back?"

"He came about a half hour ago. He's hungover so we shouldn't bother him."

Dean laughed. "Of course he is," he said fondly. "Sam's just like that."

Cas shifted under him. "We might want to get dressed."

"Why would we want to do that?" Dean asked, smirking.

Cas shot him a light bitch face in exasperation, a trait he had picked up from Sam. "I may need to use your clothes again. I do not have any of my own."

"True," Dean said, sitting up slowly, reluctant to let Cas up. "I'll get something."

"Thank you."

Dean ruffled through his drawers, finally tossing a pair of jeans and a plain grey shirt at Cas. "Try these. They'll be big so you might want a belt."

Turns out Cas looked _amazing_ in a baggy shirt and loose jeans. So amazing, in fact, Dean couldn't resist the urge to gently kiss his neck from behind. "You look good in those," he murmured.

Cas didn't respond, just leaned into Dean, relishing in the joy of Dean's warmth. He couldn't believe it, that he could just be with Dean, no consequences, no pain. No slaughter and bloodshed. He felt his heart expand just as a sharp pain shot through his abdomen and he doubled over, vision going black.

"Cas?" came Dean's panicked voice. "Cas! Hey!" He was shouting but Cas couldn't respond. He heard hurried footsteps in the hall, indicating Sam having heard.

"Cas?" Sam said worriedly. "What's happening?" he asked Dean.

"I don't know!" Dean said, his higher with fear. "He just doubled over."

Cas took a deep breath, trying to calm himself as the pain hit harder for a moment, then it stopped and he slumped backwards. "I'm alright," he panted. "Amara's poison still lingers in my Grace. It will do this as part of a healing process. It gets worse before it gets better. My Grace is trying to fight it off. I'm alright."

Dean gripped him tightly from behind, propping him up. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine."

Sam spoke up then. "So how long will these...pain episodes...happen?"

"Not long. A few more days, maybe less," Cas said, waving a hand and pushing off from Dean. "We should call my brothers. They might not know I'm alive."

"Shouldn't you rest or something Cas?" Sam asked, concerned, hangover apparently forgotten. "That seems pretty freaking painful."

"I'll be fine."

Dean slid an arm around his waist. "Anything like that happens again or you even think you feel it coming tell us. Please Cas."

Cas nodded. "Promise Dean."

Sam felt extraordinary awkward, like he was intruding on something special. Seeing Cas, all dressed in Dean's clothes, red marks running up the Angels neck as well as his brothers made Sam want to clean his eyes out with bleach and curse his very imaginative brain.

"I guess I'll call Gabe," he said awkwardly.

"Okay," Dean said, slightly unseated. "Yeah. That's a good idea."

Sam tapped once again of Gabriel's contact. The Archangel picked up on the first ring. " _Trickster_ ," he answered, and it may have been Sam's imagination but he sounded mournful.

"Hey," Sam said. "Bunker. Come now. Bring Lucifer, ASAP."

" _Why_?" He sounded suspicious.

"Dammit Gabriel," Sam snapped as his head started pounding again. "Hurry up, okay. You won't regret it."

" _Okay! Give me a sec._ " He hung up.

"He's on his way, Cas," Sam said, turning around. Cas was still leaning against Dean but seemed to be supporting his own weight better. "How are you holding up?"

"Better," Cas answered. "I should be back to normal in a few days."

"Good," Dean and Sam said at the same time.

Cas smiled tiredly just as the sound of wings sounded. "They're here," he murmured.

Gabriel stepped into the room. He didn't look good, eyes dark and sad, slumped over, entire light demeanor turned to grief. Lucifer didn't look much better. He looked forlorn, drawn, tired.

"Gabe, Lucifer," Cas said softly, pushing himself away from Dean who reached out to steady him as he wavered on his feet. "I missed you."

Lucifer opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. He felt his throat close up, his eyes burning. "Castiel," he whispered, walking forward. "You...you're alive?"

"I am." Cas looked pale, shaky, and tired but alive! There were hickeys running like grapevines up his neck and Dean's. Lucifer felt himself smile as Cas opened his arms and Lucifer walked into them like a child.

"I can't believe it," Lucifer whispered, hugging his little brother tighter. "I thought it was forever this time."

"So did I," Cas whispered back. "But here I am. I'll explain in a moment."

"Gabe," Cas said as he released Lucifer. "Nice to see you again."

Gabriel couldn't hold back a dry sob. "I thought you were dead."

"So little faith?" Cas teased. "I was dead. Not any more." Cas hugged Gabriel close to him, letting the Archangel show weakness for the first time in forever.

"How?" he whispered. "Was it God who brought you back?"

Cas shrugged. "Yes."


	51. Chapter 51

It took a total of fifteen minutes with explanations to fully educate the Archangel's on what had happened when Cas had died and another five to make Gabe stop wiggling his eyebrows and whistling any time he saw the run of hickeys on Cas or Dean's necks.

Lucifer, on the contrary, looked absolutely livid when God was brought up. "He vanished," Lucifer breathed. "He dumps me in the cage, hangs and around a bit then vanishes for millennia and He decides that now he can step in to help? He says I will redeem myself? What about Him? If anyone or anything needs to it would be Him, not me, not anyone else but Him."

"It is unfair," Gabriel said, gently setting a hand on Lucifer's back. "I know it is, but He is, well, God."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Father is superior, you know that. With Amara gone, he is the single most powerful being."

Lucifer nodded, trying to calm down. "Okay, okay. I know, I am grateful I can redeem myself."

Sam leaned forward, gathering his courage. "I think that the second you and Michael switched places you redeemed yourself. In fact," he swallowed, wary of saying this next part. "In fact I wonder if you ever needed to redeem yourself."

"What do you mean?" Lucifer asked.

Sam stumbled and Dean, sensing Sam's hesitance, filled in. "He means," Dean began. "He means that maybe nothing you did was completely evil. Killing the innocent was terrible, yes, killing your brothers and sisters was inexcusable but in the end, all you did was walk the path Chuck set out for you. He made you rebel, He gave you the Mark that changed you and corrupted you. Everything you did had something driving it, at first it was your love for Him, then it was hatred and desire for revenge. You did what God made you to do, you followed a walkway. There were no other options until Cas rebelled. I think then everything was out of God's control, when we decided that we are making up this story as we go along. Michael realized it and he took the opportunity to stop bowing to Humanity. That when you switched places."

Cas spoke up. "You didn't do anything you weren't supposed to other than switching. All the fatalities, the casualties, they are all blood on His hands, not yours."

"Thank you," Lucifer said, bowing his head. "Cas, brother, you weren't done with your story. Please continue."

When it had gotten through everybody's head that, yes, God had come back and granted Asmodei and Cas each a wish, and, yes, Dean and Cas were, in fact, together, Dean mentioned Jody.

"I mean," he said. "She thinks we're dead, doesn't she? You told her after Amara killed me that Cas and I were both dead?"

Sam nodded, clenching his jaw, not wanting to think of those horrible days when he and been completely alone. "I did," he said slowly. "You want to go see her right now?"

"Why not?" Dean exclaimed.

Sam cast an awkward glance at Dean's 'decorated' jugular.

"Oh. Right." Dean nodded and turned to the Angels. "You think you could...you know?"

"Make them go away?" Gabriel asked, smirking. "Why would I want to do that? It's a good look on you Dean."

"Shut up."

"For someone who just banged my baby brother you should be more polite. I ought to smite you for it." Gabriel leaned back, clearly enjoying himself.

Dean shot him a glare. "Shut up Gabriel."

"So Dean, whose toping?" Lucifer asked, joining in, a half smile on his face.

"Shut up," Dean said, turning maroon.

"It's Cas, isn't it?" Gabe said. Cas flushed a slightly alarming shade of pink. "Yup, it is."

Sam looked away, suppressing a smile. "If it means anything, I don't exactly want to think about that," he stated, not looking at Dean. "By the way, got fifty bucks from Crowley."

"Woah," Dean said, staring at Sam. "You were betting on us?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Sam said, shrugging. "Got us fifty dollars for it."

Dean threw up his hands. "I can't believe it," he muttered. "Can you believe them?" he asked, turning to Cas.

"Seeing as how similar our brothers are in many different aspects I think it is safe to assume they would have at least discussed us, I am not surprised Sam bet on us."

"I hate you," Dean muttered to Sam.

"Yeah sure you do," Sam responded. "Hey Gabe, you think you could do my hangover while your at it fixing up them?"

"Fine," Gabe said, rolling his eyes. "Lucifer, you can do those two." He gestured at Cas and Dean.

Jody was sitting around the table. She hadn't received any calls from Sam other than a voice mail not to come to the Bunker, and she was worried as Hell about him. These last days had been horrible for her and her girls. Claire was in her room most of the time, came down to pick at food and go walking about. Alex tried to talk to her but had a door slammed in her face every time she tried and had since retreated to her room too. Jody had taken her sick days.

She drummed her fingers on the porcelain mug filled with coffee and sighed. She ought to give Sam a call, that's what Dean had wanted. She took the note from her pocket and stared at it, at the instructions Dean had left, his last message to her. Jody picked her phone up and turned it on, tapping on Sam's name and hesitanted only a second before she hit 'call'.

It ring once, twice, three times before someone picked up. " _Jody_ ," Sam answered. He sounded tired but alright and Jody felt relief hit her like a truck.

"Hey Sam," she said. "How are you?"

 _"I'm good,"_ he answered. _"Don't worry. Um...can I drop by? Like in five minutes?"_

"Oh sure!" she said, surprised. "Right, okay. See you then."

 _"Okay, thanks Jody. Tell the girls we're coming by."_ He hung up.

Jody stared at the screen in shock. Sam had sounded tired but perfectly fine, almost happy! And he had said "we're" not "I" and Jody wasn't entirely sure what that meant but she didn't dare let herself delude herself into thinking Dean and Cas could possibly be alive.

"Hey Claire, Alex", she called. "Sam's coming over!"

Two pairs of feet were pounding across the floor as the girls ran downstairs. "Sam?" Claire asked. "He's alright?"

"He sounded fine," Jody said with a shrug.

"When will he be here?" Alex wondered.

"Five minutes."

"How will he get here in five minutes?" Claire burst out. "He's, like, a hundred miles away!"

"Does it matter?" Alex said. "He's alright! Oh thank God, I was worried! He didn't say how he was coping?"

"Didn't say much," Jody recounted. "Just said he was good and was coming over."

"That's not bad, right?" Claire asked. "I mean, he's alive, he's functioning, he says he's good."

"I don't know," Jody said with a sigh. "Get dressed, brush your hair, both of you. They should be here soon."

"Kay," Alex said, turning to climb the stairs again. Claire followed her.

"You ready?" asked Gabriel. "She's gonna be freaked about you two being alive."

"I know," Dean said. "My main concern is Lucifer."

Lucifer grimaced. "Yeah, I can stay here if it's better. Seeing as I was a larger part of both of your deaths I don't think I would be too welcome."

"No," Gabriel said sternly. "You're coming with and that's that. Besides," he added. "She probably won't like me much either seeing as I blew out all her windows last time."

"Last time?" Lucifer asked, puzzled.

"Long story," Gabe replied, shrugging. "We might want to get a move on."

Cas turned to Dean. "When you last saw Claire, how was she?" he asked him.

Dean shrugged. "She was fine, I mean, now she's probably less fine but... Hey Sammy, how did Claire react when we died?"

Sam tensed, blocking unbidden images of Dean's sightless eyes and Cas's limp figure soaked in blood. "She was..." He paused, searching for the right word. "She was a mess but kinda in shock, I guess. Jody's taking good care of her."

"Okay," Cas said. "Thank you Sam."

"Welcome." Sam clapped his hands. "Let's get going."

Lucifer raised a hand to Dean forehead and from the corner of his eyes he saw Gabriel do the same to Sam. Then there was the calming sensation of flying before hitting solid ground.

Dean's knees almost buckled on impact but he steadied himself, immediately turning towards Sam. "You good?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Sam replied, rolling his eyes. "All it was was teleporting."

Cas appeared beside Dean. Almost instantly his knees gave way and he felt sideways. Dean grabbed him, worry rising in his stomach as he carried Cas over to a stone that acted as a chair.

"You alright?" Dean asked. "If you need to sit down or..."

"I'm alright," Cas told him shakily.

"You almost passed out and you're shaking!" Dean exclaimed, keeping his voice down so Jody didn't hear. "You are not alright,"

Cas leaned against him, resting for a moment. "All it was is my Grace being around nearly raw power, it reacted funny because Amara's poison is still inside of me, trying to latch on to other Grace."

"But are you alright?" Dean asked again. "Can you walk?"

"I think," Cas said softly. "I'm fine Dean, I promise."

Dean gently kissed Cas's forehead before helping him up and allowing him to lean on him. Glancing around at the others, he nodded. "Let's go," he said, helping Cas move forward until he was one hundred percent satisfied that Cas could function on on his own.

"Ready?" Sam asked as the five stood on the doorstep.

"Yeah," Dean answered and Sam raised a fist to knock.


	52. Chapter 52

Jody was at the door the second she heard the soft rap. Claire and Alex were beside her in a moment, waiting as Jody unlocked the door and pulled it open.

"Heya Jody," Dean Winchester said, grinning. Leaning on him, looking pale and unsteady, was also-

"-Cas," Claire whispered.

Jody covered her mouth, feeling tears in her eyes. Nobody bothered to mention the other two men, nobody cared. "Dean," she whispered. "Come here."

Dean stepped into her arms squeezing back tightly. He felt thinner, weaker, but his heart was pounding and his breath was coming out marred by tears. "It's okay," he whispered as Jody clung onto him, sobbing. "It's okay Jody, everything's okay."

"How?" she asked.

Claire felt a shriek rise in her throat as she propelled herself onto Cas as hugged him. "How the Hell are you alive?" she whispered, clinging on to him.

Cas gently returned the hug, letting her bury her teary face in his shoulder. "I'll explain later," he whispered as she unlatched herself. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Claire replied. "How are you?" She glanced at Jody who was now embracing Sam tightly and grinned.

"I'm fine." Cas smiled as Dean came over. "My Grace...it's a little weak right now. Amara's darkness lingers in it so I cannot do anything Angelic. I should be back to full power soon."

Claire smirked as Cas immediately leaned gently against Dean. "Are you two finally together?"

Dean stiffened for a second, not sure what to say. He felt Cas gently rubbing his back, up and down where the scars were, reassuring him that whatever he would say was one hundred percent fine.

"Yeah," Dean said. "Yeah, we are."

Claire nodded and smiled. "I knew it. Alex! It happened!"

"I knew it!" Alex said loudly from across the room.

Sam glanced over at Cas and Dean had covered a laugh.

Sam gestured Gabriel and Lucifer in after everyone had hugged everyone. "Okay," he began in response to Jody's tense position and confused look. "Jody, Alex, Claire, not to alarm you because you should meet them, but these are two of the four Archangels. Guys introduce yourselves."

Lucifer looked around warily, not wanting to scare these people. You go first, he told Gabriel through Angel radio. It might unsettle them if I tell myself first.

Good point, Gabe thought back. Fine, I'll go.

Thank you.

Gabriel stepped forward. "Hello," he said. "Remember me? I'm Gabriel, nice to meet you."

Jody moved back and Dean stepped forward. "They won't hurt us," Dean said. "Believe me, alright. The only reason Cas or I are standing here right now is because of them."

"Who's the other one?" Claire asked, standing closely to Alex.

Lucifer stepped forward. "Please don't be alarmed. My names Lucifer."

Lucifer felt his heart sink as Jody gasped and shrank back. He wasn't going to hurt them, he didn't want to scare them. "It's okay," he said. "Listen. I am going to explain everything. I'm not bad, promise. Sam, Dean, Cas, a little help would be nice!"

"Sorry brother," Cas said. "Listen to me. Claire, do you trust me?" He crouched so that he was her level.

"Is that even a question?" she asked.

"Answer me," Cas told her.

"Of course," she said surely. "I'd trust you with my life."

"Then trust me when I tell you Lucifer is not going to hurt you, that he is simply...misunderstood. We're going to explain why in a bit."

"Okay," Claire said slowly, standing up. "Alright."

Alex and Jody rose too. "If Cas says you're good that's enough for me," Jody said looking at Lucifer. "I just need a general explanation."

Gabriel cleared his throat. "We can tell you," he said. "Lucifer, you don't need to relive that again."

"Relive what?" Alex asked. "And I'm sorry but what is going to justify trying to end the world?"

"Just listen," Dean growled.

Gabriel began to talk, weaving the imagery of the cage, of Michael and Adam and Sam and Lucifer crowed, locked and bleeding in Hell. He explained how Michael had used his powers to control Lucifer, deceive him into torturing Sam.

"You good?" Dean murmured into Sam's ear.

Sam nodded shakily. "Yeah."

"If you need to sit down just tell me. Lucifer went outside, you can go too," Dean offered.

"I'm fine."

"You look like you're going to pass out."

Sam didn't reply and Dean gave up, still standing close enough for their shoulders to brush, to let Sam know he was there despite not having a doubt Sam already knew.

Lucifer kicked a stray pebble, waiting for Gabe to finish his story. The sun was partially obscured by clouds, sending a cool, grey light down on him. He was tired, tired of people fearing him. Was it so wrong, what he had done, that no one would ever fully see how much he just wanted to be redeemed? To go back to old times with his brothers and sisters who loved him but now feared him?

There was still an eternity left for him. Cas could grow old and die with Sam and Dean, Michael would never escape the cage, God, most likely, would never speak to him directly. He wondered if it would be him and Gabriel forever, Gabe and Cas being the only Angel to have forgiven him completely, and Gabe being the only of the two who would live forever.

"Luci!" came a shout from the house.

Lucifer looked up. "Gabe?" he called back.

"You can come back in now."

Lucifer slowly walked up to the front door which he had left open and hesitantly entered the room. Almost immediately he was pulled into a hug by Claire, the blonde girl.

Surprised, he almost stumbled backwards as she said, "thank you for protecting Sam in the cage and now for protecting all of us. Thank you." Before Lucifer had a chance to respond she released him.

Cas watched with amusement as Claire released his brother and walked back to her sister. Lucifer looked shell shocked, not exactly knowing what to do or say. Gabriel was looking on from the side, shaking with laughter. Sam and Dean stood close together, grinning.

"Okay," Dean said, rescuing the Angel. "You wanted to know how the heck we're alive?"

"Yeah," Jody said, grinning at Claire who shrugged and smiled.

Dean clapped his hands. "Seeing as I'm really the only person who knows I'll tell you. So I died, obviously, and Billie reaped me. I went to Heaven and my first clue something was wrong was that despite Cas being, well, dead too, he wasn't in my Heaven so when three Angels shows up- Lucifer, Gabriel, and Asmodei-"

"-who's Asmodei?" Alex asked.

"He's dead," Lucifer said softly. "It doesn't matter. Dean, you were saying?"

"Right," Dean cleared his throat. "They showed up and asked if I had seen Cas. I said no, they tried to find him, couldn't. We realized something was wrong, that even though he was dead and had died a human, he wasn't in Heaven so the only other places we thought he could be at the time was Hell or Purgatory. They brought me back to help find him. That's how I'm alive right now." Dean glanced at Sam, cueing him to continue the story.

"Okay," Sam started. "He came back, explained what the situation was and Billie dropped by because Dean was alive again. She told us Cas was in The Garden of Eden, which was corrupt after Eve are the apple. She took us there to find him. Cas, if you want, could you explain what happened in Eden?"

"Alright," Cas said. "The Garden put me through a series of tests to destroy my 'humanity', to make me a monster. The tests tried to remove my human qualities and even my Angel ones- strength and love being the two they focused on. After that they made me hate everyone, Sam and Dean in partic-" He stopped talking as a wave of pain crashed over him again.

"Castiel?" Claire asked worriedly.

Cas heard Dean move towards him, felt steady hands on his waist and shoulders, pulling him up against him. "It's okay," Dean whispered. "Ride it out Cas."

Cas closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink into Dean until the pain fled. "I'm okay," he said softly. "This is what I was talking about when I said Amara's darkness damaged my Grace. It's not as bad anymore."

"But your sure you're okay?" Jody asked worriedly.

"I'm getting better," Cas told her. "Until the next one hits I should be fine."

Dean didn't say anything, just reassuringly kept Cas next to him, knowing that comfort was the only thing Dean could provide him as he continued to recount the events of Eden. Dean held the Angel tight, not caring about Claire, Alex, Jody, or any of their brothers because, for once, he wasn't afraid of people seeing who he loved because finally the scars on his back and his heart were healed.

 **AN: Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was really busy! Thanks for reading, I know I keep saying its going to end soon but I cannot wrap stories of easily, sorry!**


	53. Chapter 53

Sam wasn't exactly listening to Cas's story, more so to Lucifer and Gabriel's hushed conversation.

"They'll kill us if we go back!" Gabe hissed. "You know that."

"We can't stay on Earth forever, and I need to make amends for all I've done. Can't Dad just explain to them why we did what we did?"

"What we did? We broke a Winchester out again, you know they want them dead for good. Nothing we say will go over well with the Angels."

Lucifer sighed. "Where's Dad when you need him?"

Sam sidestepped into the conversation. "Can't you just tell them God said you'd redeemed yourself and that you both stopped Armageddon by saving Dean?"

"It doesn't work like that Sam," Lucifer explained. "Unless Chuck specifically stated that in front of them, they wouldn't take it. I think they've started to loose trust in Him."

"I wonder why?" Gabe said sarcastically. "He's only been gone for...let's say...millennia."

"So what?" Sam asked. "You're stuck on Earth for all of time?"

"It appears to be headed in that direction," Lucifer said.

"You could stay in the bunker if you needed, until you find somewhere else."

Gabriel shook his head. "We couldn't do that. The Angels might track us there, we will be wanted by them after breaking your brother out."

"Cas said we were done. God said we were done, we have nothing to do with the Angels anymore."

"True," Lucifer said thoughtfully. "But you've done enough for us. We couldn't invade your home. We can try to go back to Heaven- two Archangel's against seraph? We could take them if we needed."

"We are not stirring up anything else in Heaven," Gabe snapped. "You've done enough of that, and we still owe them an explanation of what happened."

Sam sat back, allowing the Archangel's to continue their argument as he half listened to Cas talking. The rest of his brain was pondering over Crowley's question; "will they move out?" Sam had selfishly hoped they would stay but now, watching Dean holding Cas next to him, seeing the happiness on Dean's face that he thought had died long ago, he realized that they most certainly could and would not stay. They would move out, live their own lives, Dean would get his simple, Apple-pie life he had wanted. And Sam would be alone.

Almost all his life Sam had had Dean with him- saving the times Dean had died or been sent to Purgatory- and every time Dean left, even when they were kids, Sam couldn't help but miss him. It was a selfish need, Sam knew that, but he wanted Dean to stay. He just didn't want to be alone.

Dean laughed at something and leaned against Cas, squeezing him a little tighter. Cas leaned away teasingly before resting his head on Dean's shoulder. They were both so happy. It wasn't fair that Sam could ever ask Dean to stay with him despite having no doubt that, if it ever were to come down to it, that Dean would choose Sam over Cas in a heartbeat. That was the one thing Sam knew for certain. It was Sam and then Cas, it was Sam and then the world. It had been like that since Mary had died, it was Dean's job- keep Sammy safe- and that's exactly what Dean would do.

"Sam? Sammy?"

Sam blinked, looked around. Dean was watching him, slightly concerned. "Yeah?" Sam asked.

"You okay?"

"Zoned out, sorry." Sam shook his head to clear it. "What?"

Dean gave him a weird look. "We have to go now."

"Oh! Okay, umm, sorry." Sam grinned and walked over to Jody as she stood, bending down to give her a hug. "Bye Jody. We'll call, promise."

"You'd better," she murmured. "Take care of yourselves, okay?"

"We will," Sam said, straightening up. He glanced at Cas who was currently being given want looked like more of a headlock than a hug by Claire while Dean watched, laughing.

"Claire?" Cas asked. "Could you please release me now?"

Claire laughed and removed her arms. "I'm happy for you," she whispered. "You got Dean Freaking Winchester!"

Cas stared at her with a small smile, he nodded, feeling a rush of fatherly affection for the girl. "I suppose I did."

Claire pounced at Dean, hugging him furiously. "Make sure you call," she said loud enough for Cas to hear. "Jody will kill you if you don't."

"She's already made me promise I would," Sam said, walking over to them. He clapped Cas's shoulder and stood next to him, waiting for Dean to finish his goodbyes. "Dean, we need to go!" he called.

"I know," Dean replied. He quickly hugged Jody and Alex before walking over to his brother and Cas. "You gonna be okay with transporting?" he asked Cas worriedly.

"I should be fine," Cas said uncertainly. He gave Dean a slight smile that seemed to convince him somewhat.

"Okay," he said. "Ready Sammy?"

Sam nodded. Gabriel and Lucifer both raised a hand but Lucifer stopped, turning to Jody.

"We need to make two trips," he explained briefly. "Cas will remain here for a minute so do not think I forgot him."

Jody nodded, standing back.

Cas waited as both Sam and Dean disappeared.

They landed in the bunker. Sam stumbled forward, cursing his long body for being so unstable when it came to flight. He felt Dean's hands help right him and ask, "you good?"

"I'm fine," Sam said. "Flying just isn't my favorite thing."

"I can tell," Dean grinned. "Hey Sam, something on your mind?"

Sam blinked, taken aback at his older brothers uncanny ability to read him. "Yeah," he replied slowly, hesitantly.

"Sam, what is it?" Dean sounded more concerned than anything else. "Something wrong?"

"Are- are you and Cas going to leave the bunker?" Crap, Sam hadn't meant to say that, he had meant to slowly bring up the topic.

It was Dean's turn to look taken aback now. "Do you want us too?"

"God, no!" Sam said, half upset and half surprised that Dean could even think that.

"Okay..." Dean replied slowly. "So what's the worry?"

Sam shrugged, knowing full well Dean knew that the worry was. "Will you leave, move out? You know."

"I don't don't we have any plans to. But when you get a girlfriend, you'll want to leave won't you?"

" _When_? Dean, anyone I've ever had a relationship with is dead and you know I'm not good at making new ones."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Not everyone."

There was a flutter of wings behind him and Sam swung around, momentarily scared it was an Angel sent to get Lucifer and Gabriel, not Lucifer with Cas. _We're safe,_ he reminded himself. _You don't have to worry about that anymore. You're safe, Dean's safe, Cas's safe._

And deep down his knew that, after all this time, he finally was.


	54. Chapter 54

It took a month for Cas to fully recover from the strain of both Eden and Amara. During that time Sam and Dean had taken on a salt and burn case, grateful that Cas had arranged it for them to have a few cases here and there as they would get cabin fever if they didn't.

Over the period of time Cas seemed to be getting better, day by day, week by week, the attacks would lesson in strength and leave him still able to stand on his own. Dean, being the conceded boyfriend (though he hated the title 'boyfriend') that he was, insisted on staying by Cas's side when ever he could. Sam would sigh and shake his head and sit in the library for hours on end, making it his goal to read the entire thing.

When Cas was tired of Dean looking over his shoulder, asking him how he was, the Angel would appear beside Sam, commenting on the book or simply just sitting there. Sam didn't know if he would ever admit it, but having Cas there was comforting. Every once and a while Cas would pause his reading to notify Sam of a bit of incorrect information he had found, making sure Sam would cross out the lines in books saying Angels did not exist or did not know human emotions. Sam would laugh and thank him, once again turning down the offer Cas had made of transferring all the information in the library to Sam's head without him having to read the entire thing. Sam insisted that it was fun to look through the knowledge of the ancient Men and Women of Letters.

Gabriel and Lucifer popped in several times over the month, checking on Cas, asking him questions. They still had not returned to Heaven, though according to Lucifer, they planned on it. Eventually. And once they were satisfied that Cas and the Winchesters were alright, they would sit and talk with Cas for hours on end, and Cas, grateful to see his brothers, laughed and smiled and joked, happier than he had ever been.

And sometimes, after Sam had gone out for a drink, he would come back early and find Cas and Dean curled up on the couch asleep, the credits to Indiana Jones, or Star Wars rolling. It had taken him a while because Angels did not need sleep, but Cas had finally adopted the habit, but only when he was next to Dean or extremely exhausted from his attacks. And every time Sam saw them like that, he snapped a picture, vowing he would show it to his parents when Cas regained strength.

When Sam noticed Cas move to Dean's room permanently, he didn't tease them, just offered to help Dean move his stuff down the hallway to a bigger room. Dean declined, wanting his room to remain close to Sam's just in case anything happened. When Cas wore Dean's clothes around the bunker Sam didn't say anything, and he never, ever teased them. It was hard enough for Dean to openly show love and Sam didn't want to say anything that would halt or reverse the progress Dean had made in showing affection for people other than Sam. He didn't talk to Dean about Cas or to Cas about Dean, for that matter, unless one of them brought up the subject of the other.

Dean was happier than he had ever been, Sam was safe, Cas was safe, and finally, finally, he could love freely, he could breathe without the worry for everyone he loved restricting his breath. Every night, before he and Cas went to sleep, Dean would get up and stand in Sams doorway for a minute or two, reassuring himself his little brother was okay, completely safe. And once and a while one of the three of them would wake up with a scream in their throat and a horrifying memory on their mind. When Sam woke up screaming, Dean was beside him in an instant, Cas waiting outside, knowing he shouldn't interfere with the brothers. When it was bad, Dean would lie next to Sam until his little brother drifted off into a pleasant, calm sleep, as if his big brother had chased off the monsters he had been fighting his entire life.

If Dean woke up thrashing and crying out, Cas would wrap his arms around the man, resting a palm above where the mark would be, holding him close while Sam would talk to him, reassuringly, calmingly. He would just talk when it was bad, for hours, talk about when they were little, about the people they saved, and occasionally about Stanford, the things he learned, and Dean would stop shaking, his muscles would relax, and the terror in his eyes and heart would fade as the arms of his Angel and his brother lulled him to sleep.

Cas was always more difficult. It was as if everything he had ever done wrong, everyone he had ever hurt, was pouring down on him in a tremendous wave of blood and pain. He would wake up, shaking and sobbing silently, Deans arms latched around him, reassuring him that he's saved so many more people than he's hurt, telling him how much he was loved, by him and Sam. Cas would shake his head, bury his face in the pillow or in Deans chest, insist it was his curse, that he hurt everyone he'd tried to save, no matter how many times Dean told him he had only done what he thought was right. Then Dean would press a soft kiss to his forehead or cheek and whisper, "well I'd rather have you, cursed or not." And Cas would slowly close his eyes again, softly murmuring the words 'I love you' in Dean's chest until he drifted back to sleep.

The theory that Sam had about nightmares striking now, when they were done, was that they no longer had worry and fear to mask how much pain was hidden inside each of them. With nothing else to stress about, their brains had found the only thing to now was to bring up everything wrong they had ever done, everyone they had ever killed. It was some weird form of PTSD, Sam knew from online research, that was all he told Dean and Cas, not wanting to worry Dean about the internal pain Sam had locked up. Thankfully, Dean had bought the lie, commenting that that was kinda to be expected from around thirty years of continuous hunting and stress.

One late afternoon, while the three of them were marathon watching the Lord of The Rings movies, Cas sat up quickly, sending Dean's arm flying, his blue eyes were wide.

"Cas?" Dean asked, alarmed. "What is it?"

Sam paused the movie, looking over at Cas, concerned. "You okay?" he asked worriedly.

Cas didn't speak, he couldn't speak. It felt like his insides were on fire, like his Grace was screaming in agony. He let out a broken sentence, forcing it out from between clenched teeth. "My Grace..." he whispered. "Fighting...the darkness inside...me...I'm...okay...it...just hurts!"

"What do I do?" Dean asked, his fear plain on his face. "Cas, answer me!"

Cas grit his teeth, eyes watering. He shook his head, hoping to convey the message 'I don't know.' Dean seemed to understand and gently took Cas's hand in his, rubbing circles on his knuckles. Cas felt his hand relax under Deans calloused fingers.

"Is this helping?" Dean asked, body tense. "Cas?"

Sam watched, eyes wide and scared for his friend. He didn't interfere, knowing Dean would be better at knowing what to do for Cas in this moment.

Cas nodded in response to Dean's question. The fire was flaring up inside him, making his body shiver without reason, making his limbs twitch, his chest too tight to breath.

"It's helping," Dean said to himself. "Okay..." Slowly and gently, very gently, he stood up and loosely wrapped Cas in his arms, holding him against his chest. "Try and match my breathing." He took a slow breath in and released it, continuing the pattern until he felt Cas beginning to copy it. "Hang in there Cas, hang in there. It'll be alright."

It took a total of five minutes for Cas to finally sink to the floor, the pain gone from his body. Dean pulled a blanket from the sofa and wrapped it around the Angels shoulders. "You good?" he asked as Sam scrambled over to his brother and Cas.

"Cas, man, what the Hell was that?"

Cas looked up at them, a weak smile on his face. "I beat it," he whispered. "My Grace beat the darkness Amara left in me."

Dean looked like he was about to pass out from relief and Sam squeezed his arm. "You good Dean?"

"I'm good," Dean murmured. "You gave me a heart attack Cas."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Sam told him. "That's great news! Your Grace is clean now?"

"I believe so."

Sam closed his eyes. "So that means..."

Cas nodded. "Yes Sam, tomorrow I can take you to your parents and Jess."

"You up for that?" Dean asked but it was easy to hear the longing in his voice. "You look like your about to pass out."

"It's really not bad," Cas insisted. "The only damage really just left me tired. Tomorrow I should be perfectly fine."

"Okay..." Dean nodded. "Let's get you up. Sam, help me."

Together, they hefted Cas up by his arms, Dean taking more weight as Cas unconsciously leaned into him. They half carried, half dragged Cas to Dean's room where they heaved him up on the bed. Dean leaned over him, pushing his hair from his face and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "I'll be back in bit," he whispered. "Rest."

Cas watched him with blurry eyes and nodded. Slowly, Dean left the room to stand with Sam outside the door.

"Dude," Sam whispered, his eyes bright. "We get to see our parents!"

Dean nodded. "I know, I just...I can't believe it..." He ran a hand over his face. "We get to see Charlie, Bobby, and Kevin too, remember? Cas told us they were there.

"Yeah." They were silent for a moment before Sam continued. "I need to apologize to Kevin and Charlie. It was my fault."

"Dammit Sammy," Dean snapped. "We've been over this. It was neither of our faults entirely, it was a big ass mess from the beginning but in the end we both should have known it was not a smart idea."

Sam nodded, not entirely happy with how they had decided to split the blame but smiled. "God, I can't wait." He felt his eyes sting but looked up, forcing the tears to back away. "Mom..."

"I know," Dean said, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. His green eyes were wet, his smile pained and overjoyed and almost sad. "I know."

 **AN: Yay! We get to see John, Mary, Bobby, Kevin, Charlie, and Jess next chapter! Hope you enjoy!**


	55. Chapter 55

Cas felt a helluva lot better when he woke up the next day, curled up into Deans chest, unconsciously reaching for his warm hand and squeezing it. He heard a mumble as the oldest Winchester was roused.

"Hey Cas," Dean murmured into Cas's hair. "You feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," Cas said, stretching his legs. "I should have enough strength to take you to Heaven now."

"Should? You have to be completely sure, okay? If something goes wrong it could hurt you and Sammy and I can't handle that." Dean was awake now, tense and worried.

Cas sighed. "Unless something went wrong which, as far as I can tell, hasn't, I will be fine with bringing two humans up to Heaven." He looked up at Dean. "Better?"

"Slightly."

Sam lay awake in his bed. It was morning, the morning of the day when, for the first time since he was six months old, he would see his mother- the real her, not a hallucination or a dream. What did she look like in person? he wondered. What was her personality like? Would she like him after all he'd done? And Jess. What would she do after learning all the bad he had done? That he had actually been Satan? That he had kept the secret that killed her from her all the time they had been together?

He missed her. He missed his mom, and somewhere deep down, he did miss his father.

"Hey Sammy."

Sam sat up. He had been so deep in his thoughts he hadn't noticed Dean, now standing in the doorway. "Hey," Sam said, swinging his legs out of bed. "How's Cas doing?"

"He's good," Dean said. "Says he'll be strong enough to swing this."

"Says?"

Dean shrugged and walked over sit besides Sam. "He says he should be able to. He still looks like crap to tell you the truth but he seems sure."

"You believe him?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrows. It wasn't like Dean to act so loose around situations where someone he loved could potentially get hurt.

"Nope," Dean replied with a shrug.

"But you're gonna let him do this?"

Dean shook his head with a laugh. "Sammy, you should have seen him. He's not going to back out."

"Listen," Sam said. "If it's gonna hurt him to zap us to Heaven, then don't let him do it. He's already weak from Amara, he's my friend and I don't want him to get hurt more than he has been."

"Yeah, I don't want anything to happen to him either Sam, but we aren't gonna be able to stop him."

Sam sighed and leaned forward. "You know he'd listen to you Dean."

"Sam..."

"No, shut up. He's not fully recovered, he might get hurt. You can convince him not to even risk it."

Dean rubbed a hand over his face. "No."

"What? Dean, if you love him make sure he's safe."

"He can't do that." Dean raised his head, eyes locked with Sam's, pained and asking him to understand the reasoning behind his answer. "He can't stay here, not doing anything. This is Cas, the Angel who took the Devil because he felt useless. He needs to think he's helping us out, which he is just by being here, but he won't understand that. So I'm gonna let him take us, _because_ I love him."

Sam nodded reluctantly. "Fine."

"Wow," Dean said, raising his eyebrows.

"What?" Sam asked, tilting his head.

Dean shrugged. "Nothing, you were just so against him going before and that's all it took to change your mind?"

"If you think it'll help him then, by all means, please go ahead." Sam shrugged and stood. "Where is he now?"

"Kitchen probably." Dean followed suite. "He's making coffee."

"Right. I'm gonna get dressed, you start breakfast."

"Okay." Dean started towards the door but stopped. "You good Sammy?"

Sam glanced up from his drawer. "Nervous. You?"

"Same. It will be okay Sam, don't worry about what Jess will think, or about seeing Charlie and Kevin."

Sam's eyebrows rose. "How did you know I was thinking that?" He was genuinely curious as to how Dean seemed to know all his emotions with a glance.

Dean sighed, his brave, cocky masquerade slipped a little. "Sam, I've known you since the day you were born. So you've said you know me better than I know myself, well I know you, better than anyone else on Earth or in Heaven. I'm worried about Kevin and Charlie too." With that he left, leaving Sam with a weight in his stomach.

Breakfast was a quiet, anxiety inducing affair. Neither Sam nor Dean spoke and Cas seemed to recognize that this was not his place to speak and simply gripped Dean's hand when it started shaking.

Sam poked around his eggs, hardly eating until he felt Dean's hard gaze on him. Cas who did not need to eat human food simply excused himself to get dressed, arriving as Dean cleared the dishes and set them in a stack by the sink and Sam hurried off to do who knows what.

"Are you alright?" Cas asked softly, his breath caressing the back of Dean's neck.

"Nervous," Dean said quietly. "Worried about Sam."

"He'll be fine," Cas whispered, pressing a feather-light kiss to Dean's neck. "And so will you."

Dean relaxed, taut muscles loosening. "Thanks. You sure that your up for this?"

"I am."

Dean turned around, hands resting on Cas's waist. "If there is any chance it will hurt you I don't want you to risk it."

"There's always a chance, not a large one but there is still one. You and Sam are no strangers to these chances."

"I know, I just..." Dean closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing. "I'm scared for Sam and us. My dad...I can't shake the feeling that he's mad about this. I don't know...I'm just worried."

"Don't be," Cas murmured. "And don't be worried about Sam, no one will be mad at him, at either of you. I promise."

"How can you be sure?"

Cas kissed his lips, soft, gentle. "I am," he whispered.

Sam watched from behind the door, his heart was racing with excitement and anxiety induced from knowing that in only minutes he would meet his mother and Jess for the first time in years. His hands were shaking and he half wished something would happen so that they couldn't go. The other half of him was angrily scolding him for thinking that.

From what he could see Dean's hands and face were white and his forehead creased. Cas seemed to be trying to console him, soft words Sam couldn't make out traveling from the Angels lips. Dean seemed to be relaxing more and more with every word Cas said. Sam decided to make himself announced.

"Hey," he said, stepping into the room. "Cas, you ready?"

Cas stepped away from Dean quickly, looking almost guilty. "I am," he said slowly. "Dean?"

"Ready," Dean said softly. Sam couldn't help but notice that his hand was still in Cas's and smiled to himself at the sight.

"You sure about this Cas?" Sam asked.

"Of course." Cas reached out a hand to grab Sam's wrist and suddenly they were gone.


	56. Chapter 56

Cas felt the strength beginning to leave him as they landed, stumbling forward. He felt Dean grab him again.

"Cas?" Dean asked. "You alright?"

Cas nodded. "I will be in a moment."

Sam's worried face appeared in his line of vision. "Cas, man, you're white as a sheet."

"I'll be fine." Cas fought to push himself out of Dean's grip but stopped when black spots clouded his vision. "We have to get to your parents," he muttered. "I'm fine."

He was secretly grateful for Dean's steady arm around his waist, helping him stay upright as his vision cleared. He pointed to a door two doors down. "That's the one:"

Dean's arm momentarily tightened. "Okay," he said through clenched teeth. "Sammy, you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Sam said, nerves clear in his voice.

Dean put a hand on his arm and squeezed it. "We'll be fine."

"I know."

Sam pushed the door open. His heart stopped as he saw all the faces looking at him but his eyes passed over them all until he saw the woman whom he knew to be Mary. Her kind face and her bright green eyes which looked tearful. Sam couldn't breathe. "Mom?" he whispered. _You are so beautiful..._

Mary stood, her face breaking into a huge smile as she took him in. "Sam," she whispered. "Baby..."

Sam felt tears spring into his eyes as he stepped forward, finally letting Dean and Cas squeeze through. Dean was supporting Cas against him and the Angels face was still pale and shaky looking. He froze as he saw Mary again.

"Hey Mom," he whispered.

Mary looked like she was about to cry and about to laugh. "You're taller than him," she said to Sam. "I didn't believe your dad when he told me." Then she burst into tears.

Sam moved forward to hug her. Immediately she threw herself at him, sobbing into his shoulder. "Don't cry Mom," he whispered. "It's okay..." Despite himself he felt tears rolling into her hair.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Everything you've gone through..."

"It wasn't your fault."

Dean eased Cas into an unoccupied chair. "You okay?" he whispered.

"I'm alright," Cas said through gritted teeth. "It was...harder than I had expected."

"You said it wouldn't hurt you." The words came out slightly more accusatory than Dean had meant and winced at the look in Cas's eyes. Against his better will, he pressed a kiss to the top of Cas's head. "I just can't have you get hurt," he mumbled into Cas's hair.

"I know," Cas replied. "I'll be fine. You have some people who want to see you."

Dean turned around and his heart stopped. Kevin and Charlie stood behind him, they're faces portrayed a bittersweet happiness. "Charlie," he croaked, proper sounds held back by tears. "Kevin..."

"Hey Dean," Charlie whispered, tears running down her face.

"Hey," echoed Kevin, his eyes filled with joy.

Dean stepped forward. "Kevin," he whispered. "I am so, so sorry. Same goes Charlie. You shouldn't have been dragged back into this...you shouldn't have gotten involved with the Codex and the Book of the Damned. Both of you...this was my fault. Can you forgive me for that?"

Charlie stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Dean. Dean slowly returned the hug, unsure exactly of what to do or say. "I forgave you a long time ago," she whispered. "You and Sam, you're my family. All you have to do is forgive yourself."

"I can't do that," Dean said, resting his chin on top of her head. "You should have given the Steins what ever they wanted. I shouldn't have left you alone."

"They would have killed me anyways." She stepped back. "I love you," she said, blinking back a fresh wave of tears.

"I know," Dean replied. Affection for the girl washed over him and he felt tears roll down his face in earnest. "I love you too."

Kevin stepped up. "Hi Dean," he said. He sounded happy, awake, almost more alive than he had in life. "Don't even think about apologizing again. I...I was pissed for awhile until I put the pieces together. Mainly my thoughts consisted of 'Sam's an Angel?' and 'did his power come from his hair?'"

Dean choked on his laugh. "We miss you Kev."

"I missed you guys too."

Dean felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned to find his father standing behind him. His heart stopped for a moment. "Hi Dad," he said. "You talk to Sammy yet?" The word 'Sammy' was a purposeful, clear gesture to remind John that Sam was not to be insulted, not to be fought with.

"I did." John didn't smile. Instead said, "your mother wants to see you."

"Where's Bobby?"

"He'll be here. Go see her."

Dean turned, body instantly obeying his father despite the years he had been dead. He crossed the room to Mary who was talking to Sam, a look of love plain on her face. "Hey Mom," he said quietly.

Mary turned around. "Your brother was just telling me about what happened all those years I've been dead." She hesitated. "Did John...did he really...? With that boy?"

Dean glanced wildly at Sam who shrugged. He closed his eyes. He knew exactly what she was talking about. "I'd rather not talk about that," he said softly. "Sammy, isn't Jess here?"

"Mom said she'd be here soon," Sam said, not giving time for Mary to react to the information that Dean had indeed confirmed. "Apparently she and Madison met."

"Madison...oh!" Dean remembered the werewolf girl, the first woman Sam had loved after Jess had died. "That's a little awkward...she's not coming here is she?"

"Thankfully not," Sam said. "How's Cas?"

"I'm alright," Cas said, answering for himself. He was suddenly beside Dean who's arm shot out as he staggered.

"Easy Cas," Dean murmured affectionately.

Mary felt her heart expand at the sight of her boy and the Angel. Castiel was leaning against Dean, who's arm was wrapped around his waist, keeping him upright. "What happened?" she asked.

"This idiot used up all of his strength getting Sam and me up here," Dean said, eyes never leaving Cas's head. "You said it would be alright for you to do this," he told the Angel.

"I underestimated the strength it would take to transport two humans to Heaven," Cas muttered. "I can stand Dean."

Dean let go for a split second and Cas staggered sideways, trying to ground himself. Dean caught him and held him close. "Yeah," he teased. "Sure you can."

"Shut up."

Sam nudged Mary. "I've put up with this for around seven years. The only difference is now they kiss and stuff."

"How did you manage that?" she asked, eyes wide as she turned to stare up at her son.

"With great difficulty." Sam grinned at his brother who was talking in quiet whispers to Cas, telling him words not meant for Sam or Mary to hear.

"But John...Dean told you about what he did...John hit him?" she asked, the words coming out with great difficulty.

"Yeah," Sam said. "We'll tell you the entire story after everyone settles down and when Jess gets here. I don't know, uh, if we'll include that part. Probably not...one second." He turned to Dean who was arguing quietly with Cas. "Hey, why don't you find somewhere for Cas to sit."

"I'm fine," Cas said grouchily.

Dean glared at him. "You really aren't."

"I'm fine."

Dean glanced at Sam and Mary with an exasperated expression. "Cas, I'm supporting more than half your weight, you look like you're about to have a stroke. I'll sit by you, just let me get you somewhere where you won't pass out."

Mary raised her eyebrows, a smile growing on her lips as Dean threw one of Cas's arms over his shoulder and pulled him close to his side, half carrying him over to the chair that the Angel had left, and kneeling beside him, talking quietly.

"So what did you want to say?" she asked, not looking at Sam.

Sam sighed. "Okay, look. This is the happiest I've ever seen either of them, understand that. So please, please don't bring up anything to do with what Dad did, I don't want that to hurt him again."

"I won't," she murmured. "I can't believe John did that..." She shook her head.

"I know," Sam said softly. "It's true, I think Dean's forgiven him though."

Mary opened her mouth to say something but seemingly froze, eyes fixed on the door behind Sam's left shoulder. "Sam," she said slowly. "Someone's here."

Sam turned around. His breath caught, he was frozen to the spot, eyes stinging. Jess was stood still in the doorway. She looked the same as she had before she died. Tall, thin, gold hair and blue eyes, an air of intelligence. "Jess," Sam whispered, seeing Dean's head shoot up out of the corner of his eye. The entire room faded from his eyes, everything was black and white and she was in bright, full color, beautiful.

"Hi Sam," she said quietly.

He felt Mary give him a push and he almost drunkenly stumbled towards her. "Jess...I am so, so sorry," he said, voice breaking.

To his complete surprise she immediately threw her arms around him, pulling him down to her height like she always had, and whispering in his ear, "I missed you."

Sam took a moment to let everything sink in. Jess smelled like that rose perfume he had gotten her seven months after they had started dating that she wore until the bottle ran dry. He had gotten her it every few months because she had said she loved it so much. He felt her hands grip at his hair, pulling him down again. "Sam..." she murmured again.

Sam choked back a sob. "Jess.." he whispered again, feeling his heart growing and breaking at the same time. "I...oh God."

"I love you too," she murmured, knowing exactly what he was going to say. "I love you too..."


	57. Chapter 57

Charlie smiled, nudging Kevin. He glanced away from Sam and Jess, who were still locked in an embrace. "What?" he hissed.

She nodded towards the chair where Cas sat. "I knew it," she said, watching with hearts in her eyes as Dean rested his head on Cas's shoulder, gazing at his brother, eyes wet.

"Everybody knew it," Kevin muttered. "Literally everybody in this room."

She snorted, feigning sadness as she turned back to Jess and Sam who still had not broken apart but swayed slightly. "Sad she's taken," she sighed. "I'd have tapped that."

"I know you would have but I'm sure you'll find someone else," Kevin said. "There's plenty of fish in the sea."

"True," she said with a shrug. "I dunno- oh!" She smiled at the door in the far side of the room opened. "Bobby!"

She saw Dean's head shoot up as the older man stepped into the room. "Bobby!" he exclaimed.

Sam stepped away from Jess, pressing a kiss to her forehead and mumbling something before moving quickly over to Bobby.

"Sam!" Bobby said enthusiastically.

Charlie watched with a smile as Sam half threw himself at Bobby for a quick hug before the older man held him at arms length. "My God boy, cut yer hair!" he commented before pulling him back down in a hug.

Kevin snorted. "Nice, Bobby," he said, grinning.

"What do you think they'll do now?" Charlie asked. "Do you think after this they'll go their separate ways? What will Sam do?"

"If you had a choice to bring one person back- including yourself- who would you choose?" Kevin asked absentmindedly.

"Jess," Charlie said without hesitation. "What about you?"

"Jess. Dean and Cas have each other. Sam's kinda alone."

Charlie nodded, watching Dean quickly bend down to hug Bobby, laughing. "I miss them," she said softly.

"I know."

After about ten more minutes everyone was settled down enough for Mary to finally demand they fill her in on everything that had happened, including the Leviathan, Trials, Mark, Amara, and Eden.

Dean sighed, rubbed his eyes, and said, "I'll give you a brief outline: there are somethings neither of us ever want to recount."

John nodded, watching his sons with something in his eyes that wasn't love or pride but some other fatherly affection. "Go ahead."

"Sam, you want to start?" Dean asked.

"Not necessarily," Sam answered. He was standing next to Jess, arm around her waist. "You tell up through the Trials."

Dean nodded, understanding why Sam wouldn't want to talk about that. "Okay so I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume Bobby told you what happened up until Dick shot him. Am I right?"

Jess nodded.

"Okay, thanks Jess. Anyways we met Kevin and Charlie about that time, you probably know how that happened too."

Again, a nod from Mary.

"So we broke into Dick's headquarters and sliced off his head. However, turns out, standing too close to exploding Dick sends you to Purgatory. Cas and I got stuck there." He glanced down at the Angel who was sitting in the chair next to where Dean was standing. "It wasn't fun," he summarized. "How long was it? A while, let's just say that much. Spent all day fighting my way through it, trying to find Cas."

"Where was he?" Jess asked softly.

"I left," Cas answered. "I ran off because my Grace is a beacon in there. An Angel in a land of abomination, Leviathans could sense my presence so I left so they wouldn't find Dean."

Mary closed her eyes.

"Anyways," Dean said, picking the story up. "I uh, I had an associate named Benny who helped me find Cas. He was a vampire but he helped us get out, he was the only reason I survived long enough."

"A vampire?" John said disbelievingly. "All those years Dean, I taught you that you couldn't trust anything supernatural and you go fall for an Angel and make friends with a vampire!"

"John!" Mary snapped. "You should be thankful they're even alive after the life you raised them into!"

"Both of you, shut up," Bobby snapped. "Let him continue."

"Right," Dean said. "Thanks Bobby. So we got out. Benny and I, Cas stayed so I could get out. Well, he did get out but...Cas, can you tell it? You know this part better than me."

Cas nodded, sitting up straighter in his chair. "The Angels got me out to take the Tablet and bring it to them. The Tablet is an immensely powerful creation written by Metatron, the Angel scribe, words taken down from God Himself. They didn't want it to be translated by Kevin so they brainwashed me into betraying the Sam and Dean to get it. They didn't really ever notice, they were suspicious but never fully grasped it until I told them."

John muttered something under his breath and Sam glared at him.

Cas kept talking. "Dean and I went to get it, to retrieve the Tablet. I couldn't get it for it was warded against Angels so Dean got it, he didn't know. I...I took it from him." He closed his eyes for a second. "I took it by force. Naomi, the Angel controlling me, wanted me to kill him. I didn't."

"You didn't," Sam added, smirking. "Because he said he needed you."

Jess slapped his stomach. "Sam!" she snapped playfully. "Leave them alone!"

Mary smiled down at Cas. "Thank you, I suppose, for not killing my son."

Cas gave her a grim smile. "Don't thank me," he said. "After everything I've done I don't deserve thanks."

"Don't say that," Dean said in a broken voice. "You've only ever done what you thought would help."

Sam cleared his throat before Cas could open his mouth to argue. "Dean," Sam said. "Get on with the story."

Dean gave a quick run through of the Trials, explaining the basics and leaving out what they had done to Sam, hardly touching the fact he had let an Angel into his brother without permission. He ran through the story up until Abbadon and Cain where he them turned the story over to Sam and knelt beside Cas who squeezed his offered hand.

Sam began. "So Abandon was loose and destroying things, collecting souls. She was a menace and so Dean and Crowley went to find the First Blade, the only thing that could kill her. Turns out the spell only led them to the source of the power, the Mark of Cain. Dean took the Mark so he could control the Blade to kill her. He did kill her but the Mark...it..."

"...It made me need to kill," Dean said, stepping in when he saw how Sam seemed unable to form the words. "It's okay Sammy," he softly told his brother. "I can tell some parts of you want."

"No, I'm okay," Sam said, taking a deep breath and feeling Jess squeeze his arm. He began to talk again.

Sam wove the story wth detail, more than Dean had. He told about Dean slaughtering those people Claire had been with, about everything up until Metatron killing Dean, stopping at that point and shaking his head, unable to continue.

"I'll do this part," Dean said, feeling Cas's hand tighten on his. He remained kneeling beside his Angel as he began, "I went to get Metatron. He was an Angel so I should have known better but he overpowered me, even with the Mark I was no match for him. He knocked me against a wall, that was about when Sam came in. Just in time to see him stab me through the chest."

Mary's eyes widened. "Sam saw that?" she whispered.

"Mom, relax," Dean said. "He's seen me die, Hell, over a hundred times."

"Dean, that didn't help," Sam informed him at Mary's stricken face.

"How did you manage to die over one hundred times?" Jess asked, eyebrow raised.

Sam answered. "He doesn't remember a hundred or so of them. Gabriel killed him, but he's actually nice for an Angel, he killed him because he needed to get it through my head that I couldn't save him from going to Hell. That was another time he died." That time, his voice cracked a little, remembering being pinned against a wall, watching invisible beast tearing at his brothers flesh, blood spurting and pooling out. "It wasn't pretty," he said.

Her eyes widened. "Well I can see why you never told me about that life."

Sam smiled sadly. "If I had you might not have died."

"It was the way of the world." She leaned against him. "Let your brother tell the story now."

"So I died," Dean said. "I don't exactly know what happened after that but I wake up hours later feeling...empty, powerful, invincible. So yeah, I was a Demon."

"He was a Demon," Sam confirmed in response to John, Bobby, and Mary's alarmed faces. Kevin just looked bewildered. "After he died I carried him out to the Impala, laid down a tarp and drove back to the Bunker, where we live. Then I brought him to his room and went to make a deal to bring him back."

"Dude, could you be more blunt?" Dean asked.

"Look who's talking," Sam retaliated.

"I am not-"

"You are," Cas said.

Dean threw up his hands, smiling. "You too, Cas, really?"

"I'm still processing this," Mary said. "So Sam, you had the demon blood thing and Dean, you were a demon?"

"Yup," they said at the same time.

She shook her head. "All I ever wanted was for you to have a normal life, dammit!"

"That didn't exactly happen as you can see," Sam said, smiling a little because Mary reminded him of Dean. "Because after I cured Dean and he was human again, we had the problem with Cas's Grace running out and trying to find a way to remove the Mark. We did find a way thanks to Charlie."

Charlie smiled. "Thanks for the shout-out," she said, taking a bow.

"Right before we removed the Mark," Sam said. "I thought he was going to kill me."

Dean closed his eyes as all eyes turned to him. It was memory he had thought better left untouched as it was not a pleasant memory for either of them. "I asked Death to kill me. He couldn't, the Mark prevented me from dying. Instead he would take me to somewhere where I couldn't hurt anyone else but he said I had to kill Sam." Briefly, he described the events of that night, watching his mothers face change from horrified to pitying to pained as he explained how he had killed Death instead, how the Mark had been removed. "But a fat lot of good that did," he said. "Because turns out, the Mark served as both lock and key and when you removed it, the Darkness was released."


	58. Chapter 58

"God's sister," Charlie clarified after Sam had explained what exactly the Darkness was. "You released God's sister."

"Yup," Dean confirmed.

She shook her head. "If anyone was going to release God's literal sister, it would be you two, wouldn't it?"

Dean shook his head, unable to hold back a smile. "Yeah. We were idiots, I should have listened to Death when he tried to explain."

"Was she scary?" Kevin asked. "What did she look like?"

"Darkly beautiful," Sam answer and shrugged in response to Dean's raised eyebrows. "God's sister. She was a deity in a way, they're all beautiful."

"You said 'was'," Jess said. "So she's dead?"

"I killed her," Dean said. "And then I died."

Bobby nodded. "We gave a run through to everyone here after you left. You boys just never stop dying."

"Thanks Bobby," Sam said, ignoring the last bit.

Mary's eyes were wide and tears were running down her face. "I never wanted any of this...I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Sam and Dean moved almost in sync towards her, Dean put a hand on her arm. "We don't blame you for anything," he told her.

"Mom," Sam said. "We lived crappy lives, I'll say that much, but there has never been a moment where we have blamed any of this on you."

John hardly glanced up. "So Eden," he said, obviously impatient. "What happened?"

"Uh...we-" Sam started, glancing at Dean.

John shook his head. "I want to hear it from the Angel."

Cas paled and seemed to shrink back in his chair. The gesture did not go unnoticed by Dean who moved protectively over his Angel. "Dad, asking Cas what happened in Eden is like...like asking me what happened in Hell." It was an overstatement but Dean didn't care. "Except the damage wasn't physical."

John raised his eyebrows. "I want to hear it from him."

"John!" Mary snapped. "Hey, if he doesn't feel he's able to do it, don't make him!"

Charlie and Kevin moved closer around Cas, almost forming a half circle around him. "You good?" Charlie asked.

"I am alright," Cas replied. "I can tell it if you want." He made to stand up but Dean firmly pushed him back down.

"Until you don't look like you're about to pass out you are sitting down," Dean said.

"Fine." Cas sighed but settled back. "Eden was...corrupt. Damned, I guess you could say. Amara deposited me there after she killed me."

He sped through the story, the first Phase, stumbling around the second, trying to speak of it the least he could. He did say how he feared rejection which spawned the vision he had. He talked about how it felt, how he had lost control, how he had wanted to kill. All the time he tried not to meet anyone's eyes, tried to steady his voice when it threatened to break as he recounted seeing his brothers and Sam and Dean in Eden. He told about he had finally broken the spell but did not give details.

Mary closed her eyes, feeling sick to her stomach. She half wanted to open her eyes, realize she was imagining all of this. She glanced at John, standing there, watching the Angel talk, distrust and dislike plain on his face. She shivered, remembering what he had done to Dean, her baby.

Dean was looking at Cas, his face was lit up, his eyes were sparkling green pools of protectiveness and passion, his lips were curved up in a half smile that reminded her of John. His hand was on Cas's shoulder, rubbing small circles. And Cas was glancing up at him, talking directly to her son, everyone else in the room were just objects. The Angels eyes twinkled, painfully human looking and full of love.

Heck, who was she kidding, Castiel looked at her son like he hung the stars and lit the sun.

John didn't trust the Angel. The way he looked at Dean made him mildly uncomfortable, he didn't know why. There was something in that bright blue gaze. What Dean had with the Angel, this strange relationship, was never going to last and when it broke it would destroy his son.

He glanced at Sam and Jessica. She stood with his arm around her waist, holding her close as if she might slip away. Every once and a while Sam would glance down or Jess would glance up, as if checking the other was still there. Jess's eyes were full of love and caring, Sam's were full of sorrow and passion, sorrow because he would have to leave her.

John turned back to Cas and Dean. Dean's eyes were closed, his face pained as the Angel talked about those creatures in Eden, what had apparently killed him. Cas's speaking faltered as he glanced up, then his hand trails up to Dean's and squeezed it. Dean gave a pained smile but squeezed back.

It wasn't that Dean didn't like to hear how Cas had died, wait, yeah it was. The way Cas described it, even in summary, was more graphic and horrible than Dean imagined. He closed his eyes again, with out permission his mind began picturing the death. He shook his head and glanced down at Cas. Living, breathing Cas.

Cas glanced up at him and smiled, pausing his story for a moment to ask, "you alright?" with the familiar head tilt.

"I'm fine," Dean said and his voice sounded breathless and urgent.

Cas gave him a look plainly stating, "no you aren't."

Dean shrugged and glanced up at Sam, who looked concerned and was watching Dean. Dean shrugged slightly and Sam's eyes softened. He nodded in understanding before glancing back down at Jessica. They looked so happy together, so perfect. Sam was smiling at her, his eyes filled with love. Jess was leaning into him, her love for him as strong as it had been years ago.

Dean wished with all his heart that some miracle would happen and somehow Sam and Jess would be together and happy. He knew it was likely never going to happen though.


	59. Chapter 59

It was dark and cold and Michael was huddled in the corner of his cage. He was a Archangel, he should have been stronger than this, to break so easily was disgrace, a stain on his name. Michael huddled closer to himself, wishing that he was free, free to begin his destruction of humankind.

Dean would never say 'yes', he knew that much. Michael shook his head, sighed and closed his eyes. Lucifer was out, that meant that he would have told the Winchesters about the changed courses of action, how Michael wanted to destroy Humanity. At this point he just wanted out. Just wanted it to be over, his days in the cage with the human, Adam, they droned on and on, endlessly long, annoyingly repetitive. Adam was not fun, it had been a long time since he had last spoken and Michael couldn't help but feel badly for him.

"Oh Father, let it end," he prayed into the bars of his cage. "Father make it stop."

He thought of Lucifer, of his devotion to God, of his painful years in the cage, the millennia spent there. Adam groaned in the corner, eyes fixated on a distant spot. The boy was haggard and tired, looked like death itself. And his only crime had been something beyond his control, his blood ties to the half-brothers he hardly knew about.

Did the punishment really fit the crime?

Did Lucifer's punishment fit the crime?

Was Michael in the wrong?

The broken Angel closed his eyes and curled into himself. He wanted to die but he couldn't, every hook or blade he jabbed into himself was nothing compared to the internal agony of wrongness and guilt and boredom. He couldn't die, it was impossible, the cruelest punishment. "Mercy Father, mercy," he begged.

To his utter disbelief, a blinding figure appeared outside the cage. The Prophet, Chuck. But he wasn't a prophet...he was God... "Hello Michael," God said in a calm and regal tone.

If he was human or was more attuned to emotions, Michael would have cried. "Father," he whispered. "God."

"Call me Chuck," He said. "Michael, I can't lie, I expected more. Trading with Lucifer, torturing Sam Winchester. You were never problematic as a young Angel, what happened?" He seemed genuinely curious, confused.

Michael snarled. "What happened? My Father left me, I fought and ruled Heaven, I slaughtered my brothers and sisters because I was supposed to save Humanity. Dean never let me in and Lucifer, who I loved, was destined to fight me to the death. If you had been there..." He trailed off, banging his fists against the cage. "I want it to be over," he half whispered. "Father, end it."

Chuck's eyes were sad, deeply pained. "You want to die?" he asked.

Michael nodded, waves of exhaustion crashing over him. "I can't do this. I can't..."

Chuck neared the bars of the cage, putting a hand on the bars, wrapping His fingers around it. "Why? I can make it right Michael, please, tell me what I can do."

The Archangel shook his head. "Why me?" The words came out too soft to hear. He cleared his throat. "Why me?"

"Why was it you and Lucifer? Because when I created you, I knew how you would be so loyal, such a soldier. And I knew that Dean Winchester would be similar. See, I actually had a plan in case this world failed. The brothers were planned out before I even dreamed up you and your siblings. They were the self destruct button on Earth, to make her a time bomb, and to activate this bomb all I did was to make sure Sam died and Dean went to Hell. Humanity failed me, nothing should have been able to stop the destruction of Earth. I underestimated them, their dangerously, unhealthily codependent love. I decided to give the Earth one more chance, one last time to prove that she and the life on her. So when Castiel pulled Sam out of Hell and everything began to flow again, I was happy that I hadn't immediately smote the Earth after Armageddon failed."

"Why are-"

Chuck raised a hand. "I'm not done yet Michael. After Dean selfishly allowed Gadreel the Traitor into Sam, I decided I had had enough. I started the release of Abbadon, led Dean and Crowley to Cain. From there I just watched things unfold, watched Dean ready to kill his brother in that restaurant, watched him kill Death. Watched my sister be released. I had expected her to destroy the Earth but I underestimated again. I underestimated that love and free will would manifest in Castiel in such a way that he would fall in love. I didn't know he would take Lucifer, I didn't know how his death would drive Dean to kill Amara. I don't pretend to be perfect, I don't deny my plans are flawed. I won't say I don't care about the Winchesters and Earth. I gave them one more chance. I brought Dean back, I sent Cas back to Earth, back to Dean. They haven't failed me this time."

Michael just stared. "Why are you telling me this?" he whispered in awe.

Chuck shook His head, not meeting His sons eyes. "You needed to know, you deserved to know."

"Can you kill me now?"

Chuck gazed at him, eyes pools of sorrow. "You want to die," He stated.

"I can't go back, I don't want to. After what I did to Lucifer, Father it haunts me day after day. Please, if you love me at all, please kill me." Michael was completely serious, he knew God knew this. The ache in his chest, in his very being hurt more than death would.

Chuck closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the bars, reaching a hand through to stroke his son's face. "One wish," he said. "You have one wish other than death."

Had he been human Michael would have cried from joy at that. "Thank you," he murmured. "Take Adam out of here and erase his memories of the cage, nothing ever happened in here that he remembers, all that happens is he woke up in his old house. Safe."

Chucks eyes softened. "You and Castiel," He said in an almost amused tone. "You both made a wish regarding another." He didn't question the wish however, just snapped He fingers. "Adam is saved," he told the Angel. "You are ready to die?"

"Yes."

Chuck raised a hand but hesitated momentarily. "I want you to know that I do love you."

Michael nodded, fixing his eyes on his Father. "If you see Lucifer and Gabriel, please, tell them I love them and tell Sam Winchester I am so, so sorry."

Chuck nodded. He raised a hand again. "Be at peace," He murmured. Then, in a flash of bright light, Michael was gone. Only the scarred burns of wings rested against the cage wall.

Chuck sighed and bowed His head, allowing the smallest sign of weakness. He put His hand to His lips and brushed it over the scorched wings, the last sign His first borne had left.

Lucifer sighed a twirled a toothbrush between his fingers. Gabriel watched him with a look stating plain annoyance. They were in the bunker, still unable to return to Heaven after the month spent invisibly skulking around places.

"How do you think it's going at Home?" Lucifer asked, setting the toothbrush down. "With the Winchesters," he clarified.

Gabe shrugged. "Dunno. Hope it's doing well, hope Cassie got there safely."

Lucifer paused. "I hadn't even thought about that."

"He seems to be doing well."

"Yeah." He looked around the bunker. "What do you think will happen to us?"

"We get ripped apart by Heaven or stay on Earth." He shrugged. "Not much of a choice."

Gabriel nodded in agreement. Just as he opened his mouth, a white light filled the room.

It was blinding at first and Lucifer covered his eyes, moving unconsciously in front of Gabriel as if that ancient sibling instinct to protect your younger sibling had set in. He pushed Gabe to the side, praying that the source of that light was not an Angel readying their blade.

The light faded and Lucifer slowly opened his eyes. Chuck was standing before them. Part of Lucifer wanted to stumble to his knees and sob, tell his Father how sorry he was. The other part was livid. He looked at Chuck, teeth bared.

"How dare you?" he started. "Father, how dare you?" Behind him, Gabriel made a worried noise but didn't get involved.

Chuck raised His hand. "Let me explain," He said. "Lucifer..."

"No!" he shouted. "You don't get to make amends for everything you've done! I loved you, Father! I loved You and You threw me into Hell, You let me try and destroy the Earth, let me hurt Sam Winchester, hurt Cassie! You let me become a monster, no, you're the monster!" He had the strangest human emotion of wanting to cry. There were so many more things he could say but the look of shock and almost hurt on Gods face was enough.

"Lucifer, please, let me explain," He almost begged.

"Lucifer," Gabe murmured, pressing a hand against his brothers arm. "Let Him talk."

The Archangel looked away, breathing heavily. "Five minutes."


	60. Chapter 60

MLucifer crossed his arms. "I'm waiting."

Chuck took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he began.

"You should be." Lucifer flicked his gaze towards Gabe who was watching from the side, hanging back.

"Let me talk," Chuck said quietly. "I wronged you, it was my mistake and, in all these years, a day hasn't gone by without me thinking about it. I put you through so much, I used the Apocalypse as a self destruct button on my creation. If you failed to bear the Mark, you would fall. Take Sam and fight Michael and Dean until the world was destroyed, all of Heaven, all of Hell. Gone. Michael...he...when you and he jumped into the cage I decided the world might not be as broken a toy as I thought. Amara was the second attempt at destroying Earth. It was a flick of my wrist, the bat of an eye. Then I gave them another chance. The Winchesters haven't failed yet."

"Have You spoken to Michael?" Gabriel asked softly.

Chuck hung His head, closed His eyes. "I did..."

"And?" Lucifer prompted.

Chuck didn't breathe. "He's dead."

Gabriel's eyes widened. "What?" he asked breathlessly. His felt his heart give a pained twinge. Lucifer looked shellshocked next to him and Gabe rested a hand on his brothers shoulder.

"How?" Lucifer asked in an oddly choked voice.

"He asked me to kill him and I did." Chuck glanced around hesitantly, watching Lucifer sag against a wall, His being hurting for His son.

"Why?" Gabe asked, legs shaking.

"He felt guilty, he didn't want to live. I asked him, I gave him a wish other than death. He begged me to kill him. I did."

"The wish?"

"Adam, his vessel, gets out of the cage and is safe." Chuck paused, debating on whether He should tell His sons Michaels last message. "He told me to tell you he loves you both very much."

Gabriel let out a muffled sob-like noise. Lucifer nudged him, concerned. "You good?" he asked.

Gabe nodded. "Thank you," he told Chuck.

"My honor."

Up in Heaven the crowd around Cas had dispersed as he finished the story. The Angel felt nauseous, sick to his stomach. But he wasn't going to say anything about that, didn't want Dean to worry. The man in question was talking animatedly to Charlie and Kevin, laughing and smiling.

Sam and Jess were talking with John and Bobby. Sam's eyes to were flickering back and forth between John and Jess as if analyzing what they thought of each other. At one point he glanced at Cas with a crease between his brow. Cas forced a smile and shrugged, telling Adam not to worry.

Cas jumped as Mary suddenly knelt down in front of him. She looked nervous almost, eyes green and flickering back and forth, never making eye contact. Cas knew from years around Sam and Dean what movement meant what, and she had both what Sam did (hand rubbing, shifty eyes) and what Dean did (harder eyes, tapping his finger, gnawing bus lip).

"Hello," he said softly.

"Hi Castiel," she said. "Can we talk?"

Cas nodded, unsure as to where this was going. "Of course."

She sighed, pulled her hair to the side. "Dean really loves you, you know," she began. "Sam does too. Like a brother, I mean."

Cas nodded again. "Is there something wrong?" he asked kindly.

"I'm happy for you both. I- I just need to ask you how, how did you win his trust? Sam tells me that doesn't happen easily. What made you so special?" She said it with no accusation of rudeness behind her words, just genuine curiosity.

"I don't know," Cas said slowly, thinking. "I think... I think that it was not entirely either of our choices to trust one another. See, when I pulled him out of Hell I did leave a part of my Grace inside of him. At the time it was the marker that, yes, I saved the Righteous Man. That had been my role from the beginning, the only reason I was ever created was to pull him out of Hell. Needless to say, it didn't entirely go to plan. He was very hesitant to trust me at first but after Sam's deal with Ruby we were forced to work together."

"That's all?" she asked. "From what Bobby, Sam, and John tell me, he didn't even trust Sam for awhile."

Cas ran a hand through his hair. "After awhile stuck in each others proximity, I told him that everything I had ever done was for him. Only him. I never knew Sam as well up until a bit ago. Eventually, when we were knocked into Purgatory, as you know, I left to keep him safe. When we got out, I think...I don't know, but I think that's around the time Sam realized there was definitely something more than a 'more profound bond' between us. I don't know when Dean realized."

Mary glanced over at her son who was now talking to Bobby, giving a watery laugh. John was standing next to Bobby, a small grin on his face. "When did you know you loved him?"

Cas smiled towards the ground. "I didn't know at first, what I felt. I only figured it out when he tried to say 'yes' to Michael. I...I don't entirely regret what I did despite knowing both Sam and you would not like it. I may have punched him...several times...in an alley. I told him that I had given up everything for him."

 _I am hunted. I rebelled. And I did it, all of it, for you._

 _You and your brother destroyed the world._

To his surprise, Mary was smiling. "Thank you for keeping at least one of my sons human, at the time," she added. "I don't like that you beat him up but he didn't say yes."

"Thank Father he didn't," Cas said softly. "The death match between Michael and Lucifer has been permanently called off. We don't have to worry about that any more."

She nodded, smiling. "But you figured out you loved him early on, much early than him."

"I did."

"Were you ever scared if was unrequited?" she asked.

Cas thought for a second. Now, with everything out in the open, the thought of Dean not loving him back was like a stake to the heart. "No," he said. "Back then, it was better for me to love him in silence. Both of them are mortal. I wasn't, I was an ageless, immortal being of celestial energy. It's funny, I realized, back then I never minded my feeling never being voiced, to love without anyone else knowing. Now, the mere thought it suffocating and painful."

Mary put a hand on his, squeezing it slightly. "How long will you stay with him?"

"As long as we live," he said softly, sincerity in his voice.

"Until death do you part," she murmured.

"Until death and after." He leaned forward. "Mary, you know I love your son. I am...not for a while...but I am considering asking him to marry me."

Mary's eyes widened, a smile split her face and she teared up. She heart felt like it might burst. "You want to asked to Dean to marry you, then go for it. You have my best wishes and my permission."

Cas closed his eyes, a huge weight lifted off his chest. "Thank you."


	61. Chapter 61

Sam wrapped an arm around Jess again. Bobby and John were still talking to Dean and Charlie and Kevin had migrated to their own corner of the room and were gesticulating wildly whilst keeping their voices down to a whisper.

"If you had a chance to come back with me, would you?" he asked.

She glanced up at him, smiling sadly. "In a heartbeat."

Sam blinked heavily, running a hand over his eyes. "I miss you so much. Every day."

"I know," she murmured. "I miss you too but you can't never find someone else again. You need to settle down, get married. Your out of the hunter life now, it would be completely fine with me if you went and married someone else."

Sam shook his head, failing at suppressing tears. "I can't do that."

"You can," Jess said, turning him to be was facing her and leaning against his chest. "Just breathe and calm down Sam, it's okay. You'll get over me when you meet someone else. Just calm down." Her voice was soft and gentle, the same she had used whenever Sam had been worried out a test or those days before the job interview he had never attended.

Sam pressed his lips to her hair, mumbling, "what would I do without you?"

She smiled slightly. "Crash and burn." Their old jibe, while they were together it had been the question Sam had asked almost everyday and everyday she had given him the same answer.

 _Crash and burn._

Chuck sat down in the Winchesters table, facing Lucifer and Gabriel. Nobody spoke for a long moment.

"Well," Lucifer said. "You're back. Planning a trip up to Heaven any time soon?"

Chuck sighed tiredly. "Perhaps. I haven't made any plans quite yet however, I do need to visit Sam and Dean."

Gabriel snorted. "Obviously." He flicked a glance at Lucifer who raised his eyebrows in a very 'well no shit' way.

"Gabriel," Chuck said, snapping attention back to Him. "You and Lucifer each have a wish, you earned them."

Without a moment hesitation, Gabriel said, "safe passage for us in Heaven, no Angels trying to rip out throats out because it is widely known both of us have redeemed ourselves."

Lucifer closed his mouth looking annoyed. "You literally just took mine!" he said with faux-rage.

"Oh sorry Princess," Gabe retaliated.

Chuck chuckled. "I can do that Gabriel," he said quietly. "Lucifer?"

Lucifer sat back, thinking for a minute. His mind was black, not knowing what he wanted. "How about...hmm... We can visit the Angels who have died in whatever realm they have, just Cassie, Gabe, and me though. We can go whenever we want and visit our deceased brothers and sisters."

God raised an eyebrow. "Interesting choice," He commented. "It is done. Now, I must go see to the Winchesters so, I'll see you both again."

Gabriel leaned back as his Father disappeared. "Well," he said. "Daddy's back."

Lucifer snorted. "Heaven is gonna rip him apart."

"Like Hell," the Archangel said. "Those sheep are going to run back to their Shepard and let Him back in with minimal problems."

"But we've redeemed ourselves them," Lucifer said, changing the subject. After all this time, he was redeemed. No more hate, no more killing. It felt ethereal.

"We did brother, we did."

Dean had returned to Cas's side. He was looking well, color returned to his face and his hands were no longer shaking. "How much mojo's left?" he asked.

"Enough to get us all back," Cas said. He fiddled with the hem of his trench coat awkwardly. Dean noticed but didn't comment.

"You feel okay?" he asked.

Cas nodded. "But shaky but overall, perfectly fine."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "You sure?"

Cas glared at him, a glare that made Dean's heart expand and caused him to smile. "I'm sure Dean."

"Okay," Dean murmured. "Okay."

"Hey Dean," Sam said, appearing behind his older brother.

Dean turned around. "Hey, everything good?"

Sam nodded. "Just was going over to talk with Charlie and Kevin." He looked sad and guilty at the prospect but when his gaze landing on Charlie, who appeared to be lecturing Kevin on something and talking over him, it lit up.

"How's Jess?" Cas asked softly.

Sam sighed. "She's good. How are you, Cas?"

Cas forced a smile. "I talked to your mother, she's very kind."

Sam cleared his throat. "Nice, I'm gonna, uh, yeah." He walked off to where Charlie and Kevin sat.

Dean watched him go, a sad look on his face. "I wish there was some way they could stay together," he said softly, heart aching for his brother.

Cas nodded, unconsciously leaning against Dean. "There may be a way," he said, sitting up. Dean glanced at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

Cas let a smile unfurl on his lips. "I mean God."

Sam awkwardly sat down beside Kevin. "Hey," he said softly.

Kevin grinned at him. "I'm not mad, you know that right?"

Charlie sighed. "Sam," she began. "Can you just stop blaming yourself for once? I chose this, I chose to try and save Dean, I knew that it would be dangerous."

Sam closed his eyes for a long second. He felt his heart breaking inside his chest, shattering like glass. He didn't deserve this forgiveness. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Kevin...I-I killed you."

"Actually," Kevin said. "Unless you and Dean are lying and you secretly an Angel, then it wasn't technically you who killed me...you aren't secretly an Angel right?"

Sam smiled at that. "I'm not," he promised. "So, you two are getting along?" He glanced between Charlie and Kevin.

Charlie nodded. "He's a cool guy, got some really weird stories about you and Dean." She wiggled her eyebrows and laughed at Sam's look of confusion. "I'm kidding Sam!"

He chuckled. "I wish there was a way to bring you back," he said, the happiness falling off his face.

Kevin picked at a stray thread on his shirt and Charlie shot him a death glare for ducking out of the conversation. "Sometimes I wish that too," she said. "But everything happens for a reason, right?" Sam felt his chest ache at the smile she was trying so hard to keep up despite her eyes watering.

"Again I'm so-"

"She'll hit you if you finish that sentence," Kevin noted, glancing up.

Sam closed his mouth and Charlie nodded, satisfied. "How many more times do I have to slam this through your giant head, it's not your fault, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Okay..." Sam said slowly. For some reason the times they told him it wasn't his fault made him feel better, made him feel like, perhaps, he shouldn't hold himself responsible. It brought a warm, happy feeling to his heart, one he had not felt in a long time.

"Sammy," Dean said, suddenly standing behind him. "Hey."

"Yeah?" Sam asked, looking over his shoulder at his brother. "Everything good?"

"I dunno. Hey Kevin, Charlie," he said, acknowledging the other two.

"What is it?"

Dean closed his eyes. "I don't think Cas is going to be strong enough to get us back."

Charlie's eyes widened. "What?" she and Kevin asked at the same time.

Sam glanced at them. "Why?" he said, turning back to Dean.

"Have you seen him?" Dean exclaimed. "He's resting right now, Mom's talking with him. But man, he looks like crap still."

"Dean, it your idea to let him do this."

"So?" Dean asked, shocked. "He's your friend!"

Charlie glanced nervously between the two, then at Kevin. "Okay," she mouthed to him.

Kevin shrugged. "Let's move over here," he mouthed back, tilting his head towards another chair.

Charlie nodded. "Good idea."

Sam sighed. "You let him do this, it doesn't have enough to get us back..."

"I let him do this because, unless you haven't realized yet, this is the Angel who needs to feel like he's helping us or he'll go off and do God knows what! That's why he worked with Crowley, opened Purgatory, why he let Lucifer out!" Dean shook his head angrily.

"I know!" Sam retaliated. "Listen, I like Cas, okay? He's family to me, but all I'm saying is this one is entirely on you, yeah, I could have tried to convince him otherwise but you were dead set on having him take us."

"I know this one, like many others, is on me, okay? I know! I was just telling you that I have to either find a way to boost his mojo or we're gonna be stuck her a while. According to Cas it's been five earth-days already." Dean started to turn away but Sam grabbed his arm. "What, Sam?"

"You just turned this into an 'I've-done-a-few-things-wrong-but-I'm-laying-more-blame-on-myself-discreetly-just-so-I-can-subtly-put-myself-down-without-people-realizing' thing!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did."

Just as Dean opened his mouth, a bright light filled the room, blinding and hot, and he instinctively moved to shield Sam from whatever it was.


	62. Chapter 62

Before Dean even opened his eyes, he felt Sam's arms pushing him. "You good?" Sam asked, their previous argument forgotten.

Dean shook himself off. "I'm good, you?"

"Yeah." Sam pushed himself off the chair Dean had practically shoved him into.

Dean straightened up to look around. Everyone was silent and the Chuck was standing in front of the room, tall and strangely majestic. Dean's widened as they made contact with Cas, who mouthed ' _God_.'

"Hey guys," Chuck said, glancing over at Sam and Dean.

Sam looked like a fish, mouthing at the air and unable to say anything. He stared at Chuck with an expression of awe and shock.

Dean stood up fully and walked forward. "What the fuck, God?" he exclaimed. "You never told us?"

"No..." Chuck said. "If I had told you it would have ruined the story. And also, call me Chuck. 'God' makes me uncomfortable."

Dean shook his head. "Okay then 'Chuck'. Maybe you can explain why the Hell you put Sam and me through actual Hell? Maybe you can explain all the wars started in your name or the children who died every damn day! Maybe you can explain the Apocalypse!"

"You're angry," Chuck noted. "You have a right to be."

Dean burst out into full shouting. "HELL YES I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE PISSED! SAM WAS SIX MONTHS OLD AND YOU LET OUR MOTHER DIE! YOU LET US BE RAISED HOW WE WERE AND YOU LET JESS BURN THE SAME WAY MOM DIED! YOU LET MY DAD SELL HIS SOUL SO I'D SURVIVE ONLY TO HAVE SAM CHOOSE RUBY, A DEMON, OVER ME AND I WATCHED HIM DIE AND BECOME CONTAMINATED WITH DEMON BLOOD! YOU HAD ME WATCH SAM DIE AND SELL MY SOUL AND BE RIPPED TO SHREDS BY HELLHOUNDS AND SUFFER FORTY YEARS IN HELL, HAD ME BREAK THE FIRST SEAL AND HAVE AN ANGEL BREAK ME OUT! YOU HAD SAM AND ME RELEASE LUCIFER AND YOU HAD CAS GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR US AND YOU HAD SAM JUMP IN THE DAMN CAGE AND COME BACK SOULLESS AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH WAS IT? YOU MADE CAS TRY AND BE YOU AND DIE, RELEASING TO LEVIATHAN WHICH KILLED BOBBY! YOU MADE SAM START TO GO INSANE WITH LUCIFER BUT OF COURSE YOU DID MORE, MADE CAS TAKE THE INSANITY, MADE US BOTH GET STUCK IN PURGATORY AND MADE ME LEAVE HIM! AND ALL ALONG YOU NEVER HAD ANY IDEA OF HOW FUCKING PAINFUL THAT WAS!"

Sam moved forward to try calm Dean down. "Dean-" he started, slightly frightened at how angry his brother was.

"Sammy, stay there," Dean snapped, he turned back to God. "YOU'VE PUT US THROUGH THE RINGER OVER AND OVER AND ALL WE GET OUT OF IT IS PAIN WND HEARTBREAK! YOU HAD US MEET KEVIN AND FIND THE TABLET, YOU CREATED THE TRIALS THAT ALMOST KILLED MY BROTHER AND MADE SURE THAT IT WAS NEVR EZEKIEL BUT GADREEL AND THATS WHY KEVIN DIED! WHEN ABBADON WAS RELEASED YOU MADE IT SO THERE WAS NO OTHER CHOICE TO TAKE THE MARK AND THEN YOU HAD METATRON KILL ME AND TURN ME INTO A FUCKING DEMON AND I HURT PEOPLE, KILLED THEM! YOU HAD SAM, ROWENA, CAS, CROWLEY, AND CHARLIE TRY AND CURE ME OF HE MARK AND CHARLIE DIED AND YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN THAT WHEN THE MARK WAS REMOVED YOUR FUCKING SISTER WOULD BE RELEASED AND YOU NEVER ONCE STEPPED IN TO HELP US OUT! YOU LET CAS TAKE LUCIFER AND YOU LET AMARA KILL HIM AND YOU DECIDED TO NOT ONLY HAVE ME KILL AMARA BUT TO HAVE ME DIE RIGHT AFTER! AND YOU BROUGHT ME BACK AND DAMNIT, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IF I WANTED TO GO BACK! AND YOU SHOVED CAS IN EDEN AND BRAINWASHED HIM A-FREAKING-GAIN! THEN ONCE I FINALLY GOT HIM BACK YOU KILLED HIM, YOU ARE A SADISTIC MONSTER, DOESN'T MATTER THAT EVERY TIME ONE OF UD THREE DIES YOU BRING US BACK BECAUSE SOMETIMES THAY JUST MORE PAINFUL SO I SWEAR IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ALONG THE LINES OF "GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS" I WILL FIND A WAY TO END YOU! I KILLED YOUR SISTER AND I'M SURE I CAN KILL YOU!" Dean was crying now, he felt tears running down his face and his hands were shaking and he felt his legs start to give out so he staggered into a chair, feeling all eyes following him.

Sam was by his side in seconds. "It's okay Dean," he whispered, holding his brother against him while Dean forced himself to take calming breaths and let his hands fist Sam's shirt. "It's alright. Deep breaths."

Dean let himself relax against his brother, felt his entire body trembling despite his efforts to still it. "Thanks Sammy," he whispered.

Sam laughed softly. "You didn't leave anything for me to say," he murmured.

Dean didn't answer, felt Cas's hand on his upper arm, hand on the exact spot where the handprint scorched into his flesh but despite all his love for the Angel what he needed right now was his brother and Cas seemed to understand that. He went and stood over by Charlie and Kevin who both looked like they wanted to make a move but refrained from doing so.

Sam kept up the constant string of consolation and calming words while Dean tried and failed at regulating his breathing. "Okay," Sam finally whispered. He gently pressed Deans hand to his own chest. "Feel how I'm breathing? Mirror that."

Dean felt a new sob in his throat, knowing exactly when, why, and who Sam learned this from. Sam had been twelve, Dean had been sixteen. It was after his first salt and burn and the kid had been terrified so Dean had knelt to his height and put one of Sam's hands over his heart and told him to match his breathing. The car ride back, Sam had fallen asleep leaning on Dean, still matching his breathing.

"Thanks Sammy," Dean whispered again, finally starting to regulate his breaths with his brothers.

"Anytime," Sam said softly. "Dude, you just yelled at God."

A choked laugh left Dean's lips. "Been wanting to do that since forever."

"I'm sure." Sam rubbed small circles into Dean's back as he felt him start to relax and the shaking lessen. "You feel better?"

"Not really," Dean whispered.

"Take as long as you need."

Mary stood in the far back. She watched as Sam held his older brother up against him, an almost hug, and gently spoke to him. Love exploded in her heart for her boys, even after all this time, thirty plus years, they stayed together, they helped one another.

John was watching her with an expression of slight concern and only then did she realize she was crying silently. "I'm alright," she said in the quietest voice she could.

He put an arm around her. "These boys," he whispered. "They grew up alright."

"Not the way I would have wanted but they did," she agreed. "Bobby gets credit there."

Bobby grinned at them, his eyes were full of tears. "Those idjits did alright."

 **AN: Hope you enjoyed so far! I know I keep saying that I'll finish this up soon but I'm a total liar because I cannot wrap this up, sorry if it's getting annoying at all! Thanks and enjoy!**


	63. Chapter 63

It scared Sam to see Dean like this, weak as he was. He'd always hated it, for years had pictured Dean as the invincible big brother, always there, always strong. That image of him had been destroyed after awhile. In Sam's mind, Dean was still the strongest, bravest, and most righteous person he would ever meet but he was so very human too. With flaws, fears, sadness, profound emotions that got in the way of judgement. He was a liar and a manipulator, a cheater and a cold-blooded killer, but then they both were.

So now, now when Dean was human and not invincible, he was shaking and lightly crying against Sam's shirt because all his human emotions were running just a little too high for him to contain behind that dam he had built up and had kept up for so many years. And it was pouring out, yet only a section of all the pain and grief and confusion that lay beneath him.

"It's okay Dean," Sam whispered. "It's okay."

Dean shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Everyone needs to let it out," Sam said, resting his head on the top of Dean's, another gesture he would never admit to and that they would never talk about again. "Nothing wrong or weak about it."

Dean closed his eyes against Sam, letting sudden exhaustion wash over him. He felt Sam's arms envelope him fully and Dean just let himself be held for a minute because he needed to be. He felt his heart slow down and let out a deep breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"You feel better at all?" Sam asked softly.

Dean nodded. "I think I'm good." _Why can't I pull myself together? Sam shouldn't have to see me like this._

"You sure?" Sam asked.

 _No, no I'm not okay, please keep telling me I'll be okay pleasekeeptellingmeillbeokay pleasekeeptellingmeillbeokaypleasestayhereimnotokay._ "I'm fine," he whispered.

Sam looked skeptical but pushed away from his brother. "I'm right here if you need me," he said, as if sensing Dean's bullshit.

Dean nodded, looking around with his tearstained face, green eyes wide and wet and pained. They landed on Cas who nodded and walked towards him, simply standing behind the chair so Dean had his brother and his Angel there with him and somehow it made it a tiny bit easier to breathe.

"Father," Cas said, addressing Chuck. "Why are you here?" His eyes were ice cold and his voice was threatening and freezing.

"I wanted to check in," Chuck said with a shrug. "Explain myself and I think it was made quite clear that I have quite a lot to explain."

Dean glanced over at Sam and realized he was watching him worriedly. 'I'm good,' he mouthed.

Sam looked doubtful but turned his face to Cas and Chuck, both of whom seemed to be communicating silently with each other. The rage in Cas's eyes was terrifying and was directed completely at his Father. The two beings stared at each other until, surprisingly, Chuck glanced away.

"So I'm assuming you want an explanation," He said loudly.

"No shit," came a mutter from the left side of the room. Charlie cleared her throat and repeated it. "No shit, we all want to hear what you have to say, stop being dramatic, suck it up, and tell us."

Dean raised his eyebrows at her, feeling a flurry of pride as the red head, undaunted by Chuck's glare, leaned against a wall, oblivious to Kevin's part amused and mostly horrified stare, and waited patiently. "Well?"

Chuck sighed and said, "it's a long story, and Dean, you had every right to yell at me. I should probably start from the beginning."

So he did, and God Himself explained how they were created as a self destruct button, how He had planned the end of the world not once, but twice and called it off both times. All the time He spoke, Cas just stood quietly next to Dean and held his hand and Sam sat next to his brother, listening with a scornful and bitter look on his face. Jess stood in the back, by Mary, and watched God with a stunned look on her face. She made no move to go to Sam, knowing that above anything else, he felt the need to stay with his brother. She had had a sister, she knew some variation of what Sam felt.

Cas listened with dawning horror and hatred at the ignorance in his Fathers words. Everything that had happened to the two people he loved most had been simply a...a cog in the ever turning clock counting down to the destruction of Earth. His free hand was clenched so tightly he felt the dull nails ripping through his skin, felt warm blood trickle down his hand. Undiluted, rational, anger poured through him. "Everything was planned," he said softly. "I thought that just meant that You planned the entire Winchester bloodline out to result in the Apocalypse, to stop it, not to destroy the Earth,"

Chuck turned carefully to look at His son. "I'm not going to pretend what I did was right."

"Good," Sam said coldly. "Because what You have done, what You've put us through, You had no right, there is nothing You can say to justify this."

"Sam Winchester," Chuck said, moving ever so slightly to stare directly at Sam. "Without me you would never have existed. You're be dead."

"There's a difference between dying and never being born, a son of yours- Balthazar- taught me that." Sam raised his head defiantly and for a moment he was sure Chuck would kill him on the spot. Dean moved slightly in front of Sam who held out a hand to prevent his older brother from coming anymore forward.

The tension was palpable. Raw power crackling in the air. Then Chuck smiled, and Sam blinked, taken aback. "I always liked you Sam," Chuck said, the aura of His power fading significantly. Dean, assured that Sam was in no danger, settled back in the chair.

Sam didn't answer, turned his head away in disgust, and caught Jess's eye. She raised her eyebrows and gave him a small smile. Mary, who stood next to her, looked scared if not a little proud. He flashed a smile at them before turning to Dean who was pale and worried looking, Cas had his hand on Dean's arm and Dean was leaning into him.

"You good?" Sam asked his brother softly.

Dean nodded. "Getting there."

Sam looked at him deeply, concerned for a moment before he heard God start talking again and his attention snapped to Him.

"Sam, Dean," He began. "I've done this for Michael, Gabriel, Lucifer, Asmodei, and Castiel. You each have a wish, it can be anything that will not cause damage to the planet and, sadly, I can bring back one being only from the dead, if I bring more it will upset some natural law."

"Why?" Dean asked, eyes narrowed.

Chuck looked surprise. "You helped me realize that the world was worth saving. Twice. Remember, any wish you want."

"No strings attached?" Sam questioned.

"None."

Dean gripped Sam's shoulders. "Sammy, you know what you want so don't you dare say anything else but that or I swear..."

Sam shook his head. "We can't keep doing that Dean." But his eyes were pained and full of longing.

"One last time, okay? Please Sam." Dean was almost begging for Sam to take it, to be long-term happy for the first time in years.

Cas knelt down beside them. "Sam... Please do this."

"It's not natural," Sam murmured. "We, above all other people should know that! And believe me, I want to but it's purely selfish, okay?"

"Brother, listen to me," Dean snapped. "It's happening one way or another so it's going down by your wish or mine, take your pick."

"What about everybody else?" Sam asked. "It wouldn't be fair."

Cas spoke. "Nothing will ever be fair. You live without the one person you want most or you hope the others will understand by it was her. You can't always do things because you think it's right, you need to do something for yourself." The Angels eyes were filled with compassion and begging, boring into the very centre of Sam's being. "Do it."

Sam sighed. Had he other options he could have argued his point for hours but instead he stood. "Fine," he said softly, hissed through gritted teeth but with hope in his stomach. Determined, he walked in a straight, purposeful line to Jess, ignoring his mothers confused noise, took Jess's hands in his and said, "how would you feel about coming back with me?"


	64. Chapter 64

Jess closed her eyes.

 _How would you feel about coming back with me?_

She wanted to cry, to hug Sam to her and thank him over and over and over. Instead she opened her eyes, made a decision and said one word.

Her voice didn't work and nothing came out. Sam looked confused, almost crestfallen, as if he wasn't sure if this was the right question to ask. Jess tried again, this time the word came out clear and simple. Her heart started to break as she saw pain play out over his face.

"No."

Sam's eyes filled with tears. "Jess...please..."

"I can't." She shook her head and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth, choking back tears. "I don't want to."

"You don't?" Sam looked confused, heartbroken. "Why?"

"No!" Jess exclaimed. "No, I want to come back, I do. Believe me, more than anything, alright? I want to come back, I really, really do. I just...I can't Sam."

"Why?"

"It's not right," she whispered. "When I come back...it's not right."

"We've come back before," he whispered.

Jess closed her eyes against a flood of tears. "I know. But you needed to, I don't. I couldn't live with myself knowing that you could have taken a child back instead of me." Her voice broke. "I just...I can't Sam, I love you so much but I can't."

"Jess, I need you."

"You don't. You're strong, brave. You've survived without me."

"Jess." The single word, that was all it took to make the dam break and Jess to begin crying in earnest.

"Sam..."

"Please..."

She needed to say one word, one word. One syllable. Three letters. And everything would change for her. She would be alive again, with Sam. "No," she said, breaking both herself and Sam with one word.

"Jess, I know," Sam took a deep breath, "I know - I understand- why you don't want to do this. I've been there before but I always changed my mind so let me try and change yours. Is there anything that would make you reconsider?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly because she wanted to come back, she longed for it, dreamed of it.

"Then let me try," Sam whispered. "Let me try." It took Jess a moment to realize he was asking her permission on the matter.

"Alright," she said softly, gazing up at him. "Persuade me." She knew from the flash of passion and pain that he recognized the words. Their first date. Sam and asked her out and she had declined, he'd left the matter alone for a while before asking again. That time she had answered with a soft, "persuade me." It had taken all of ten minutes before he had taken convinced her to let him take her to a dog show- however odd it sounded she had always loved dogs- and treat her to a cute little restaurant afterward.

Sam closed his eyes and swallowed, feeling a sense of relief he had brought with him the means to perhaps make her reconsider. He hadn't planned for any of this, just developed the habit of keeping it on his person most of the time.

"Jessica," he began, removing a tiny leather pouch. "Would you...would you do me the honor of...of marrying me?" He knelt, pulling the simple ring from the pouch.

Jess covered her mouth, sobbing in earnest. She let out a squeak at first and that was it, taking a moment to process what was happening. After a moment of the most tense silence, broken only by muffled sobbing, she very quietly whispered, "you persuaded me."

Sam started to cry, slipping the ring on to her outstretched hand and wrapping her in his arms, taking deep, steadying breaths as together, they sank to the floor.

Dean smiled softly and squeezed Cas's hand. "He did it," he murmured.

Cas smiled faintly back and kissed the crown of Dean's head as the older Winchester felt tears rise in his eyes. "He did," Cas agreed.

"Sammy's going to be happy," Dean whispered, a tear slipping down his face. "She said she'd come back."

"I know," Cas whispered back. "Dean, I know."

Mary knew she was crying this time. Sam, her baby, her youngest, was going to get married and she couldn't process it. He was going to be happy and finally, finally, have a normal life. The life she had always wanted for them.

John squeezed her hand and leaned closer to her. "You alright?" he asked softly.

"Better than I've ever been," she answered.

"Look at Dean," he whispered.

Mary tore her gaze away from her youngest and almost laughed when she saw Dean. He and Cas were practically sharing a chair and Cas's arm was around Dean's shoulders, both of them looked at Sam and Jess with soft love. Dean was crying slightly, it looked like. His green eyes were shining with pride.

Bobby glanced between his boys. Yes, they were still 'his'. John and Mary may have been their biological parents but Bobby loved and raised them the way a parent should have. So, yeah, they were his and no on would change that.

Dean and Cas were tangled up, Cas pressing kisses to the top of Dean's head and Dean, leaning into him, fingers tangled. Dean's eyes, so much happier than Bobby had ever seen them, were shining with tears and happiness.

Sam and Jess were still hugging, curled into each other sobbing and clutching at each other. The sight made tears spring to Bobby's eyes, remembering how tore apart he was after Jess had burned.

Bobby watched in silence and joy as Sam pulled Jess to her feet and kissed her. Here, unlike Dean apparently, Bobby had the decency to look away. Very quietly, in fact, he wasn't sure he had heard it at all, Bobby thought he heard the whisper of five words drifting from Sam's lips to Jess.

"I love you so much."

And that's when Bobby finally knew for certain his boys, his boys, would be alright.


	65. Chapter 65

Dean felt his heart expanding as Sam and Jess stepped away from each other, Sam making a beeline for Bobby and Jess idly walking towards Mary whom she gently hugged.

"He's getting her back," Cas said softly. "Will they leave the Bunker?"

Dean shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant when the thought of Sam leaving felt like an Angel blade through the heart. "I dunno."

Cas didn't reply and Dean had a feeling the Angel knew exactly what Dean felt on the matter. It was half comforting and half creepy, Dean though as he leaned against Cas.

Chuck turned to look down at Dean. Unless Dean was very mistaken, it looked almost like His eyes were slightly wet, as if this was the first experience of human love He had ever seen. And maybe it was. "Dean, you haven't yet made your wish, what do you want?"

"Can I get a hold on that?" Dean asked. "Use it later?"

He smiled. "Of course."

"Hey, uh, sorry about yelling at You," Dean apologized, murmuring another apology to Cas as he stood up to walk over to Him.

"No problem," He said, shifting. "I deserved it."

Dean smirked. "Well, won't argue with you there."

"We can both agree that what I did was wrong. But how about we also address the fact you killed my sister."

Dean crossed his arms. He wanted to play that game? "Okay...lets talk about the times You killed me and Sam. Let's count, we've been stabbed, ripped apart, shot, in Hell, I've been hit by a car, had a damn piano dropped onto me- according to Sam. So yeah, sorry about Your sister, who by the way, also killed Cas and me."

To Dean's topmost surprise, Chuck smiled. "If you don't tell Sam," He said quietly, "but I've always like you better."

"Is that a compliment?" Dean asked, hardly moving his lips, maintaining eye contact.

"If you want it to be. Now, I know what you want, what your wish will be, I can't make them corporeal but they can be ghost-ish."

"Good enough for me. Why can't you?"

Chuck sighed again and Dean noticed how tired he looked. "It would upset the natural forces too much."

"Right..."

"Dean!" Sam called.

Dean turned around at light speed at his name. "Yeah Sammy?"

"We need to go soon."

"What?"

Cas answered. "It's been a week on Earth. If we stay longer something might happen down at the Bunker. It is not safe for humans to be exposed to the forces of Heaven for too long."

Dean nodded. "Alright, you feel up to this Cas?"

"I will be fine."

"You said that last time," Dean said in an accusatory tone.

Cas sighed, annoyed. "I will be fine, promise."

"Fine. Let us say goodbye." Dean didn't look reassured but, thankfully, he took the promise and nodded.

The first person he headed over to was his mom. "Yeah Mom," he said quietly. Immediately she wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered into his ear. "Go- be happy, be strong, never give up. Stay with your brother and your Angel."

Dean closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. "I promise you I will, it's what I've been doing for years." He almost laughed. "I love you."

"I know baby, I love you too." She released him and kissed his cheek gently.

Dean walked towards John, checking Sam over his shoulder. His brother was moving towards Charlie and Kevin- presumably to apologize for not being able to bring them back. "You idiot," he murmured. They would forgive, they'd forgive anything.

"Hey Dad," Dean said softly.

"Hello."

Dean shook his head. "So we're just never going to talk about it then. Okay."

John stiffened. "I'm sorry."

"'Sorry' doesn't do shit." Dean turned to head to Bobby, who was watching him with more of a fatherly expression than John had ever had in his entire life,

"Wait." John grabbed Dean arm. Slowly, his son turned around and wretched his wrist out of his grasp. "Dean, listen to me. I know nothing will ever change what I've done, and that you'll never forgive me. I don't want you too. I don't deserve it, but I want you to know everything I've done, if I could undo it I would. I just want to you to know I do love you and I want you and Sam to be happy."

"Thank you," was all Dean said. He turned and made for Bobby next.

Sam approached Charlie and Kevin cautiously but when they saw him, neither of them looked upset, in stark contrast their faces were glowing with happiness.

"You did it!" Charlie squealed. "You did it!" She ran at him and embraced him. Shocked, Sam slowly hugged her back.

"I'm sorry I could bring you both back too," he said, glancing at her and Kevin.

"It's fine," Kevin said, smiling warmly. "You have to visit us once and a while though."

Charlie released Sam. "It's fine, I get it, you need her. It's totally fine." Her voice carried no hint of aggression or jealousy.

"Thanks," Sam whispered. "Really?" he said in a falsely hurt voice, turning to Kevin. "No hug?" he asked.

Kevin smiled, rushed forward and hugged him tightly. "Happy?"

"Better."

"Bobby," Dean said. "Hey."

Bobby smiled so widely it looked like his face might split. "Come here you Idjit." Dean didn't hesitate to walk straight into his arms.

"I'm sorry we have to leave you here," Dean whispered. "I miss you."

"I know," Bobby replied soothingly. "You have to visit 'til both you and Sam are old men."

"See you Bobby," Dean said. "Thank you."

"See ya boy."

Cas stood by his Father, watching the exchange of hugs and kind words. "Humans are strange with their goodbyes," he noted.

"Humans are flawed in many ways," God said.

Cas nodded and glanced over at his Father. "I think that's what makes them the best of all of us."

"I believe so."

Cas sighed. "You've been gone so long."

Chuck raised an eyebrow. "I know. But I have been there."

"Why the disguise?"

"Front row seat to the End of the World? Why not?"

Cas paused, processing this. "Alright...how did the amulet never light up in your presence?"

For a moment Chuck looked confused. "Oh!" He exclaimed, realization dawning. "A spell to prevent it, but oh, you know where it's been this whole time? Sam! Dean!"

Both of their heads shot up. "What?" Dean called.

"Sam," Chuck said. "You know what? I think there's something you have that doesn't belong to you."

Sam looked confused for a moment, he tilted his head. "What?"

Chuck sighed. "Oh for My sake." He flicked His hand and a sharp white light poured from his pocket, shining through the holes in the zipper, shining through the fabric itself.

Sam's hand flew to the pocket and slowly began to unzip it, realization dawning on his face. "Oh," he whispered. "I'd forgotten..."

Dean's eyes widened. "Is that..."

Sam grinned and pulled the amulet out of his pocket, narrowing his eyes against the light, and holding it out to Dean. "You should never have thrown this away."

Chuck flicked His wrist again and it stopped glowing. Dean gently took the necklace in his hands, staring at it disbelievingly, running a finger over the scratched yet cared for surface. "You...you kept it?"

"Yeah." Sam glanced away. "I took it out of the trash. Thought you'd want it again."

"Why?"

"You've had it since we were kids," he said softly, eyes wide and innocent as if wondering if Dean was mad or not.

"You never thought to give it back earlier?"

"I was waiting for the right time."

Dean closed his eyes for a second, a smile on his lips, before slipping it around his neck. "Thank you."

Sam repressed a grin at the sight of his brother wearing it again. He had missed the sight. "We have to go now," he said softly.

"Oh...oh, yeah." Dean nodded and held out a hand to Cas who took it. "See you," he said to his parents, Bobby, Kevin, and Charlie.

Mary smiled and nodded. John dipped his head and Bobby said, "see you later idjits."

Charlie mouthed, "I love you," and Kevin waved.

"Ready?" Sam asked as he took Jess's hand. "Cas, you good?"

"I'm fine," Cas said.

"Ready," Jess said.

And they were gone.

 **AN: Check out SinfullySimple's Supernatural fanfic (Titled 'Humanity') because it's AWESOME! Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you are enjoying! Next chapter I'll touch on Gabe and Luci more!**


	66. Chapter 66

Gabriel looked around. Once again he and Lucifer were standing in front of a vast crowd of Angels, all staring at them. "Brothers," Gabriel said. "Sisters."

"You owe us an explanation Gabriel," said an Angel from the front of the crowd. "We thought you were dead."

"I know," Gabe said. "You will get your explanation from me after you listen to Lucifer's."

Lucifer shot a death glare at his brother but stepped up. "I know I have done terrible things but I do want to redeem myself so, please, listen to me when I tell you."

Down at the Bunker, Cas swayed a little, an after effect of the amount of Grace it took to transport everyone. He gripped the back of a chair and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them.

"Hey," Dean said softly. "You good?"

"I'm good," Cas ground out. "My Grace, it's almost fully recovered."

Dean relaxed a little. "Okay," he said. "Easy Tiger, sit down for a second."

"I don't need to," Cas said, straightening up.

Dean looked doubtful but clapped Cas's shoulder and nodded, turning to Sam and Jess. "Hey, uh, Jessica, could I speak with my brother for a second?"

"It's Jess," she said gently. "And of course."

Sam raised an eyebrow but followed Dean out of the room nonetheless. "Everything good?" he asked worriedly. "Is it C-"

He was cut off as Dean roughly pulled him in for a hug, pressing his little brother against him. "Congratulations Sammy," he whispered.

Sam let out a breathy laugh as he returned the embrace slowly. Usually it was Sam pulling Dean in for a hug. "And you call me the overly emotional one."

"Shut it Sam," Dean said softly.

"You know none of that was planned, right?"

"Dude," Dean said. "I saw your face, obviously none of that was planned. You looked terrified."

Sam snorted. "That's because I was terrified." He stepped back from Dean. "Hey, uh, do you think you and Cas could maybe..."

"Leave for a bit?" Dean asked with a devious smile. "Why would we do that?"

"Screw you," Sam said with a grin.

Dean wiggled his eyebrows. 'Screw her,' he mouthed. "Fine," he said aloud. "We'll be half tomorrow morning around ten."

"The Hell are you going to do until then?" Sam asked, regretting the question as Dean smirked.

"Most likely him." Dean twirled the keys to Baby around his finger, laughing as Sam flipped him the bird. "Hey Cas!" he called out loudly. "Wanna go out?"

Cas turned, smiled, and walked over to Dean. "That sounds nice," he said after a moment, realizing they were returning a favor. "Where to?" Dean grinned widely and stretched out a hand.

"Wherever you want," he said as Cas took his offered hand.

"Why were you hiding?" an Angel wearing the skin of a young man asked. Gabriel supposed the question had been inevitable but he hadn't been rushing to answer it. He had previously explained how he had survived but had yet to speak of how he and Lucifer released Dean from Heaven and broke into Purgatory.

"I wanted out," he said after a moment of hesitation. "I was done, done watching my family kill each other."

"So you couldn't be bothered to show your face and help?" asked a short blonde Angel in an accusatory tone.

Lucifer cleared his throat, feeling anger rise in his stomach. "It may have escaped your notice," he said angrily, "but he helped stop Auntie Amara for destroying all of us." She shrank back, not because he was Satan but because of his status as an Archangel.

Gabriel held out a hand. "Lucifer," he snapped. "Down boy!"

Lucifer glared at him but slunk back, obviously unhappy at being referred to using a phrase commonly used to calm dogs. "Fine," he snapped.

The short blonde Angel bowed her head. "I am sorry Gabriel. I did not mean-"

"-it's alright," Gabe cut her off. "Please."

She nodded and stepped back. "Will you explain how you got Castiel back?"

Lucifer cleared his throat. "I was also there," he said, waving a hand.

"Shut up Lucifer," Gabe teased. "You can help explain."

Sam pressed his lips against Jess's, pushing her down on the bed. She moaned against his lips, hands eagerly traveling to pull his top layer off, straining to push him up. "Sam..." she whispered. Sam felt his heart expand with love and lust for her, pressed his lips even harder to hers.

Jess gasped and allowed entry for tongues and shivered as he nibbled at her lip. She loved him so much, needed him, this was beyond anything they had done in college, far beyond. She had no apprehension however, instead she was trembling with want.

Sam lifted his lips from her's and let her gentle hands guide his to push off her shirt. She lay back, let him press his lips down her neck to her chest, hesitating over her breasts. "Is this alright?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she said, running her hands into his hair. "Yes."

Sam continued his work and she gasped, raking her nails down his back, curving up into him. Sam didn't hesitate to move down to her abdomen, butterfly light kisses trailed downward.

"Yes," she gasped. "Yes."

Cas sat across from Dean, fiddling with sleeve. Dean glanced up from his beer. "You okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah," Cas murmured.

Dean sighed and leaned forward. "Babe, listen..." He stopped and blushed- actually blushed.

Cas raised his eyebrows. "Babe?" he asked, smirking.

"Is that alright?" Dean asked softly.

Cas smiled, reached a hand out to squeeze Dean's. "Of course."

Dean ducked his head, smiling down. "So what is it?" he asked softly, looking back up.

"Just...," Cas began, "my Father...I can't believe He's back. And Michael, he's dead."

"Oh," Dean said, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry?"

Cas ruefully shook his head. "I'm thankful actually."

"Why?"

"Because there is no possible way he can get to you now."

Dean squeezed his hand, not sure of how to respond again, touched. "Yeah," he said. "Today's been pretty fucking weird. I mean, Sam got _engaged_!" _Before us..._

Cas glanced away for a second. "Yeah," he said softly.

Dean didn't comment. He simply took a ip of his beer and squeezed Cas's hand, glaring at the broad man who stalked past them, staring at the couple with a disgusted look on his face. "Problem?" Dean demanded.

The guy walked away, muttering under his breath. Dean made to stand up but Cas, with surprising strength, pined Dean's hand to the table top. "Don't," he whispered, mouth barely moving. "He's not worth it."

Dean settled back. "I know," he said quietly. "You wanna go?"

Cas nodded. "Where too?"

"I know a hotel.."

"Sounds good," Cas said with a shrug.

Twenty minutes later Cas had Dean lined up against a wall, kissing him so furiously Dean thought he might black out.

Cas's hands pulled Dean's shirt off, and Dean loved it, allowed himself to how itch whatever Cas had planned, let himself be shoved roughly onto the bed, Cas was on top of him, shirtless, kissing him roughly.

"Please," Dean begged as the Angels hands traveled down to Dean's pants, teasing him.

Cas obliged and slowly unzipped the jeans. "Ready?" he asked.

"Of course."

Somehow along the line Jess had found herself on top of Sam, both of them naked, kissing down his muscled chest. "I love you," she whispered, admiring how beautiful he was inside and out.

"I know," Sam said softly. "I love you too." He pressed a kiss to the top of her sticky, sweaty head.

She smiled into his chest, laying down onto of him. "Promise me this is real," she whispered again.

"I know its real as can be but," Sam trailed off, hands rubbing her bare back, "but you're here, with me, but it doesn't feel real."

She didn't respond at first but felt her chest tighten, remembering the explanation of Sam's visions of Lucifer and everything else he was hallucinating. "What does it feel like?" she whispered.

"Nothing feels real, that Dean and I are done hunting, that Cas is back, that he and Dean are together. It feels like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and the bed will be empty," he confessed. "And I'll get up and sigh and try and continue whatever existence I live. And I'll try and take care of myself and Dean, and we'll hunt the monster of the week. No leads on Amara or Cas, and I'll watch my brother suffer from it, watch him loose sleep, no ear, and I'll hope and pray he'll be okay. And I'll get through each day hoping that soon this will all end, not my life," he clarified at Jess's stricken expression. "Not my life, but pain, Amara even. Maybe that we'll get Cas back, maybe Dean will be okay, I'll be okay." He met her gaze evenly but his eyes were full of tears. "That's what it feels like."

She pressed a hand to his cheek. "But you'll be okay, they will be okay."

"I know," Sam whispered, closing his eyes and letting a tear slide out from under his lashes. "I know."

Together, safe, he closed his eyes, feeling Jess's breath slow down as she drifted to sleep.

When he woke up an hour later, she wasn't there. She was on the ceiling, surrounded by a halo of flames.


	67. Chapter 67

**WARNING: Graphic(ish) imaginary**

Sam's heart stopped beating, he scrambled back, his breath caught in his throat, pain ripped through his heart as he processed what he was seeing. He tried to scream but he couldn't because his voice was lost in the roar of fire. It was happening again, he was loosing her over again.

Jess's beautiful face was torn with a ghastly scream, her hair fanned out around her face, consumed by greedy fire, ripping and tearing at her naked body. There was a slit in her abdomen, dripping red-hot blood onto the bed below her. Sam felt bile rise in his throat, tears in his eyes, he wanted to run, to scream, but he was bound with some invisible chains to the bed.

"Jess!" he tried screaming, "no!" But smoke poured down his throat, scalding him, ripping at his insides, he coughed so hard he thought he'd die.

Then the fire consumed Jess completely and, just like that, she was gone. But it wasn't over yet. The fire parted and a new figure, in the same spot, was pinned to the ceiling.

"Mom!" Sam screamed, blood rising from the torn skin in his throat to bubble at his lips.

Mary's young, stunning face was twisted with a scream that Sam heard, terrible and drawn out and beastly. She was wearing a white nightdress that seemed untouched by flames, unlike her skin which was flaking and peeling from bones, burnt. Sam could smell it had he gagged, his brain struggling to comprehend this horror. His heart was screaming, his lungs burning. He closed his eyes, half wanting the fire to consume him, end it.

Then he heard a terrible cry and his eyes flew open. Instead of Mary there was Cas, his blue eyes were open and glazed, reflecting the fire. To Sam's upmost horror his wings had not yet seared through the fire, branding the ceiling a place of the death of an Angel. He was burning alive. "Sam," Cas begged through the screaming fire, voiced pained and heartfelt. "Sam help me!"

Sam turned away, feeling his heart shatter as Cas screamed again. When he glanced back up at the ceiling, the Angel was gone, leaving behind the imprint of two large wings seared into the ceiling. Sam felt tears overflow his eyes, he loved Cas, he was family. And now he was dead. Again. It would destroy Dean.

The next scream made Sam's heart stop point blank. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move, his eyes were frozen to the man burning in front of him.

"Dean!" Sam screamed, feeling tears run down his face. "DEAN! NO!"

Dean's face was pained, so tortured Sam wanted to look away but he couldn't. His eyes were drawn to his brother as the fire started eating away at his face, leaving behind raw redness. Sam could smell the burning flesh and hair, gagging when a piece of charred skin landed on his cheek. Bile rose in his stomach and Sam barely had time to turn away before he spewed sick everywhere.

"Sammy!" Dean screamed as the fire and more and more of his body. "Sam! This is your fault! Your fault!"

Sam's eyes widened, stinging from heartbreak and smoke. "How?"

"Demon blood!" Dean howled. "I should have killed you!"

Sam was full out sobbing by this point. "I know!" he sobbed. "You should have killed me, you should have!" He tried to get more out but a snake made of fire threw itself down his throat, like a demon possessing a person, the fire mangled his vocal cords but left everything else untouched.

Dean screamed again.

Sam buried his face in his hands and sobbed, rocking back and forth, listening to his brother's screams fade until all that was heard was the fire. Then a thud. Sam looked up, scrambled off the bed.

Dean's charred, blackened body was lying on the floor, his eyes were open, he was sucking in harsh, dying, breaths and when Sam felt for a pulse in his sickening body, it was spastic, harsh, fading. "S'mmy," Dean croaked.

"I'm here," Sam said, suddenly able to speak. "God, Dean."

"Didn't mean what I said," he rasped. "Glad I didn't kill you..."

"You should have," Sam whispered, heart breaking. He didn't touch his brother, not wanting to cause more pain than necessary.

"I shouldn't have said that...goodbye Sammy..."

Sam let out a sob. "Goodbye Dean."

Dean reached a hand and brushed Sam's cheek. Then the shallow, faded eyes closed and his breath stopped, his hand went slack and dropped. He died there, Sam's hand hovering above his body. And Sam closed his eyes, opened them, stood up and came back with a gun, lay down next to his brother's body, took his hand, placed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger.

Blackness

"Sam!"

Sam heard a voice. It sounded like he was underwater and whoever was trying to talk to him was above.

"Sam!"

It was a feminine voice, gentle but firm. Slightly familiar.

"Goddamn it Samuel Winchester, wake up!"

A sharp, stinging pain lashed across his cheek. He opened his eyes to see the blurry outline of a blonde woman. She was naked. He blinked.

"Jess?"

Jess's face relaxed. "Sam, you were having a nightmare."

He blinked, relief filling his heart. "Oh God," he whispered. "You're alive!"

"Sam," she whispered tenderly, lovingly. "You were screaming. Do you want to talk about it?"

Sam felt his heart full with passion, then dread. "Where's my phone?" he asked.

"What?"

Sam shook his head to clear it. "I need to call Dean."

"Here," she said, handing him the phone from the nightstand. She was wearing the ring he had given her.

"Thanks," he said breathlessly. Only then did he realize tears were drying on his cheeks. He dialed Dean's number, only waiting a few moments before a sleepy voice answered.

"Sammy?"

"Dean?" he asked, relief in his voice.

"You okay?" he asked, suddenly sounding fifth percent more alert. "Something wrong?"

Sam closed his eyes, calmed by his brother's voice. "I'm fine," he whispered. "Nightmare. Uh, how's Cas?"

"I'm fine Sam," came the gravely voice, sleep ridden. "Sam, are you-"

"Just a nightmare," Sam whispered. "Just a nightmare."

Dean's voice sounded worried. "You sound like crap man, you need us to head back?"

"No," Sam swallowed. He run a hand over his eyes. "No, it's- yeah...just drop by, please."

"Of course," Dean said gently. "Cas can zap is there in ten, give you some time to get decent."

"Thank you," Sam breathed so quietly he wasn't sure Dean had heard it.

"Anytime Sammy."

He put the phone on the nightstand, glancing apologetically at Jess who looked worried. "Sam?" she asked, laying a gentle hand on his arm. "You know that whatever happened inside that dream, it wasn't real. This is real." She gently kissed him, running a hand through his hair.

Sam kissed back, letting his mind get lost in her. In the taste of her lips because she was here, not burning, she was here and alive. When she finally broke the kiss, she just watched him.

"Hey, um, Dean's coming in ten minutes, just to check in. I...I asked him to. We might want to clean up."

Jess nodded, understanding in her blue eyes. "Of course," she said softly, but not upset. "Let's go Sam."

Once the promised ten minutes were up, Sam heard the flap of wings and Dean's stumble and whisper of, "dammit."

Sam stood up, gently extracting his hand from Jess's. "Dean?" he called. "Cas?"

"Here Sammy," Dean said, pushing the door open. "Everything oka-?"

He was cut of by Sam slamming into him, hugging him tightly. "Okay," he whispered. "You're alive, just a nightmare."

Dean gently responded to the hug, confused and a little worried. "It's okay Sam, it's okay." He heard his brothers breath hitch and his body tremble. "Just let it out, it's okay, let it out."

Sam closed his eyes, letting tears fall down his face, into Dean's shirt. The memory of dream-Dean's burned flesh terrifyingly vivid. He let out a half whimper without meaning to and felt Dean hold him tighter. "You want to talk about it?" Dean asked softly. "Shh, it's okay Sammy. Whatever it was, it's not real. You know this."

"I know. It seemed so real."

"Tell me what it was about," Dean said quietly. "It'll help."

Cas stood behind them, glancing around the room. Both he and Jess, despite being the brother's lovers, knew better than to interfere. This was not something they should get involved it, no matter who they were.

Sam had calmed down enough to finally sit down beside Jess while both Cas and Dean pulled up chairs to listen as Sam, eyes pained, began to recount him dream.

"I woke up, or I thought I did, and...and Jess, you were..." He trailed off, tears filling his eyes.

Jess nodded, understanding dawning on her face. "I was burning." She said it not as a question, but a fact, a statement. She gripped Sam's hand. "It wasn't real."

"It seemed real," Sam whispered. "And you weren't the only one. Dean, I saw Mom, and Cas, and..." He shook his head, not wanting to continue.

"And me," Dean finished for him. He leaned into Cas, closing his mind against the image of the Angel burning. "Sammy," he started.

"I know it wasn't real," Sam cut him off. "Don't have to tell me."

"That's not what I was going to say," Dean said softly. "I was going to say that's it's okay, the nightmares are a part of life, you've been through worse than this. Hell, we've all been through worse. Get some rest, Cas and I are gonna head back."

"Okay," Sam said softly. "Thanks Dean."

Dean stood and rested a hand momentarily on Sam's shoulder. "Don't mention it. I'll always be there."


	68. Chapter 68

The next days Sam didn't have many more dreams. It seemed Jess chased them away, when she felt his breath hitch or his heart speed up in his sleep, she would simply wrap her arms around him or run a hand through his hair until he calmed down. If it was really bad and Jess couldn't call his down, she would either text, call, or get up and get Dean to sit by Sam under he was sleeping peacefully again.

As for Cas and Dean, the nightmares of what had happened to them separately and together in the past still plagued them once and a while; less frequently but still vivid and terrible. Usually it was Dean waking up with tears running down his face and Cas, leaning over him, waiting to reassure him that they weren't in Eden or Purgatory or anywhere else for that matter. It was a start, a slow beginning to what would be years of healing.

Two weeks after Sam's nightmare, Cas emerged from his and Dean's shared bedroom. It was early, a Thursday, beautiful weather. Sam and Jess were sitting close together, a folder between them, discussing color's for a wedding they had hardly planned- something they only ever planned before Dean was up or when he was out to save them the trouble of him leaning over them like a child tugging on his parents pants.

"Hey Cas," Sam said, looking up. "It's early."

The Angel wore Dean's clothes because, even after the weeks he had spent with them, Dean had yet to take him shopping. The shirt and pants were just a bit too large for him and his hair was missed from sleep. "I hope I am not intruding," he said, voice still a bit slurred from sleep.

"Oh not at all," Jess said, grinning brightly at him. "Something up?"

"I was hoping to take this up with Sam," Cas answered bluntly.

Jess's eyes widened. "I can leave."

"No!" Both Sam and Cas exclaimed.

She sat back in the chair that she had started to leave. "Okay," she said. "Cas, what is it?"

"I plan to make to Heaven later today but since this seems to be an ideal opportunity I thought it might be best not to miss it." Cas fidgeted awkwardly

"Opportunity for what?" Sam asked slowly. "Cas?"

Cas fidgeted even more. "I wanted permission."

Jess let out a soft breath that sounded like an 'oh' of realization.

Sam sighed. "Jess? What am I missing out on?" She didn't answer, just smiled down at her lap. "Cas, you needed my permission for what?"

The next words came out in a rush, sounded unbidden and ridden with worry. "I was going to ask Dean to marry me."

Sam froze. "What?" The word was strangled, mangled by emotion. "Cas..."

"If it is not okay with you I will not ask." Cas looked down, large blue eyes looking crestfallen, thinking Sam disapproved.

"No, no, Cas!" Sam exclaimed. "I am completely fine with that, believe me. You want to ask him, go ahead!" He stood up and quickly and unexpectedly hugged the Angel.

Cas relaxed after a moment. "Thank you."

"No problem. Oh my God, Cas!" Sam laughed out loud. "Do you have a ring?"

"Yes," Cas said softly. "I got it three days ago."

"Can I see it?" Jess asked eagerly.

Cas ducked his head, cheeks reddening. "I think I would like to give it to Dean first."

"Oh," this time Jess blushed. "That's...of course, sorry. Do you know when you'll give him it?"

"Tonight, I think," Cas said softly, glancing down the hall at the door to their room. "Here, in the Bunker."

"Shit," was all Sam could say. "Shit, Cas. Shit."

"Is that alright?" he asked worriedly.

"Of course," Sam said with a smile. "I'm going to record that and show it to Bobby and my parents, if that's alright."

"Alright." Cas's lips twitched upwards, making Sam realize how odd it was to have the Angel's smile directed at him. Usually, the only times Cas smiled was when he was watching or listening to Dean.

"Cas?" came a voice from the hallway, heavy with sleep but alert. Jess shoved the planning book under the table as Dean emerged into the room.

"Hello Dean," Cas said with an easy smile. It disturbed Sam just how easily Cas played this. "How are you?" He walked over to Dean, letting the older Winchester lean on him affectionately.

"'m fine," Dean said, rubbing a hand over his face. "You?"

"I'm fine," Cas answered. "Just couldn't sleep."

"Heya Sammy," Dean said, glancing around the room. "Hey Jess."

"Morning, Dean," Sam strode over to his brother. "You look like crap," he observed.

Dean mumbled something under his breath before saying, "yeah, you look like a princess," with large amounts of sarcasm.

"Need coffee?"

"You have some?" Dean asked.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Sam produced a cup of coffee. "Here."

"Firstly, where the hell did that come from? Secondly," Dean took a large swallow of the coffee, "you are my favorite brother."

"I'm your only brother," Sam pointed out, grinning when he caught Jess's eye.

"You get the gist," Dean said, gesturing with his free hand while he held the thermos in the other.

"Whatever you say." Sam turned away, pulling Jess with him. "Jess and I need to talk." They left the room, leaving Cas and Dean alone.

"How'd you sleep?" Cas asked softly, gazing at the human.

"No nightmares, if that's what you mean," Dean said, sipping his coffee. "You?"

"I wasn't that tired," Cas said softly. "I hope I didn't worry you by being gone."

Dean smiled and kissed him gently. "Only for a minute," he whispered into Cas's lips.

Cas laughed a little, a beautiful sound that reminded Dean how much he loved that sound. Cas had laughed and smiled so much more than he had ever before and, still, Dean never got tired of his his eyes crinkled and his entire face changed to fit the laugh. "Good," Cas said. "I love you."

 _I love you._ It was another thing that took time getting used to and sometimes Dean still stumbled over the words. Before he had said those words to two people. Sam and his mother, Sam only when he was a baby or when he was asleep after Dean had sold his soul. His mother he was sure he had it to a few times when he was a kid, but Cas, Cas was different. The words felt different, more meaningful. They were meant to be perceived as, well, love; sexual and romantic, not family. Sometimes Dean couldn't say the words back, couldn't make himself say them. Cas never pressured him to say it, just kissed him gently and said he understood, sincere.

"I love you too," Dean managed, the words caught in his throat.

"You never need to say that," Cas answered, catching the strangled sound. "Never to me."

Dean didn't reply, just smiled slightly and went to make eggs. Cas watched him, hand curling around the small white box in his sweatpants pocket, butterflies rising in his stomach. _I love you,_ he thought, watching Dean crack the eggs and carelessly throw the shells into the sink. _By God, I love you._


	69. Chapter 69

Sam and Jess stood close together. They were in Sam's room, heads bent, whispering quietly to each other.

"So," Jess began, "you coping, knowing Cas is gonna propose?"

"It's about time," Sam answered. "It was unbearable before they were together."

"I can only imagine," Jess laughed.

Sam shook his head. "Wow," he said softly. "He's going to do it."

"Yeah."

They were silent for a long moment. Jess had her hand resting on Sam's arm, gently tapping her fingers. Sam looked like he might cry but he might laugh. "I..." he said. "Wow."

"Did you get hit with the sudden realization that Cas is going to do it?" Jess asked, suppressing a smiling. Sam nodded.

"Holy shit," he said softly.

"That describes it," she agreed. "Holy shit." Then her eyes widened comically, she started laughing to the point where her eyes were tearing up.

"Jess?" he asked, not as concerned as he was bemused.

"Oh my Lord," she choked out, wiping away a tear. "I'm sorry, I just... Deans brother-in-law is going to be Satan, his father-in-law is going to be freaking God! Family gatherings are going to be amazing!"

Sam snorted, the thought of a barbecue with the Angels of the Lord and God Himself was not as amusing as it was terrifying. Still, he could suppress a laugh. "That will be something," he said through laughter.

"Yeah," Jess said, pulling a straight face. "Yeah, that will be fun."

It was a anything but a mundane love, Cas thought as he gazed at Dean. Every ounce of the Angel was completely, irrevocably, in love with the man sitting in front of him. It was an emotion he wasn't used to, despite having felt it for a long time, an emotion his mind wasn't supposed to feel. It didn't make sense to him before God Himself told him that what he felt was what set him apart, made him special. It wasn't a flaw; it was a gift and one that he wouldn't trade for anything. Especially because of Dean.

The hunter was taking a large swallow of coffee at the moment so Cas simply watched him, smiling ever so slightly. Dean's Adams-apple bobbed as he swallowed, faint marks still on his neck from the previous night. Every second he spent with the human Cas felt himself falling deeper and deeper in love. The ring in his pocket pressed against his thigh, making his hands tap nervously.

Dean set his mug down, sighing as the warmth of the coffee left his throat. Between bites of egg he glanced across the table at the Angel who was just gazing at him, plate almost untouched. "You okay Cas?" Dean asked softly.

Cas started, as if he hadn't realized he had been staring. "I'm fine," he said, glancing away.

"Alright. You aren't going anywhere later, are you?" Dean asked.

"I'm taking a trip up to Heaven for a bit. Not long, I promise. Just need to talk with Gabe and Lucifer for a bit. Why do you ask?" Cas asked curiously.

"No reason," Dean said, glancing down quickly. "Just wondering."

Cas took a bite of his egg. "I won't be long," he said softly. "In Heaven, I mean. Just a few messes I need to clean up."

"Like what?"

"I screwed up Dean," Cas said, sighing heavily. "I took Lucifer. The Angel need, no, deserve an explanation."

"You didn't screw up," Dean said softly. "You did what you thought was the best."

"They don't see it like that."

"Explain then."

Cas began to talk, his words rolling like oceans, structured, beautiful in that odd, easy way voices were. Dean could listen to him talk for hours, listen to every word he said but at the same time concentrating purely on his tones. He wanted to sit there for as long as it took for Cas to describe every second of his long, long life, ride through the boring to the adventures. He wanted Cas to paint a picture so vivid that the images jumped out at him, that he felt the emotions Cas describes. Dean could sit there until the end of all times, just listening.

Sam stood outside the room, smiling to himself. Cas was talking softly to Dean, his eyes staring up at the ceiling and once and awhile down to Dean's face. His words faltering as he met the green gaze. Dean was leaning cleared a little bit, his mouth slightly open, eyes slowly blinking as Cas spoke, from his brothers posture- alert yet relaxed- Sam could tell just how much he was listening to the Angel. He had all his attention, the world could end and Sam doubted Dean would notice as long as Cas was there. It made Sam feeling like laughing, like shouting jubilantly, almost like crying because, fucking hell, his brother looked at Cas like like he'd hung the moon and stars and lit the sun.

Two hours later, Cas announced he was leaving to speak with his brothers and sisters. After a quick conversation with Dean, he kissed him gently and disappeared. Dean sat down with a resigned thump.

"You just gonna wait there until he comes back?" Sam asked teasingly. Jess had gone out shopping a half hour ago as the bunker had almost now food whatsoever. It was just him and Dean, just like old times.

"Shut it, Sam," Dean lightly snapped, matching tone.

"Dude, you are so whipped."

"Cause you aren't?"

Sam shrugged. "I have the right to remain silent."

"Bitch."

"Jerk," Sam shot back, grinning.

They sat silently for a moment then Dean spoke up. "Sammy?"

"Hmm?" Sam asked, setting his glass of water down and directing his attention away from his laptop.

"I, uh, I think I'm...gonna ask...Cas to...marry me." Dean ducked his head and Sam saw his ears were red.

Sam was thankful he hadn't take that sip of water. "You are?" he asked, forcing his voice to stay steady. "Do you...do you have a ring?"

"Not yet," Dean admitted. "You're really cool with this? It doesn't freak you out that your older brother's with an Angel of the Lord?"

Sam sighed and shut the computer. "We've been stabbed, dragged to Hell, pulled out, we've been possessed, we've been _killed_! So yeah, knowing your brothers screwing an Angel and now might marry said Angel is a bit weird but pales in comparison to, say, Cas being God, me loosing my soul, and you being a demon."

Dean sighed. "Okay," he said softly.

"Okay," Sam agreed.

"You know," Dean said, "I miss hunting a lot less than I thought I would."

"Yeah. It's weird, isn't it?" Sam set his laptop beside him. "But you're happy now, right?"

"Yeah," Dean said, smiling. For the first time, Sam got a good look at his brother. Dean wasn't lying, he was happier than Sam had ever seen him.

"Good," Sam said softly. "I am too."

Dean sat back. "Okay Sammy, what is it?"

Sam glanced over, startled. "What?"

"You're doing that thing," Dean said.

"What thing?" Sam asked, feeling his heart speed up.

"That thing you've been doing since you were little, where you act like...I dunno! It's just a thing you do when you're hiding something!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sam denied.

"Come on Sammy, I've known you since you were born. What are you hiding?" Dean leaned forward in his chair.

"Uh," Sam didn't know what to say. As if on cue, his phone starting to ring. "It's Jess," he said. "I'd better get that." He stood, putting the phone to his ear. "Yeah?"

Dean continued to sit, mind buzzing, trying to figure out what Sam had been hiding and coming up blank.

 **AN: So I'm thinking the proposal is going to be in the next chapter! Hope you enjoyed this so far!**


	70. Chapter 70

It was an hour before Jess came back and another two hours and forty five minutes until Cas reappeared. "Hello Dean," he said softly, startling Dean.

Dean slammed his hand down on the counter. "Dammit Cas," he swore, turning around. "How was it? Everything go okay?"

"It was fine," Cas said, glancing down. "Hard but fine."

Dean glanced gently took the Angels hand. "You okay?" he asked. "Want to talk about it?"

"No." Cas looked away, blue eyes sad. "No, it's fine."

"You sure?" Dean asked gently, pressing his lips to his Angels temple. When Cas nodded and leaned into him, all Dean said was, "alright, let me know if you change your mind."

Cas didn't say anything, just leaned in farther, taking comfort in Dean wrapping his arms around him, standing close together. Then, unexpectedly, Dean threaded his fingers through Cas's and pulled him along as together, they swayed gently, Cas relaxing in his arms. They half danced there, in the kitchen, a half finished sandwich on the counter, and Dean didn't think he could fall more in love until Cas pined him against the counter, kissing him like his life depended on it.

Every time they kissed Cas felt starbursts in his heart, behind his eyelids, felt his world tune out everything except Dean, and when one of them pulled away, all flushed cheeks and bright eyes, Cas would resist the urge to pin Dean down and do him right there and the because, well, he didn't know if he could love the human more than he did right now. Dean, his dirty blond hair sticking up and his stupidly gorgeous half smile and his perfect eyes, eyes that Cas loved, that he could watch the ever changing emotions in them forever.

"We might want to stop," Dean murmured as he shrugged his jacket back on, "Sam and Jess won't want to walk in on us."

"I know," Cas said softly. Instead of moving away he simply stood, lips curving into a smile. He quickly kissed Dean again and moved away, heart thumping heavily. The edge of the box pressed into his ribs from its place in the trench coat pocket.

The rest of the day passed without anything interesting happening. Out of habit, Sam surfed the Internet to see if there were any signs of a case and found nothing. Cas went out with Dean to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what. And Sam and Jess sat in the library, Sam pointing out passages from lore that were inaccurate and laughing when Jess's eyes widened when she came across certain monsters that the brothers had fought, joining in the laughter when Sam dismissed several as "a piece of cake", despite what the lore said.

After awhile, looking through old books got boring and Sam found himself on the bed, kissing Jess with so much passion he thought he might explode. Mumbled 'I love you's filling the room as Jess was suddenly on top of Sam, despite being smaller, and pinning him onto the bed with a surprising strength. When they were done, she lay next to him, both now fully clothed.

"Should we start dinner?" she asked softly.

"Nah, it's Dean's turn to cook today," Sam answered, wrapping an arm around her.

"They'll be back soon." She turned to look directly at him. "Cas is going to do it."

Sam sighed. "Hell, I know. Can't believe it."

"Why?" Jess asked. "They love each other. Is it because you just couldn't picture Dean getting married?"

"I know they love each other", Sam said. "But I just can't picture Dean settling down, with anyone. He's just...that's not how he lives, and I'm worried one day he's gonna walk out and start hunting again."

"He loves Cas," Jess said again. "And don't tell me you don't miss hunting just s bit. I know you check for cases in the area everyday. You clean your guns and sharpen your knives still. There are Devil's traps under all the rugs and you sometimes put salt around the perimeter of the bunker."

Sam shook his head. "It's habit. I had to hunt, I didn't have a choice and I left when I could. For Dean, for Dean it's different. It's his life, he was raised into this since he was four, it was hammered into his brain as a child that this was the only good he could do to the world, to save people, hunt things. The family business."

"He'll be fine," Jess reassured. "They'll both be."

"I hope."

Jess was silent for a moment. "Should we have a double wedding?"

"I'd be down for that," Sam said. "But Cas hasn't even proposed."

"He will."

And an hour an a half later he did.

Cas waited until after dinner to finally do it, when everyone was pleasantly full and lazing around on chairs and the couch. "Dean," he called.

"Yeah?" Dean said, looking up from his phone.

Sam nudged Jess and gave her a tight smile, his hazel eyes were sparkling with the mixed emotions of happiness and bittersweet love.

"You wanna go outside?" Cas asked. "It's beautiful out."

"Oh! Sure!" Dean stood up, setting his phone on a nearby table. He took Cas's hand and together they walked out of the room, out to the front yard. Sam quietly followed them, phone in hand, ready to record.

The sky was beautiful like the Angel had said. Stars hung brightly in a sky that was thousands of shades of blue, light and dark blending and blurring. Dean smiled. "It's the same color as your eyes," he said softly, squeezing Cas's hand. They were sitting on Baby, gazing up at the vast wonders of the universe together.

"It's almost as beautiful as you," Cas replied, nerves tingling as he gripped the white box in his pocket.

"Shut up," Dean said, cheeks tinged a distinct red even in the darkness. His green eyes closed with the light of an entire galaxy. "I love you."

"I love you too," Cas said. This was it, his opportunity, his turn to make a move. He stepped off the impala. Cas swallowed nervously, feeling his hands get sweaty. "So, I'm going to take this opportunity to ask you something."

"Cas?" Dean asked, confused. Stupid oblivious, gorgeous, perfect moron.

"We've been through a lot together, haven't we?"

"Yes..."

"I wanted to ask you, because I love you," Cas knelt down, fumbling with the box, "Dean, around eight years ago I pulled a broken shell of a man out of Hell and I pieced him back together, and his soul blinded me with the purity of it. And despite everything that has ever happened to it, be it ripped, stained or damaged, it shines just as bright after these years, after these horrors most people couldn't comprehend. It didn't take long for me to realize I wasn't supposed to feel what I felt, being an Angel, but it didn't stop me. I gave up everything for you and I would do it again in a heartbeat- consequences be damned. So Dean Winchester, my Righteous Man, will you marry me?" Tears were running down his cheeks, silver as the starlight. A smile soft as a flower petal rested on his face.

Dean's eyes were large and shocked. "Cas..." Cas waited on one knee, he didn't move, didn't breathe, as Dean took a deep, shuddering breath. "Cas, yes. Yes, I will marry you!"

Cas felt his breath catch in a sob of happiness. He slipped the ring onto Dean's finger. Dean pulled him up, first embracing him so tightly Cas felt the air being squeezed out of his body. He returned the hug, feeling Dean shaking against him, feeling his tears on his neck. Then Dean pulled him into a rough, passionate, overjoyed kiss.

This was it, the kiss you saw in movies or read about in books. When the two characters kiss for the first time and they describe the world stopping, how it was perfect. Dean never believed that kind of kiss existed, thought it to be a thing of purely fiction construct. Well, this proved him wrong. He kissed Cas like he was suffocating Cas was his oxygen. The world was moving so fast around them but everything appeared frozen except for Cas and him, he felt the blood rushing through his veins so fast the world and feelings were blurry, everything was in intensified, he was hypersensitive, tasting every bit of Cas's lips under his own. He tasted like stardust and, well, Cas, there was no other way to explain that. It was just him. And it perfect.

Cas felt emotions working in overdrive. Everything he felt was overwhelmingly strong, his love, his lust, his joy. And he was crying, not sure when that started by there were tears running down his face and suddenly Dean was kissing them away and Cas could feel his stubble and his hands on his face and waist and Cas couldn't breathe because he was so swept away by this man, this perfect creation, his Father's best piece of art, the one he had fallen for. Cas hadn't been lost the second he had laid eyes on that soul, screaming in Hell, blinding, perfect, flawless. He had been found.

Sam stood by the window, tears running down his face and Jess at his arm, squeezing it comfortingly. The camera was recording as Dean and Cas broke apart and sat next to each other of Baby. In the bright light of the stars above, as if all of Heaven was shining down on the Angel and the man, Sam could see in the curl of Cas's lip and the softness in his eyes that the Angel really, truly, loved Dean. Sam smiled through tears. Cas looked at Dean like he was a life raft and Cas was a drowning man.

 **AN: I have been looking forward to this chapter FOREVER! So happy to have it written, and I hope you enjoyed! I might not be able to update for a bit so I just wanted to get this in there. I think I'll have a few more after this one, not too many though, I'm finally starting to wrap it up. Thank you for leaving reviews in previous chapters and even for just reading! Hope you enjoyed so far!**


	71. Chapter 71

"He said yes," Jess said softly. "Sam, he said yes!"

Sam turned to her. His eyes were full of tears and there were more sliding down his face. "He did it," Sam choked out, laughing but crying.

"We should leave now,"Jess told him, tugging on his sleeve. "Give them time."

"Yeah." Sam allowed himself to be lead away gently by Jess, casting on last look at his brother and the Angel, both of whom had their eyes cast far up into the sky.

Dean glanced down at the ring. In the light of stars and the moon you couldn't tell many of the physical features on it but he felt the soft cravings of feathers. "Cas," he said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Are there... are there wings on this?" Dean held up his hand for Cas to see.

"Yes." Cas ran his hand over the ring, then threaded his fingers through Dean's. "Wait until you see it in full light."

"Alright." Dean leaned closer to Cas. "I can't believe you just...I mean, I had been planning to go out and get a ring soon."

Cas turned to look at him. "Really?"

"Yeah," Dean said with a snort. "I'm glad I didn't get it yet."

"I love you," Cas whispered, eyes following the trail of a shooting star. "I didn't know I could love someone that much."

Dean didn't say anything. He didn't have to, he knew that Cas was perfectly aware of how much he was loved. Dean gently kissed the top his head, easy to reach as Cas had been slouched against him. They stayed like that, eyes on the stars, leaning together as the pink light began to penetrate the blue horizon, simply content to be there, to be with each other.

When they finally walked into the house and lay down in their room, Dean finally got a good look at the ring. It was a hard silver color, an incredibly detailed wing wrapping around his finger, curling up at the end where two tiny stones were set. One green and one blue.

"Cas, it's stunning," Dean whispered in amazement. "It's..."

"I glad you like it," Cas said softly.

"Where did you get it?"

"Heaven."

Dean didn't even ask, he simply pressed himself more against Cas, until he heard his heart beating gently under his skin. Cas ran a hand through Dean's hair, comforting him, lulling him to sleep. When his breathing leveled out and his body went slack against Cas's, that was the only time the Angel allowed himself to close his eyes and drift into a sleep-like state.

They slept until around ten thirty when Dean stirred, opening his eyes to check the time. "Shit," he murmured, realizing how late it was. Cas groaned beside him, blinking blurry eyes. "Morning Babe."

"It's late," Cas noted. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine. You?"

"Fine." Cas stretched and yawned, looking so incredibly human that Dean had to remind himself the man was still an Angel. His hair was wavy and stuck up, his eyes were blurry and sleepy. Dean gently kissed his cheek. "What was that for?" Cas asked.

Dean shrugged. "Just because," he said. He glanced down at his hand where the ring was. "So I didn't dream that."

"Nope," Cas said softly. "I'm assuming I didn't dream you saying 'yes' to marry me either then."

Dean tilted his head and smiled. "You know you're the only Angel I'll say yes to,"

Cas brushed his lips over the man's. "I love you," he said into that bright smile.

"I know."

The second Dean entered the kitchen, Cas trailing behind him, Sam stood up. "Dean!" he called.

"Heya Sammy," Dean said, an unusually cheerful air lingering around him. "Hi Jess."

"Oh my God, Dean," Sam said, his voicing breaking as he pulled his brother into a hug. "Congratulations."

Dean closed his eyes, grinning into his little brother's shoulder. "Thanks," he said softly, feeling tears prick behind his eyes. "You watched the entire thing, didn't you?"

Sam stepped away, looking flustered. "No!" he exclaimed. "Maybe...yeah."

"And I'm assuming Cas told you before he did it, correct?"

"No." Dean arched an eyebrow. "Yes," Sam added. "Cas?"

"Go ahead, Sam," Cas said softly, taking Dean's hand.

"He told Jess and I before you were even awake, just asked permission." Sam glanced away, feeling slightly uncomfortable under his brother's unwavering green gaze. "He didn't show us the ring. What does it look like?"

Dean grinned and held out his hand. Jess moved forwards to see it. "Wow," she said after a moment. "It's beautiful."

"Yeah. Cas, where the Hell did you find that?" Sam asked, eyes full of awe.

"Heaven," Cas answered. "The Angels helped me make it."

Dean stared at Cas. "You made this?" he exclaimed. "How? When?"

"It's hard to explain. Gabriel and Lucifer helped me make it about three, four, days ago."

"Oh! Is that when you were gone for, like, ten hours?" Dean asked, recalling how bored he had been surfing the Internet and picking through several of the books in their library.

Cas nodded. "I believe that was the time."

"Wow."

"Okay," Sam said, clapping once. "I have food, if anyone wants any."

Even though Dean's eyes snapped to Sam, Cas remained staring softly at the older Winchester. His eyes were full of the most tender love. "That sounds great, Sammy," Dean said. "What did you make?"

"Eggs, pancakes, and bacon," Sam replied. "Jess and I already ate." His eyes flicked to Cas who had not moved, gaze still on Dean, a smile on his lips.

"Okay," Dean said. "Thanks. Come on Cas." He gently pulled Cas towards the table.

"Actually, I need to talk to Sam. I'll catch up with you in a moment," Cas replied. "Promise, it'll just be in minute."

"Okay," Dean said, eyes flickering between Cas and Sam for a moment. "Take as long as you need." He turned and moved towards the table to serve himself breakfast.

Cas turned to Sam. "You wanted to talk with me?"

Sam looked stunned. "How'd you know?"

"You thought about it, I'm still an Angel, Sam." Cas glanced towards Dean. "Come out." He headed towards the hallway, Sam and Jess followed him. "What is it?"

"I'm kinda worried," Sam said softly. At Cas's look of confusion, he added, "not because of you. But Dean, you know he needs to be doing something."

"Yes?"

"I don't know how he'll cope with staying cooped up, I worried he'll take off, try and track some monster by himself and get hurt- or killed."

Cas's hard gaze turned Sam's blood to ice. "Do you honestly think I'd let that happen?" he asked, calm voice suddenly powerful, angelic.

"He knows how to ward himself against Angels," Sam said quietly. "Look, Cas, I know you love him, I know he loves you but understand where I'm coming from. I don't want anything to happen to him, I'm worried."

"Yeah, Cas, Dean's a restless spirit. He needs to move, he needs to save people, kill the monsters," Jess piped up. "You can't keep him cooped up."

"I won't," Cas said softly, his voice still carried all it's former power. "Dean won't leave, if he wants to hunt a case, I'll let him. I'm not a guard; he's not my prisoner. But if it concerns you I can tell you that if he leaves, I will find him and make sure he's safe. But I won't interfere with a hunt unless I have to."

"You might not be able to find him," Sam pointed out.

"I know he can ward himself against Angels," Cas replied calmly. "I've found you both before when you were warded. If you've forgotten, you have warding carved into your ribs."

"How then?" Sam asked. "How can you find us?"

"Prayer," Cas said. "The conscious way to reach me. Then longing, the subconscious trying to contact me in some way. How I found you after Purgatory, Dean needed me there so I was able to pinpoint where you were."

Jess's eyes widened. "Wow."

Sam nodded tersely. "I trust you."

"There is no higher compliment you could give," Cas said honestly. It was completely true, knowing Sam trusted him with the single thing he loved the very most in the entire world, the one thing he would do anything for was an honor Cas did not feel worthy of. But he knew he could do it, as long he drew breath Dean was safe.

And that was all that mattered.


	72. Chapter 72

Hours later, in the evening, when they were all sitting in the living room of the bunker, Jess asked about wedding plans.

"Tell me you have a few, a vague idea at least," she said.

Both Cas and Dean shook their heads. "We got engaged yesterday," Dean replied. "Haven't exactly had a lot of time."

"Do you have a season at least?" Sam asked.

"I've always liked spring," Cas said, glancing at Dean.

"Spring sounds nice," Dean replied, smiling at Cas. "What about you guys?"

Jess shrugged. "I think we've decided on spring", she said with a look in Sam's direction.

"Spring or winter, I think," Sam replied, squeezing her hand. "I like spring better."

"Okay," Jess said with another shrug. "I'm indifferent."

No one said anything for a long moment, awkward glances, not knowing how to start a conversation. Then Sam glanced questioningly at Dean. "You never made a wish, did you? When Chuck told us we could have one, you never used yours."

"Nope," Dean said softly.

"Why?"

"I'm saving it."

"For what?" Sam asked.

"It's a secret, Sam."

"Tell me," Sam whined like a child.

Dean rolled his eyes, sending a exasperated glance at Jess who smiled back. "Not yet."

"Jerk."

"Bitch," Dean replied, feeling his lips curve up to mirror his brother's smile.

Gabriel sighed, fiddling with the edge of his shirt. He glanced up at Lucifer who was string off into the distance, zoned out. Neither of them had spoken for hours.

"We should visit Cas," Gabe said softly, words shattering the silence.

Lucifer looked over at him. "Yeah, we probably should."

"Wonder what's happening? I mean, Dad told us Sam got his girlfriend back."

"We should check it out." Glancing at Gabriel, Lucifer felt an uncharacteristic rush of affection for his younger brother and could hardly repress a smile. He had missed the days when everything had been good, before the hairless apes. "Let's go."

"Okay." Gabe stood up, stretching his back and arms.

Lucifer felt the familiar rush of adrenaline as he felt his great wings, healed by Chuck, spread and within moments he and Gabe were in the bunker. "Cas?" Lucifer called. "Cassie?"

Cas's footsteps could be heard moments before he entered the room. He looked at ease, eyes wide and bright, gait relaxed. He was wearing a pair of sweat pants and a large shirt Lucifer suspected to be Dean's. "Lucifer, Gabe!" he exclaimed.

"Hey Cassie," Gabe said with a grin, his eyes were shocked at the change in Castiel. "Missed you so we thought we'd drop in. How's Dean?"

"He's fine," Cas said, eyes dropping as he suppressed a smile. "Dean!"

Dean entered the room. He looked happier than ever, calm, no longer carrying himself like a soldier in formation. "Yeah?" he asked.

Lucifer's eyes shifted to his hand, they widened and he nudged Gabe who had apparently seen the ring too. "You gave it to him," Lucifer said affectionately to Cas. "Nice."

"You didn't think I would?" Cas asked, tilting his head.

"I didn't know when you would."

"Congrats you two," Gabe said with a smile. "When?"

"He gave it me yesterday evening," Dean answered, coming up beside his Angel. "I think we're planning for spring."

"Are you and Sam going to have a joint-wedding?" Gabe asked.

Dean shrugged. "If he and Jess are up for it. How'd you know about them?"

"Oh, Dad told us," Lucifer said. "Yup, He's back in the control room upstairs. No one even tried to stop Him."

"No surprising," Cas said with a sigh. "He's been gone millennia but those little sheep are still flocking to him."

"Yeah."

Just before silence fell, Sam's voice was heard. "Hey Dean, who is it?"

Dean turned around, shouting a reply. "Gabe and Lucifer, come say hi!"

Quiet. And then two figures appeared in the doorway. "Hey," Sam said. "Why are you here?" His tone wasn't hostile, nor was it unwanting. It was simply a friendly question.

"Checking in on Cas," Lucifer said, his eyes traveling over Jess then Sam then back to Jess. "You must be Jessica."

"I am," she answered boldly. "You are?"

"Lucifer." He sighed as her eyes widened in alarm. "I won't hurt you."

"Sam?" she asked, eyes not leaving the Archangel.

"He won't," Sam told her gently. "He's not dangerous. Neither is Gabriel."

Jess nodded, eyes sharp and assessing each Angel in turn. "Okay. Fine. Nice to meet you two."

"It's nice to meet you, Jessica," Gabriel said. "Dad brought you back."

"He did," she answered, any trace of fear gone or very well hidden. "So Lucifer, everything Sam and Dean said was true, you switched with Michael?"

"Yes," Lucifer said, casting his eyes downward. "But he's dead."

"Oh, I...I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Gabe said gently. "You and Sam planned anything yet?" He gave a purposeful glance towards her ring.

Sam glared at Gabriel momentarily, then grinned. "We think we've settled on spring."

"Double wedding?" Lucifer asked again.

Sam glanced over at Dean. "I'm fine with it," he said.

"So am I," Jess said.

Cas shrugged. "I don't mind."

"Sure," Dean said, privately relieved. He had wanted this, it made his wish so much easier and so much more do-able. He gave Cas a quick smile before turning back the the Angels. "What have you been up to?"

Asmodei glanced around at the beautiful garden he resided in. It was the closest thing to paradise he could get; slow, easy, natural. Rows of brightly colored flowers lined the fountain, a stone walkway lead up to it. The water was unnaturally silvery and bright. He sighed and sat back in the ornate bench.

"Asmodei?"

He turned around, eyes tracking the area to find the voice, settling on Chuck as He emerged from a small area of trees. "Son," He said softly. "How is Heaven suiting you?"

"It is beautiful, Father," Asmodei said, lowering his gaze.

Chuck watched him for a moment. "You are not happy."

Asmodei didn't say anything when Chuck sat down next to him, gazing around. "You know," He said. "You did the right thing, letting Castiel go back."

"Cas," the Angel corrected instinctively. "I know it was the right thing...I just..."

"You miss her." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"I am sorry."

Asmodei blinked back his emotions, the pain, the love. "Is there," his breath caught, "is there no way that I could see her?"

Chuck smiled. Suddenly they were standing in an ornate Ancient Greek style temple, soft music playing. Asmodei's heart stopped. A girl, a woman, stepped out into the light. It had been many years, centuries in fact, but she was still recognizable. Still beautiful. Her blue-green eyes landed on him, for a second it seemed like she didn't recognize him.

"Esmerelda?" Asmodei whispered.

Her eyes widened. "You..." Then she ran towards him, stopping inches in front of his chest. "It's you?"

"It's me," Asmodei whispered, eyes filled with love. "It's me."

Chuck smiled, turning away from his son. Asmodei did get his happy ending after all.

Dean sighed. He was sitting in the hood of the Impala with Sam while Jess and Cas prepared food. It had been awhile since he and Sam could spend time together like this, and frankly, Dean had missed it.

"You're happy right?" Sam asked softly.

Dean glanced up, caught off guard by the question. Sam was watching him, concern lighting his eyes. "Of course," he answered. "Why?"

Sam have a breathy laugh and glanced up at the darkening sky. "Man, you're not like this, you know it. Don't you miss hunting?"

 _Yes, I do. But just a little. It's become a part of my life and leaving it is like leaving part of myself behind._ "No," Dean said softly. "It's nice, settling down."

"Really?" Skepticism, Sam didn't believe him.

"Listen, Sammy." Dean shifted so he was facing Sam. "I've hunted since I was a child, I knew things were out there since I was six. We've both had a crap life but we're leaving that behind. Hell, we're getting married. So listen when I tell you this, the hunting life, we've escaped it. We might be the only people the have ever escaped it, I know there are still things out there and I want to hunt them but if you and Cas want me to stay, I'll stay until I die. Because I care about the people who love me."

"Thank you," was Sam's soft, hardly there response. "Thank you."

 _I care about the people who love me_. It was a loose term and Sam thought it came across more as _I_ _care about the people I love_ though both ways held true to Dean's agenda, his being was forever centred around the people he loved, he cared about. His entire life revolved around it. Sam smiled and glanced up at the stars appearing in the indigo sky. Behind them, he heard Cas step out. He saw Dean slip off the car and walk over to Cas, greeting him with a soft kiss. Heard the mumbled whispers of "I love you."

In that moment Sam was sure, one hundred percent sure, his brother and his Angel would be okay. Because that's what love was, sticking together through everything, no matter the consequences.

 **AN: How'd you like? Thank you for all the reviews I've been getting, it means a lot! I kinda felt like Asmodei needed a happier ending (and I was running out of ideas for this chapter). Next chapter will probably be either a build up to the wedding or the actual wedding! Thanks for reading!**


	73. Chapter 73

"Dean, is this one okay?" Jess asked, turning slowly. She was wearing a stunning white dress with a long lace train. The bodice, train, and ends of the long, flowing veil were trimmed with gold thread. It hugged at her hips before loosening into a flower of fabric.

Dean let out a low whistle. "I've said it before and I'll say it again; you are way out of my brother's league."

"Shut up," she laughed. It had been three weeks since they had decided on a double wedding and a month and a little over a half until said wedding could occur, not a lot of time but in the peak the peak of spring. Jess had insisted on planning early and insisted on Dean coming with her as she did not want Sam to see the dresses so Cas and Sam had gone off looking at flower arrangements and tuxedos.

This had to have been the hundredth dress Jess had tried on over the last few days, each one, she said "always has at least one dress that is prettier than it". Dean had sighed and offered to help her choose. He didn't see the problem, the majority of the dresses looked almost the same to him and she looked stunning in all of them.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?" Dean looked up from the rack of dresses he was sorting through.

Jess emerged from the changing room, back in her old clothes. "Who's even coming to the wedding?"

Dean smiled. "Wait and see."

"What are you planning?"

"You're smart, you should get this easily."

"Well sorry they never taught us how to read minds in Stanford!"

Dean widened his eyes in mock surprise. "Really? They don't? Wow! What kinda school is this?"

"Oh shut up," she said, laughing and slapping his arm.

"You done with this store."

She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"How'd you think Sam and Cas are doing?" Dean asked, glancing down at her.

"They're probably at a pet store."

"I'll bet they come back with a Guinea pig and a puppy," Dean said with a smile. "I wouldn't put it past them."

Jess shrugged and laughed. "I'll call them and tell them to meet us." She pulled out the phone Sam had gotten for her two weeks back. "Hey Sam," she said when he answered.

 _"Hi Jess."_

"Where are you two?"

Silence.

"Sam, I'm putting Dean on if you don't answer me." She sighed and glanced at Dean. "You're at a pet store aren't you?"

" _No_."

"You are!" she laughed, signaling Dean closer and putting the phone on speaker.

Dean grinned, practically seeing Sam's guilty face as he replied with a soft," _yeah, we are_."

"Has Cas decided to live there?" Dean asked.

" _He's playing with the cats. And we didn't spend the entire day there, we went shopping to get Cas clothes."_

"Okay, good," Dean said with a smile, eyes sparkling. "Any dogs?"

" _Only small ones._ "

"Boo hoo Samantha, meet us by the car and we'll go eat."

" _Shut up Dean. Hey Jess, you find a dress?"_

"Not yet," Jess said, sighing. "None of them suited me." She paused. "We've got to go. Meets us in ten."

"Bye Sam," Dean added. "Don't let Cas actually adopt a pet."

Sam laughed. " _I won't._ "

Jess hung up and slipped the phone back in her pocket. "I can't believe them sometimes."

Dean grinned and shook his head. "I'm just relieved to see them happy."

"You would be," she said softly. "Listen, can you tell me something?"

"Possibly." His voice sounded suddenly closed off, an instinctive reaction.

Jess sighed. "Sam told me that a few months ago he got..."

"Shot," Dean supplied. "By werewolves, in an old cabin, and I left him."

"He's worried Dean, he knows the danger is past but he's worried about what you did when you thought he was dead."

Dean closed his mind against the image of Sam's still, cooling body. "I didn't do anything," he lied. "Just tried to take care of the others." He paused. "Why bring this up months later? It's a thing of the past."

"You didn't do nothing," Jess said, grabbing his arm so he stopped walking. "You wouldn't do nothing. That's what he was worried about, what you do, how far you. You and him don't hunt anymore but he's worried, I'm not entirely sure why but he is. Dean, what did you do?"

The words were on the tip of his tongue. "Don't tell him," Dean whispered. "Please, don't tell him. Cas doesn't even know..."

"Promise I won't."

Dean glanced away. "I summoned a Reaper. Billie."

"How?"

"I...I..." Come on Jess, figure it out. Don't make me say it.

"You killed yourself." Her eyes were wide in horror. "Oh God, you did."

"Don't tell him," Dean whispered, blinking away tears. "Please don't."

"I told you I wouldn't," she whispered, stretching up and hugging him gently. "It's okay."

Dean let out a breathy laugh, letting his body relax. "Thank you."

"It's okay," she soothed. "It's okay."

Dean stepped back, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand. "Thanks Jess."

"No problem," she said with a grin. "Just promise you'll never get pull a stunt like that again."

"Don't worry," Dean said with a smile. "Where did that question even come from? About what I did?"

"I told you, Sam was worried." She glanced at her phone. "We have to be there in three minutes:"

"Okay." Looking at Jess, Dean felt a rush of brotherly affection towards her. Another little sister he had never wanted, like Charlie had been. He trusted Jess, he realized with a shock. He didn't trust quickly on basic principle alone but Jess seemed to be the exception. He smiled to himself, pleased that Sam had gotten such a kind, smart, beautiful girl.

Fifteen minutes later, all four of them found themselves in a booth at a restaurant. Cas and Dean were on one side, Jess and Sam on the other. Jess had been talking about some of the dresses she had seen, saying that none of them were quite right. Sam had laughed and rolled his eyes, telling her she would look beautiful in everything.

Cas was quietly talking about the cats he had seen. Dean sighed and grinned; he had expected nothing less.

"Which was your favorite?" Dean asked as they waited for their food to come.

Cas shrugged. "The tan one with green eyes. She's cute."

"All cats are cute, Cas," Jess said. "Comes with the minor problem of all of them being spawns of Satan."

"I'm not sure if that's offensive to cats or offensive to Lucifer," Sam said with a snort. "We'll ask him if he ever drops by again."

"Can we get her, Dean?" Cas asked. "Please?"

"Cut the act," Dean said, rolling his eyes. "You just can't do the puppy eyes as well as Sam. Close but not quite, I'm immune."

"Dean, please."

Dean glanced at the Angel, then to Jess and Sam watching him. "Fine," he said. "One cat, she's your responsibility."

"Thank you."

"I hate you."

"You know you love me."

Dean glanced up then back at the Angel, a smile playing his lips. "I do."

 **AN: I felt like everything was going to happily and had to thrown in the bit from Red Meat so...Anyways, I hope you enjoy!**


	74. Chapter 74

I do. Two words. Three letters. Two syllables. Thousands of pounds of meaning. And Dean was about to say it.

 _~ Many hours earlier ~_

"Chuck," Dean said into the sky. "Chuck. You owe me a wish." He glanced around, the wedding altars were already up, courtesy of Sam, as well as small vases of flowers.

It was a plain little set up, the trees were blooming in full, the wind was sweet with the scent of flowers. It was right outside the Bunker, their home. Jess was inside getting ready because she apparently needed nearly three hours for hair and makeup. Cas, he was sure, was playing with their tan, green eyed kitten who's name was Caramel (Jess thought of it), instead of preparing food with Sam.

"Dean."

Dean whipped around to see Chuck striding over to meet him. "Chuck," he said calmly. "I assume you know what I want."

"That I do. When do you want it?"

"Five minutes before the wedding starts, that should be good." Dean sighed. "I am so nervous for this."

"You love Cas, don't you?"' It wasn't a question. The way Chuck presented it made it seem more like a threat, a 'if you hurt My son I will end you.'

"Of course I do," Dean answered. Then he snorted. "I'm sorry but if I had been told five years ago that I would be having a heart-to-heart with God before getting married to an Angel, I'd have shot them."

Chuck smiled. "You'll be fine," He said. "Offer to help Jess out. She likes you, you know, she's made you her family."

An arrow stuck through Dean's heart at that. Jess reminded him of Charlie in so many ways, the quiet confidence, the raging intelligence. "Yeah," he said softly. "And You said You'll be doing the ceremony?"

"Correct. I'll see you in four hours, Dean." He vanished, leaving Dean shaken and nervous.

"Okay," Dean breathed to himself. "Alright. Dammit Winchester, pull yourself together. They've been planning this for months, don't fuck anything up." He nodded to himself and turned to go back into the Bunker.

Cas felt the butterflies in his stomach turn into great big bats as Dean entered the room. He and Sam were laying out enough food to feed an army despite the fact that their crowd of people was rather small. Claire, Jody, Alex, Lucifer, Gabriel, and possible Crowley and Rowena would be there, the only living friends of the Winchester family.

"Hey Cas," Dean said softly. "This looks great."

"Complements go to Sam," Cas replied, grinning over his shoulder at Dean.

Dean shrugged. "Nice going Sam," he called over to his brother who was bringing a sheet of something out of the oven. He reached over Sam's shoulder to grab one of the cookies cooling on a rack.

"Hands off," Sam snapped playfully, slapping Dean's hand away from the rack. "Get outta here Jerk."

"I'll be helping Jess then," Dean shot back, managing to snag a cookie and pop it in his mouth. "Bitch."

Sam sighed and raised his eyebrows at Cas who grinned and leaned down to let Caramel who had rubbed against his leg. "I can't say I envy you, Cas," Sam said. "Have fun living with him forever."

Cas laughed as Dean flipped Sam the bird over his shoulder as he made his way to Jess and Sam's room, Sam's words about there not being enough cookies now fading away.

"Jess," Dean said, knocking softly. "It's Dean. You need any help?"

The door opened slowly. Jess grinned slightly and pulled him into the room. "Okay," she said, immediately shoving a bag of what Dean assumed to be makeup into his arms. "I'm kinda freaking out right now and I need so help."

Dean nodded slowly. "I might be able to help." He had almost no clue what she was talking about or what he was supposed to do with whatever powders and whatnots were in the bag.

"How's the dress?" she asked, spinning slowly. It wasn't a dress Dean had seen before, she must have gotten it while she had been 'out' for seven hours. "Oh, please say it's okay."

She looks like a Goddess, Dean thought. The dress hugged her at her waist and hips before flaring out in an elegant flowering way, like petals falling gently away from the centre. The V neck was trimmed with silver and little flowers were embroidered on the bodice and skirt. Dean felt his breath catch with emotion. She and Sam would be beautiful together.

"Okay?" he asked softly. "Holy shit, Jess."

"Good?"

Dean blinked to clear his head. "You look amazing."

She smiled sheepishly. "Thanks. Help me with this, eye shadow or no?"

Dean looked so confused Jess wanted to laugh but instead she sighed and said, "should I put glittery powder on my eyelids or nah?"

He glared at her for a second before smiling. "You don't have to but it would look nice." He shrugged. "You don't need it but if you want..."

Jess sighed again and laughed. "I'm going to use silver, I think."

"Okay."

"Do you know how to curl hair?"

Dean stiffened, feeling a faded pain in his chest. He used to help Lisa with her hair. "Yeah." In response to her questioning look, he said, "I used to help a...friend out with her hair."

"Oh, okay." She pointed at the curling iron. "Please don't burn me."

"I'll try."

Three hours later, Jess forced him out of the room to get ready, insisting he spend some time to comb his hair and do whatever he needed to get prepared. As if sensing his nervousness, squeezed his arm and whispered, "it will be fine. You know he loves you and he knows you love him."

Dean nodded and smiled softly. "I do."

And that's where he left off, standing at the altar, watching Sam as he wrung his hands nervously, eyes brimming with tears. In the audience their mother watched with a teary look on his face. John was smiling, his arm wrapped around her, sharing glances with Bobby who looked like he was either going to cry or kill someone. Charlie and Kevin sat slightly apart from the group, tears running down Charlie's face and she glanced at Kevin who sighed and let her lean against him.

His one wish had been well spent, Dean thought. To have his dead friends and family present on one of the most important days of their lives. And to see Sam almost break down with happiness when they had appeared, murmuring soft words of congratulations to them, made Dean's heart melt. He glanced away from the audience and from Crowley who smirked suggestively and received a glare from his mother. Lucifer and Gabriel, who stood silently in the back, snickered as Rowena glared at Crowley.

"If I could have everyone's attention please," Chuck said loudly, His voice carrying powerfully across the small group of people. "The wedding is about to start."

A soft waltz, that's what Jess had chosen. She had said the vague and delicate sounds reminded her of the most beautiful stars but to Sam, as he watched her emerge from the Bunker, could have easily said she was more beautiful than any star in the sky. He felt tears spring into his eyes and blinked they away, annoyed that they were clouding his vision.

The dress was beautiful, flowering, but she took his breath away. Her gold hair was loosely curled, freely falling around her shoulders. The upper half of her face was blocked by the white veil and it flowed behind her like a pair of wings, gently trailing behind in a warm wind of spring. Her bouquet was filled with white lilies and red roses, each one with a tiny stone set in the centre.

She was standing in front of Sam, eyes sparking behind the veil. Chuck was talking, Sam knew the words already, had heard them in movies and read them in books so when he heard Jess's soft 'I do' he felt a tear slide down his face as he repeated the words back to her.

"I do."

"You may kiss the bride," Chuck said, stepping back to give them space.

So he did, he lifted the veil and gently, passionately, pressed his lips against hers. She kissed him back, firmly, purposefully. It was amazing, something that Sam knew he was so lucky to have, something he didn't deserve. Jess was back with him and, years later than intended, they were finally getting married. Then they broke apart and before she stepped back, Jess whispered quietly, "til death do us part."

Mary stifled a sob into her hands, glancing away from her son and up at John, who's eyes were sparkling with tears. She wiped her eyes, unable to help the smile breaking across her face as she realized Dean's cheeks were wet, shining in the fading evening light. She was so proud of her boys.

Jess couldn't believe it, that that had been it. Some words, a ring, a kiss, and she was married to Sam Winchester. She knew that everything had a deeper meaning but then everything felt surreal, this life she had come back into, the words, the kiss. Sometimes she had to remind herself that it was real.

And judging by how tightly Sam was holding her hand, she knew he was unsure of the reality too. She trailed a hand gently over his ring finger, reminding him that this, this moment, these feelings above all else, was real. He smiled gratefully.

Dean felt his breathe catch as everyone quieted down, felt any emotion other than love for his Angel and nervousness fade out of him. His hands were shaking, he didn't meet anyone's, not even Sam's, eyes and most certainly avoided his father's. He felt his heart stop as Cas walked out.

The Angel's eyes were lit up blue with passion, a small smile curving his lips and his eyes glued to Dean, full of emotion. His hair was slightly messy, just how Dean had always liked it. His hands were shaking visibly, so were his legs as he approached the altar. Dean wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry as he noticed the patterns of wings embroidered into the back of his navy blue tuxedo. He was almost certain he should cry when he realized Cas's tie was on the right way and when his soon-to-be-husband reached him, Dean couldn't help but reach out and flip the tie backwards, how Cas had always worn it.

He didn't even notice the music playing in the background until it stopped; an instrumental version of the song 'Can't Help Falling in Love With You' by Elvis. Cas must have picked it. He smiled slightly, gazing at the man in front of him, tears were brimming in those clear blue eyes. Dean raised his eyes to Sam who smiled so kindly that it brought even more tears to his eyes. Part of him screamed " _damnit Dean, stop crying_ '' while another part protested " _this is one of the most important days of your life, cry all you want_ ". He closed his eyes for a second as Chuck began to talk.

Dean heard but didn't listen. His attention was focused on his about-to-be-husband. He knew the drill, he knew the words, he knew what to say. So when Chuck paused for Dean to answer he said those words that carried thousands of pounds of meaning and promised an infinite amount of love and years. Love and years he was more than happy to pledge to the Angel in front of him.

"I do." Two words. Three letters. Two syllables. And he had just said them.

When Cas opens his mouth to repeat them, the words didn't come out for a second. He saw the flicker of worry on Dean's face for a moment before he cleared his throat and whispered, "I do."

Dean's whole body seems to relax as Cas gently took his hand. Chuck's voice, however powerful, wasn't perceivable above the rushing love that filled the Angel's being as his Father gave permission for them to kiss. So they kissed.

It was soft and slow and gentle. It felt like a drizzle of rain on a hot day, a soft brush of feathers. Cas felt like he was flying, like anything wrong he had done, the ball and chain around his ankle, was gone. He was floating, wings made of love stretching far beyond his own, putting even Lucifer's to shame.

"I love you," Dean whispered as they broke apart.

"I know," Cas whispered back. "I love you."

Maybe, maybe after all these years they were destined to have a happy ending, the ending they deserved instead of the one laid out for them, the one that they ripped up and burned and created an entirely new one.

So when Dean gently took Cas's hand and led him off the altar to where Sam was waiting, tears on his face, Cas went because from this day forward, they weren't scared, they wouldn't fight. Because the beauty of the tragedy that was love is that it never dies.

 **AN: Guys, one or two more chapters left :(**

 **Hope you enjoyed so far, I'm kinda sad to see it end. Thanks for the reviews and reads! They mean a lot!**


	75. Chapter 75

A month after the wedding Sam and Jess brought up the subject of moving out, something that had hung in the air for a long time but no one dared address. While Dean tried to seem nonchalant about the topic, Sam knew his brother well enough to know how not having his brother with him would affect his day to day life. Sam and Jess finally decided to move out for a week and see how it went.

That same night they left for an old cabin a long dead hunter had owned, Dean felt an emptiness in the vastness of the Bunker, something even Cas, with all his soft words and reassuring touches, could not fill. Neither brother slept well that night, Sam pacing the cabin, checking every room obsessively and Dean stopping every hour to stare emptily into Sam's vacant room, lost in memory of when he had left for Stanford, how alone Dean had been despite having their father with him. Durning the week apart, hourly phone calls became something of a ritual. Sometimes they were quick check-in's and sometimes they took up to twenty minutes of just silence, both of them taking comfort in knowing the other one was on the line, safe, there, alive.

Cas tried, he really, really tried to help Dean. Several times in the night the older Winchester would wake up with tears on his cheeks, panicking about Sam leaving for Stanford, shaking from the memories of John's absolute rage when he found out. Once he woke up to the memory of Sam jumping into the cage, sobbing, shaking, he woke up to Cas gently holding him, whispering in Enochian. Both Sam and Dean slept lightly, ready to answer the phone to reassure the other at any given moment.

It felt like one of the longest weeks of Sam's life, the day's stretched like years, minutes like hours. Jess understood, she knew how they had grown up, how much they needed each other. When Sam woke up after seeing his brother zapped to Purgatory with Cas, feeling the blind horror and pain and emptiness, she simply sat by him, leaned against his arm. When he told her he couldn't do it, couldn't live apart from his brother, she nodded and kissed him and told him it didn't matter to her. She gently presented the obvious fact, " _it will always be Dean,_ " she had told him. _"I know you love me, I know you love Cas like family. And I know that it will always be Dean and then me, it's a simple fact. I don't mind."_

When the week was over, Sam could have thrown himself at Dean and hugged him but he simply nodded and greeted his brother with a smile and a ,"hey Dean." And was answered with a, "heya Sammy." And that was all that was needed to be done, both of them knew the unspoken words, the underlying meaning to the brush of Dean's hand on Sam's arm, the soft smile.

 _I love you, brother._

And in the big picture, that's always what if came down to. Sam and Dean, Dean and Sam. The Winchesters. The impossibly, irrationally, codependent Winchesters. And everybody knew it, those three words were meaningless, obvious when it came to Sam and Dean because they knew it too. It would take a second, maybe less, for one of them to die for the other and perhaps another second for the other to go to any lengths, face any consequences, to bring them back. Keep them safe.

Cas knew it, he wasn't bothered. He, like Jess, knew that however much Dean loved him he would always choose Sam over him, over anybody, unless he was absolutely certain that Sam could handle it by himself. The Angel didn't pressure either of them to move out, to leave, the Bunker was big enough for everyone, still with excess rooms. Cas never mentioned when he saw Dean watching Sam over the top of his plate, Sam turned in early or fell asleep in his chair and Dean just stood there for a moment, eyes soft as he watched the steady rise and fall of his little brother's chest. It was a habit Dean never even tried to break, the almost parental instinct to keep an eye on their younger.

And Jess would never mention nor judge when Sam woke up next to her, calling out for his brother who was there in an instant, softly talking, gently rubbing his hands up and down Sam's arms, resting them on his shoulder, reminding him that everything was okay. Sometimes she stepped in to help, only when Dean instructed her to though. Most of the time it was Dean that Sam needed, not her. It didn't hurt like she had thought it might, being shoved aside briefly, unable to do anything to comfort her husband as he sobbed, instead it was a calmness, a happiness that Sam had someone who could take care of him. So she never minded, she just waited and she just watched.

And suddenly, impossibly, it had been a year. One year since they had been married, since hunting was forever, permanently, out of the question. No one realized it until Jess checked the calendar, let out a gasp, and announced it. Dean had blinked, confused, Cas had sighed and smiled. Sam was the only one to gently say, "happy anniversary." For that second year, everything was happy. Everything was calm.

The third year followed suit, calm, still a few salt and burns in the area to keep them entertained. Once a week they would take a trip to Heaven, visit everyone, fill them in on anything exciting that had happened. Finally, half way through that year, during a trip to Heaven, Jess smiled nervously and said, "I'm pregnant."

Nobody knew how to react for a second and judging by Sam's face, he didn't have any idea of this. Finally, he croaked out, "are you sure?"

Jess nodded, eyes filling with tears. "I tested positive."

Sam hugged her, feeling his heart melting and tears forming in his eyes. "Oh wow," he whispered. "I...I'm going to..."

Jess nodded into his chest. "You're going to be a dad." They broke apart, Sam's eyes found Dean immediately.

Mary, who had been standing by Dean, smiled up at her oldest. "Do something," she said softly. "Don't just stand there, congratulate him!"

Dean just walked forward and hugged him. "Holy shit," he whispered into Sam's shoulder. "Holy shit. I never thought you'd be a father before me."

Sam nodded. "I have no words."

"You don't need to have any."

"I know," Sam whispered.

Dean stepped back, but not before whispering very softly, "I'm proud of you, Sammy." That was the highest compliment he could give, and Sam knew that. To have earned Dean's pride was beyond anything Sam could have ever asked for, could ever deserve. So he whispered back;

"I'm proud of you too."

And nearly nine months later Sam was whispering those words, those soft words, "I'm proud of you," to Jess as she sat in the hospital bed, clutching a tiny child against her breast, tears streaming down her face.

Johanna Beth, that's what they named her. Not Mary, not Charlie or Jody or Ellen, but Jo. Dean didn't ask why they had chosen that name, didn't ask when they had discussed baby names. He had no right to, it wasn't his child but when Sam gently passed him the baby, he felt his eyes water and his heart melt and silently thanked Chuck that she was healthy. That his brother had a beautiful baby girl.

When Sam had first looked at his daughter, he felt love, pure, undiluted love. Then remorse. She would grow up in the bunker, she would live as normal as a life as she could, but one day, when she was old enough, they would have to sit her down and talk to her, explain why everyone lived together, explain the lore books in the library, the Devils Traps under the rugs. She would have to know about Heaven and about Hell, about God and the Devil and why her Dad would sometimes wake up screaming for his brother. It would change her but she'd never hunt, her soft pink hands would never hold a gun, her large, grey eyes would never see a burning corpse, never see a body. She would never face a Demon or a Wendigo, never fear the darkness like they had when they had been children. Jo would get a proper education, she'd study hard, she'd be safe from everything they had grown up on. Sam pressed his lips to her forehead, tears streaming down his face. His daughter, his beautiful baby, would never be a Hunter. He'd kill God before that happened.

Five months later, Dean brought up the subject of adoption to Cas. He knew the Angel's love for children, how he doted on Jo and he had wondered if the Angel wanted one of his own. Cas had said he'd think about it, unsure whether or not it would be a good idea. And nearly a year later Cas was sitting with a year old girl on his lap, agreeing with Dean when he said it was a good idea.

Her name was Hannah and she was small for her age. Her single mother had died in early childbirth and the hospital, not knowing who to contact as almost all the relatives were dead or AWOL, had contacted an orphanage. And somehow, through a thousand and a half phone calls and forms to sign, Cas and Dean had ended up with the tiny child, nameless at first.

They didn't know how it had come to Hannah. They had several names to think about; Irene, Sarah, Lisa, Morgan, Amy, but Hannah, which had been a suggestion by Dean had somehow made it's way and stuck to the child. She seems to like it too, giggling and gurgling when anyone said it.

Dean loved her, he knew Cas did too. But he knew, like Sam knew, they would have to tell her one day about their old life, the life they left, about who they were, about what they had done, who they killed, why she could never bring friends over to their place. Cas would have to explain to her why he could heal with the touch of a hand, why his brothers would materialize at any given moment, why there were guns and knives and swords packed away in so many boxes and why you were never, ever, allowed to look in the trunk of the Impala where they still kept the weapons they would hopefully never have to use again. She would learn that her parents and her uncle were legacies, legends, she would know everything and it would change her, but she needed to know. Not soon, but someday.

Dean sat on the hood of the Impala, sandwiched between Cas and Sam. Jess was inside putting Jo to bed, singing to her. Singing 'Hey Jude' because Sam once let slip that that was what Mary sang every single night until she died. Dean sighed happily. He wasn't going to say he didn't miss hunting because sometimes he did, but now, now he had a life. He had a beautiful daughter and a niece and a husband, he had let go of the fear that had always gripped him. Fear he knew Sam had never experienced the fullness of, because he had always had someone there to keep him safe.

Sam glanced at his brother, smiling softly. Dean's eyes were cast upwards, green reflecting the stars clearly. He felt oddly sad, perhaps it was because their story was coming to an end- not death- but something different. His eyes welled with tears when he realized. Their story was not ending, it was simply a new chapter, a new story line. Instead of saving people, hunting things, the family business, they had a family and even if this chapter was less action, less adventure, it was safer. Happier.

Cas glanced over at his husband, squeezing his hand gently. It was hard to believe that they were where they were. Alive, happy, safe, with a family. He felt his heart swell with love when Dean glanced at him, mouthing the words 'I love you'. Cas smiled and mouthed them back. Then he heard the door open and close behind Jess. Heard her approach and put a hand on his shoulder.

"She wanted you." In her arms she held Hannah, all large, wet, brown eyes and soft hands, who reached out to Cas and he gently took her, held her and rocked her softly.

Dean smiled at his daughter and then at his brother as Jess leaned down to kiss him. _We were Hunters. We saved people, hunted things, and we killed, destroyed, lied, but in the end we saved the world. No matter the cost, we are safe, everyone is safe from the things that lurk in the dark, things we spent our lives killing, things that others refused to see. We've bled, been tortured, been killed. But now that's over. We don't need to fight anymore. Every noise in the night is no longer a demon or a ghost, we are safe. And the love that started our lives morphed into something different, became a web of connections and feelings and now, a stem of that love that started it, is the same love that ended it. Ended_ _our hunting, our pain._

 _Love started it and love,_ he caught his brothers eye and ducked his head, glancing at Cas who was holding their sleeping daughter with an expression of profound affection, _love is what ends it._

 _~End~_

 **AN: Thank you so much for reading and enjoying! Sorry for the very delayed update, I'm staying somewhere where there is no wifi so...yeah. Sorry. To answer a question I've gotten asked a lot, no, I'm probably not doing a sequel. However, I will write more mainly Supernatural Fanfiction as you guys seemed to enjoy this piece. I hope you enjoyed and thank you so much for all the review and for enjoying my work. Bye!**


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